The wind blew cold, the smell of snow sweetening the air. It was February and although the month had been bitter cold, not much snow had fallen. The curls of her hair blew all around her, parting to show the shorter lengths of hair that fell halfway down her neck. The hair that had been shaved off kept time for him. One inch a month, it grew. Four inches since she'd been shot. She clutched his hand tight as they walked across the green lawn. She'd been silent for most of the ride. Studying and memorizing their way to the cemetery.
Kate wasn't sure why she'd made this sudden request. She just knew she wanted to see a part of the woman who had changed and shaped her life in so many ways. "She's just up ahead," Castle said, motioning off into the distance. He spoke of Johanna Beckett as if she was still alive and just waiting on a bench or something for them to visit.
Her father had shown her a picture of her mother. They looked so much alike. He slowed their pace as they approached the grave. Kate stared at the engraved headstone, eyes moving over the letters that made of her mother's name. The date she had been born. The day she had died. A line signifying the time in between. Vincit omni a veritas. She moved her lips silently as she read those words. Truth conquers all. She knew her mother's story. Johanna Beckett had been a lawyer. Fought for justice. Inspired her daughter to the same and while originally, Kate had been on the same path as her mother, death had changed her way. Not her destination, just the way in which she achieve it. Instead of a court room, Katherine Beckett fought for justice in a room with a table and two chairs, often with little to go on. Outwitting, outsmarting,outworking to find the truth hidden in the lies and deceit.
She heard soft steps behind her and turned to see Castle hanging back. Close enough to remind her that he was there. Far enough to give her space. "These words are so familiar," she said softly. Castle's eyes closed for just a moment.
"Those words helped define you," he said, "Almost just as much as her death." Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a necklace with a small charm on the end. A smooth metal plate with those words engraved on them.
He handed it to her, watching as she examined it. "What's this," she asked, looking back up at him. Puffs of white air escaped her mouth as the air grew colder around them.
"Your birthday present," he said, "I didn't get a chance to give it to you." She handed the chain back and lifted her hair, allowing him to clasp it gently around her neck. Lowering her hair, she looked down, fingering the charm gently.
"Can we stay a bit longer," she asked, tugging her coat closer.
"As long as you would like." He smiled and walked over to a nearby bench, sitting and keeping an eye on the woman kneeling before her mother's grave and whispering to her softly.
They stayed for about an hour then left, Kate wrapping her arm through Castle's and hugging his body for warmth. They had a quick lunch at a local deli before returning to the loft. Kate quickly shed her clothes and went to take a warm bath. He brought her a glass of wine and pressed a kiss to her temple before leaving her to read in peace. The love of bath, reading and wine still remained one of her favorite things.
He quickly made lasagna after checking all of his messages. Two from Gina, hounding him for his latest chapter. One from Kate's father, checking in. The last from Alexis, letting him know she would be home for dinner.
Just as the lasagna slid into the oven, the front door opened and shut, followed by the usual frenzied gust of his daughter. "Hey Dad," she said, standing on tip-toe to give him a kiss on the cheek. "Kate here?"
"In the bath," he said, "We went to see her mother today." At first, Alexis had found it strange that he spoke of Kate's mother as if she were alive. Like the visit had been a quick stop over on the way to somewhere else. It was never "we went to her mother's grave" or "we stopped by the cemetery". Now, it was a part of their everyday life. Or had been, before Kate had been shot.
First Saturdays had been breakfast at Deke's down on the corner, then a stop at Francesca's for flowers. Time spent at the cemetery varied. If the week had been long and tough, Kate would kneel in front of the grave for hours, hands idly picking at weeds as she talked. Sometimes, the visits were short and Kate would laugh, telling her mother some story of something Ryan and Esposito had done or a mess Castle had made. But always,Castle was there. No matter if the conversation ended with a tear rolling down her cheek if laughter still lit up her, he was there with a warm hug and a kiss. Afterwards, they usually wound up getting ice cream or coffee. The weather determined where they would go. And always, she would pick. He tried to give Kate so much, but with publishing books or working to solve a crime, it seemed there was never enough time he could devote just to her. The first Saturday of every month. That was her day. Where they would only do what she wanted. Second Saturdays were his, the third Alexis'. And without fail,the First Saturdays became a day for Johanna Beckett as well.
Castle shook himself out of his thoughts and reached for the tomato, slicing it for the salad. Next to him, Alexis made a dressing. It never ceased to amaze him how in sync they seemed to work. "How're classes," he asked, breaking the comforting quiet.
"Good," she said, "Register for Fall in a couple of weeks. Looking at an off campus apartment with friends on Thursday." She gave him a look for him not interfere before the words could even leave his mouth. He returned the look and she broke off first, laughing and shaking her head. For all of his childish ways, he is her father and always would be. Time would never change that, nor stop his worry.
