It's been two days since Caleb was charged, and not I know that his execution is scheduled in five days. Just thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach. I have the option of visiting him, but I cannot make the decision either way. Every time I think about it I end up staring off, and my attention is focussed on my memories of Caleb. They are an endless stream of images of our childhood, happy and simple, and then there are also memories of his betrayal. The latter are fewer but infinitely more powerful, and they always seem to blot out the sixteen years before.

Tobias has stopped trying to get my attention when this happens. I've told him what I'm thinking about and also he knows how much I need to think about this, even if I'm finding that impossible

I lay in the bed next to Tobias, who is sleeping soundly, but I can't. My thoughts are focused on Caleb, and I need something, anything to take my mind of it, even if it's just for a little while. An idea sparks in my mind and I get up as though electrocuted, making Tobias stir, but he doesn't wake up.

I move quickly, but taking care to make my actions as silent as possible as I search for a pen and some paper. When I find them I write a message for Tobias and leave it on the pillow that my head just vacated. After I am ready to leave, wearing on of Tobias' shirts and a rather ratty pair of my own jeans I kiss him on his forehead and leave.

I am sitting at the chasm, and new memories mix in with my thoughts of Caleb. My first kiss with Tobias, but also thoughts of Al,, who jumped because I couldn't forgive him. My thoughts are dark and full of self-loathing when I hear footsteps and look up.

Tobias is standing there, staring at me, with a confused but expectant expression on his face.

I take a deep breath. 'I want to go through my fear landscape and I want you to go with me.' My words come out in a rush.

'Ok,' he says, now cautious, 'So why are we meeting here?'

'Because this is where we came after yours, so this is where we're starting with mine.'

And I kiss him like I had before the war, before my world was torn apart by death, destruction and my own stupid mistakes,

'I love you,' I murmur against his lips, tasting his breaths.

I'm nervous when we reach the landscape room and the urge to run away from this overcomes me, but this isn't just about forgetting about my thoughts of Caleb any more. This is about showing Tobias I trust him enough to share this: That I trust him like he had trusted me.'

He disappears for a second and comes back holding a box in his hand, that I know holds the needles that will start the simulation.

He hands me a syringe, and begins to clean the spot with the antiseptic wipe, and bears his neck to me so I can inject him with the serum.

He moves to hand me the other needle, knowing that I usually like to control injecting myself since Eric injected me with the simulation that changed everything. I shake my head, and take the wipe instead. He doesn't say anything buy I know he understands the gesture. That this small act means that I trust him implicitly. I don't feel the sharp pain of the needle as much as I normally do, looking into the dark blue of his eyes.

Hand in hand we walk into the landscape and it starts.

We are standing in a field, the sun shining on us, and I know that Tobias recognises it, as he was watching this fear the first time I experienced it. I breathe in and out, but suddenly I realise that the last time I faced this fear I used a gun, and now I can't. My eyes begin to dart around and I wildly try to think of an alternative, but it's not use. The crows begin their attack, pecking at me and I scream. Tobias reaches me, obviously feeling the black wrath of the onslaught of birds and enfolds me into his arms whispering to me that I need to calm down and slow my heart rate. And It's because of him that I finally manage to calm down.

The scene shifts.

We are standing in a glass tank, and in front of us stand my initiate group. This one is easy to me now. The last time I faced this fear I panicked and water valuable time, but the simulations at erudite have made me and expert and I point a figure at the wall of the tank surrounding us, and it shatters.

'Well that one was easy,' Tobias says from next to me, but the next second we are both hurled into a jagged rock, and I feel the skin on my hands break and begin to bleed. This is not about the water. I need to take control.

With difficulty I grab Tobias' hand and I fling myself into the water, bracing myself for the impact. As soon as we hit the waves everything vanishes and we are sprawled on the floor.

'What's next, he asks as we stand up and then we are tied to a stake, standing on a pire.

'We burn,' and I turn to face Peter, who I know will be standing there. But it's not peter. It's Will.

His mouth forms a sneer as he looks at me. 'Remember me, Tris. You killed me, and didn't bat an eye did you.' The look he gives me never appeared on the real will's face in life. I'm paralysed. I can't move. Vaguely I know that Tobias is speaking to me, but this was unexpected, and it is horrible.

'We are very angry with you Beatrice prior. You're the reason we're dead, and now you're going to burn,'

I look around at the other people behind will. Before this point my stunned mind had only been focused on Will, but now I see who the 'we' is.

Lynn and Marlene stand staring at me in hatred, Al sneers and worst of all is my mother and father staring at me without pity. My selfless abnegation parents stare at me and murmur words to each other that I don't catch, but from the looks on their faces I know they are not words of love. I moan and it's an animal sound, wounded and despairing. This is so much worse than before.

'Tris!,' Tobias is screaming at me now and finally he breaks through. I raise my head and stare at him. 'Think. What is this fear?

I do and it comes to me. I am terrified of facing the guilt I feel for all of them. I either need to make it rain again, or I can truly face this fear. I do both.

I look at all of them, and last of all, I look at Will.

'I'm so sorry Will.' I throw my head back and say it's raining, and suddenly it is. The fire licks my heels, and I scream, and Tobias is screaming next to me, and that hurts me more. The water finally quells the fire.

