"It's what he wants!"
It's taking too long for my vision to clear, and the nausea makes itself well known. Clutching my stomach, the side of the bed comes into view. My other hand grips the mattress as my body lunges forward, emptying my stomach of anything I might have eaten. The sour taste of bile reminds me that it couldn't have been much of anything. After coughing and heaving a few more times, I eventually lie my head down.
Luckily, Shinra must have noticed my ill feeling because he managed to get a bucket beneath me. I feel a little better knowing that I didn't cause too much of a mess.
As I start to think about what had just happened and how I fell asleep, a towel is brought to my face and starts wiping my mouth. I just let it happen, laying there still with eyes fixated on the wall, feeling eased by the fact that I can finally see.
Feeling a bit of relief as the ache in my stomach fades, I sit up. Looking at Shizu-chan, I watch him catch his breath on the small couch at the far wall.
Had I been 'flailing' around again?
Is that where the bruises are coming from? And the uncomfortable feeling, the pain in my body as I awake?
Have I been doing this the entire time? Alone in my apartment?
Everything is suddenly starting to make sense.
Not long after the dreams started happening and I sent Namie-san away, the police started showing up. They would always ask me if someone was in my apartment and I would let them have a look around. Though it was messy, they really couldn't find anything worthy of issue. I finally asked them why they kept coming and they said that they were getting complaints at least once a week that someone was screaming in my apartment. Both the people living to the right and left of me were complaining. I just figured they were trying to get me to move out- after all, there were a lot of shady people coming and going from my apartment.
But maybe I was screaming...
And waking up feeling like I'd been beaten by Shizu-chan all night was ridiculous.
I've been screaming and beating myself up by tossing my body around in my sleep.
I really am going nuts.
People, you were all correct. Orihara Izaya has lost his mind... at least unconsciously.
Can I really be cured?
Drifting my gaze from the tired out Shizu-chan to my caring friend, I catch my own breath. I swallow, attempting to wet my dry, sore throat as Shinra leaves the room.
Grabbing a towel from the table beside me, I wipe my face still trying to calm my breath. A mixture of tears, mucus and sweat being wiped away.
As I recover, I catch myself watching Shizu-chan once more.
Is he really helping me?
I stop myself from uttering an apology for making him go through this.
Isn't it ironic?
I want to scream that I don't need him to help me and at the same time I feel a tug at my chest as I had nothing to offer him in return. That's how I work. Kindness doesn't come free, not to me and not from me. When I want to weasel someone into my debt that's what I do, I help them out for free and then use it as leverage for their assistance in something later on. Who would want to be kind without 'benefit?'
What is it that he will require from me later when he realizes that I owe him now?
Breaking me from my thoughts, Shinra comes back into the room and hands me a glass of water. I take it gratefully and immediately chug it down. Shinra, patiently waiting for me to finish my drink, pulls out a pen light from his coat. As I hand him the empty cup he shines the mini beam into my eyes, effectively blinding me.
"I'm here, I'm here. I'm awake," I say as I cover my eyes with my hand and pull away from him.
I hug my raised knees to my chest as my body continues to shiver.
"Can you call that doctor now?" I ask, trying not to sound as pitiful as I feel.
Shinra sighs. "Yes, I'll give it another shot."
Finally, as that doctor leaves the room and I lay back, taking in a deep breath.
I'm too scared to close my eyes, too scared to blink, too scared to do anything that could plunge me back into that darkness.
Anything but that...
Staring at the ceiling, I can hear Shizuo's sleeping breaths fill the room. Whatever happened must have really worn him out and for him, that's really saying something. I let a melancholic chuckle escape; I'm the only one who can tire him out. It seems I've found a new way to do exactly that.
Fighting rest, I stay awake for a few hours watching out the window. The bright light stings my tired eyes. It won't be much longer before the sun goes down.
My thoughts are cut off by Shinra walking into the room who says, "He'll be here tomorrow."
"Great!" I shout, paying no mind to the fact that Shizu-chan's still sleeping.
"Oh, looks like he fell asleep." Shinra looks over to him with an expression I can only describe as pity."I thought he had already left."
"No. He's been here."
"I see, I'm surprised you didn't kill him in his sleep, but then again that wouldn't be very fun for you would it?"
"Exactly." I say but my gaze travels away from him. The thought of killing Shizu-chan never even crossed my mind.
"Ahh, well I need to go out and treat a client. Can you promise not to destroy my house while I'm gone?"
I snicker, "Sure, as long as he stays asleep."
The illegal doctor glares at me before waving his good-bye and leaving.
Good luck. I can't really promise that your house won't fall apart by the time you come back though.
My gaze wanders back to the window. Since these nightmares started, the clouds, the sky, and especially the moon have seemed somewhat calming and intriguing. Maybe I've just become more aware of the night sky, or maybe it's because of my dreams. All three different dreams are set at night time.
Ahh, I'm glad. The sooner the doctor gets here- the better.
