A/N –
* Some of you asked in PMs if Emma will get to a good place in her relationship with Snow/David. Part of her journey now that she is home is to mend that rift and they will get there in this story. Yes, there will be some more angst and troubled waters with Snow/David/Emma before that happens, though much ground is made each time they try to reconnect, like in this chapter. Until certain things shift for all those characters there will be ups and downs. Regina is a crucial part of that healing, for all of them. There will even be some healing between Snow and Regina from their own pasts much later in the story. That scene is really something special.
**For this story, names are special to this A/U version of Emma (revealed in many chapters from now and is an important plot element – Snow called her White for a reason not yet revealed). This show has so many names and titles for the characters. Everyone has an opinion on them and that's great, really. I use titles and some names interchangeably. For EX; Regina is referred to as Queen, Mayor, Keeper & Mama. I use 'Charmings' as a reference for Snow and David as a couple, not their last name or 'charming' is used as a descriptive for them.
That about sums up the questions I got. Fan art for this chapter is on my Tumblr.
As always… Please enjoy
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On Sunday morning Emma called Snow to apologize for her temper and requested another meeting to talk out their differences after some much needed prodding and reassurances from the Queen. That afternoon, both of them showed up at the loft and after a few awkward greetings, mostly on the Savior's part, Emma sank down on a dining room chair. She squirmed a bit at the hard wood's bite, still tender from the day before, and watched the way brown eyes mused over her predicament.
David set mugs of coffee in front of all of them and settled next to his wife. "Why are you here Regina? I'm glad to see you, of course, but I thought this was between Emma and us."
"While this conversation is about you both and Emma, it also involves me at a level and I offered to come and support her with things she needs to say." Turning to the blonde with a soft smile and gesturing to begin.
"I know I blew up yesterday, and like I said earlier, I want to try again to talk with you about something that's happened and—"
"What's happened?" Snow leaned forward in growing concern.
"Interrupting will not get you answers any faster Snow." Regina stepped in as something in her tone made the Princess sit back quietly with narrowed eyes.
The blonde reached a hand out automatically to catch the Queen's and gave a squeeze before releasing. She took a few breaths to gear up for what she thought would be another fight to be heard.
Snow watched the exchange, having tried to sort out why her daughter was acting so differently, now and with the changes over the last few years, and something she'd never suspected exploded in her brain. Green eyes bulged and she grabbed David's arm in a death grip.
"You're sleeping with her aren't you?! That's what this is about. Why you moved out and have been so distant from us!"
"What?!" Emma's eyes bugged back in shock. "NO! It's NOT like that. We don't sleep together, not like you're saying we do, but that's not any of your business." Gesturing to the Queen. "I'm happy and this works for us."
"What is it that you have between you?" David put a reassuring hand on top of Snow's, but gave his eyes to his daughter trying to understand the obvious affection between the women.
"Something we don't give labels or try to fit into a box. It's hard to explain and that's not why I'm here." Sighing now that it was time to rip the band-aid off. "I'm here to tell you that I asked Regina to do a spell for me, to give me a do over at my childhood. We spent the last three years planning it. Nothing was affected here, time wise, but we lived a whole other life for ten months in another world a few days ago. I was able to do some serious thinking and healing from my past without this life getting in the way." Shifting her gaze between the couple. "And I'm telling you because there seems to be a side effect that I can't really control."
A cricket chirped… one without an umbrella or top hat.
Emma took the numbing silence that followed as cue to continue. "Sssoooo, I'm kinda shrinking and growing at random. We are not sure why yet, but it doesn't hurt or anything."
Snow sputtered, but stopped, looking at David and back to Emma. "You were a… a child again?"
"Yeah, in a way. I was still self aware with my adult mind, but in a kid body and I shared that space with my inner child." She tried to ignore the slack jaws gaping at her. "We took turns being present. I got to work through a lot of my past trauma and do some healing. I learned a lot myself and what I need to be happy. It was an amazing experience."
