Chapter 4 - Bad dreams
Mulder couldn't sleep. He never could after having an argument with Scully. She used to make him sleep on the couch at home, if she was angry with him, but this time she had no choice, but to let him sleep next to her. She had her back turned against him and had fallen asleep several minutes ago. Mulder's heart was literally aching. He hated hurting the one person he loved the most. But he had needed to tell her what he was thinking. Bill was up to something and he just wanted Scully to know. But of course she had taken her brother's side. He was, after all, her family – and Mulder wasn't.
After hours of thinking and trying to fall asleep, Mulder finally succeeded. But he hadn't slept very long, when he was woken up by the sobs coming from Scully. First he didn't know what to do. Was she crying because of him? He had never made her cry before.
"I'm so sorry, Scully", he said laying a hand on her shoulder. "I won't say another word about Bill, ever again!"
"It's not your fault I'm crying, Mulder", she said as she rolled over on her back and faced Mulder, as she took the hand resting on her shoulder.
"Then what is it, Scully?" he asked as he rested on one of his arms, while he wiped the tears away from her cheeks with the other one.
"Just a bad dream", she answered as she tried to look away from his gaze. Even though she couldn't see his eyes in the dark, she couldn't look directly at them, while lying.
"That time a year, huh?" he asked, knowing very well what the matter was.
She didn't answer him. She didn't have to. She just pulled him close to her and cried on his shoulder till his grey t-shirt actually clung to his skin. As she was calming down and lay comfortably in his arms, he whispered softly in her ear:
"I miss him too, Scully. I miss him too".
The next morning Scully woke up in Mulder's arms. She was feeling safe, but still sad. She had thought spending the holidays with her family, would have cured her Christmas-blues. This time of year always made her have dreams about William, and therefore think about him, and therefore cry. The pain she still felt was unbearable, and if it wasn't for Mulder she didn't know how she would have gotten through the years. He was always there for her, even after that fight they had had. She loved him for that. She didn't want to think about the fight anymore. She needed him too much to think about that.
Now he was slowly waking up. He began to move beside her. She liked seeing him awake. As she looked up at his face, she found him still sleeping, but his eyes began to open. First he looked up in the ceiling. Then he realized he was being watched, so he turned his eyes towards Scully.
"Morning, sunshine", she said smiling towards him. He couldn't help, but smile back at her.
"Morning. Are you feeling better", he answered her a bit concerned.
"A lot!" she assured him. It was true. She did feel a lot better than last night. Of course she was still sad, but it was nothing compared to how she had felt, when Mulder tried to comfort her.
"That's good!" he stated, as he moved his eyes back towards the ceiling.
"You wanna get up, and get some breakfast? Maggie promised to make pancakes for the kids. Sure there's some for us to – if we hurry!" Mulder said.
"It's only 8. The kids aren't up yet!" she answered.
"Oh… then maybe we could help Maggie make pancakes." Mulder said eager to do something with Scully's family, to show her he cared.
"You really want to make breakfast? Well that's new!" Scully said surprised and in irony.
"Pancakes are my specialty", he joked.
"Then let's get it on, G-man", she still called him that even though actually wasn't one anymore. He didn't mind – actually it made him feel good, and Scully knew this.
When they came down to the kitchen only Maggie was up. She had only taken the eggs out the fridge.
"Morning. Need some help there? Mulder is very eager to help you cook", Scully greeted her mother.
"That would be very nice", she said as she laughed.
"I must be honest with you Mrs. Scully – I'm not that good in a kitchen, but I am a fast learner", he laughed back.
"Come on, Fox, no worries. Pancakes are easy. And you can call me Maggie", she stated as she pulled Mulder towards the kitchen counters by his wrist.
"Good luck!" Scully said in a sarcastic voice as she left the room.
"You aren't staying?" Mulder asked a bit disappointed.
"I thought I would take a quick shower before everybody gets up", she answered him in an explaining voice.
"That can wait, Dana! Come on, we're going to use the funny shapes", Maggie tried to convince Scully, like she was a ten year old.
"Yeah, Scully! I'm sure there's even little heart shapes", Mulder teased.
"Alright, you two! I'll stay!" Scully gave in.
Bill woke up 8.30, and thought the world was a beautiful place. He was really happy. He thought to himself how he had been smart enough to turn Dana and Mulder against each other. He knew how Tara hated it, when he talked about the evil mind of Fox Mulder, so he figured Dana would feel the same way, if Mulder talked about himself in the same way. At the same time he knew that Mulder never would think that Bill liked him, even if he was as nice to him as he could be. He knew he would be able to see the hate in his eyes and hear it in his voice, even though nobody else could. His plan was brilliant, and due to the argument he had heard last night, he didn't think it would be much longer until she got tired of him and his BS.
However, when Bill entered the kitchen he was caught off guard. He had never thought they would be so happy. He hadn't even thought they would want to be in the same room, let alone be laughing and throwing flower after each other, when his mother wasn't looking. These people certainly were different than him and his wife.
"Good morning, Bill", Maggie greeted.
"Good morning. So what are you making?" he asked.
"We're making pancakes for the kids. I accidentally promised it to them last night", Maggie said as she giggled.
"Smells good. I better go wake the kids then", he said and left the room.
As he left Scully looked at Mulder and smiled to show him she wasn't angry anymore. *Thanks* he mouthed her, and she blinked at him in return.
"Oh my God!" Maggie exclaimed, and made both Mulder and Scully jump.
"What is it?" Scully asked worried.
"Why on earth are you covered in flower", she asked seriously, however this made Mulder and Scully laugh so hard their eyes literally watered.