Seeing Shizuo sleeping kind of makes me feel nostalgic. I used to catch him sleeping on the roof at school, though usually to his dismay. I smile a bit, remembering the tricks I used to play on him. I used to draw on his face, tie his laces together, put stuff in his hand and then tickle his nose and even steal his cigarettes. Eventually things got more serious and I started telling the authorities that he was skipping after cutting up his uniform, forcing him to get caught nearly naked.
I can't help snorting as I recall it all. Too bad I'm not up for it now, since I need to be on Shinra's good side in order to get his friend's help.
Although, all this suddenly reminds me that we are Ikebukuro's strongest in a room together, peacefully. I chuckle to myself again at the irony and pull my laptop to my lap. Opening it up, I go to the Dollars website. I hadn't been on in such a long time because of my issues and I'd wasted all my time trying to do research.
As I said before, research, eat, sleep.. that was all I did.
Now that I'm logged in, I'm able to see the different posts and speculations that were made about me. Knowing that Shizu-chan reads these things too makes me even more uneasy. Many of the posts are rumors about where I had been, like on a leave of some sort. Some people were happy hearing that I had gone off to the USA or other countries for some information or with some person I had fallen in love with. Most of the posts though, were about Shizuo taking me out, finally killing me.
Was he happy? Happy knowing that everyone pretty much blames him for my 'disappearance?'
No.
Not blamed...
But praised and thanked him for my absence.
Let them think as they wish. I'll make my come back. Besides, what do I care of what they think of me?
The posts even go on to say that the police wouldn't touch Shizu-chan over it because it was a favor to society.
Hah, a favor to society. I love humans. Loving me back isn't that hard, is it?
Thinking about hopping on one of my many fake accounts and adding to the speculations, I happen to look down at my hands. Cringing at the sight, I dig desperately trying to rid the skin and blood from beneath my nails.
Disgusting.
Dried blood haunts me, reminding me of how I tried my hardest to climb up that mountain. A shower is in order. Now.
Placing my laptop back on the side-table, I get up to take a shower. Staggering on my way, I curse this house, curse my lack of strength and most of all- I curse Shizuo. That bastard who can sleep through my torment and bring me down with out even opening an eye. Noticing that my weak physical nature grows with each day I don't sleep is frustrating.
Who am I kidding? I'm like this on days that I do sleep.
Thinking over it a bit more, I feed off the random bursts of energy that come and go. Using this particular one, I undress and start the shower.
The water is warm on my back, soothing my sore body. I look much skinnier than normal and my hair has grown longer, hanging over my face. I wonder briefly what I might look like to others.
Taking care in my movements, I wash up while making sure to lightly massage my aching muscles.
Hah, maybe I should run off to some other country with someone. Maybe then I can get a massage or someone to wash me every now and then.
That would be nice, though I can just pay someone for a massage. Have someone wash my back? Hah, that must be my 'condition' speaking.
Forcing myself away from those kind of thoughts, I step out of the shower and wrap the towel around me. The realization hit me that I didn't bring any clothes. Sighing at myself, I walk to my room finding that the only thing to wear are nurse scrubs hanging in the closet. Paying no mind to Shizu-chan, I quickly put them on, flinching as I hear him shift on the couch. The sleeping guy stretches and yawns, waking up... Or so I thought, instead he smiles and turns over away from me, falling asleep once more.
I huff yet another sigh of relief, noticing that the sun had gone down. Every breath I hear, be it mine or his, is like a lullaby trying to put me back into that horrid place.
How can something so pleasant sounding bring me such suffering?
I have to fight it... no matter what.
The doctor will be here tomorrow, I remind myself. I just need to hold out until then.
So here I sit, Indian style on a bed I've spent the majority of my time on while watching out the window. I peek at the moon, suddenly feeling a tightness in my chest as it seems to glare back at me. The memory of the dream, moonlight, and my ultimate failure as I slept rushing through my mind.
Why?
Why this?
What now?
And why Shizu-chan?
Shinra opens the door startling me, noticeably happy to see his place still in one piece. Smiling at Shizuo, he mumbles something about dinner and attempts to leave the room. Instead, he stops while turning to me.
"And how are you?"
"Fine," I state, allowing my mind to wander as he simply turns and leaves.
I stay lost in thought, keeping my mind off anything that dealt with sleep. Many things that I wish hadn't, had popped into my head.
For instance, sneaking over to Shizu-chan's school when I finished classes early. I also remember the many bumps and bruises that it took to gain the parkour skills that I now possess. All of a sudden, these memories didn't seem so pleasant.
Shizu-chan sure has done a number on me all of these years.
Why do I bother with him? Ugh, I need to get out of here. Being stuck in here with him must be making me think more than I would like.
Standing up I leave the room, hoping that I wouldn't wake him.
From what I could tell, Shinra had finished dinner and headed to bed, leaving the left overs in two containers in opposite sides of the fridge. It was as if he thought we were going to jump in and try to get them at the same time.
Geez, exactly how petty does he think we are?
As I stand in the area lit by the fridge light, I can hear the bedroom door open, and I watch as Shizu-chan comes into view. My face is of no emotion, I make sure of it because to be honest, I really don't know how to feel or what to say.
"Mornin', Flea." I hear him say.
