Part Four
Darcy rolled her eyes as Andrew recounted all the terrible things that could happen while she was away at college. He was a firm believer than Darcy should stay local despite the tempting offer she'd received from Oxford. She'd never thought she'd get accepted. It'd always been more of a joke than a serious interest, but her acceptance unveiled the secret dreams she'd spent most of her senior year ignoring. "You wouldn't know anyone, Darce… it's not safe."
"Says the guy wearing a military uniform," she shot back with a glare, before returning her eyes to the letter in her lap.
Victor laughed, wiping sweat off his brow with a hand towel, having just spent most of the morning jogging to keep in shape. "Andrew, cut the crap. You just want to keep her home because you're afraid she's gonna end up having sex with every guy she meets."
Darcy snorted. "I'm not a virgin, guys," she reminded them both.
Andrew made a face. "Ugh! I can't know that!" he whined.
Victor grinned at his brother, despite the fact that her words probably disturbed him too. He was just better at hiding it. "Don't let him tell you want to do, kiddo. It's your choice. No regrets," he insisted.
Darcy held his gaze, smiling wide. She knew Andrew and Victor would support whatever decision she made. They always had. In the end they only wanted her to be happy, and she was grateful for their support. She wasn't sure what she'd do without them. "I know." Her voice wasn't as strong as she would have liked. She was absolutely terrified of making this decision… it would change everything… it already was.
"Just do us both a favor and buy a taser… any guy freaks you out and bam! Big or small… he will go down!" insisted Andrew with an impish smile.
Darcy laughed. "Oh, you've got a deal!" she agreed.
She wondered what Andrew and Victor would think of Loki. In fact, it was all she could think about. Her mom wouldn't care either way. She trusted Darcy to make her own adult decisions… sometimes she trusted her a little too much, but she'd made too many mistakes of her own to make judgments. It was Andrew and Victor's opinions that concerned her. They had an opinion about everything, they always had. Sometimes she wondered if they'd made themselves honorary fathers seeing as she'd never really had one of her own.
Andrew probably wouldn't approve. He'd list all the reasons why Loki was dangerous, why she shouldn't trust him, why she never should have taken off his chains. He was always so cautious, so concerned with what everyone else was doing. It was like he could see all the darkness in the world, and he'd made it his job to protect everyone he loved from it… so they'd never have to feel regret. He was younger than Victor, but it never really mattered because he was always the voice of reason. He was the voice inside everyone's head… telling them to be cautious and never let down their guard.
Victor was the exact opposite. He believed in experience, both good and bad. He treasured his regrets in a way she'd never understood. When Darcy fell off her bike doing something dangerous he'd always been the one to pick her up and tell her how proud of her he was. He would have found Loki fascinating. He'd be the one encouraging her to take a chance, trust him and see what happens. He would be the voice in her head telling her if she was going to fall… she might as well fall hard. He'd want her to do whatever she could to break down that wall keeping her trapped in her mind. There's no time to play it safe, Darce… sometimes you gotta just break some bones along the way.
With two conflicting voices in her mind, Darcy was having trouble knowing what to do, or who to listen to. Finding out what prevented her from leaving the dream would involve keeping nothing about her life from Loki. It was an all or nothing deal. She'd been trapped with Loki for nearly six months, and she didn't even want to know what was happening to her body while she remained trapped in this dream. To trust Loki, or not to trust Loki? What a fucked up question….
She was biting her lip. Loki watched in amusement as she quietly worked through whatever prevented her from speaking her mind. In the past few months he'd come to respect her strength as well as her weakness. He envied how comfortable she was in her own skin. She knew who she was, and she stood unashamed. She was brave enough to stand up to Loki, but intelligent enough to know when she should back down. Her creativity in navigating Nott's dream was beyond impressive considering she was mortal. Not even he could manipulate such a dream with her ease, yet another blow to his dignity. "Something on your mind, Darcy?" he asked finally, far too impatient to wait for her to speak.
Darcy frowned, lifting her gaze to his. "Twenty questions."
"I'm afraid I will need more information."
