Disclaimer: The fabulous Twilight and all of its marvelous characters belong to the ever impressive Stephenie Meyer, not myself :(
Bella POV
"Is that present tense?" his silky voice turned husky, tense, on the verge of breaking. I shook my head in disbelief, unable to imagine why he couldn't understand my attachment to him. That, plus only Edward would pay attention to insignificant details like what tense I had spoken in.
"Past, present, and future," was my reply and I did my best to hold his gaze. His eyes were smoldering, something that I hadn't realized I had missed so much until now.
"Bella," the way he groaned my name sent shivers up my spine, "distract me before I do something we both regret." I doubt that I would ever regret anything that involved the two of us, but I was more than happy to comply with his request. There are some roads that I wasn't ready to travel down, not yet at least. I bit my lip nervously, knowing that I should tell him that I was best friends with a werewolf, being stalked by a vampire that wouldn't rest until I was dead, and about to fail Calculus. Should being the operative word. I racked my brain for something to talk about, anything, but I was stuck with thoughts of only him. Then again, maybe some roads are unavoidable.
"I will always love you. No matter how far you run, or how long you're gone, or how much danger I get myself in," I threw the blame on myself, hoping it would ease his pain. "I will never cease to want to be with you." An uncomfortable silence settled over us. Me, not wanting to say anymore, and him, uncertain of how to respond. At least, that is how I read the look on his face. Indecision, unknowing, and doubt twisted into one expression.
"You aren't making this any easier, Bella," he muttered through gritted teeth.
"Who said it was supposed to be easy?" I asked incredulously. "Last time I checked, relationships between humans and vampires tended to be difficult, but possible." I let out a deep breath, unaware that I had been holding it in. It was now or never, the time to get everything out on the table. My choice of words hadn't been the best, I'd admit, but that didn't make them any less true.
"And what if it is impossible," he breathed. "What do we do then?"
"It isn't, and you know it," I retorted, thankful to be getting somewhere. "We were doing just fine until you walked away."
"Oh, yes, let me recall correctly," he started. "That was after you were nearly killed by James because I allowed you to exist, but before a member of my own family nearly attacked you because of a paper cut. Then here I am, always on the verge of falling for the temptation and drinking your blood until there isn't a drop left." So I wasn't the only one that was angry. That's nice to know.
"If you were always so convinced that we were doomed to failure," I asked icily, "why didn't you leave before my birthday, before the summer, heck, before prom?" He sighed again, something that was becoming really annoying.
"I wanted it to work, so badly," he confessed. He looked like he was about to explain just why he wanted it to work, but he stopped himself. "It just… doesn't." The awkward silence enveloped us again. A year ago, this would never have happened, I told myself. Our silences had always been comforting, filled with intangible things that didn't need voices to express themselves. Now, there was a tension between us, thick enough to cut with a knife.
"How long will you be here?" I tried to keep my voice even, but I could only manage a whisper in my current state. His face looked pained, but I needed an answer. Every second he spent here added exponentially to the suffering I would feel when he left. Even with him in the same room, I could still feel the gaping hole in my chest, like it was a square peg and a round hole. Edward's presence covered the hole, but couldn't fill it completely.
"That depends." From the strain in his voice, I guessed that I wasn't distracting him like he wanted. But that didn't stop me from continuing.
"Enough with the ambiguity," I finally snapped and the rage I had been holding in, for the most part, made itself known. "Give me a straight answer or you can walk away right now. I'm done with trying to figure out what this is, Edward, especially if you refuse to help. I can't do it anymore." I blinked furiously to hold back the tears. "I just can't." He looked at me, I avoided his gaze, and we both knew it was the truth. There had been so much pain, on both sides, that separation was the only solution. This time, though, it would be a mutual decision, reached independently by both sides. That way, maybe we could get over the pain faster. I wasn't going to deny that him leaving on better terms wouldn't still hurt, because I knew it would. But being part of the decision, having no regrets, I was sure that it would be easier for me to move on.
