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Blue October-Amazing
Um...I have no explanation for the last chapter- except...my nightmare are kinda like ...eh. That was kinda half baked.
Thank you for bearing with me here while I collect my muzzy thoughts.
Oh...anyone watching season seven yet...any reations to the Premire- please, please, please post it on the forum: MoRe so does exist(is it sad that my brain is not cooperating with me to recall the name of my own forum) I'm the one to blame if there's some catastrophic error in this story.
Thank you in advance for your time.
Reviews are greatly appreciated.
How am I supposed to breathe?
Reid wakes- screaming; his voice raw under the strain. He grips the sheets, white-knuckled grip as he tries to find his breath again. His eyes rove the darkness.
He's in his room.
At his home.
He's safe.
He's...
not alone.
I try to relax.
I touch your still frame
So I can watch you closer
And study the ways
I believe I belong to you... to you
"Reid, you alright?" Morgan's grainy voice fills the dark room as Reid shoves himself up, scrubbing his hand over his face.
"M-fine." Reid murmurs, pulling the sheets around him- the darkness folding over his line of vision.
Morgan makes his way, sitting on the edge of the bed.
The bed creaks at the added weight, Reid brings his knees to his chin, peering up at Morgan shakily.
Morgan's mouth is set in a line, scanning Reid's face- Reid swallows hard.
It's too much.
And he wants to tell Morgan but he just...doesn't know where to begin.
so i.. I scratch at your waist line...
your doll hair
I dig up the thought
of how your eyes glow
Morgan sighs.
"Was it a nightmare?" Morgan's voice low, rumbling. Reid shakes his head. Yes.
"Can you turn on the light?" Reid's voice trembling. Morgan nods,placing a steadying hand on Reid's knee- reaching over to pull the cord of the desk side lamp.
Light filters through weakly, yet still casting an amber pallor.
"I just can't..." Reid tries.
Morgan settles next to Reid again.
So I make you my religion,
my collision,
my escape goat
So have I found your secret weak spot, baby?
" I didn't mean to..." Reid's face blazes with shame once again.
Morgan frowns.
'"Reid, I know you didn't mean to go that deep. I get it. It helped at first, right?"
"Yeah...I mean it was better than drugs. It's just- I went too far." Reid shivers as he studies Morgan's pensive face.
Can you pretend I'm amazing?
I can pretend I'm amazing...
"It's just that with the drugs- nothing mattered. It was just- I lost myself for awhile. And I need to loose myself now.
Emily's gone- and there's so much...wrong. I'm wrong. I can't-
And I thought if I could get rid of some of the pressure, I'd be okay. And I'm...not."Reid stares down at the bandage on his arm, thinking of the fifty-four stitches holding his skin...tissue...muscle together. Black, crooked, ugly.
"I was thinking about how if I went back to the drugs, it could wash me clean for awhile...i could just float and forget; but then I saw your face in my head and I just can't.
I CAN'T! I'M WEAK! I'M SO FUCKING WEAK!" And the tears well up getting caught in his throat...and this broken sound leaks out as he tries so hard to hold on to himself.
Instead of what we both know
I cut to the punch line baby
"Reid- It's okay. Morgan pushes himself up on the bed, pulling Reid into the tightest embrace. Reid takes all that Reid gives him.
"You're going to be okay- it's behind you. We're here now."Morgan rests his chin on Reid's shoulder as Reid curls into him.
"Pretty boy- you don't give yourself credit- you're stronger in ways I can't even comprehend." Morgan murmurs into Reid's skin.
Reid hiccups softly as he breath hitches.
Can we pretend I'm amazing
Instead of what we both know
There's so much pain. And Reid wants to believe Morgan. Morgan wouldn't lie to him. Never.
"It just hurts so much." Reid whispers.
"I want to fix what I can't. I wanted to help my mother. I wanted to bring my father back. I wanted to make Gideon stay. I wanted Emily to be alive. I want you to love me." Reid pulls back from Morgan's touch- he tries to slip out of the bed- but Morgan grasps his good arm.
"Reid?"
And Now our history is for sale
And for that I apologize
You see you're my only know how
Reid's heart tears at the walls of his chest, trying to break free from the panic.
Setting his friendship ablaze.
"Please." Reid squeezes his eyes tight, trying to stop the room from spinning. Trying to focus on anything other than the warmth of Morgan's body, the strength of his hand...the fact that he'll never have what he wants. He has resigned to this fact a long time ago. He is the mutation that needs to be eradicated. He is the screw up...the weakness. He deserves nothing.
The study of when I believed I belonged to you.. to you
You see I've made you into something more delicious,
My sweet ghost
So have I found your secret weak spot, baby?
"Reid? Look at me." Morgan demands. Reid stares at his lap instead.
Morgan will have none of that, his fingers lifting Reid's chin, focusing Reid's gaze solely on him.
"Reid-is that what's bothering you right now?"Morgan's voice level as Reid grits his teeth.
"Does it matter? It's the little things...the big things...just- everything's bothering me right now, because I don't know how to deal." The rising panic washes over him. Morgan was never supposed to know. This hurts so freakin' MUCH- Reid doesn't know what to do with the invisible pain.
"Spencer..."Reid stills at the use of his first name, attention slowly drawn to Morgan.
"I want you to know that you don't have to do this alone. I might not understand everything that's going on in that big ol' brain of yours, but I'm here in whatever form you need me to be." Morgan runs slow circles in the back of Reid's hand; Reid looks down-lost in thought.
A small smile tugs on the corner of Morgan's lips as Reid nods his head, turning his hand to where he can hold Morgan's hand in his own.
He looks up to catch Morgan staring intently. Morgan chuckles- raising to kiss Reid gently on the lips-skin soft,sweet...perfect. Reid closes his eyes lost in the simple gesture- a spark fizzing between them as their hearts pound solid beat against temples and ribcages.
Reid sighs as Morgan pulls back, a full smile behind his eyes. Reid blushes deep and Morgan presses hims against the mattress.
"I love you too Reid." Morgan says simply as Reid studies him in wonder.
"Thank you." Reid says as he turns on his side to face Morgan. Morgan skates his fingers over Reid's jaw, Reid shivers at the touch.
"We can talk about this in the morning- I promise." Morgan whispers as he lay his head against Reid's chest.
They never knew how amazing it would be to give in.
A/N: So I never told you guys the reason for the whole Blue October post, have I?
Well...it just so happens that Blue October is coming to my city...not terribly far from my house in fact...and I can't go.
This will be their third appearance at the waterstreet music hall...and I have not gone to one. So I am consoling myself by listening and memorizing all the songs I enjoy from their past albums.
Any who...thank you all for the support- it means so much- you guys truly are AMAZING!
In all honesty- without you guys, none of this would be possible-thank you.