Chapter Four
It had been at least a day since I collapsed. I was only aware of the changing light outside the big window walls. I wasn't hungry, I wasn't tired, it was like I didn't exist; I felt like I was standing outside of my body, watching myself be absolutely pathetic.
Come on Bella. This will solve nothing. Get up!
I knew that my mind was right, how was this making anything better?
I steadied my hands on the floor and pushed myself up, almost stumbling into the black iron bedframe. I wandered around the cold, abandoned house. Everything was still here; the computers, the furniture. I touched Edward's grand piano, letting my fingers feel its texture; it was cold and hard. I sat down on its low bench and pressed the keys. A sweet pitch filled my ears, reminding me of my lullaby. I couldn't believe all of this was really happening to me. And most of all, I couldn't believe that I brought it upon myself. I could be completely happy right now; In Edward's arms, holding his stone jaw in my hands.
A burning desire filled my stomach, it was an intense longing. I got up and ran over to Esme's laptop that was perched on the glass coffee table; it was still on. I searched for anything that would reveal where they had gone, but there was nothing. I opened her emailing program, not sure what I was going to find. I scrolled through her list of contacts, they were categorized:
Work
Friends
Family…
I knew which one I needed. I found a pen and paper and took down the email addresses I needed. I took Carlisle's, Alice's, and of course, Edward's. I was about to get up when I heard a ping come from the computer; there was a new email. I clicked on it.
From: Alice Cullen
Subject: What are you doing?
Date: 3 March 9:41AM
To: Esme Cullen
Dear Bella,
I don't think Esme would appreciate you being on her laptop, or breaking into our house. Please, go home.
I didn't know whether to respond or cry. I decided to take the first option.
From: Esme Cullen
Subject: ALICE!
Date: 3 March 9:45AM
To: Alice Cullen
Oh Alice! You don't even understand what I have been going through. Please, tell me where you guys are. I'm a mess.
-Bella
A minute later there was a response.
From: Alice Cullen
Subject: You're a mess?
Date: 3 March 9:47AM
To: Esme Cullen
You have the nerve to say that? You don't even know what we've been dealing with. Mr. Mopey hasn't left his room since we got here. Bella, you made your choice. Don't hurt Edward any more than you already have. Now go home. Charlie is frantic, I saw him calling around town looking for you.
So Edward was a mess too? This made me feel even worse. I needed to find out where they were.
From: Esme Cullen
Subject: Where are you?
Date: 3 March 9:50AM
To: Alice Cullen
Alice, please, where are you guys?
-Bella
It was a plea; I hope she could hear how desperate I was.
I sat for a minute, waiting for a response. I didn't hear the next ping until nearly 10 minutes later.
From: Alice Cullen
Subject: This is not Alice anymore
Date: 3 March 9:59AM
To: Esme Cullen
Bella, go home to Jacob.
-Edward
Holy Crow it was Edward.
From: Esme Cullen
Subject: (None)
Date: 3 March 10:01AM
To: Alice Cullen
I don't want Jacob.
-Bella
I felt queasy as I sent it, not sure how he would respond. I waited and waited, but I never got anything back.
I got up off the couch and placed the laptop back on the coffee table, unsure of my next move. I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and turned it on; I had 20 new voicemails. Half were from a frantic Charlie, threatening to call the cops; the other half was a furious Jacob Black stating that I better not be with Cullen.
I called Charlie first; he picked up on the second ring.
"Isabella," he sighed in relief.
"Sorry Char- err, dad. I'm safe." I wasn't sure if that was true or not.
"I'm trying so hard not to yell at you right now Isabella. Tell me where you are."
I had to think of the perfect lie; I blurted out the first thing that came to mind.
"I was at Angela's. I stayed the night. I needed some girl time."
I heard my dad breath heavily on the other line.
"Don't give me that crap Bella. I called their house last night to see if you were there."
"Oh," it was all I could say.
"You're there aren't you?"
I knew what he was referring too. And he knew my answer by the silence.
"God dammit Bella! You had me so scared. What the hell did you think you would find?"
"I-I just had to be sure he was really gone. I didn't know if this was all real or not…"
I let my voice trail off, and I heard Charlie sigh again.
"Please come home." I could hear how worried he was.
I mumbled "okay" into the phone and then hung up. Poor Charlie, I had put him through enough.
I got up and walked out of the great room, into the hallway. I rounded the corner and then collided head first into a tall, dark figure.
"Jacob," I gasped.
"I cannot believe you. I knew I would find you here."
Jacob held onto me, giving me a much needed hug; my tears started again.
"I'm so sorry. I just….well he's gone."
Jacob's face was smooth, but I could see pain in his eyes. He didn't say anything; he just held me tighter and kissed my hair. I stood with him for a long time, just embracing each other.
"I remember when he left you in the woods last September, and we had to look for you. I thought you were dead, Bella. So when Charlie called me last night and said you hadn't come home and that Edward had left, again,I just, couldn't bare it," he instinctively squeezed me tighter. "I couldn't even entertain the idea of losing you."
While Jacob was pouring his heart out, I was thinking about Edward. I was so selfish. I shoved Edward out of my brain and looked up at Jacob; his face was crippled with pain.
I would never love Jacob like I did Edward, but I loved Jacob enough to not want to see him in pain. Edward wasn't coming back, and Jacob was all I had left. He was the one that I, for some reason, chose. I had spent all my time regretting my choice, when I should have just appreciated how much me wants me. I reached up and intertwined my fingers in his choppy black hair. I kissed him with as much force as possible, throwing my whole body into it. Jacob wrapped his arms around my neck and kissed me back; this time I really wanted him. I pulled his shirt off and pressed myself against his burning skin. I wasn't done sulking, but right now I needed to make Jacob happy. And as we continued our activities here on the floor in the Cullen's hallway, I heard the laptop ping.
So my loves, I'm on school vacation, so you won't have to wait a long time for the next chapter.
I'm thinking Edward POV soon? It's definitely a possibility.
You must review to let me know how I'm doing!
Thanks guys x
Xoxo Lea
Ps: Sorry this chapter is so short, trust me, they will get longer!