Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek. I wish I did. Unfortunately there's a difference. Again, scientific/medical details and certain details about the ST universe are thanks to Memory Alpha, Wikipedia, and other respective owners.

"NO!"

Reed shot up from the floor of his quarters, nauseous and disoriented. The room was silent and dark but for the dim red light of the chronometer: 2058 hours. Sickened and trembling, Reed felt along the bulkhead for a light switch until something moved under his fingers and the room lit up. He stared around the room with blurred eyes. The desk chair was pushed in neatly, the bed smooth and without wrinkles.

"No," Reed whispered again, pressing his head against the cold wall. "Oh hell, no. Please."

He brushed the tears out of his eyes with an unsteady hand and wove his way into the bathroom. A terrified grey gaze greeted him from the mirror.

Calm down. Reed gripped the edge of the counter and forced himself to breathe slowly and methodically, counting to five with each breath. When he felt composed, he flipped on the tap and washed his face with cold water. The action was automatic, born out of a need for some remnant of normalcy. He inspected himself in the mirror again – wide, shadowed eyes and white skin and taut mouth.

"I'm going crazy," he said aloud, and was startled at how even his voice sounded.

There was only one thing to be done now. He was insane, it was certain. He felt sane, but that was part of the trickery. He was hallucinating. He was psychotic. He could be dangerous.

Phlox emerged from a pile of medical reports when Reed walked into Sickbay. His eyes shone cheerfully blue, unhaunted by horror and the desperation of a crewmember dying under his hands. His clothes were clean. There was no blood trickling down his wrists and shirt. Reed shivered.

"Ah, Mr. Reed. What can I do for you? Headache back already?"

Reed took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I'm sorry to trouble you again, Doctor," he said, very calmly. "I believe I'm going insane."

Reed lay on a biobed, staring up at the grey ceiling of Sickbay and listening to the low murmur of a worried consultation between Phlox and the Captain. It had proved surprisingly difficult to persuade the doctor that he was serious. At first, the Denobulan had mistaken his declaration for some form of human practical joke. When at last he'd been convinced that this was no jest, however, he had consigned Reed to the imaging chamber for a full-body scan and then run him through a series of tests and questions that were eerily familiar. Headache? Yes, raging by now, despite the analgesic he'd received an hour ago. Only an hour? It had seemed far longer in many ways. Family history of psychiatric disorders? No. Hallucinations? He'd gotten irritable at that. Yes, doctor, that's why I'm here. Only afterward had he realised that he'd never actually told Phlox that, and had therefore no right to be annoyed. Somehow he'd assumed that the doctor would already know. Seizures? No. Nausea? Shakiness? Anxiety? Yes to all. He'd started pacing, prompting Phlox to give him a mild sedative that served only to dull his mind and senses and did nothing to ease the anxiety he felt.

Phlox and the Captain came around the curtain that shielded Reed's bed from the rest of Sickbay. Archer's expression was strained, but the Doctor seemed pleased. Reed sat up, feeling that to remain lying down in the Captain's presence was disrespectful, even under these unusual circumstances.

"How are you doing, Malcolm?" Archer asked.

"I'm alright, sir." Not exactly true, of course, except in the sense that he didn't feel physically ill at the moment.

"I have some good news, Mr. Reed," Phlox said. "There is an explanation for the symptoms you've been experiencing."

Reed felt a faint creeping along his spine. "Allow me, doctor." He clenched a hand around the hard biobed edge. "I've been affected by a hallucinogenic drug formed by a combination between the allergy medication you gave me and the perfume I was exposed to on the Zytexian ship."

The silence extended uncomfortably. "Doctor?" Archer asked at last.

"That…is exactly correct, Mr. Reed," Phlox admitted. "Would you care to explain how you know that?"

Reed laughed hollowly. "I saw it – hallucinated it, if you will." He slumped back down onto the bed to avoid meeting their eyes. "I – I'm insane, aren't I."

"Not necessarily," Phlox said in what was clearly meant to be a reassuring tone. "I admit, it is highly improbable for you to hallucinate information that specific and accurate, but it is not impossible."

