Chapter 4
Author's Note: Thank you so much for your continued comments, story alerts, and favorites. Sorry for the long delay, I've been a little distracted and wanted to make this chapter as realistic as I could after what went down on that finale.
Speaking of the finale, I think I like my stories better. I can appreciate that Chuck wants the best for Blair but she was practically begging him not to leave. Then again, she let him and walked off to be with Louis. And that pregnancy test, it has to be Blair's as Serena hasn't been getting any in a while. It could be Eleanor's or Dorota's but that would be weird and why would they have used that bathroom? And, when Chuck spins the globe it looks like he's pointing to Monaco, or the vicinity of it. I can only hope that season five will deliver the Chair happiness we all need and want, and maybe a Chair baby.
I'm so sad with the way they ended this season, it really felt like a punch to the gut after that scene where Blair dragged Chuck into that empty room after the bar mitzvah. But, this is only a television show and I know that. It doesn't make it any less sad though =(
So, on that note, I'll retreat back to my Chair bubble where they can be happy. It seems only my fanfiction can deliver that for me these days.
I really like this idea of Chuck checking himself into rehab to find himself and become a better man for Blair so much more than him just giving up. He appeared to show some growth in the finale and I hope he stays there. And by that I mean not running off with the first pretty face he sees and then being horrible to Blair because she's engaged to Louis, which he gave his blessing on. Anyway, enough of my rant and onto the chapter.
"In the face of true love, you don't give up. Even when the object of your affection is begging you to." Onto rehab and the south of France.
QueenBee10 – Thank you!
Pty – Thanks so much! Loved the Signature Scarf posting, btw. Can't wait to read your thoughts on this chapter.
Watermelon2014 – Thanks! Chuck definitely gets some reflection time in this chapter and I love Chuck and Eric bonding moments so you'll see those as well. As for Blair, she's reflecting in her own way. Looking forward to your comments on this chapter.
Syatapandlisten – Thank you! Let me know your thoughts on this chapter.
GGfan73104 – Thanks so much! Glad you agree, Chuck Bass and rehab definitely belong together, and he deserves to be redeemed ;) Can't wait to read what you think of his stint in rehab.
TriGemini – Thank you so much! I totally agree, Blair and Chuck definitely need to be apart and reflect on who they are and what they want in the future in order for them to reconnect once they see each other again. For now, Chuck will have therapy sessions with his friends and family and he and Nate do have a lot to discuss, their shared taste in women especially. As always, looking forward to your next review.
JadeWilliams – Thank you! Can't wait to read your thoughts on Chuck in rehab.
Tiff xoxo – Thanks!
Lisottina81 – Thanks so much! Looking forward to what you think of this chapter.
Ellibells – Thank you so much! I did my best to deliver on the angsty tears, let me know if I succeeded.
Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl, or Ed Westwick – sigh.
May 25, 2011
"How have you been?" Serena asked as she and Nate sat on the couch in Chuck's room. He had been at the Ostroff Center for a week now and was finally allowed to have visitors.
"As good as could be expected," Chuck told her. "I'm in rehab, remember?"
"Don't get snippy with me," Serena pouted. "I meant what have you been doing? What progress have you made? If any."
"They tried to put me on anti-depressants but I refused," he said. "And I've been going to group therapy, let's just say it's an interesting group."
"Do you feel like you're getting the help you need?" Nate asked.
"I guess," Chuck said. "I have a lot of time for reflection. There's actually something I need your help on. Rather, I need the Captain's help."
"With what?" Nate asked as he leaned forward.
"Selling the Empire, that place is evil and I want it out of my life when I get out of here," Chuck said.
"That's a smart move, buddy. I'll have him call you," Nate told him. "Getting rid of that place is probably for the best, especially what happened with Jack and Blair."
"Please don't remind me of that," Chuck said. "It's bad enough when I remember it on my own."
Nate just shrugged as Serena shot him a glare.
"Have either of you heard from Blair?" Chuck asked.
"I haven't," Serena said sadly. "She won't answer any of my calls or texts and Dorota won't speak to me."
"Yeah, I have," Nate told them. "She actually wanted me to tell you something."
"And that would be?" Chuck asked when his friend paused and he waited with bated breath for what Blair wanted to say to him.
"That you might be able to get your own wing here now," Nate said with the same confused look he had on his face when Blair told him. "She said you'd understand what she meant."
