Sorry it's been a while but I have just started Certificate 2 in IT at TAFE. So just warning you now that it might slow me now in the future. Hopefully you enjoy this chapter.

Disclaimer: I do not own Torchwood as it's owned by The BBC.

Also Mortok I knew that Torchwood was an anagram of Doctor Who as that name was used for Tapes of the new Doctor who so people wouldn't steal the tapes from the office.

Chapter Four

The voices inside my head

I asked David and Kate to leave while I tried to gather my thoughts. I really wanted to be alone and away from the world. Kate was reluctant to leave, her piercing blue eyes giving out the message that she wanted to stay with me and help through the emotions. She really didn't understand while I looked so upset, she didn't know that I had even slept with this person. All she knew was that I was upset. David gently took Kate by the hand and led her to the door. They both bid me farewell and left me to be alone in the misery of my small flat. I sat on the sofa and stared blankly at the television, I didn't want to turn it on as the blackness of the screen symbolised the darkest thoughts that swirled around my head. I felt dead inside but was alive and weak.

I left the lounge room and made my way to the second bedroom that I rarely entered unless I wanted to listen to music. I had put my stereo system in there when I had first moved in two years ago. Also there was a big mirror on the wall that the previous owner had left behind as she didn't want it anymore. I had decided to keep it as I kind of liked it with its gold leaved edging and that it could cover an entire wall. A mirror could tell what a person was really like as it showed the true form of the person who stood in front of it.

I stood in front of the mirror and looked at the sight in front of me. The darkness under my eyes stood out as the symbol of the lack of sleep that I've been getting. Even though I went to bed at eleven the tossing and turning would begin about midnight with the voices in my head. They would start to taunt and call out to me in the dark, I would scream into the darkness until I gained control of the voices and they would simply go away. I always cried myself to sleep very night as a way to make the voices stop, the song Creep by Radiohead was a big help in this, the song would start in my head when I wanted to get to sleep and by the end of the song I would be asleep and in tears. The lyrics about a great relationship where the man feels undervalued always made me cry, the lead singer Thom Yorke wrote the most haunting lyrics that left you dark, depressed and alone. Isolation was a big part of my life even if it didn't look or feel like it, but it seemed to be my best friend when I was in the darkness. My brown hair looked untidy as it always did, I didn't like to style it, too weird.

Thinking back to my fling with Robert Locker, it had been a joyous time. He was two centimetres shorter than me and liked being shorter for some reason. He was twenty five years old. He had short copper coloured hair, dark blue eyes that were looked almost grey if you looked really hard at them, he always wore t-shirts with rock bands on them as he wanted to get away from the suits that his father made him wear in church and various dinner parties. He was a rebel who wanted to get away from the rich lifestyle and wanted to live a life of his own. He had achieved this by moving away from his London apartment which he shared with his sister and moving to a smaller apartment near Cardiff bay. He hadn't seen his family in five years and had no plans whatsoever to ever go back to the rich lifestyle. Robert Locker was the closest thing to love that I had for a while now; I had never fallen in love before, so it was great to feel those feelings every time I talked to him on the phone, danced with him in a nightclub or had coffee with him. It was only a false feeling though as we both decided to end it because of the fact we were so fucking close to love. I thought back to when we last together here about eight weeks ago when I showed him my flat for the first time.

"Blimey you live in a small flat" he smiled

"Steady on, yours isn't that big either" I teased

"Well it's smaller than what I used to live in" He said as he sat down on the sofa

"Coffee?" I asked him

"No thanks, I rather have you"

I started to cry in front of the mirror, oh god that had been a great day, we did have coffee after I persuaded him to wait, but afterwards, oh afterwards! Just thinking about it makes me cry or when I'm on a bus, smile and laugh out loud that people look at me. It was obsession and lust from that night that had kept us together. Even now as I stood in front of the mirror in tears I wanted to feel his body up against mine, his soft lips kissing my lips, my chest and some other place that would really make you blush if spoken about. If only I could turn back the clock and start it all over again. I wiped the tears from my face and left the room.

Later that night

"Jubilee Pizza, how may I help you?"

This was the same old routine that happened every night at Jubilee Pizza. Colin our supervisor would pick up the phone, get the orders, the chefs would make the pizza, and then the delivers would go out and deliver the pizza. This meant a lot of waiting around but it can be a lot of fun if you know how to entertain yourself.

"Ok, an order for Ianto Jones, two large pizzas, one meat lovers and the other Hawaiian" Colin's voice yelled.

I smiled as he yelled those words. It would be another trip to the old tourist centre to deliver pizza. Well at least it would keep my mind off Robert's disappearance, I had tried to keep it out of my mind but nothing had seemed to work. I couldn't read the paper, the television was going nuts and there were whispers on the street. It seemed that the whole city was talking about Robert's disappearance, bloody media!