They were happy right now, and Scully enjoyed. Mulder enjoyed seeing Scully happy, and he was glad they spent Christmas with the rest of the Scully clan. He sure could do without Bill, but the rest of them he had really grown to love. He had known Maggie the longest, and even though she was a lot older now, and her hair was almost completely grey, he still couldn't help but see her like she was, the day Scully was returned after her abduction and her long coma. Never had he seen her happier. And he couldn't help to think about, that Scully looked a bit like the 'Maggie who had just got her daughter back', the day she had shown Mulder William. She too had looked so content and careless. Like if nothing evil could ever make it through to them. He remembered that he wanted to be a part of that, and he had been as his lips met Scully's in their first kiss, as something more than friends – even something more than lovers. They were parents. They still were, even if William couldn't be with them. He had never been angry at Scully for giving him up. He was only angry at himself for not being able to help her with the baby. He knew that if he hadn't left she wouldn't have needed to give him up. On the other hand they might all three be dead. He couldn't know. His thought often went on and on like this. He had had a lot of time to think, when he had been wanted by the Bureau, and had to keep in hide.
"What are thinking about, Mulder? You have hardly eaten any of your heart shaped pancakes!" Scully asked him when they were eating their pancakes. They had to eat the ones shaped like hearts, because the boys wanted those shaped like footballs.
"Oh, it's nothing, Scully! I just got lost in my thoughts, that's all", he said and giggled.
"Don't you think too much, Mulder! That usually leads to trouble!" Scully joked on a warning tone.
"I've never lead you in trouble, Scully", Mulder joked back pretending to be hurt.
"Oh, I'm sorry, Mulder. I know I'm the one who has led us into trouble so many times, I can't even count it. It was me who wanted to pursue all those weird mutants, which all tried to kill us. It was me who once pretended to be the deputy director of the FBI and it was me who once even assaulted an assistant director. I'm so sorry, Mulder! Can you ever forgive me?" she kept on.
"Well now, I'm not so innocent myself. Remember the time I shot my own partner! Or that time in medical school when I had an affair with that married…" that was all Mulder got to say, before Scully had hit him hard on his upper arm.
"Don't talk about that, Mulder! You're the only one I've ever told!" she reminded him seriously, but he just laughed. She couldn't help but laugh too.
"Oh, Scully!" he said out of breath.
"If you mention it again I will make you regret it!" she warned him.
"Really? Like you made Charlie regret yesterday? 'Cause I don't think it would work on me. Actually I thought that was pretty hot", he said teasing.
"You did, huh? Well then I'll just have to think on some other way to punish you. And be sure I'll figure out a way, Mulder", she said.
"I can't wait!" he said as he lifted his eyebrows, and made Scully roll her eyes at him.
Later that day Mulder and Charlie had just gone out to get some groceries for the ladies. Bill had been feeling sick and therefore stayed in bed most of the day. When they came back they were attacked by the three boys who wanted them to play basketball with them.
"I can't kids, I've promised to go pick up the Christmas tree", Charlie said sad.
"What about you, Uncle Mulder? Are you to busy too?" Chris asked as he put on his biggest puppy eyes and sounded really wounded. Both Matt and Nick looked at him the same way, and he felt cornered. As he looked up he saw Scully, and realized she had been watching, and was smiling at his defeat.
"No, I'm not too busy, actually. But don't think I'll take it easy on you, because you're just kids", he joked.
"Okay", all three boys replied.
As they played basketball outside, he could see that Scully was watching them from the window smiling. He was glad that she was happy again.
He was playing with Matt against Nick and Chris, and he was actually enjoying himself. It had been a while since he had played with anybody and he liked it. Most of the time he passed the ball to Matt, so he could shoot it.
Suddenly as Chris tried to block Matt, he accidentally knocked him over and Matt's face made contact with the ground. Mulder ran over to him at once, and saw the red mark forming on his forehead. The skin hadn't broken, but it had been quite a bump.
"Are you okay, Matt?" Mulder asked, as he carried the boy inside in his arms.
"I'm fine… I don't even bleed", he said as he touched his own forehead trying to feel the damage.
"I know, but we better get Aunt Dana to look at it", Mulder responded the boy seriously.
"But we were just having so much fun!" Matt complained.
"And we will again, after your aunt says you're fine, okay?" Mulder tried to calm him down.
"Yeah… I guess", Matt muttered.
When they came into the living room Mulder lay Matt down at the coach, but he quickly sat up.
"I'm fine, Aunt Dana! I'm just going to get a bruise like Uncle Mulder has", Matt complained and pointed at Mulder, who had forgot about his own bruise.
"Well I can't see anything wrong with you, Matt. But if your head begins to hurt or you feel nausea, you need to come in to me right away, okay", Scully said in her doctor voice.
"Sure, Aunt Dana", Matt responded glad.
Mulder was relieved Matt was okay. He had feared the worst. Scully could see the worry written all over his face, and thought to herself; He would have been the best father a boy could ever want. She had been thinking this the whole day, when she had seen him play basket with the boys, but now she couldn't help but think it again. She felt sorry she couldn't give him a child. But they already had a son out there somewhere. She knew that one day they would meet William again. Maybe not until they were all dead, but some day they would be reunited, and thought kept her going. Because even though she had her best friend, best partner and best lover in Mulder, she still missed her little boy every day. She knew Mulder felt the same way too.
A bit later Mulder came in with his cheeks all red from being outside. He sat down next to her at the table and kissed her cheek, even if the whole family was watching. He didn't care right now, he knew Scully needed it. He needed it. They looked at each other and somehow they knew what the other one was thinking. They smiled, when they heard the three boys trying to suppress their laughs as they kissed. Nothing could ever come between them, and nothing could ever separate them. Unfortunately Bill wasn't aware of this, and even though he had been feeling sick, he had had the time to invite a special dinner guest.