"Can you treat him, Doctor?" Archer directed the question at the doctor, but it was Reed who answered.

"The drug will wear off by itself in six to eight hours, and in the meantime it shouldn't be dangerous." He rolled over and buried his head in the small biobed pillow. "Not dangerous, hah," he muttered into it. He could still feel the ship's final shudders around him, the heat of non-existent fires, the warmth of Archer's blood on his hands. Who could tell what he'd do under the influence of hallucinations so vividly real? This had to be more than a drug. Something was terribly amiss with his mind.

"I would tend to agree with Mr. Reed," Phlox said. "However, it seems to be affecting him with unusual severity. I will attempt to synthesise an antidote for this substance. In the meantime, I'd like for Commander Tucker to report to Sickbay, in case the perfume has any unexpected effects on him also."

"Very well, Doctor." Reed heard Archer move away. He waited until the Captain was gone to raise his head.

"I don't think it's the drug," Reed said miserably to Phlox. "There's something wrong with me."

"We'll discuss that after the drug has worn off," Phlox said. "Try not to worry, hm? Hallucinations can seem very real."

"Tell me about it," Reed muttered bad-temperedly. "But, Doctor, if it's not…"

"Then we will deal with it then," Phlox said firmly. "Rest, Lieutenant. I'll wake you when I've synthesised an antidote."

Drowsy from the sedative, Reed dozed, only to be woken some minutes later by the voice of Commander Tucker.

"Come on, Doc. Just a few minutes."

"Mr. Reed is asleep," Phlox said with strained patience. "You can speak with him tomorrow morning, Commander."

Reed sat up, rubbing his face with a clammy hand. "It's alright, Doctor," he called out softly. "I'm not sleeping."

"You should be," Phlox retorted exasperatedly from beyond the curtain. A moment later, Tucker pushed through it, looking worried.

"Yew alright, Malcolm?"

"I've been better," Reed said drily. Seeing Tucker here in Sickbay gave him mixed feelings. In a way, it was comforting to have a friend nearby. But on the other hand, the engineer's presence was distressingly familiar. Reed couldn't help a prick of irrational resentment at the thought of Tucker distracting his attention away from Phlox and his sedative, even though that had been merely a delusional dream.

Tucker sat on the edge of the biobed, oblivious to Reed's discomfort, and studied him openly. "What happened? Cap'n said y'thought yew were goin' mad."

"I've been hallucinating, apparently," Reed said awkwardly. "Did Phlox tell you about the drug?"

"Yeah. You feelin' okay, though?"

"I guess. Confused as hell, though. And…" Afraid. Hurt. Relieved. Anxious. Reed trailed off, shrugging, and avoided Tucker's eyes.

"Hey. Don't worry." Tucker put a hand on his arm. "Doc'll get you back t' normal in no time."

Git out of here, Reed's mind prompted him in Tucker's voice. We're losing containment, the core's goin'! Reed shut his thoughts down firmly against the frightened voice in his mind. It wasn't real. But it had been real. Even if it had only been a hallucination, it had been real in his mind. He'd seen Archer die. He'd seen the Enterprise shattered in a million pieces.

"Malcolm." Tucker squeezed his arm gently to get his attention. "Yew okay?"

Reed was appalled to find a faint pricking sensation behind his eyes. What had his face showed in the last few unguarded seconds as his mind wandered? He pulled away from the hand on his arm and forced a determined smile. "Of course. I'm fine."

"Sure," Tucker said sceptically, but he didn't have time to press the issue.

"You've had your few minutes, Commander," Phlox called out. "If you don't mind…"

Tucker grimaced. "Gotta go. Doc wants to run some scans on me. Hang in there, Mal, you'll be alright."

"Anything yet?"

Archer's voice was lowered in consideration of his sleeping officers, but it woke Reed anyway.

"Nearly there, Captain," Phlox replied indulgently. "I've managed isolate the chemical bond responsible for the reaction between these two substances, and I'm currently synthesizing a compound to dissolve it. It will take a few hours to synthesize, but I'm sure Lieutenant Reed and Commander Tucker can use the sleep, hm?"