"Hello Peter, feeling better?" Kieran Davison asked me as he sat down

"Yeah much better thanks" I smiled as I turned to look at him.

Kieran Davison was one of the pizza delivery boys. He was Welsh and had grown up in Cardiff. He had short blonde hair, blue eyes, was a bit taller than me and clean shaven. He was wearing the normal Jubilee Pizza polo shirt and blue jeans. He was 27 years old and had only been working at the pizza shop for five months. I didn't know that much about him as he kept to himself most of time. He didn't really like talking to anyone except for me.

"I heard about Robert, terrible business, you must be devastated" Kieran said as he picked up the paper

"I'm...ok I guess" I looked at him. How did he know about us? I had never told a single soul not even my neighbours.

"You're thinking how can I possibly know that, aren't you?" Kieran looked up from the paper.

I nodded and went back to staring at the clock. That clock would have to be my life saver as there was only ten more minutes until the pizzas would be ready to be delivered. Kieran could freak out anyone; he had even proven it on his first day when he freaked out Chloe before she went out to deliver.

"The real question you should be asking is who was the man in the alley way?" Kieran whispered into my ear

I shivered; I never knew why I let myself talk to him. He always seemed to know a lot about you as I had heard from my other colleagues. He always seemed fine to me until now but that could have been his charm, to get under your skin.

"How could you possibly know about the man who was in the alleyway? I whispered back

"Clarkson, delivery for Jones, old tourist centre now" Colin's voice yelled from the counter.

I ran from my seat, took the pizzas and put them into the bag. I left the shop and made my way to the old tourist centre. It was of course located behind the Millennium Centre and I seemed to always make a trip there nearly every night. I never seemed to mind as I found it better to walk than take one of the scooters. Kieran's words were going through my head, how could he possibly know about the man who had talked to me last night, let alone about Robert and me. I let it slip out of my mind as I got to the entrance of the old tourist centre.

"Pizza for Ianto Jones" I said as I walked through the door

The man at the counter looked up from what he was doing. He had brown hair, brown eyes and was wearing a black suit. I knew him as Ianto Jones and that to me he looked fantastic in a suit, not that I ever told him.

"Hey Peter" Ianto smiled

I walked over the counter with the pizzas. "Two large pizzas, one meat lovers and a Hawaiian, that comes to 20 quid"

Ianto handed over the money and told me to leave the pizzas on the desk. I smiled and pocketed the money. I turned to leave but Ianto grabbed my arm. I turned to face him to see what he wanted.

"Sorry Peter, I just wanted to ask, it is busy tonight?"

"No, unusually quiet for a Saturday night" I smiled as he let go of my arm.

I bid him farewell and walked out. I felt myself blush as I walked down the street towards the Plass or Plaza. I did have a little crush on Ianto but it was just admiration instead of love. I always think to myself that I will never find someone I will love that it will always be disappointment. I had learnt that from my mother who had gone through a lot of romantic disappointments ever since Dad died when I was twelve.

"Excuse me, are you Peter Clarkson" said a familiar American accent

I stopped and turned around. The man from the alleyway was standing at the entrance of old tourist centre. He started to walk towards me and as he did I noticed that he still had his military jacket on. Maybe that's all he wears I thought, then I found myself looking at his face and realising how good looking he was. I started to blush as he stopped.

"Yeah, who's asking" I asked normally.

"I'm Captain Jack Harkness" He said as he stretched out his hand

I shook his hand and looked up into his brown eyes, they seemed to give that cold feeling that you got when you looked at a corpse. The last time I had felt that was when I stared at my father's corpse before his funeral. He was lying in the coffin peaceful and a long way from home. I let go of his hand and we stood there silent until...

"I just wanted to say sorry for last night" He gave me a very cheesy smile

I started to laugh and walked away, I didn't really have time for this. If he had really wanted to apologise he would have stayed outside my flat.

"What's wrong I've apologised haven't I?" he yelled after me

"If you really wanted to apologise then you would have been outside my flat this morning" I yelled back as I kept walking. He ran up and grabbed my shoulder.

"Hey, what's wrong with you, let go of me" I yelled as I turned around and pushed him against the wall

"Oh someone's feisty" He laughed

"I accept your apology but never touch me again" I said as I let go of him.

Jack straightened his jacket and looked at me. He seemed to understand so I took the time to look at him a little bit more.

"Your eyes, has anyone told you how blue they are?" Jack asked

Peter, Peter, I'm here for you I clasped my hands to my head. It was happening again, the voices, the ones that came to taunt me every night were coming back to me now. I started to walk away from Jack to try to get away from the voice. Until I looked up and saw a creature at the end of the street, it seemed to be dressed in a blue jump suit. It had a big head with massive teeth.

"Ha Janet, there you are, I've been so worried" Jack yelled as he ran after it.

Janet? I thought as I ran after him.