A/N: This is where things get interesting...in a weird way. There is a method to my madness. No, there isn't. Yes, there is and that's final. Sorry about the argument with my inner self, She has a bad habit of doing that.

Disclaimer: How many times do I have to tell you that I don't own Naruto before you finally believe me?!?!

May 2

I can't believe it my prayers have been answered. No, Sasuke isn't back to be my boy-toy yet. I've found someone who is surprisingly talented, who wants no commitment, just occasional entertainment, but is willing to share their secret wisdom with me. Strangely enough he's someone I wouldn't have even thought of looking at: Ebisu.

I was walking back after delivering an order for the flower shop when he stopped me about two blocks from home. "Ino, I have a proposition for you."

"What do you need?" I'm thinking he's heard about the character assassination thing. "Who can I insult for you?"

"No, no, no." he gestures, "I've heard a little something about your other interests, outside of work."

"Who told you?" I give him a slight glare.

"No one…I…well...there's…" His hands wave wildly before him but the more he spoke the deeper he was in it.

"Were you watching me?" I increase the intensity of my gaze.

"Well not exactly…"

"Not exactly what?"

"I just happened to be out in the woods the other day."

"You saw me with Kiba?"

"I was there first." He sounds like a petulant child for a moment.

"Doing what?" I give him the business, "Have you seen him there with other girls and you were waiting for the next show?"

"No, I swear it was accidental." He waves his hands again, "I was sketching. I like to go out and draw different things around Konoha."

"Like what, my body getting savagely clawed and bitten?"

"I'm sorry. Yes, I saw that, but before that happened I was thinking what a beautiful model you'd be for my hobby." He bowed his head. "I can make it worth your while. I know a few things that I think you'll find more pleasant than what Kiba did to you."

"Are you serious?" I am not amused at this point. "What could you possibly show me?"

He pushes back his glasses and smiles "I could show you a whole new language of flowers."

"You're serious about this?" I look at him.

"Very much so, as long as you don't mind waiting for playtime to begin until I'm done with my sketches. I think you'll come to appreciate me."

"You don't want me for anything but a model?" Again, I express my surprise.

"Well, the occasional sex might be a welcome bonus." He shrugged "But I am not looking for any sort of long term relationship or commitment of any kind. Think of it as a business deal: I get my art and you get some occasional entertainment that doesn't draw blood. Give it one try, if you don't like it there's no need for you to talk to me ever again."

"So, what do you need me to do?"

"Bring three carnations with you to this address around 7:00 tonight." He hands me a slip of paper. He must have been pretty sure I'd buy into this deal.

So, I tell my mother I'm off to visit a sick friend at their home, and head off for my new adventure. I get there just a little late; I don't want to look too desperate. I tap on the door of the address listed on the paper: it's a small house, neat and well kept. He opens the door, looks around, and quickly ushers me in. 'A little paranoid are we?' I think.

I must say he wasted no time in leading me back to what appears to be the bedroom. It has a large bed laid out with satin sheets and extra decorative throw pillows. "Please feel free to undress and make yourself comfortable." He takes the carnations from me and sets them on a small table that has two bowls set up on it.

"How about you, do you want to sketch in the nude?" I smile at him, keeping my voice sultry. "That way when you're done I can get what I want right away."

He laughs, "Well why not, I've never done that before."

Some part of me is strangely relieved, the thought of him sitting in a tree nude with his sketchbook watching me and Kiba…

So we watch each other strip down. I have to say I was pleasantly surprised by what I saw. He tends not to be particularly stylish in his clothes, but he just might be my style where it counts. 'How long am I gonna have to wait to try him on for size?' I think as I lay back across the bed.

He walks up and starts to get me to pose the way he wants me, arms this way, legs that way, look at that spot on the wall. When he got me where he wants me he takes on of the carnations and dips it into one of the bowls, it comes out coated with something brown. He begins to paint swirling patterns across my body with it, whatever it is it's warmed to almost body temperature. It kind of feels good and I notice he tends to linger at his painting when her touches my more sensitive areas with it. When he's done he walks up the wall to look down at me as he starts to draw. He seems intense but, he's also smiling as he works.