Reed turned over sleepily, relieved. In another thirty minutes this confusing muddle of a day would finally end. The faint glow of the chronometer caught his eye. 2344 hours.

"Ensign Sato to Captain Archer."

"Go ahead, Ensign."

"Sir, we've detected a ship entering the system. They haven't responded to our hails, but our scans haven't detected any weapons."

Reed's stomach dropped. No. No! He didn't realise he'd spoken aloud until Phlox opened the curtain. He scrambled back away from the doctor until his back pressed against the wall at the head of the biobed. No. This couldn't be happening.

"Please remain calm, Lieutenant." Phlox moved toward him. "Can you tell me what's wrong? Are you in pain?"

"That ship." Reed's voice cracked with fear. "I saw it. We've got to leave this star system. We're in danger."

Archer appeared behind the doctor's shoulder. "Malcolm? What's wrong?"

"It's happening again," Reed said despairingly. "This is what happened last time. That ship – it's not unarmed, sir. It's going to attack us." He was shaking. The Captain and Phlox exchanged glances.

"It's only a science vessel," Archer said. "It has no offensive capabilities, according to our scans. Hoshi just told me."

Reed laughed, a bit wildly. "Trust me, sir, it has offensive capabilities. Please, I'm not making this up. I've already seen this happen. I don't know why we can't detect their weapons, but they're dangerous."

"What's goin' on?" Tucker, his hair tousled with sleep, burst through the curtain. He stopped short at the sight of Reed huddled at the end of the biobed in a face-off against Archer and Phlox.

"We're about to be destroyed," Reed said in a voice of deadly calm. Tucker blinked, nonplussed.

"You are hallucinating, Lieutenant," Phlox insisted. Reed looked to Tucker and spoke to him only.

"I'm not, Trip. I'm not."

"Take it easy, Mal." Tucker moved forward slowly, as though afraid of spooking him.

"That ship," Reed pleaded. "It's going to destroy us."

"I think you'd better keep working on that antidote," Archer said in an undertone to Phlox. The doctor gave a low hum of agreement, but approached Reed.

"This will help you relax, Lieutenant." He was holding a hypospray. Alarmed, Reed jerked away and would have fallen off the biobed if not for Tucker's hand suddenly on his back.

"No, please don't. Please don't. I don't want to wake up after…" He was babbling. With a significant effort, Reed calmed himself. "Please don't sedate me, Doctor. I'm fine."

Phlox observed him with deep doubt. Surprisingly, it was Tucker who came to Reed's defence. "There's no need, Doc. I'll stay with him."

"Very well," Phlox agreed reluctantly. Archer looked from Tucker to Reed uncertainly.

"It's fine, Cap'n," Tucker said softly. "You can go. We've got things under control."

Archer nodded, satisfied. "I'll be on the bridge if you need anything. Let me know when you've got that antidote, Doctor."

Torn between desperation and hysteria, Reed buried his face in his hands. He's going to die. "It's happening again," he muttered miserably. He didn't dare to protest too hard; if the attack was to recur all over again, he wanted to be awake for it. Perhaps he'd be able to do something. He heard Phlox move away too. Tucker leaned against the wall beside him.

"Easy, Malcolm. Nothin's gonna happen."

Of course not. Just like nothing had happened the last three times. "You weren't there. You didn't see…" Bodies, glittering in the suns. Somehow, every fleck of shining debris had become a body, a person who he had failed to save once and was now again failing to save.

"Shh." Tucker moved closer to him. The unfamiliar proximity was simultaneously startling and comforting. "Nothin' happened and nothin's gonna happen. It was a dream."

"That's what I thought," Reed mumbled confusedly. "Then it happened again. And again."

"What did? What did you see?"

"You don't want to know." Reed's bitter laugh twisted into a shudder.

"I'm serious. Talk t'me. Tell me what happ'nd. It might help."

Reed scrutinized him irresolutely. Anxious as he was, he was loathe to tell his story to an audience who wouldn't believe a word of it. But perhaps telling the wretched story would make it less real. Tucker gave an encouraging nod. Reed searched for a starting point for his nightmarish story. Where had it begun, though? Where had reality ended and his delusion taken over?