Dinner finished just as Kate emerged, hair damp and wrapped in a messy bun, oversized t-shirt and leggings. She gave Alexis a tight hug, then accepted more wine for her glass from Castle before sitting down to eat.
After dinner, Alexis went upstairs to study and Castle put the dishes on to wash before joining Kate on the sofa. Already, she was half asleep. Between the wine, the walking and emotional upheaval of the day, Castle was surprised she wasn't sound asleep. With a soft hum, she shifted, allowing him to slide onto the couch next to her. Pulling her knees in closer and leaning more into him, she felt all of the strain and tension leave her body. This was her favorite part of the day. Her and him on the couch, sometimes the crackling of the fire or soft music filling the air of the apartment.
"Tell me the story of our first kiss." And with that sentence came a flood of memories. Wet silk, damp hair. Perfume lingering at the edge of his senses. Smooth skin, goose pimpled from the cool air of the apartment. Hard wood pressed under his palm, later soothed by the lace of her bra.
"We had a few first kisses," he replied, "There was one that was used for distraction and another that was our first real kiss."
"Tell me about the distraction one first," she said, resting her head against his neck. "We'll get to the lust one later." He smiled, then sobered, reaching to pull the blanket around her.
"We were on a case and needed to sneak past this guard," Castle said, "I, of course, was the one with the idea. You acted like you were drunk and then, when he started our way, you grabbed my hand and then I kissed you. Then of course, you hadn't had enough you kissed me back."
"I…kissed you," she said, raising her eyebrow. "Why am I surprised by that?"
"Probably just as surprised as the guy you knocked out afterwards," he said, grinning. She laughed and her hair, now dried in soft, natural waves covered her eyes. Her laughter died down and she turned, biting her lip and pushing the hair from her eyes.
"Tell me about our first real kiss," she said, the hint of her smile still on her lips. She felt him stiffen, then relax. The smile faded from her face at his reaction. She'd played out their first real kiss in her mind so many times, but never had she imagined that he would react like this. She opened her mouth to question, but stopped when he reached out a cupped her cheek gently, fingers weaving through her hair.
"We fought just before," he said softly,"You found out that I had been meeting with someone involved in your mother's case and was beyond angry. I was desperate for you to stop, wanted to do everything to protect you, but it had all somehow got out of control. You stormed out, ending up chasing the guy on top of a roof. He kicked you over the ledge and if weren't for Espo, you would've fallen. I was at Alexis' graduation, pretty sure I would never see you again. We were both so angry at each other." He paused, gathering his thoughts once more. "You came to me that night, after being at our playground and walking through the rain. You knocked on the door and right after I answered, you were kissing me. Not a bad kiss, if I do say so myself." She pulled away and rolled her eyes, hitting him softly in the shoulder.
"I'm guessing you forgave me," she said, moving to straddle his lap.
"More like we forgave each other," he said, resting his hands on her thighs. "Two way street, you know." She hummed softly, then cupped his face gently. Leaning down, she pressed her lips to his, allowing herself to feel his kiss. The first real time for her. The thousandth time for him. But, no matter how many kisses had been exchanged, every kiss and every touch only served to make them stronger, together.
"Take me to bed," Kate whispered, closing her eyes as his lips trailed down her neck.
He pulled away and studied her. Lust glazed her eyes. A vein throbbed with anticipation at the juncture of her neck, still wet from his kisses. "I'll take you to bed," he said, "But there won't be any sex…at least not yet." He felt her shrink back in rejection and put a hand on her back, pulling her close to his chest. Her forehead hit his neck and he felt her clutch his shirt in her hand.
"I want you to know what it's like to be loved. And even if you don't remember, I want you to have zero doubt as to what you're feeling" he said softly. "I love you, Kate. Deep down, I think you know that. Have known that since the moment you woke up, but this was big. It took a big part of you away and while I miss the old Kate, I love this new Kate just as much, if not more. So, for now, we wait."
"I'll never remember," Kate said, frustration showing in her voice, "So what's the point in waiting?"
"I promised you once and I promise you again," he murmured. "We'll make new memories and the next time you ask me to take you to bed, I won't say no. I promise. I waited five years to make love to you. I'll wait another five or however long it takes." He pressed a kiss to her temple and she closed her eyes. The next time she asked, he wouldn't say no. And even though she wanted so bad to ask again, she didn't. He was right. She cared for him, of that there was no doubt. She felt him press another kiss to her temple, then shift to capture her legs in his arms and carry her to the bedroom. Always soft and always gentle, he lay her down then changed for bed. The sound of him getting dressed for bed mixed with the cologne left on the sheets enveloped her and lulled her into a deep sleep.