I look around, confused. A woman stands at few feet away, pointing a gun at me. This is Tobias' fear and now mine. And then my stomach drops, and I know what I have to do.

Tobias' hand is on my arm, and I realise that I am trembling. The gun is on the table, exactly like it was in Tobias' fear landscape. My fear is the gun, I need to fire it.

I can't pick up the gun. Not a promising start.

'Together,' he says into my ear and guides my hand slowly towards the gun. With his help my fingers curl around it, and he stands behind me. He long arms hold my arms out from me and guide my finger to the trigger. With him holding my arms up I aim and gently squeeze the trigger. She crumples to the ground, and I just stare at her, until he pulls me away instantly,

I don't want to go on, but I know I have to. And then he's gone from my side and standing in front of me, smiling kindly He moves towards and slowly starts to move a hand up and down my side. I remember what happens next and just like I did in the final stage of training. I grab him and press him against the wall and kiss him. Everything disappears including Tobias, and the screams begin.

I stiffen and look around for the source. Surely no human has ever made sounds like that before. Then I see him, curled into a ball, screaming as though there is nothing my pain and despair. I did not recognise the sound because I have never heard Tobias' screaming in such obvious agony.

I run towards him, but there is a barrier. Invisible, solid and utterly impenetrable. I pound on the surface with my fist, screaming his name, but I can't get through, and I can't even remember that this isn't real. Tears streak down my cheek and I keep pounding over and over again. After what seems like a decade my mind regains control and I regulate my breathing, unable to block out the awful sounds coming from Tobias but focusing on the fact that the sooner my heart rate slows, the sooner it will stop.

'It's over,' Tobias is next to me again, looking shaken, but unharmed. He places one of his hands on my shoulder, in an attempt to comfort me. 'I didn't know it did that'

'What?' I ask. My voice is shaky; the sounds of his screams still fill my head.

'When you go into someone's fear landscape, If you're in it then the simulation cuts you off. It makes you invisible and not able to move so that the fear seems real.'

I don't say anything. I just stare down at my hands, trying to block out the sounds of hi m filling my head. I shaking so badly that I can't see straight. He gathers me into his arms and strokes my hair.

'It wasn't real Tris,' he mutters, 'just a simulation, I'm fine'

I look up at him, willing the shaking to stop, and he catches my mouth with his.

It's like amity again, and I kiss him back, lips parted and wanting to feel every part of him, so I know that he really is alright. My hands start to explore him, feeling the muscles under is shirt tightening under my touch.

When we finally break away we are both breathing hard.

'Not here,' he breaths taking my hand and pulling me out of the room.

The walk out of the room is a blur. All I remember is the longing and his hand in mine until we are finally in his room. I try to take off his shirt but he stops me.

'No'

'Don't you want to?' and he laughs, not unkindly but it makes my face flushes

'Yes of course I do.' And the looks on his face, staring down at mine makes my face burn brighter, 'But I don't want to scare you so much you feel you have to run again.'

I nod and lean again to kiss him, but more control this time. He's right. After the fear landscape I'm already on edge, and I don't want to hurt him like that again.

'So we're going to take this slowly,' and with that he takes off his shirt, and I stare, wanting to touch him, but he holds me back.

Slowly he takes of my shirt and pulls me over to the bed. Topless we lay next to each other on the bed not moving but our eyes drinking in each other.

I move forward and kiss him, enjoying the feeling of out bare skin pressing together.

I gasp, and as I am in a dream I feel my hands reaching to undo the clasp of the only barrier my breasts have to the open air. His eyes widen, and I am thinking about how small I am, how childish my body looks, and wait for him to show his disappointment.

He pulls me to him and rolls over, so that he is hovering over me. He kisses my stomach, and moves slowly up, while his hands lightly brush the skin, his lips were just touching, and then I feel the heat of my want start. I gasp, and immediately feel my face hear up, hoping that he didn't hear it. The hope is dashed though when I feel the smile against my skin and he kisses the skin underneath my bare breasts, and now his lips are tentative. His question lingers in the air and I gasp.

'Yes,'

His lips brush the soft sensitive skin, and just like before his hands replace them. I don't try to stop the sounds of my pleasure, which are becoming steadily more frequent. I just shut my eyes, and try to feel the rush of new sensations flowing through me. It seems to spur me one and I feel something wet against my nipple. My back arches, and the head between my thighs is almost painful, but in the best possible way.

And then he stops, his eyes widening and jumps off of me. It feels like a rejection, and I know that he can see the hurt in my eyes.

'It's not you,' His teeth are gritted, and he looks like he is in pain, 'I just need … a minute.

My face is blank, and he rolls his eyes. Suddenly understanding slams into me, and my hysterical giggle fills the space between us.

'It's not funny,' but I think I see his lips twitch up, in a direct contradiction to his words.

It is good it stopped where it did, because the knot of panic inside me had started to writhe. Patting the bead beside me I drawer him back. I don't know how long we lay like that. Nothing touching our hands, not even looking at each other but we don't need to. I have his face memorised and it is enough just to be with him now.

Ok so sorrt if the rating change bothers anyone, but I want to make it realistic. Thank you for all your reviews, I appreciate them :)