"I do," Chuck said with a half smirk, half smile on his face as he remembered their scheming days back in high school. "She's not done with me."
"Of course she's not done with you," Serena said as she smiled and touched his arm. "What else did she say, Nate?"
"That's it," he told them as they stared at him. "She asked me not to say anything else. I won't betray her confidence."
The stepsiblings just stared at Nate as he continued, "We've all hurt Blair, some of us more than others. After all that's happened I'm not losing her as my friend. So drop this or I'm leaving."
"Did you tell her about me?" Chuck asked.
"Just say the word and your name will never come up again when we talk," Nate fired back, suddenly feeling very defensive when it came to Blair.
Chuck tried to act mad but he couldn't, "No, don't do that. I guess if she wants to know about me at all that's good."
"Listen," Nate said as his tone softened, "We all know you love her. And she loves you, but she needs to be on her own for now. She deserves to be her own person. You owe her that."
"Nate," Serena said in a scolding tone.
"Don't," he said to her, "You've chosen your side. I'm here for Chuck but I'm also there for Blair, I won't choose."
"You don't have to," Serena said. "I just think you're being a little harsh."
"He was harsh the night of the prince's party, this is warm and fluffy compared to that," Chuck said.
"How is Lily faring on house arrest?" he asked not wanting to dwell on Nate. "Has she driven you all mad yet?"
"Rufus is an absolute saint," she said, "He's been with mom most of the time. She's also taken to eBay and it's getting a little crazy. I'm thinking of moving back in because it's weird with Dorota just glowering at me and muttering in Polish."
"Your mom would love it if you moved back home," Nate said with a grin. "It would also give Rufus a chance to escape now and then."
"I know," Serena laughed, "And I think I might."
Chuck just sat there as his friends talked back and forth before Serena asked him, "What do you think I should do?"
May 31, 2011
"So you both dated Blair?" the therapist asked.
"I dated her first but it was nothing like what they had," Nate told him. "That and he was her first."
Chuck scoffed at that and the therapist asked, "Expand on that, Chuck."
"I may have been her first but she left me for you not once but twice," Chuck said.
"Do you remember why we got together the second time?" Nate asked Chuck. "Because you couldn't find your balls and admit to her that you loved her. You told me, you told Serena, but you couldn't tell her. Can you really blame Blair for going back to me?"
"What are you getting at, Nathaniel?" Chuck snapped.
"I'm saying what we had was easy, but our hearts weren't in it," Nate told him. "She loved you, she still does. You're the one who's doubted it, she never has."
The therapist took over and guided their conversation further, delving into the fact that the two young men in front of him had not one romantic interest in common, but two.
"He wanted me to distract Raina for him," Nate said. "I can't help it if we fell for each other. But when she asked me to choose between her and Chuck, there was no question. I saw the state he was in, I couldn't leave him like that."
"What possessed you to help Chuck?" the doctor asked.
"No one else was there," Nate said. "I know how he gets and I didn't want to see it again. So, I cleaned house. I got rid of the booze and the coke and made sure that room service was sent up so he didn't starve."
"We'll get back to that later," the doctor began. "But first, Chuck, how did you feel about Raina when she chose Nate?"
"I really don't care about Raina, I thought I did but it never compared to what I felt for Blair, what I still feel," Chuck told them. "That probably makes me seem even more heartless but she meant nothing to me."
"Are you kidding me?" Nate asked with disbelief, wanting to throttle his friend for remaining so oblivious. "Have you completely forgotten that whole thing with Epperly? You all but told Blair she wasn't worth your time because you had to court Thorpe's daughter."
Nate didn't know where all of this was coming from but the more he talked with Blair and the more distant she sounded made him even more protective of her. She was confiding in him and the pain he knew she was in made him wish Chuck wasn't so emotionally damaged. He knew that she loved Chuck but he also knew that his best friend was unpredictable.
"I was focusing on getting my father's company back," Chuck fired back. "Raina was a means to do that. Besides, Blair even helped me with Raina."
"Because she thought it was just sex," Nate yelled. "She could rationalize it if that's all it was and chalk it up to you being you. If she had any idea you had any romantic inkling for Raina, we both know she would not have helped you."
"Did you forget the last time you put work first?" Nate continued heatedly. "You traded Blair to your sleazy uncle in exchange for the Empire and you lost her in the process. She was devastated from that, completely gutted, yet she found a way to forgive you. But what did you do? You slept with Jenny because you couldn't wait for her."