"So, what did you paint me with?" I ask.

"Shhhh." is his reply.

I don't know how long I lay there, but I was just starting to get a little antsy when he finally shut the sketchbook. He came down from the wall, put the book down and said one word. "Chocolate."

"What?" I asked.

"Your earlier question," he smiled "I painted you with chocolate. Ready to play?"

Obviously, from his observation of me and Kiba he figured out some of the stuff that was the most fun was when Kiba was licking me. Let me just say that Ebisu's technique made me a fan of what the human tongue was capable of: he delightfully removed every one of those swirls from my body. What he did with the rest of his body afterward was no disappointment either. He did occasionally say things like, "If you liked that, just take a few mental notes so you can try to train you next lover how to do this for you." This was kind of weird, but upon reflection goes along with that 'no commitment thing' we'd agreed to in the first place.

When he was done, I was comfortably tingling all over, 'Wow, why weren't girls clamoring over him'…except for him reputation as a pervert.

"So, do you want a snack?" he asked.

"What?" This caught me off guard.

He laughed again and went over to the table and picked up the two remaining carnations and dipped them into the other bowl. He waited just a moment more before handing one to me. Unlike the chocolate he painted me with; this stuff has hardened on the petals.

"Well, go on, try it."

I raise a dubious eyebrow as I bite one of the petals. Somehow he had found the right level of sweetness in the chocolate to go with the carnation petals' spiciness. I'm grinning in spite of myself. "So, is this that new language of flowers you were talking about?"

"Indeed."

"This has got to have been that most unusual day of my life." I laugh as I lay back on the bed. "You are something else, Ebisu."

"I'll take that as a compliment." He smiles "So, shall we do this again sometime?"

"Anytime you want."

"Oh, I won't need to do this very often, say once a month or so…"

I try not to let my disappointment show. It's better to have the opportunity to do this again, than to scare him off by being too greedy.

So we set up a series of codes so if he shows up at the flower shop, I know if we're meeting here or going for another setting for our activity. It's all on him: if he's not off on a mission and I'm home, he'll find me at the shop if he needs me to model again.

May 20

I was absolutely, positively ready to have my wildest fantasy come true tonight…well, my second wildest at any rate. I talked Sai into going with me somewhere very private. It started as a ruse, asking him if he'd do some special one-on-one training with me. I've never had the opportunity to work against his ink related justu. I try to convince him that I think the more different techniques I get the opportunity to fight, the stronger I'll become. He seems willing to accept that at face value.

I was happy I got him out onto the training grounds. The hard part for me was trying how to get from training to the post training activities. So I let him work with me for while, it was pure bliss watching his perfect body move those fantastically toned muscles of his. The more I looked at him as we maneuvered through our work session, the more I thought maybe I could settle for him if Sasuke didn't come back.

Finally, he let me take a break. Yeah, I was definitely more tired than he was, but damn it, was worth getting that worn out just to see the way the sweat glistened on the places where his skin was exposed. It so made me want to see the rest get all sweaty too. "Hey Sai," I say as I look at his perfect face, "I know a different way for you to work out a few of those kinks we put into our muscles." I walk up to him and start to unzip the little shirt he wears. Oh yeah, he is soooo fine. He looks at me with a puzzled expression. "Just follow my lead, I guarantee this is as good a test of your endurance as anything else we've done today."

I got him to strip down and I was immediately in lust, he definitely was well equipped for this occasion…very well equipped. So this was it…the main event…I was just tingling with anticipation...

I still can't believe a man can be made like that and give such a bland uninspired performance. There was no passion in his kiss, I wonder if he's even done that before. Nothing in the way he moved to made it worth the effort, no matter how I tried to guide him. I could have gotten more satisfaction from a well chosen cucumber. Hell, if I had something battery operated right after that, I'd have probably begged it to marry me. Sometimes I think the gods have conspired against me.