She let out a long-suffering sigh and shifted in her stool beside him, staring at the band she'd conjured to entertain them. They were the only other projections she'd created since he'd arrived, though he had to admit he enjoyed their music styling. "You ask me a question and I have to answer it, and then I ask you a question."
He didn't see the point. He never did when Darcy was the one trying to make it. "And why would you be asking me questions? It's your mind we must endeavor to understand."
Darcy's eyes narrowed, letting out a huff. "Yeah well, if I have to do this I'm not sharing all my secrets by myself. You have to give me something back."
Loki still wasn't sure he understood her reasoning. "And why would you care about my secrets?" he questioned.
She shrugged. "I don't know… I mean we've been stuck here for six months and the only thing we ever talk about is me… or Norse Mythology. Don't get me wrong, I'm really glad to know you don't have any animal children back in Asgard, but it's not enough. All I really know about you I learned playing you in chess or reading books I've read a billion times. If I have to be naked… you should be too. It'll make me feel better."
"We're planning on getting naked during this game?" he teased, flashing her his most devious smile.
Darcy rolled her eyes. "Perv!"
"You're the one who left me with an image of you wearing a pale green nightie," he reminded her.
She shook her head. "Yeah well, I guess I'm a perv too."
"Are there any rules to this game of Twenty Questions?"
Darcy thought for a moment. "You get twenty questions… obviously. You have to answer every question, just like I have to answer every question you ask. No lying."
It seemed fair enough, though Loki enjoyed cheating far too much to agree to such a deal. "I will play your game of twenty questions." How would she know if he were lying anyway? The point was to break down her walls… not his.
She was staring at him; head cocked to the side, glasses slipping down her face. Her lips were curled in a subtle smile, as if she'd seen something he'd missed. It was extremely unnerving. "Do you really want to kill Thor?"
It was the last thing he'd expected her to ask, but perhaps he should have known better. Darcy Lewis was never one to tip-toe around the issue. "Yes," he answered.
"Liar," she shot back.
"Excuse me?"
Darcy shook her head. "If you're going to play, play… but don't give me that bullshit. You've had plenty chances to kill him. I saw him face the destroyer you sent. You could have incinerated him right then and there, but instead you just bitch-slapped him to death. You want him hurt… not dead," she insisted.
Her words trailed just a bit too close to the truth for his liking. "He deserves to suffer before he dies."
"Oh yes, because poor Loki can't stand being ignored-"
Loki stood, his stool flying to the floor with a loud clang, and the band nearby jumped at the sound, pausing their playing. "Do not speak of things you know nothing about!"
Darcy jumped off her own stool, refusing to back down, though for once her brothers remained distant. "You think I don't know what it's like to be ignored? To be invisible? People have been passing me by my whole life, Loki! I'm the fucking daughter of a senator, and I barely made page eight by the time people realized who I was! One of the biggest scandals around, and I was still a friggin' footnote in someone else's story! I've spent my entire life being told to fit in, and keep my head down! The only two people who ever dared to see me for who I am are lying dead in another country blown to bits, so forgive me if I find your sob story just a little played out!" she shouted, tears spilling from her eyes, and rendering Loki speechless.
How many times had they spoken about her family? About her life? Not once had she shared her story with such passion. Not once. Darcy seemed to realize a little too late that she was crying, and cursed under her breath, wiping away her tears. "Darcy-"
"Save it! I don't need your shit right now!"
He didn't understand her. She was like nothing he'd ever known. "How did you know?"
That gave her pause, sniffing softly as she met his gaze. "What?"
"How did you know I don't wish to kill Thor?"
Her reddened eyes narrowed for a moment in thought. "I don't know… I just feel it. I sense it."
He'd had suspicions for a while now that there was something different about her… something more. "You sense my emotions… you can skim through my thoughts."
Darcy rolled her eyes. "You are in my head, Loki… seems fair enough!"
Loki shook his head. "You shouldn't be able to, Darcy. Midgardians are not capable of controlling psychic energy… you are different. It's why Nott's orb activated when it sensed your presence."
"I'm human, Loki."
"Indeed, but it's quite possible one of your ancestors was not. The people of Asgard, the Frost Giants, and a dozen other races have been interacting with your race for a millennia. It's quite possible you are a descendant… Darcy, you are impossible. What you've created here… it is beyond the capabilities of Midgardians. Instinctual magic…."