"Who took care of you in this other world?" Snow answered her own question when her eyes followed Emma's to her former step mother in shock. "No. No, that's not right! Why wasn't it us Emma? We are your parents!" Turning to the Queen in anger. "What did you do Regina?"
"She didn't do anything I didn't ask her to do." Emma started to step in to defend the brunette and a quick hand coming to her knee gave her pause.
The Queen leaned diagonally blocking Snow's glare and stilling a knight's rescue attempt. "I simply listened and gave Emma what she needed."
Sitting back when Regina apparently didn't need her help, Emma took a slow sip of coffee and watched the chess game of the decade commence with David staring between all of them.
Snow burned moving forward her rook. "What she needs is to grow up. The past is the past and there is nothing we can do to change it."
"You don't get to decide that for her and while the past is gone, it can still hurt." Blocking the path easily as she pressed for understanding. "As you well know, in regards to your past anger at me over your father's death and mine at you for my mother's." The Queen slid back again, knocking against an invisible King only in Snow's mind. More softly, after her words registered, she continued. "Emma has done a lot of hard work healing in our other life and here, as evidence by her apology to you this morning and her willingness to talk today to try and mend your relationship."
'Check.' Emma thought, eyes darting between the two royals.
"That's not fair Regina and you know I'm sorry about your mother." Snow threw a pawn.
An accepting nod. "Just as I am about your father." Regina captured the pawn used as a distraction. "The word sorry doesn't stop the soul from bleeding nor does it bring a life back or allow a child a chance to feel what it is like to be loved." Hard words to hear, but necessary for this game to end so they could get back to the reason they were all in the room.
That reason blinked. 'Check mate.' Emma thought.
Snow crossed her arms in momentary defeat. "And your spell did that for her?"
"Yeah, it did." Emma set down her mug harder than she meant to. "You don't have to like what I did or even understand why I chose to do the spell. If you want a chance at a real relationship with me I need you to please start respecting my choices." A ready sigh made her shoulders drop, or so she thought. "Like I am respecting the one you made 38 years ago. I forgive you. I'm still hurt, but I don't blame you anymore for my experiences." With those freeing words Emma felt a brief afterglow buzz in her system, but remained somewhat frustrated with herself. She wanted the hurt to go away for both of them and thought that forgiving this moment might get them started in the right direction.
David had quietly processed the exchange and hope at something he never dreamed possible knocked loudly on the walls surrounding them as he asked. "You said it was mostly random, but are you able and willing to show us?"
"Like right now?" Emma squeaked, getting pink, not expecting that request.
"We never thought we would ever have the opportunity to see or experience you as a child and now…" He trailed off, blue eyes full.
"I can try, but I can't really control it. I still have my adult mind, it would just be a different body and I'm not staying that way, not on purpose anyway." Emma was uneasy of the motive, not his, but at the anxious look overtaking Snow's face. She looked at the Queen who eyed her back for a long moment before nodding once. Closing green eyes envisioned where she'd rather be; in the rocker being held in the warmth and safety of home.
The tingle came and went as the gasps from two mouths did leaving Emma in a mini version of her adult clothing that she had spelled, along with her whole wardrobe, to accommodate any shrinking to avoid potentially embarrassing experiences.
To say her parents were shocked was an understatement. Ga-ga was more like it and the blonde fought not to roll her eyes as the Princess reached to stroke her cheek, which she allowed for a second before pulling away memories of a slap they'd never talked about from that same hand rushed in.
"You're beautiful and so tiny." Reaching again to feel blonde curls.
"Don't… Please." Emma remembered to add that word to the end of a sharp demand. She reached for her mug of coffee which magically shifted away across the table towards Regina. A cup of sparkling water instead appeared with a striped straw. She sucked it down, mouth dry.
Snow dropped her hand and eyed the Queen with a questioning look. "I can't believe you two kept something this big a secret for three years."