I let the nickname slide, it really did have a different ring to it when it wasn't being screamed at the top of his lungs.
"It's the middle of the night." I answer as he makes himself a glass of milk, stepping between me and the opening of the fridge to do so.
"Mmmk. Night, Flea," he yawns.
"Are you going back to bed?"
Geez, this guy sure can sleep.
"No, but you said it's night so I corrected myself."
Or not...
He still sounds tired, voice deeply reverberating with each word.
"Ah... I see."
What the hell do you say in this type of situation?
This is too calm. I don't like it.
Finally, I grab the container of left-over food with the written name "Izaya" on it. As soon as I try to pull it I realize it had a hand on it already. Lifting my head, I glare as my enemy glares back at me.
"This has my name on it." I try to politely state, though I'm sure my eyes don't give the same impression.
"Yeah, and you're in the way of mine."
I chuckle, "Well, then. Let me get mine and you can get yours when I move."
"I'm hungry now, Flea," he growls.
"It will take two seconds for me to move."
"Yeah, then I have to wait for you to use the microwave."
"We both know neither of us are going to move until we get our way, isn't that right? So just give it up, Shizu-chan," I say but to my dismay he snatches the container from my grip and runs into the living room and I try to keep up, following behind him.
"You're right, so I'll just take it," he says as I corner him.
"Just give it back," I say, holding a hand out for my food.
"I don't think so!" He jumps on the couch as I try to guess his next move. He only has two options to choose from, left or right unless he's going to break the coffee table and come straight at me. Trying to trick me, he acts as if he's going left sometimes, and right the next. He smiles as I stand in place still waiting for his move. Instead (of course), he jumps clear over the table and sprints past me. I turn, feeling a little surprised by his action as I follow on his trail down the hall.
Breathing heavily and coughing as my body tries to catch up to his, I finally corner him once again in the spare bedroom. He stares at me from his standing position on the bed. I giggle at him, watching him calculate the distance with his eyes. He tries the same move as before but this time I stick my leg out.
I am not going to fall for that one twice.
Shizu-chan falls to the floor and rolls onto his back, trying to keep the container from being squashed under his body. He does a double-take on the food container just to make sure it was still okay and hops up, once again heading towards the door.
That's when I notice it- Shizu-chan is smiling.
Had he missed our fights in Ikebukuro?
Realizing that this is not the right time to dwell on awkward thoughts, I catch him darting into Celty's old room. He shuts the door as I walk over. I try with all my might to open the door but I can't. I'm still too weak.
Eventually I give up, putting my hands on my knees to catch my breath.
"Fine." I sneer with a chuckle, walking away.
Hearing a gasp and a loud thud from inside the room, I can feel my heart race with panic. Bolting towards the fridge, I use the convenience of my socks to slide across the tile.
Come get me Shizu-chan!~
Just as I grab the container with his name on it, Shizuo makes it into the kitchen.
"Haha! What now, Shizu-chan?"
"You know what? I don't care if you eat it," he lies, looking away.
"Oh?" I ask, challenging him with my signature smirk to hide my genuine amusement.
I open the lid slowly, watching him as his eyes snap back to me. At this distance there still isn't much he can do, though I'm still on guard. Reaching in, I grab a piece of chicken and stick it in my mouth, his eyes widening as my lips close around it.
Everything seems slow motion. Him lunging toward me, tackling below the rib cage, the container flying in to the air, sliced cabbage, carrots and chicken falling on top of the both of us as we land on the tile-
-He looks up at me, staring into my eyes as I glare back at his.
I just have to have the last word; I just have to win.
Reaching beside me, I grab a handful of the food, his eyes following my hand and growing more hostile the closer it gets to my mouth.
Suddenly, he rises from his place above me and pulls my legs up as he stands, holding me upside down and causing me to drop the food.
"What the hell, Shizu-chan!?"
"Hehe, you poor thing," he mocks.
While upside down, I am able to see that just the top layer of the food had fallen out and the container had landed on the ground right side up.
Smiling to myself, I discreetly replace the cap, "You jerk. What am I going to eat now?" I ask in mock distress.
"Pshh, who cares?" He scoffs, still holding me upside down by one leg, his other hand securing the container with my name on it.
I kick my other leg trying to knock it from his hand and in defense he drops me. Sitting up immediately, I open the drawer beside me and pull out a fork which I throw at him with perfect aim. Unfortunately, he uses the container to block it, the fork sticking into the lid. Smiling slyly, he plucks the fork from the lid and opens it as he takes a seat at the table.
"Thanks." He says happily, knowing I'm too beat in my current state to try anything more.
"Ugh, whatever." I sigh as I grab another fork for myself. While walking to the table, Shinra finally appears out of his room wondering what was causing the commotion.
"What. The. Hell?"
I'm sure we must look funny because Shinra stares as Shizu-chan eats out my container and I out of his. There is random pieces of food in our hair, our cheeks are red from running, and we're glaring furiously at each other as we eat from the other's share.
Shinra eventually just laughs. "You two are cleaning this up."
What was that I was saying about not being petty?
Oops...