"When was the last time you saw me?"

Tucker raised his eyebrows at the unexpected question, but he answered nonetheless. "After our debriefin' with the Cap'n. You said yew were goin' t' stop by the armoury before goin' to bed."

Reed nodded. Yes, that was it. He clung to that as the one fixed point of reality. "Yes. I remember. I went back to my quarters. But then…"

"Then?" Tucker prompted.

"I thought I went to sleep," Reed said lamely. "I woke up later, and there was something in my quarters. Someone was there, I could have sworn…I heard it, felt it." He remembered the shadow flicking toward the bathroom. "Saw it, even. But when I searched, there was no one there. Then I woke up on the floor. The lights were off. I hadn't been in my bunk at all. I was still in my uniform, even."

"You'd fainted?" Tucker suggested. Reed shrugged helplessly.

"I don't know. I thought…but anyway, I figured I'd dreamed it. It was 2058 hours, I remember seeing the time. I fell asleep. A couple of hours later, I was woken by a tactical alert. We were being fired on and the power was out. You comm'd me over my personal communicator, said you couldn't contact anyone. I went to the bridge…" Fire danced in his mind. "It was almost destroyed. Sub-Commander T'Pol was injured, and Ensign Mayweather. Hoshi and I got Travis and the Sub-Commander off the bridge. The Captain…he didn't make it." Reed gulped, thinking of Archer's pained green eyes. My crew, Malcolm. "Travis and T'Pol went to Sickbay, while Hoshi and I tried to get to engineering. We were on D-deck when the ship got hit again. I heard you over the comm saying that we'd lost warp containment. You were trying to evacuate the ship. Hoshi and I made it to an escape pod, but the ship was destroyed. Only eleven people escaped. Then I woke up in my quarters, and it was 2058 hours again. Or it was still 2058. I don't know."

Tucker whistled softly. "Jeez. Some dream."

"Then it all happened again," Reed said miserably.

"What, th' same thing?"

"Nearly. I thought it was a dream but I comm'd the bridge and asked them to let me know if they detected a ship. A couple of hours later they woke me to say they had. I went to the bridge, but the Captain ordered me off until I'd rested. I went down to the mess hall for a drink, and I must have fallen asleep because the tactical alert woke me. Then it was the same thing, with a few differences. Travis died on the bridge. T'Pol was killed too, after we got off A-deck. A piece of debris hit her. Hit me, too." He strained to recall the hazy details of being dragged to an escape pod. "I was injured, I think. Hoshi got me and her to an escape pod. Twelve people survived that time. I woke up again in my quarters at 2058 hours."

"I don' blame you fer thinkin' yew were crazy. I'd probably have thought th' same thing."

"That wasn't all. I tried to tell the Captain we were in danger, but he didn't believe me. He took me to Sickbay and Phlox found that drug in my system. I thought I'd been hallucinating until the alien ship showed up on sensors again. I tried to get you or Phlox to listen to me but the Doctor sedated me. I woke up on a shuttlepod. The Enterprise had been destroyed. Again. Then I was back in my quarters." Reed blinked back frustration, glad for the concealing dimness of Sickbay. "So I came here."

"It wasn't real, Malcolm."

"I know that. But –" It had been real, so very real. "I saw it, Trip. You died, and the Captain. Travis. T'Pol. Everyone…"

"We're fine. Nothin's going to happen, I promise."

"I hope you're right." Tucker was wrong. He'd be dead in a few hours, if not earlier. Reed shivered and rubbed his forearms for warmth. "But this is just how it was before. The ship seems harmless and we can't detect any weapons, but then they attack us, and…"

"Not this time. I know it seemed real, but it was jus' a dream."

"Maybe. But it's happening again, Trip –" Reed broke off, shuddering. "I'm afraid," he confessed in a tortured whisper. "What if it all happens again, Trip? What if it keeps happening, and I can't stop it? What if –"

"Shh." Tucker wrapped an arm around his shoulders. "Shh. It's not gonna happen."