"If that's how you feel," he spoke slowly, forming each word carefully, "then this is goodbye." He looked up at me, searching my face for something. I didn't know what he was looking for, but he sure wasn't going to find it. I put on my mask, the same one that I had been using for months now, to hide the pain. It wasn't unfamiliar, because I had been using it for years before this latest fiasco. When Renee would apologize for being dependent on me, instead of the other way around, when she had told me about Phil and Florida and Forks, when Charlie tried so hard to get things right between us. In all of these instances, I would hide behind my blank face, knowing that they would never see through it. If Edward could, it would certainly be a first. I thought that he knew me so well, better than anyone else, and therefore he stood a chance. I waited for his reaction.
Edward POV
I'm not sure what I expected when I looked at her face. Pain? Confusion? No, that was last time. This was different. I saw exactly what I wanted to see. Absolutely nothing. Her face betrayed no emotion, and it stung like a thousand knives would have if I were human. Besides, it should have made me happy. This was clearly what she wanted, right? She had come to this conclusion on her own, as she should have long ago.
I turned abruptly and was out the window as fast as I could. I ran, not knowing my destination until I was already there. Through the forest, the wind pushing my hair out of my face, I was blind to everything until a Victorian mansion appeared before me. The place that I had called home for several years was unchanged, left exactly as it was when my family had lived there. It was eerie, seeing it empty like this. Not just seeing, but hearing. Normally, I would be dealing with the thoughts of each of my family members. I found myself missing them. Although we had been apart for months now, their absence had been concealed by another, one that was endlessly deeper. My family's presence was nothing compared to hers, I had always known that. But she had made it clear that we were over, and it was all I could do to remain standing.
I was inside now, surrounded by white sheets that covered the furniture. I pulled aside one in particular, and sat down on the bench of my piano. My fingers trembled as they moved over the ivory keys, almost as if they had a mind of their own. I knew what I wanted to play, but I couldn't manage to get even the first note out. The lullaby that I had written for her seemed insignificant compared to the feelings I was now dealing with. Another melody formed in my head, one that was more bittersweet. I tested with different sounds, letting the music rise and fall on its own accord. This song was enough to break my heart over and over again, reminding me of our break up with each chord. If it were possible, I knew that tears would be streaming down my face, and I regretted the fact that no one would ever hear this song. It was enough to make anyone fall to their knees in sadness, and I wished that the entire world could feel my misery now. Everyone except her, that is.
My hands continued to move themselves as my brain ran full speed. I tried desperately to figure out my next move, but all of the scenarios ended with me still missing her. The one thing that I had lived for had chosen to remove me from her life. I finally found another option, a way out, but decided to forgo it at least for now. She may have wanted me out of her life, but surely she would be at least a little upset if I removed myself from the world? As I pondered this question, the first rain drops began to fall.
Bella POV
I busied myself with chores around the house, refusing to think about what had happened this morning. We were running low on milk; I would have to go to the store later to get some. Jake had wanted to do something today; I would have to call him later to cancel. No matter how much I wanted to get done, I always put it off until later, which left me with nothing to do in the present. I turned on the television, and it flickered to life. ESPN, the last channel it had been tuned to, was debating the future of the latest steroid addict. I flipped mindlessly through the channels, only pausing on the weather channel to see that rain was in the forecast for the rest of the foreseeable future. Great. Just fabulous. I finally settled on a movie channel, but I couldn't even tell you who was in it. I fell asleep before long, knowing that I would have to face my dreams eventually.
I dreamt that I was back in my room, alone this time. I heard the window creak open, and slowly turned around. When no one entered, I slowly approached the windowsill, hoping that it was all a big joke. Any second now, he would step out of the shadows and scream "Gotcha!" making me jump, possibly fall over, but it would only be an excuse to hold me in his arms. None of this happened however, and I was confused. He was supposed to be here, I knew that much. His recent presence only made the absence stronger. It was like I was back in the forest again, eternally searching for him. I crossed my arms and pouted, thinking that he would see how upset I was and come rushing to my side. Instead, I heard a knock at the door. This is new, I frowned, wondering who could be entering my dreams that would have to knock.
It wasn't until I was sitting up on the couch that I realized the knock was real, not part of my subconscious. I stumbled to the front door, but it burst open a fraction of a second before I got there. My eyes widened in shock as a cold hand pinned my arms behind my back while another covered my mouth to muffle the scream.
Yay for cliffies! Now, I want to know your guess as to who it is. If you get it right, I'll send you a snippet of the next chapter. If you get it wrong, I'll still send you a snippet. Everyone's a winner!