OMG! Reviews! I love them SOOOOOOO much! They are, as I stated in one of my other stories before, the letter bombs and packages of the writing world! YAY! But when I become a famous writer, as a part-time job/hobby away from my voice acting career, I will only have to fear the critics and People magazine's book rating!
…
I'M DOOMED!
(Sigh) Anyway, on to the story stuff that I keep up here, I own jack-shit. There, I said it. BUT! I do own the child, the plot, Dr. Kurcka, the OCs, and pretty much anything no one else owns.
HA!
If I owned FMA, I would make it MUCH different. Plus I wouldn't make Envy so… anorexic looking. My God, have you seen him?! He looks like he could break in half with just one kick to the gut! And for the record, I forgot to mention the fact that the reason Al is human is because of Dr. Marco allowed Ed to use the stone that he owned.
Because of this, the homunculi are alive, Dante is the villain, Papa-Hoho will be appearing, Hughes is still alive, (You will NOT make me kill off one of the greatest anime characters of all time!) Scar is still around, and even Armony (From FMA: The Broken Angel game), second Lt. Ross, Rose, Sheska, and Winry will actually be in this because I need more girls to bother Edward in this chapter.
YAY! OH! And those of you, who LOVE my story, I'll update this faster then Edward when he is called small by a running man IIIIIIIIFFFFFFF… I get fan art for this story. I don't care who draws it, I don't care if what you draw is not a scene in the story but one from your own mind, I just want to see someone draw me a pregnant Edward! DO IT OR I WON'T UPDATE!!! (Does an Izumi kick to the wall)
By the way, tell me this people…
DO YOU ONLY LOVE ME FOR MY MPREG?!
…
…
And a hush falls over the crowd… hush.
Alright, warnings: Cussing from Edward, drag Edward, the homunculi appear, and some other stuff.
OHHHH!!!! MAJOR EDIT TO THIS AND STUPID SHIRT! Okay, I accidentally said Winry got Ed the stupid shirt when he was in his home town, but it was supposes to actually be bought during this chapter. Sorry about that. I just thought you should know…
ON WITH THE FIC!!!
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Edward's Knocked Up
(c) RiYuYami
Chapter five: Drag's Day Out
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After we brought those who spaced out back into this world (and snapped my spine in place after my 'hug' from the major), I had to explain everything that the doctor told me and about my… love life with Roy. When I finished my story, the room was quiet until…
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! You owe me two thousand bucks Havoc! I told ya that Roy and Ed would get together!" Hughes laughed his ass off, man he is loud and its worse since he was sitting right next to me too. He smiled and patted my back. "I am so happy for ya Edward! I bet you're going to be a great 'mommy' one day. And my dream of Roy being a family man has come true."
As Al and Falman had to hold down Roy from trying to turn Hughes into BBQ, Hawkeye sat down next to me and I actually saw her smile at me. "Congratulations Edward. I am very proud of you, may I…" Her eyes drifted toward my bump. I blinked and blushed.
"Sure, though only Alphonse and Roy have touched my tummy." I lifted up my shirt and I felt her warm hand on my stomach. She smiled at me and the room became quiet again as everyone watched.
"I hope your baby grows up to be very healthy and lives a long life. If you need any help with anything Edward, just ask. By the way, I'm guessing that you need a release form that will allow you time off. I shall get you one." She spoke as she left.
We all blinked and Havoc fainted again.
Man what a wimp!
(AN! I love Havoc very much, but DANG! He is easy to mess with. XD)
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"Hello Rockbell Automail Repair."
"Hi Winry."
"Ed? Are you ACTUALLY calling? What did you do now?"
"Why do you ALWAYS jump to the conclusion of me doing something?"
"Because you always do. Now what is it?"
"I'm pregnant."
"…"
"… Winry?"
"WHAT?! IS THIS A JOKE!!??" I pulled the phone away from my ear and I screamed back at her.
"DO YOU THINK I WOULD LIE ABOUT WHAT IS GOING ON IN MY LOWER BODY??!!"
"WELL YOU COULD BE MESSING WITH ME LIKE YOU DID WHEN WE WERE SIX AND YOU SAID YOU WERE GOT KNOCKED UP BECAUSE AL KICKED YOU IN THE BUTT AND YOU SAID THAT'S HOW PEOPLE GOT PREGNANT YOU IDIOT!"
"I WAS YOUNG AND I DIDN'T KNOW BETTER! TURNED OUT I HAD THE FLU AND AL'S KICK ONLY HURT FOR A FEW DAYS!"
"…"
"…"
"Sigh… So how far along are you?"