June 3

Once again, I'm writing about a mission after the fact. We finally got another character assassination and we just squeaked it out. It started off as fun, but boy, did I get a hell of a reminder about my jutsu's limitations. Our target was a woman named Miyoko: she was allegedly a pillar of society. Our opportunity to research her proved her to be the very 'do as I say, not as I do' kind of bitch our patron thought she might be. We ran through a few possibilities as to what we should do to her. On a lark, I suggested we make it look like she's having a psychological breakdown.

So, we followed her about town. I switched off with Shikamaru and Chouji as my partner. Besides being my catcher, the one who was with me was also responsible for maintaining a basic disguise illusion. After all, we didn't want anyone to discover us stalking her.

The hits went as follows:

1: Shikamaru and I resembled his mother and his grandfather from her side of the family (as best Shika could remember what he looked like). We made it look like I (as grandpa) stumbled. I caught Miyoko as she was walking down the street, and made her look around and laugh uncontrollably. I paused and talk to my companion and repeat.

2: Chouji and I looked kind of like a red haired version of Asuma and a blond haired, green eyed version of Kurenai. We stood face to face, so I leaned against his shoulder while I was out. Miyoko had stopped to lunch: she was with a different associate. I blew off all social graces and scarfed the meal like Chouji does. When my companion called me on it, I just shrugged like Naruto and said I was really hungry.

3: Back with Shikamaru. We looked like Kotetsu without the bandages and Shizune with my normal hairstyle. We caught her with both of the previous companions. I looked around in a paranoid fashion while we talked with one of the people who rented business properties from her.

4: Chouji again. This time it was Kiba without the sharp teeth and Tenten wearing braids. I went back to the uncontrollable laughing again. This time Miyoko's companions questioned me, if I was feeling all right. I brushed them off with a serene smile even thought I did have a slight headache.

5: Shika and I. This time he was somewhere half between his normal self and his father. But apparently he made me look like Temari without her hair pulled back. I got him to pose like Chouji and I did the first time. I watched as a dream like smile that flickered across his face for a moment when I leaned into his chest. Then, I caught Miyoko again and repeated the paranoia. The headache was worse, I told Shikamaru. He figured it was because of how many times I'd been in and out today. He figured we better make the next invasion the last.

6: Final run. Chouji essentially gave us sex changes for this one. It was weird looking at a female version of him. I hope he never has a daughter if this is what she could look like. I nailed our target right in the middle of the street at a fairly busy time of day. She was only with her first companion again. Ever so subtly I started to loosen her clothing then, when I was ready, I started to laugh again and threw caution (and Miyoko's clothing) to the wind. I ran down the street still laughing. I made it three blocks when the headache went from annoying to violent. I did the release of my Jutsu and found myself back where I belonged…for the last time on the mission. Yes, I had a still had a bad headache and I realized that Chouji was carrying me like a child in his arms.

Shikamaru caught up with us slightly there after, I was still hurting but getting better. We quietly met up with our patron two hours later and got the final word on our mission. It turned out the headache wasn't mine from over stressing my Shintenshin no Jutsu: poor Miyoko apparently had an aneurysm that finally went shortly after I got out of there. Fortunately, our patron figured the public humiliation was one the town will remember, so we still got Konoha's fee. It didn't make me feel any better about what we'd done to that lady's last day. After the patron left, I spent the next ten minutes shaking and crying. Miyoko died; luckily I didn't. It's just too scary for words. I always try to remind myself that a shinobi's life is risky, but that one hit a little too close to home.

June 14

It was Firefly Festival night. I had put on my prettiest yukata: it was sea foam green with purple and lilac colored flowers all over it. The flowers were in my favorite colors, but the green worked well with my coloring. I spent a great deal of time fussing with my hair; I wanted to stand out from the rest of the crowd. When I was ready to leave, my father stopped me: he had the bright idea of me sharing some sake with him before letting me head out for the festival. Before you know it, I'd spent 20 minutes in a father/daughter bonding experience. (Sometimes, I suspect that my father doesn't like to drink on his own.)