Emma's little finger shot up, thirst finally sated. "To be fair, we just learned about the shrinking and I'm only telling you because it will probably happen randomly at some point. If I'm at the station or in town and Regina isn't with me I need to know I can trust you to help me by knowing what's going on." With a furrowed brow. "And do you reaallly want to go there about keeping certain things a secret?" Little fists clenched briefly under the table and relaxed when she felt a familiar hand on her knee, both in comfort and warning not to go at it with Snow about the Princess' bad habit of revealing things she shouldn't.
"What do you mean by that Emma?" The Princess tilted her head in confusion.
"Never mind. We're leaving." Emma stood abruptly and bolted around the Queen towards the door.
"Not so fast." Barely catching the quick girl with a hooked finger in a belt loop. A scowl puckered on a small face when she turned the frustrated child around by the shoulders to face the couple. "You have one more thing you need to say, I believe." The green eyed glare she received didn't deter Regina in the least. "Go on Emma."
The girl pouted, but tried to get the last thing off her mind as she turned to her parents. "I kept the spell a secret because I didn't want to hurt your feelings and I care what you think of me probably more than I should." She looked at Regina to see if she could get away with leaving it there, but expectant eyes had her continuing. "I do care though because you're my parents. I don't express it very well, but I love you and I care about your happiness. It's hard for me to show sometimes when I don't feel that my choices are respected or when I can't get a complete thought out about how I feel."
Snow watched the ease with which Emma leaned back against the brunette. She longed for that feeling for herself and wondered where she had missed that opportunity with her daughter. Maybe there was still time.
"I had no idea you felt this way."
Green mist looked up. "I tried telling you, many times and maybe now..." Hands gestured at her petite form. "You're ready to hear me." Shifting to Regina and silently asking if they could dismiss themselves. She ducked her head and tried growing, but the intensity of the afternoon fizzed out her effort.
Regina stood taking charge. "There is more to share on all our parts, but this is enough for today." A finger snap summoned their coats, magically fitting the larger one on the little girl. "We all need to take a step back and settle emotions before talking again. Agreed?"
Mumbled acceptance followed from everyone and as the Queen knelt to help little fingers with buttons Snow watched them enviously. Hurt suddenly passed over her face.
Regina caught that pain, knowing exactly what seeing another woman with your child felt like and after finishing with the coat, prompted. "Say goodbye Emma."
A casual bye was tossed in the direction of the front door as the girl tried to pull the heels of her Keeper that way, disappointed when they didn't budge.
"Properly please." Quietly and more firmly stated. There was a small raw part of Emma that wanted to connect with Snow, but needed permission from her not be angry, for just a moment, by hiding behind expected obedience.
Small feet slowly curved around. "Bye." Still reluctant, but softening as Snow approached and leaned down to her level. "And thanks for hearing me out. I am going to try harder..." Unable to finish, but it was a start.
The Princess reached a hesitant hand out, but stopped when her daughter eyed it. "I'm sorry it took me this long."
At those words Emma brought her hand up to Snow's shoulder offering a tiny smile and a nod before following heels out to the main landing as the door closed softly behind them. At the privacy Emma fell forward burying her face in the Queen's black pea-coat.
"That. Was. Exhausting."
"Ready to go home?"
"Almost." Flicking a sleepy but wanting gaze up. "Can we go by the pond first to see the ducks?" Hopeful, then dimming when she had forgotten for a moment they were not in their other life.
Regina frowned thoughtfully. "Are you ready for that? Being in public, this size, I mean?"
"I can't grow right now. I tried in the loft." A shrug. "But yeah, I guess."
"We may get a lot of questions Emma, ones I'm not sure you are ready to answer." Protective over that lack of conviction.
"So what? We can tell the truth that this is a side effect of a spell… A spell that went wonky in Storybrooke, that's like reality TV for these people on a daily basis. It'll be fine." Shoving the truth of regal words under foot and she pouted at the lack of matched eagerness from her Keeper.
"Not today, Emma. We need to go home so you can process this."
"I've processed enough for a lifetime. Besides it's not like Snow can keep a secret. The whole town will know I can't reach the high cabinets by morning."
"While that may be true, you are clearly tired from all this and rightly so." An affectionate hand smoothed back curls from heavy eyes.