"About three months, more like ten weeks actually. I'm already showing and my doctor told me I would because of my… size… she also said I would find out the gender in a few weeks, most likely in the middle of my fourth months at the earliest."
"Well, I think you might need a bit of a woman's touch to help you with this whole ordeal. I'll try and get on the first train to Central."
"Great Winry, I'm glad both you and Teacher are going to help me through this because, let's face it, I freaked out during that time when Gracia was going into labor. Think what I'll do…"
"… Hmm… ERK! Scary thought! Scary thought!" I could tell she was making fun of me.
"Hmph!"
"Alright, I'll see ya soon Edward. Bye, oh and I'll bring automail to do some repairs! I'll even make it lighter so you won't stress yourself during your pregnancy!" She hung up before I could say anything. I looked at the phone with my mouth open and a disturbed looked on my face.
I slammed the phone on the receiver.
"I DON'T WANT ANY NEW FUCKING AUTOMAIL YOU CRAZY BOOB!"
CLANK!
I ended up with a frying pan thrown at my head from Izumi who just arrived two days ago and already she was hurting me. She kicked Al in the stomach when she arrived and sent Roy flying threw a window. Al, because he should have told her sooner, and Roy… well… she just does not like State Alchemist to much.
Lately, a lot of my friends have taken this whole thing well. But some I can tell are still not comfortable with a pregnant male. Havoc runs out of the room every time I come in because he fears that if I mess up on my alchemy that it might rebound and cause him to get pregnant. What a moron. Sheska went through every book in the library about babies just to see if it was even possible. Riza, actually, she took this quiet well. I like how she is helping me and stuff at work, and if anyone looks at me funny, she just pulls out her gun and they run off.
I told Rose and Armony about this too, both were pleased and wanted to visit and help. Why do all the girls want to help me? Gracia told me a lot of tips and her daughter was very happy about my baby, though she didn't understand where babies are normally suppose to come from and asked if her dad was the one who had her. I have never seen anyone turn so red in my whole life. Poor Hughes. Elicia said that she wanted to marry my baby to, saying that in this way she would be related to me. I pulled a Hughes and thought that what she had said was so cute.
Damn you mood swings! Damn you!
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(Regular POV, a week after Ed's call to Winry)
While Roy was at work for some stupid reason or another, Alphonse was cleaning the living room and Edward was screaming blood murder from the upstairs bathroom about how there was always carrots even if you didn't eat them or something like that, either way it was gross to hear the boy throw up what ever was in his stomach.
While Al was dusting the bookshelf, he heard a knock at the door. "Huh? Who could that be?" He wish he hadn't opened the door because before him was a small group of people he knew had a plan up their sleeves. At the door was Riza, second Lt. Ross, Rose, Armony, Winry, Sheska and Izumi and all of them had dark smiles on their faces that sent a freezing chill down Al's spine.
"Can I help you ladies?" He asked nervously. They all walked in and Armony was the first to speak.
"Why yes Al, you can help us. Where is your brother?" She asked sweetly while the others nodded. And right on cue, Edward came down the stairs. Only he looked like shit, he was pale, his throat was burning, he was shaking a little, drool poured out of the left side of his mouth, his tank top was slightly up so that it showed off his stomach, his eyes looked tired and his hair was everywhere. He turned to the people at the door and lazily waved at them.
"Eh." He spoke in a tired voice as he walked toward the living room and sat down, all the while pondering if it would be painful to have Scar blow up his head right now. Riza walked over and sat on the arm of the chair that Edward's butt was currently occupying.
"Edward, clean you mouth you're drooling, me and the other women here would like to do something for you." She spoke. Edward looked up at her and tilted his head slightly like a puppy being asked to sit.
"You want what now…" He spoke as he wiped the drool from his mouth.
"We want to take you shopping for clothing and baby items." Ross said with a smile as she rested her hand on her hips.
"Why?" Edward asked, pulling down his shirt once he realized it was up.
Rose rolled her eyes. "Because Edward, you need stuff for your child and bigger clothing."
"I'm not fat."
"We didn't say that bean sprout." Winry mocked and she got a death glare in return from the boy.
"I'm not short! And I don't want to go shopping, people will see me." Izumi stepped in and popped Edward on the head.
"You're going wither you like it or not! Girls! Get the stuff ready, we need to turn this boy into a girl." She smirked and now Edward was wide awake and trying to run like hell out of the house, but his plan was stopped when a few hands reached out and grabbed him.
Alphonse watched in horror as his big brother was being dragged, kicking and screaming, by a bunch of girls.
--
"You look great Ed!"
"I look stupid…"
"But you look good in the dress."
"I look like a drag queen…"
"Shut up and deal with it runt!"