"Don't go there," Chuck yelled. "You know nothing about that."
"I will go there," Nate yelled back. "You're self-destructive and you always have been. Things are going well for you and then you panic and fuck it all up. It's what you do."
"Gentlemen," the doctor said calmly as the two young men looked at him, "Don't raise your voices. But I would like you to elaborate on what you meant by your last comment, Nate."
"What did I mean? I want him to not mess with Blair anymore," he said. "I don't have any romantic feelings for her now but I love her like family. And I know that it will break her heart if she opens herself up to Chuck only for him to do something stupid and destroy them again."
"I won't do that again," Chuck said earnestly.
"And I'm sure you mean that," Nate told him. "But I'm also sure you meant it all those times in the past when you did end up hurting her."
"Nate," the doctor asked, "Why are you so protective of Blair?"
"Because, she's one of my best friends," Nate said. "And I know that if she were her and not off recovering from this year's events, she would be here saying the same things to him."
"You know it's true," he added as he shot Chuck a look.
"What do I say to that?" Chuck questioned as he looked at the doctor, resigned. "It's true."
"Something being true doesn't mean you can't change it in the future," the doctor stated. "You have the power to be whoever you want from here on out. If you want to change, you will."
"You're my best friend," Nate said with a sigh. "But you need to make a change. Don't do it for me, don't do it for Blair, do it for you. Prove to yourself that you can do this."
"This is a good start," the doctor said when Chuck remained silent and distant. "Can you join us again next week, Nate?"
"I would but I won't be in the city for the next two weeks," Nate said.
"You're seeing Blair, aren't you?" Chuck asked, finally looking at him.
"I am," Nate told him.
"Where are you going?" Chuck implored.
"I'm not telling you," Nate said, "I already asked you not to put me in the middle, don't do this again."
Chuck looked torn when the doctor spoke, "Perhaps you can write her a letter."
When both young men just stared at him, he continued, "That way, Chuck, you can tell Blair what you need to and she won't feel pressured to respond in any particular way."
"I'll give her a letter if want," Nate said. "I won't promise a response but I'll pass it along."
"Yes," the therapist stated, "That's what you're to do, Chuck. Letter writing is a process that we sometimes have our patients engage in. Based on what I've heard from you both today, this is exactly what is needed."
June 2, 2011
"So," Eric said as he sat across from Chuck, "Not only is mom driving me crazy, Serena's moved back in and the two of them are driving me crazy."
He was smiling when he realized that Chuck wasn't paying attention and still scribbling away.
"Letter writing," Eric asked knowingly. "I remember that phase."
"Nate is visiting Blair in two days and the doctor suggested that I give him a letter for her," Chuck told him as he crumpled the piece of paper and looked up. "I've already rewritten it six times and I have no idea what to say to her, how to explain why I did what I did. There's no excuse or even a reason for it, just me being a self-centered bastard."
"Tell her that," Eric suggested as Chuck stared at him with raised eyebrows. "What you did can't be excused and you need to let her know you see that. The most important thing for Blair to know is that you're sorry and want to do better by her in the future. All I can tell you is be honest with her, she deserves that."
"But the truth is that I was a callous prick, I don't need to reinforce that point with her," Chuck said.
"And trust me, you don't," Eric said. "Believe me, she knows. But she also knows how good you can be and that's the real reason she isn't engaged to a prince right now. Blair wants the you she fell in love with. Show her you're trying to get back to that person."
"I think you should write this letter," Chuck suggested.
"No, that's not how this works," Eric told him with a laugh. "I'll help you gather your thoughts but you have to do this on your own. What else do you have?"
"I don't even know if she'll read it," Chuck said.
Eric just looked at him and said, "So, you're writing this to show her you still care. Don't do this if you have any certain expectations of her. Write this to get out what you're feeling, that's why you're doing it, for you. Having her read it is just a bonus."
"Chuck," he continued, "This isn't supposed to be easy, it's rehab. I'm really proud of you for checking in here on your own, you're going to see that this was good for you. The first few weeks are the hardest."
"You're saying rehab gets easier?" Chuck asked with skepticism.
"I'm saying you'll start to see why you're here and be grateful for it. I'll see you tomorrow," Eric said as he stood up and gave Chuck a hug. "Good luck with the letter, you know what needs to be said."