"Pleasssse Gina. I wanna go now." Not able to help the whine in her tone.
"Tomorrow we will, now come along." Firm, but willing to compromise.
Emma complied trailing behind to the Benz where a car seat was conjured and she willingly buckled herself in, once again missing their other life. She always knew they had to return, but that reality hit like a bucket of ice water the last two mornings she woke up and handling that in her current state was too much. Eyes smarted. All she wanted was time at the park because she missed home, even school, her friends, and the simplicity of their daily existence. She couldn't comprehend the bigger picture her Keeper saw at the moment, though trusting in Regina's decision; she didn't have to like it.
Dark eyes watched in the rear view mirror and saw the melancholy framing a small mouth. When they pulled into the driveway the child darted from the car up the walk and Regina paused preparing for Emma's flight and fight mode. Taking a breath she followed and opened the door. The blonde slipped inside, shed winter wear and ran upstairs. A door slammed a minute later. Heels moved slowly through the house putting things away and headed up to the master suite briefly before knocking on a closed door a few minutes later.
"Go away." That small voice was muffled through the white door.
Taking that as her cue the Queen opened the door, but stayed on the other side of the frame.
"Careful with your tone." Chiding gently as she took in the hunched form in the rocker where her girl always went, if able when upset in their other life. "May I come in?"
Emma nodded, but refused to look when something was set on the desk and again when the Queen came to squat down in front of the rocker. Hands were placed on either side of damp cheeks and drew her gaze up.
"I miss it, too."
Emma broke with that red lipped revelation and sucked in a hot breath. "I wanna go back right now… Please take us back." It was impossible, she knew, but the child emotions taking over didn't care.
"I know baby. Come here." Regina lifted the crying blonde and traded places on the rocker, moving in a rhythm Emma found soothing. "It's okay to miss it and even to want to go back. We will find our own way here and a routine again."
"H-how?"
Regina gave the only answer she was sure of at the moment. "By doing exactly what we are doing right now."
Emma thought about that idea and sniffed hard. "That's too easy. Nothing is ever that easy."
"Well, we will help each other then and we will start at the beginning." Lifting Emma up, she pointed to the desk. "It is time I gave you something. Bring that box over." She waited for the girl to resettle on her lap with the box in front of them.
"Can I open it now?" There was a lift at the end in excitement.
A kiss promised hope. "Yes."
Emma tore the lid off and froze as her eyes took in the needle work she knew well. Small fingers ran over the green and purple threads painstakingly adhered to silk. She traced the lavender buds and the sunny yellow stitches of her first name in the middle of the book cover. "You did this… for me?"
"Remember when you lost your first tooth and you asked me about preserving memories?"
"Yeah." Recalling the exact words about having a keepsake of experiences that belonged to her and not a file filled with words from people who didn't matter.
"This is your memory book."
Emma opened to the first page seeing a picture of herself sleeping, tangled in blankets with a thumb stuck firmly in her mouth.
"Oookaay, that's embarrassing." But she grinned anyway and read the fancy script, able to decipher only some of Regina's loopy cursive with her limited reading skills and turned the page.
A hand went to her mouth at the sight of her tooth in a mesh bag affixed to the page with the date and a description of the event and on it went. The first day of school, silly moments captured and woven between firsts, like her hair cut, cheek to painted cheek with the Queen at the light festival, on the plane to Boston, the family picture at Christmas, Easter, Mother's Day, and the beach. Still there were more. Pages of memories pinned on parchment and all became real again in heart, filling them both.
"Thank you Mama." Emma leaned her head back, catching the underside of the brunette's chin with a kiss. "This helps." Hands went back to the beginning once more with a request to read each description. They both took more time to take in each moment the second time around.
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Longer update coming this weekend. :-)
Next Time - Emma gets a feel for what their life might be like going forward now that knowledge of her do over has been shared. In trying to find balance, her thoughts return to try and repay her Keeper for the sacrifice that was given on her behalf. Emma makes a few choices that have different outcomes than she expected and her balance is regained for the moment.