"Yes madam…"
I was looking at myself in a full length mirror and I hated ever moral fiber in my very being right now. I was in a long-sleeved green dress with some white coat thing on over it, I had gloves over my hands to hide my automail one, my hair was down and somewhat held back with a green head band, I wore socks and slip-on shoes as well as a necklace.
The necklace didn't bother me to much because it looked like a green star, but the very fact that I was in women's clothing was scaring me. And the girls even had the nerve to make me wear eye line and lip gloss, which tasted like vanilla. But… this did work out okay because I didn't look like a pregnant boy anymore, but more like a pregnant teenage girl.
BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE IN A DRESS!
I looked at my reflection and could see Armony, Winry, Sheska, and Ross were trying hard not to laugh. Riza looked satisfied, same with Teacher and Rose was putting the make up away.
"Do I really have to do this?" I groaned as I looked at them.
Riza nodded. "Yes Edward, do you want people to become suspicious of your sudden change in appearance? Plus it would be best to lay low incase the homunculi or Scar try to find you as well."
She did have a point. "I guess I have to stay incognito then."
"Yep! Plus it's a great way to see you in something new Teach!" Armony smiled. Okay, NOW I know this was just to screw with me.
I growled and walked toward the door. "Fine! Let's just get this over with and I swear to God, if anyone finds out about this I'll kill you all!"
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"EVE?! You want to call me Eve!?" I screamed when we walked down the streets, probably getting some people's attention, if anyone was even around at the moment. Winry sighed and somewhat reached for the trusty screwdriver in her purse incase things got ugly.
"Well we sure as hell can't call you Edward now can we?" She eyed me.
"You could have at least picked something that was not biblical! I'm not religious, no offence Rose."
"None taken Edward." She smiled.
Izumi sighed and hit me again, knowing that she couldn't kick me into a wall despite how much she wanted to right now. "We just chose something at the last second now suck it up ya wimp."
"Yes Teacher…" This is going to be a long day…
We finally came to our first stop. It was a clothing store and we walked in, the girls pushed me toward the girls section so that we could look around the maternity area. While I was looking around, I notice some men looking at a pair of laced undies.
Pervs.
I continued to walk around, hearing my 'protectors' gab and make odd noises about some of the shirts and stuff not only in the maternity area but in the other clothes part as well. Women, how can people live with them?! They are such odd things, so frilly and stuff. (AN! You know what… I believe I just insulted my own gender…)
I came to a stop when I found some red shirts with a cat on them saying 'What are you looking at?' in black lettering. I thought it was cute and I bet Alphonse would like it to since the boy loves cats. I looked through and found one about two sizes bigger then my self and it was for four months and above so I could wear it soon. But then I notice a woman looking at me.
"Hello there young lady," I cringed a little at being called a lady. "Are you shopping for your mother?"
"No, I'm shopping for my self madam." I spoke coolly, trying not to make conversation with this strange woman; I noticed that she looked a little surprise.
"But your just a baby yourself, how old are you my dear, twelve, thirteen?" I twitched when I heard what she said and my automail hand, which I had covered in a glove, was squeezing the shirt rack arm, I could almost sense that I was denting the metal. I turned to her and angrily pouted.
"Madam, I shall have you know I am actually fifteen." I turned back to the shirts and saw their price, dang. Do I have enough to buy this? I reached for my wallet in the dress's pocket and I heard the woman talking to a man who looked as bored as I was with this woman.
"Dear, that little," LITTLE?! "girl right there is pregnant and I don't think she has enough money. Her wallet seems flat, most likely not getting enough money from her boyfriend. Give the little scank some money." Without them noticing, I bent the shirt rack arm that I was still holding on to. The man handed me a twenty and whispered something.
"Sorry about my wife, she has problems." I nodded and the man and his stupid wife left. Shoving the twenty into my wallet, I grabbed the shirt and I started looking at some black jeans near by, this is where Winry found me.
"Hey Eve, how you doing?" I frowned at her and turned.
"I'm fine, and please don't call me that."
"But we have too; remember you have to pretend to be a girl Ed. What do you have there?" She pointed to the shirt and the pants I was holding.
I blushed a little. "Oh, it's just a shirt and pair of pants that I picked out for when I'm a bit further along." She nodded and pulled out a shirt that she had in a bag that I noticed she was carrying.
"Here, I found this shirt. I thought you would like it because it's a plain red shirt for everyday wear." I looked at it and had the strangest feeling I would be reminiscing about that shirt later… (AN! BWAHAHA! That stupid shirt is back, but this won't be the last time you hear from it!)
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We came to a baby store and all around me were bright things that dazzled children and me for some reason, and there were so many things in there to see and touch. Riza and Rose had to keep me away from the baby toys that if you pushed a button on, they would light up and/ or make noises.
