CHAPTER 4
The day of the wedding approached quickly, and Bella was strangely calm. She would lie by me at night, talking nonsense and kissing me senseless, and by day, she would disappear for hours on end with Alice. It was only her to blame, of course. Alice would steal her for hours and when Bella came back, she'd be exhausted.
We fought more than once after we returned from Seattle. She found out what Charlie and I had talked about when I went back.
"You lied to me, though!" she screamed.
"No, I did not lie. I just thought it was unnecessary for you to know!" I retorted angrily, pinching the bridge of my nose between thumb and forefinger. She stressed me out to the point we'd start screaming horrible stuff to each other, and when I would see the look in her eyes when I said, "This is such a big mistake." I'd try to comfort her, but naturally, she would push me away.
Today was another one of those days and the nagging surety of my plan became more pronounced every minute. What choice did I have? Isaac had more than once tried to convince me that all my planning and resolving would be useless.
Bella slumped on the bed, head in hands and I sat next to her, my back stiff with annoyance. Everything had been fine when she was human, but now that she is one of us, something else had changed. Not only her looks and the fact that she was stronger now than she ever wanted to be, but something in me changed, too. I love her, but something made me scared she did not love me back.
I inched closer to Bella and ran the tip of my nose down her jaw line. She shivered and hugged me tight, whispering, "Don't go, don't leave me. I didn't mean anything of what I said. I'm sorry." And I silenced her with a kiss. Sighing, she kissed me back and I knew we were both forgiven.
"We have to stop these foolish quarrels, Bella." I whispered, as we stopped kissing long enough to catch some air. She nodded and rested her head on the crook of my neck, sending my heart into overdrive. I saw her lips flicker into a smile and I scowled. It was easier when she was the human, and I could tease her about all the flaws a human may have. Like the insistent blushing, the sound of her heart beating fast when I approached, the sound of it so louder to us vampires than to them human.
But an old 'friend' made me do the one thing I never wanted to do. Destroy the human Bella and turn her into a monster just like me.
I kissed her once more before I heard the front door open and close, the voices of my family flying up the stairs. I stood up and changed quickly, heading quickly to greet my family from their two-day hunting trip. Bella had never had the strong need to hunt we all experienced as new borns. In fact, she was hardly ever thirsty. She could go on for a few months without satiating her thirst whereas we could hardly go one a few weeks without harming ourselves.
The new Bella scared me. She was nothing Carlisle had told me she could be. It was great but somehow terrifying, for we didn't know when she might snap and the urge for blood may overtake her reasoning.
"You don't have to put a brave face on, Bella. The urge of drinking blood is natural." I had tried to coax her into drinking but she pulled a face and replied curtly,
"I'm not. I just really don't feel the need. Trust me, Edward." And, strangely, I did. I trusted her with my very existence, and I trusted her more than my family. Was this wrong? Probably. Nevertheless, I couldn't get enough of her. Her difference from us was fascinating, and her love for me never ceased. I would envelope her in my arms and that would make her face ache form smiling. It had always been her dream, to stay a whole day with me, not fearing that I might attack her any second, not fearing that I might crash her fragile body in my over strong arms.
But the power with which I loved her scared me. It was normal for us to love someone, but Carlisle had once noted that I was too scared, too vulnerable to let her go. I should've done that before things between us got too serious, but I decided to stay, and more than once endangered my angel.
Bella rushed after me, and Alice sprung at her happily. I greeted my father and we disappeared into his office, where he most probably wanted to talk to me about our plan.
"I don't think I can do this, Carlisle. It's too hard for me to stay away from her two hours let alone an indefinite time!" I hissed, softly closing the door behind me. Carlisle sighed and slumped in his chair, his gold eyes dimming with concern. I hoped Bella was not listening on, and I knew she wouldn't. She had always respected my father and my conversations. I would never shut her out from anything, unless my father required so. I leant heavily on the doorframe, waiting for his accusing response.
"Edward, I love you as one of my own sons, but you remaining here is not only endangering Bella's life, but your families too . . . the last thing I wish is for you to go, but we don't have a choice. You know what you are, and we know that your temper is unrestrainedly, and that the day you'll snap, you might take someone down with you . . ." he trailed off meaningfully and I knew he had won. Closing my eyes, I covered them with my shaking hand.
My life, my love. I was going to abandon her. How could I? I was a lying, deceiving monster! How could I break her heart like this? Carlisle seemed to understand what I was going through since he stood up and wrapped his fatherly arms around me. If I could cry, I would've right then. The thought of leaving . . .
"When should I tell her?" I asked, pushing him away roughly. Carlisle staggered back and told me when.
Tormented, I left the room and hurried to Bella, who was laughing at something Alice had said.
Kissing her neck, I guided her back to our room, with a thoroughly fake smile.