Anyways, I stumbled out of the house with a rosy flush on my cheeks. A pleasant buzz that already had me tingling with excitement in the places I hoped would find some real action later. Who should be the first person I run into but Shino. Surprise, surprise, he wasn't hidden behind collars, or under a hood, although he did still have his dark glasses on. I mean, I recognized him primarily by his clothes, even with the hood and collar down. Maybe he was all open like that because he was eating off a skewer. I never realized how cute he was. Yeah, well, of course because I never got to see very much of his face before. So, I decide that this is where I'm going tonight: cute guy alone at festival – I just gotta get his attention.

Next thing on the agenda was to get his attention and get him to check me out. I wander up to him and use a variant of a line that's been used on me on several occasions. "Did you know you have a very sexy way of eatingtakoyaki?" He looks over at me, still holding the skewer with one of them still on it. I lean forward smiling "I – do - too." And then I wrap my lips around it and steal it off in a move that leaves very little to the imagination. He raises an eyebrow; I can just see the movement over the edge of his glasses. I can tell he's intrigued. Maybe I should have realized that the sakeI'd drunk earlier was making me unusually bold…and horny. I wrapped my arms around him deliberately pressing my breasts against him, left, right, left, right, and draw him into a hard deep kiss. He tasted of octopus and something I'd never tasted before. It suddenly seemed like my head was full of him: his taste, the way he smelled: so strange, wonderful and kind of earthy. He accepted and returned the embrace enthusiastically. The next thing I feel is him lifting me into his arms.

Part of me wonders 'Where are we going? But all I want is his mouth against mine. Shino and Ino,' I though to myself, 'it's just tooooo cuuute. Oh, why hadn't this possibility occurred to me before?' The next thing you know he's carried me out into some grove beyond the gates. He takes a moment to spread his jacket on the ground and that was the last thing either of us did slowly. We went at it with a frantic energy, like we almost didn't believe it was real and therefore didn't want to miss the opportunity by hesitating. Again, his scent overwhelmed my senses, but I vaguely remember watching as fireflies drifted all around us, like they were caught up in the same passionate dream I was having. 'Wow.' I thought just before exhaustedly drifting off in his arms 'I never realized that Shino was such a romantic.'

It must have been about two hours later when I woke up next to him. My mind, which had begun to sober up, awoke to the horror of what had just happened. "Oh No, Oh No, OH NO!" My mind screamed, and somehow I kept from verbalizing it for fear of awakening him 'Eeew, Bug Spray! This guy gives a whole new meaning to the words Bug Spray!'

June 15

Thank goodness Sakura has learned so much from Tsunade. My own limited abilities as a healer didn't seem to be enough. I spent the rest of the night itching and unable to sleep because I kept picturing bugs crawling all over me…and worse. I told her that I thought I'd been exposed to something that may have caused an infection or reaction. She checked me out and told me I had nothing wrong that she could see, except for a few rashes where I'd scratched myself too hard. For her, those were easy to treat, although she did make a comment about the possibility that I might have suffered from a brief bout of nerves. She recommended I find myself some sort of mental exercise to relax myself if this happens again.

June 16

I got a note from Shino:

Sorry about the other night. I shouldn't have been out, sometimes I find that I'm so in tune with insects in general that sometimes weird things happen. When members of my family come of age we can emit powerful pheromones, apparently that was what happened with us. It got me caught up in the fireflies mating season and made me want some action of my own. I know you were not responsible in anyway for your actions/reactions that evening. I hope there's no harm done but, if anything comes of our liaison please let me know. Otherwise, consider it a pleasant one night stand.

Apologetically yours,

Shino

A/N: The 'Bug Spray' comment was one of the first things I came up with when I was setting up to do this. I apologize if I've annoyed any Shino fans out there. I'm sure there's someone special for him out there, but in my book, it's not Ino.