I… I had to push them… they made me smile… I… want to play with them…
Oh God, this must be what children think. (AN! Oh I've been there brother…)
We bought a few outfits and some small essential items, though the girls bought a lot more at the clothing store then they did here, I wonder why?
Must be a girl thing. Speaking of which, I got a lot of comments from people at the store saying that I was too young to be pregnant, that I was so young and still a kid and then some people had the nerve mention that my boyfriend didn't use protection! We didn't know any better! My God, I'm a guy and I wasn't aware of the whole rebound shit that Dr. Kurcka had said might have been the cause of this!
The world is a dark place, but the Gate is even darker…
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"EDWARD?! Are you in a dress!?"
"Shut up! I'm suppose to be incognito!"
"Really? Or is this just a new thing since you are part woman now?"
Roy was very surprised to see me wearing this silly outfit. I want to kill those girls! But, because of the mood swings, I actually staid calm, but I threw a shoe at the colonel for the stupid fucking smirk and his stupid fucking face.
We were back home and the girls were all in the living room showing what they bought to Al and the boys from work who came to bother Roy or something like that. But I didn't realize that someone was behind me, though I saw a frightened expression on Roy's face. I turned around slowly and saw none other then Major Armstrong behind me.
"Oh Edward! You look so lovely in that outfit, reminds me of my sweet little sister! And your hair is much more beautiful down and combed out; it's almost as beautiful to look at as my body!" I was grabbed into a hug and I was screaming for help. But the major let me go and I wasn't in pain like I normally was when he hugged me. I watched as he went back into the living room and began to make strange poses while comparing some of the stuff we bought to himself and his family.
Alphonse came into the kitchen with Goofy, his kitten, on his head and he was also holding that red shirt I got. "Brother, did you really pick this out?" He asked. I simply nodded and he smiled.
"Well, when you're done with it, can I have it?" He asked with large eyes. I nodded again and he squealed and ran off. Hughes was going over some of the outfits saying that he wished they had these when Elicia was a baby and I noticed that the people I know are crazy.
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(Regular POV)
Fuhrer President King Bradley walked down the corridors of HQ toward his office; once he was inside he locked the door and turned to the four other people in his room.
"Gentlemen and ladies, I have called you here today to discuss something shocking with you. Now, before I tell you, I have already told our master about this and she has ideas for our situation."
"Hurry up and get to the bloody point Bradley; I don't have time for this." The boy with green hair in a dreadlock style growled in annoyance while the thin, busty woman next to him spoke up.
"Envy, let him speak." Envy just pouted and turned back to the Fuhrer.
"Go on old man, hurry up and tell us this new news or whatever it is."
The man with the eye patched nodded. "It has come to my attention that the young Fullmetal Alchemist is expecting." The four others seemed surprised with this.
The fat blob-like male sitting on the floor looked up at the busty woman. "Lust? What does he mean?" Lust looked down at her companion.
"Gluttony…" She began but was interrupted by the other woman in the office, who was not dressed like the other three.
"It means that he is pregnant." She said calmly, though there was a dark look in her eyes.
"Thank you Sloth." Bradley nodded. Envy stood there with pure hatred in his face.
"YOU'RE LYING OLD MAN! The Fullmetal Runt can't have a kid! He is a male!" The thin boy screamed.
"I am not lying; his new form might be the cause of a rebound in his alchemy, most likely caused during his 'experiment' so many years ago." His eye turned to look at Sloth, who sat calmly at her desk.
"Well, what does Master have planned for him?" Lust asked.
"She wants him alive; his child could be the key to what we have been searching for so long."
TBC
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A lot of screaming in this chapter isn't there? YAY! Eleven pages! WOOT! Go Ri-chan and her low attention span! If you have any questions about anything in this chapter, just ask me okay? I think I miss spelled a few names in here.
Next chapter, Edward goes to the doctors again and another fight breaks out. The Homunculi are up to something and its starting to worry Ed that he hasn't seen them for a bit, plus another side effect starts for our main man in this story; the crave of the bedroom shuffle. Oh, and Scar appears for a brief moment or so and Roy has something planned.
Review or I'll have Freddie the Frog kick your ass! If you don't know who that is, then you really don't know British cartoons.
Yankees.
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A few more laughs:
"EDWARD?! Are you in a dress!?" Roy almost fell out of his seat as he looked at his pregnant boyfriend who was fuming. "Shut up! I'm suppose to be incognito!" He yelled. Roy just looked at him.
"Does this mean you will finally accept my idea of you in a mini skirt?"
A bitch slap from automail was all he got in response.