"Know Your Stars: The Total Drama Edition"
Rated T
Disclaimer: I do not own the entire Total Drama series or All That. Or the Know Your Stars sketches.
Chapter 4: Mike
"Know your stars... know your stars... know your stars..." The announcer echoed again as a normal teen with a Multiple Personality Disorder had now taken the hot seat.
"Uh, hello... who's there? You're not a creepy stalker, are you?" Mike said as he was shivering a little.
"Mike... He has diarrhea!"
"What? I do not have diarrhea!" Mike exclaimed madly, "I was diagnosed with Multiple Personality Disorder! You know, my brain forces me to take different personas of different people like Vito, Chester, Svetlana, and Manitoba Smith? Remember?"
The announcer then yawned, "Doesn't ring a bell..."
"It's real, I'm telling you!" Mike exclaimed in mercy as the announcer continued to went on.
"Yeah, right..." the announcer spoke out of boredom. "Mike, or should I say Vito... is a member of the GLAAD organization!"
Hearing this, Mike immediately turned into the Jersey-like heartthrob, Vito.
"Yo, what are you talking about? I ain't no member of Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation!" Vito complained, "I'm straight as a fine-looking woman like Anne Maria! Even the abs and my guns you see here are straight!"
"Oh, really? Than what's this picture I see here?" The announcer replied as he held up a picture for the world to see.
It actually showed a picture of Vito flexing near a proud gay couple who are giving the peace sign. By the background of the picture, it happened to take place at some sort of midnight rave. Vito seems to be wearing a white shirt that said 'Support GLAAD.'
"What?" Vito spoke in shock, "Now that's false, man! You did that in photoshop! Yes, I like going to raves and such, but there's no frickin' way that I ain't gay! I'm straight as it is! Take it or leave it!"
"Mmm-Hmm. Chester... He can't see me!" the announcer said as he pulled off his best John Cena impersonation right on Vito.
But with this statement, Vito is now suddenly turned into Chester, another one of Mike's personalities.
"What? What did you say? I can't hear you! You might wanna speak up, you blasted crab!" Chester spoke in a frustrating manner.
"I said, you can't see me!" The announcer spoke back to him once again, but only a little louder.
"I know that, you encrusted flank, I just can't hear what you're saying. Speak up to the mic so I can hear!" Chester shouted
"I SAID, YOU CAN'T SEE ME!" the announcer screamed loudly on the mic as Chester still couldn't hear what he was saying and such.
"WHAT?" Chester shot back.
"Never mind...!" The announcer groaned in anger. "Manitoba Smith... he was in Crocodile Dundee!"
The transformation began once again. This time, Chester was transformed into Australia's handsome hunter and one of Mike's personalities, Manitoba Smith.
"Oy, mate, I ain't no Crocodile Dundee!" Manitoba explained, "That was played by my fellow mate, Paul Hogan! He is a hero of Australian culture, next to Men At Work and vegemite!"
"Are yoooooou suuuuuure?" the announcer teased him once again as Manitoba raised a suspicious eyebrow.
"Where are you getting at all of a sudden?" Manitoba spoke consciously.
"Nothing, just making sure! Mike... she calls Zoey, 'The Human Twizzler Hair'!" The announcer exclaimed once again.
This time, Manitoba Smith had now been turned back into Mike.
"What? I never called her that!" Mike explained in shock again. "If I recalled, you made Zoey lose her mind! That's not cool in my opinion, man!"
"So what if I did? It's not my problem that she looked like the mascot for Wendy's!" The K.Y.S. announcer replied with an evil smirk as something inside Mike snapped like crazily.
"HOW DARE YOU, YOU BASTARD!" Mike shouted angrily as he started to throw around things included the camera and perhaps the chair that he was sitting on. "NO ONE CALLS MY GIRL A MASCOT! TIME FOR YOU TO FEEL MY PAIN, PAL!"
With this, Mike got a baseball bat and just approached the Know Your Stars announcer with anger and hatred in his blackened eyes. The announcer then started to feel that uncomfortable spot of weakness again.
"Oh, no... um, now you know Mike! OH, FOR THE LOVE OF HELL, NOOOOOO!" the K.Y.S. announcer screamed as Mike grabbed him by the collar again and just threw him throughout the studio. "YAAAAAAAAHHHHHTZEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
Mike then approached the announcer once again with his teeth gritting like a pissed-off pitbull seeking for blood.
"OHHHHH, COME OOOOOOON! HAVEN'T I SUFFERED ENOUGH? COME ON! I ALREADY GOT MY PACKAGE THROWN MY DUNCAN? WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT BY ME?" The announcer kept on screaming as Mike spreaded its legs and raised his baseball bat high which was aiming at the K.Y.S. announcer's crotch. "No... no, NOOOOOOOOOO!"
With a swing and an ascend by Mike's baseball bat, the announcer felt the pain go right inside his balls and screamed like a crying baby and a high-pitched banshee combined!
"Waaaaaa- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" The announcer screamed for pained mercy as the segment came to a cringing end for now.
Damn, the announcer's balls are gonna bleed like hell for days. Go Mike for standing up for his girl!
Up next will be Owen in the hot seat! Read and review until then! Woo woo woo, you know it!
P.S.: Sorry I couldn't do Mike's other personality Svetlana! All apologies!