June 10, 2011
Nate had been at the villa for a week and he and Blair were having a great time. They would walk into town each morning for breakfast but they mostly stayed close to home and talked. Like Chuck, Blair found it difficult to talk about her true emotions but there was something about Nate that made her open up.
He knew both sides of what happened and genuinely wanted to help her. They both knew that she would ultimately have to do this on her own but talking through what she felt with Nate helped.
"Everything okay, B?" Nate asked as they started to walk around the vineyard. They were just walking out the back door when the phone rang.
"Good," she said as she looped her arm though his, "I got the internship I wanted for the fall."
"That's great," he exclaimed. "Who's it with?"
"Hunter and Gideon, they're the best corporate law firm in the city," she told him. "I start the second week in September."
"I'm so happy for you," he smiled as he kissed the side of her head. "This is what you want, right?"
"It is," she said, "Working for them will give me the experience I need. Not to mention if they like me and keep me on I'll have my foot in the door there when I do go to law school."
"So you'll stay in the city?" Nate asked.
"Absolutely," Blair said, "New York is home. Besides, that's where all the good firms are and I want to continue on at Columbia."
"That's good," Nate smiled, "I miss having you a few blocks away."
She laughed as they took their time wandering around on her father's property. The sun was shining and a cool breeze allowed them to stay out longer than they normally would have. It was about an hour later that they finally made their way back to the villa and sat outside on the terrace.
"Did you read his letter yet?" Nate asked when they got back to the villa.
"I'm not ready," she told him as she poured them each a glass of lemonade. "But I'll get to it before you leave next week. I wouldn't send you back without some sort of message. Would you believe not a day goes by that I don't think about him?"
"Yes, and it's the same for him," he said. "I actually got into a screaming match with Chuck before I left," Nate told her as he took a sip of his drink.
Blair froze with the glass to her lips before she said, "Oh." It was all she could get out but Nate knew she would want to know why, so he continued.
"We were in a therapy session and I don't know what came over me," he said as he told her the abridged version of what happened. "I defended your honor."
"Thank you," she said hesitantly as she looked at him.
"He needed a swift kick in the ass," he told her. "Besides, I didn't say anything he didn't already know. That and I wouldn't tell him where I was going."
"I appreciate that, you not telling him where I am," she clarified.
"Am I crazy for still wanting to be with him after all that's happened?" Blair asked as Nate took a bite of macaroon.
"Do you still love him?" he asked as he looked at her.
"It can't be that simple," she told him. "Love isn't enough."
"Just hear me out with this," Nate started, "If love isn't enough, then why aren't you in Monaco engaged to Louis?"
"I did love Louis," she said, "But not how enough to marry him. I didn't want to spend the rest of my life wondering if I missed out."
"There's your answer, B," he told her. "You and Chuck will always come with baggage, but that's what makes you two fit."
"And remember," he said as he took her hand in his, "Wanting him back and forgiving him don't have to go hand in hand. Forgiveness takes a long time to earn back, we all know that. Don't be so hard on yourself."
"When did you get to be so smart?" she asked.
"I'm not just a pretty face," he told her with a grin, "I've been trying to tell you that for years."
She rolled her eyes but she couldn't help but smile as she shook her head.
Please review if you'd like me to continue. And if I haven't heard from you yet, leave a review. Lots of you have favorited or alerted this story but have yet to leave a comment. I'd love to hear your thoughts and it's very easy to do, not to mention it would really make me smile =D
This chapter was rough to write and took me a long time because I struggled with Chuck's therapy sessions.
What did you think of Nate? I've always loved man-bangs and secretly wish that there were a functional brain behind that pretty face so I wanted to show his perceptiveness in this story. I like to think that while he thinks of Chuck as a brother, he will always defend Blair while getting Chuck to man up.
The next chapter will be more centered on Blair and show her summer reflection in France. We'll see another therapy session between Nate and Chuck as well as one with Serena and Eric. And we'll also see Serena trying to reach out to Blair and how she reacts to her.
Do you want to read what Chuck wrote or just get the gist of it when they talk? I already know what I'm going to do but your feedback always inspires me and sometimes takes my story in a direction I didn't see before you brought it to my attention.
Remember, more reviews = more love = faster update =) And I love detailed reviews, the longer the better.