Surprised but grateful, Reed leaned into the warmth. "I guess not. But…"

"Stop. Hey, stop it." Tucker squeezed his shoulders firmly. "Stop what-iffin', Mal. It's not gonna help you."

Reed subsided into abject silence, unconvinced but satisfied for the moment to sit in silence, reassured by the human contact. Distantly, he could hear Phlox humming to himself as he worked.

The angry shriek of a tactical alert cut through the peaceful silence like a knife into Reed's stomach. "Tactical alert!" the comm wailed. "All senior officers to the –"

The Enterprise vibrated under the torment of weapon fire. Reed jerked away from Tucker, crying out hoarsely with outrage at the destruction of his world.

"No! Not again!"

Tucker clutched the edge of the biobed under the next barrage. "Shit!"

"Tactical alert! Senior officers –"

The dim lights of Sickbay went out. In the darkness, Reed felt Tucker moving away, guiding himself on the edge of the biobed. He scrambled to get hold of Tucker's arm.

"You can't go! You'll die!"

"I have to get to engineering, Malcolm! Just – stay here. I'll be back when this is over." He pulled away. Reed heard him stumbling for the door. The ship reeled again. Falling sparks reflected strobe-like on a collapsing bulkhead, and Phlox's animal cages tumbled around the room. The creatures trapped inside screeched and struggled in panic.

"No!" Reed hurled himself off the biobed. Do something. Change something, don't let this happen again! "Phlox! Where are you?"

"Lieutenant?" Metal gears ground as Sickbay doors were dragged open. Tucker was gone. Reed groped his way by feel towards the doctor's voice.

"We've got to evacuate, Doctor. Come with me."

"I'm not going anywhere," Phlox protested. "There may be injuries. I'm needed here!"

Reed had no time to debate. The ship's convulsions were strong. They had scarce minutes left before the death of the Enterprise. His hand encountered the fabric of Phlox's sleeve. "Doctor –?" The Denobulan's hand found his arm.

"Don't try to stand, Lieutenant. You could be inju –"

With his free arm, Reed swung at the sound of Phlox's voice. His fist collided solidly with flesh. Phlox slumped to the floor, unconscious. With difficulty, Reed oriented himself with his back to the open door and felt for the doctor's arms. He dragged him out of Sickbay and along the corridor in what he hoped was the direction of the nearest escape pod.

The emergency lights flickered dimly into existence as backup power flared to light. Reed blinked and squinted in the sudden, comparative brightness. Someone came running up from behind him.

"Sir?"

Reed whirled, recognizing Crewman Jenkins. "The doctor's been injured!" he shouted over the reverberation of energy weapons against the ship's hull. "Help me get him to an escape pod!"

Jenkins hesitated. "But sir –"

"That's an order!"

As Jenkins bent towards Phlox, the Enterprise quaked violently. Reed was thrown off his feet and slammed headfirst into the wall, where he lay momentarily stunned.

"Tucker to all hands, git out of here!" Jenkins' communicator screamed with Tucker's voice. "We're losing containment, the core's goin'! Git out, git out! Evacuate the ship!"

Dizzy from the blow, Reed staggered to his feet and helped Jenkins pull the doctor's limp form to the escape pod hatch, where he urged Jenkins in first and hauled the doctor in behind him.

"Go!" he yelled to Jenkins. "Get us out of here!"

The Enterprise leapt away from them with a jerk. Reed pressed his hands against the glass port and stared helplessly out at his ship as she shattered in a blast of blue-white flame and energy. The escape pod bucked with the force of the shockwave.

"Shuttlepod Two to escape pods, this is Commander Kelby. Come in, escape pods."

Reed did not even turn. Through the port, he watched the captivating beauty of the splintered ship, shining like a distant swarm of fireflies or stars in the wake of destruction.

"Escape Pod C to anyone, this is Ensign Sato. I've got Ensign Hart with me. If you can hear me, come in."

Reed did not hear the reports. Ten, twelve, twenty; it did not matter. He did not turn from the small glass port, not even when grief or distance blurred his vision and the debris field faded into a bright, faraway haze.