Gollum Fight!
Random Announcer: We last left our hero lost in the sewers of the Imperial City and being discovered by a hideous creature.
"We will only let the nasty creature outs if it plays a gameses with us..." it whispered.
"Who the hell are you?"
"WE MUST HAVE A YO MOMMA FIGHT PRECIOUS! Gollum...Gollum..."
"I don't know what your name is, why you want to have a YO Momma fight and why you call me precious, but oh well, as long as a I get out of here!",
"Your mamas is so ugly, we thought she was an orcses, SO WE BEATS HER WITH A FISH!"
"Yo mama is soooo stupid, she got ran over…by a parked car!"'
"Yo mama is so ugly, poor Smeagol crapped his loincloth and fell down Mt. Doom, nasty little hobbits….WE HATES THEM! WE ALWAYS HATE THEM! FILTHTY LITTLE HOBBITS!! WE WRING THEIR FILTHY LITTLE NECKS! They all lies to us...WE WERE BEST SINGER THERE! STUPID SIMON! WE HATES HIM! WE ALWAYS HATE HIM! Gollum! Gollum!"
"Uuuuuhhhhhhh…..Your Mama finger so fat, she had to use a Halo©™ as her wedding ring!"
As soon as Gollum heard the words 'Halo©™' and 'wedding ring', he lost it,",
"Ahhhhhh! Halo©™! It burns us! We must destroy it precious!",
Gollum ran into the unknown throwing hand grenades madly and mumbling about a Homo kindergarten boy.
Mental note to self: Never, take Skooma again!
Skooma: This is type of drug, which would be illegal on earth, but it is legal here in cyrondil. It makes the user feel all gigglier then a school girl and happy, warming the insides. It also makes the user look like a babbling idiot.
So ignoring what just happened, our hero climbed out slowly to the end of the sewers, and slowly came out into the light.
Tis' was a beautiful site! Trees and grass swayed with the wind, the lake glittered filled with slaughter fish, a banana was slapping itself in the face, and a pool of ruby blood showing where someone got mugged.
"Now, according to chapter two, I should go see Grand Master Hip,",
Dunion took out a map that the young blade gave him. Stupid Grunt lord, WHY DIDN'T HE MENTION THIS IN CHAPTER 2?!. He's just some stupid wanna-be cool-author!
Back into the story, Dunion unrolled his map and had a look. Well, he tried to have a look. Going through the sewers had gotten the map wet causing confusion.
All that he could recognize was some strange scribbles in a weird language.
WTFIAMLMFAOII"Well, I'm lost in the forest, have no communication with civilization, have no supplies, and no weapons, this sucks monkey crud! ", thought Dunion.
Then he felt something. Something was trying to contact him. Was it something, magical? It felt like a magical power, a power that was in his blood from generation to generation of dark elves. This was no coincidence; all dark elves got this feeling at his age. Dunion then thought he heard something….
"Dunion…."
"Huh?",
Dunion looked around, but saw nothing.
"DDDuuuunnniiiion….",
For the 50th time in his life, Dunion was afraid. The first thing he became afraid of was global warming at age -500 .
Dunion then felt a chill, a chill that comes when ghost appears.
"DUNION",
Dunion screamed like a girl for 5 seconds, then turned around to see the source of the voice.
There, was his Grandpa, Grandpa Feanlos.
"Grandpa Feanlaos?",
"Yes, it is I. I, by our family ghost ancestors, have elected me to be your ancestor ghost guardian.",
"You're my ancestor ghost guardian?"
"Yes, when you need advice, you can talk to me with telepathy. When in trouble, you can summon me to fight with you.
"Ohmygawd!Igotmyownghostancestorguardian thatwillobeymyevery-",
"HOWEVER, you can only summon me once a day, six days a week. Fridays, you can't summon me or do telepathy.",
"What do you do on Fridays?",
"I try to make a world record of slapping a monkey in the face that will send him at 5000 miles an hour,"
Dunion, not knowing his math or animals, ignored that answer.
"Well, could you help me with something now?
"Yes?"
"Could you lead me to Grand Master Hip, leader of the blades? ", "How about this. I teleport you to him and you leave me alone for the rest of the day, deal?","Deal!",
A purple swirl of mist enclosed Dunion. He felt a gust of air, and started to feel sick. He only felt this way for a minute, and then felt the effects of teleporting over.
"…………………………………………",
sniff
"yuck!",
More sniffing
"Why does it smell so bad in here? Dunion got up, looked around, and then cursed.
He was inside the outhouse's storage hole.
After much climbing, cursing, cleaning, and cursing again, Dunion got a look of the territory. It seemed he was at a monk monastery beside a farm and church of a god he couldn't remember. Everything seemed regular. Well, almost everything. There seemed to be a faint sound of horror music(?) coming from nowhere. The monastery head quarters seemed to be covered in toilet paper, rotting form last years Halloween. Dunion took a deep breath, and went inside the large cabin to receive the horrors inside of finding Grand Master Hip………….
Author's note: Wow, that felt like it took awhile, bin' a bit busy with schoolwork. Sorry for the previous chapters being cheesy, I kind of rushed them…Anyway, I give big thanks to Lord Mandalore for the Gollum's lines, and thanks to Enefet who gave me some big advice which I appreciate. If you want to see something in the story, or want a new character and what him to be like the way you want in the story, let me know. Please review!