Darcy frowned, still trying to gain control after her outburst. "What does that matter?"
"It means you are special," Loki insisted. "You don't deserve to be ignored… neither of us do."
"You hurt people to get what you want."
Loki stiffened. "And that makes me evil, yes? You think Thor is the hero? Iron Man perhaps? SHIELD? You think they've not spilled the blood of others?"
"They didn't kill innocent people," Darcy fought.
"Are you certain?" Loki was tired of defended his actions. People dared to judge him, while those just as wicked were given honor for ungodly deeds. "Captain America killed Nazis, correct? Yet how many of those men were simply boys misguided by a psychopath? How many of those men were forced to join the military or be sent to camps? Perhaps they weren't innocent, but he still has blood on his hands, Darcy. Collateral damage… that's what SHIELD calls the loss of innocent life… for the greater good! Your heroes are no more heroic than I am!" he growled.
Darcy closed her eyes with a sigh, shaking her head. "It doesn't matter, Loki… it doesn't matter what they've done. We're not talking about them. We're talking about you." Her eyes snapped open, the red slowly leaving her eyes. "I know what it's like to be ignored, but it doesn't give you the right to force people to look. You could have the attention of every world in this universe and it wouldn't matter if they don't even know what they're looking at! Why can't you just be yourself?!"
"Myself?!" Loki scoffed. "I am nothing more than a monster! Isn't that what you, yourself said?"
"You aren't!"
Loki's eyes flashed red, letting his true colors bleed through and Darcy jumped back in surprise. "You speak of what you do not understand!" he snarled.
"Loki… you're… you're blue," whispered Darcy.
He could feel his skin almost burn, exposed for the first time since Asgard. His true form… the monster inside. Darcy looked absolutely terrified… as well she should be. He was nothing more than a demon to haunt the dreams of children, a nightmare. A Frost Giant. "My true form."
Darcy looked away, shaking her head. "So because you're different, you let that dictate who you become?"
Loki took a step towards her, his stance threatening. "The Frost Giants are hated by Thor's kind… they are enemies… nightmares!"
"Your nightmares!"
Loki scowled. "Darcy," he warned. "You can't possibly comprehend."
She held his gaze, stepping towards him. The terror in her eyes slowly fading away. "I get it now… I guess I should have known all along. My god, Loki… you're scared! The Frost Giants were your worst nightmare, and now you're everything you've ever feared most! It was never about what the others thought… it was you who saw them as monsters. It was always you!"
The memory overwhelmed him before he could speak, rushing through him like an avalanche of cold ice overrunning his mind till it turned numb. The push came from Darcy, a subtle steering of his memories till they washed over him, broke him down in the worst of ways. He was unprepared to fight it.
"They come when you're sleeping… like a ghost they travel through your bedroom! You never even have the chance to scream, because the moment they touch you… it's over. You're frozen… to death!"
Little Loki's eyes widened, trying to keep his calm as Thor finished his story. His arms wrapped around himself like a shield to protect him from the creatures that would certainly be the subject of his nightmares. "But they can't get in here… the palace guards would destroy them!" he insisted, trying to hide his shaking hands.
Thor smirked. "Perhaps… but only Heimdall has eyes capable of seeing all their dark deeds, brother," he whispered with a wicked smile. "That is why we train. One day it will be us this kingdom looks to for guidance, and when the Frost Giants come… we must be ready!"
He didn't notice Darcy's hand on his arm until his eyes opened once more, and he pulled away from her touch, kicking over a table with an earsplitting scream. He would stand this conversation no more. She would not manipulate the god of mischief!
"Loki!"
It was already too late. Loki was gone.
She was supposed to be digging through her demons… not Loki's. It just sort of… happened. Darcy knew Loki needed his space. She could sense him taking his wrath on the brick wall that guarded their exit, refusing to check on him despite the urging of every bone in her body. They couldn't keep going like this. They were getting nowhere fast, and it was partly her fault. She was so terrified of facing those things she never talked about… so she threw it back on him. Fuck… it was never supposed to be this difficult. Loki was no hero. He wasn't capable of saving her any more than she was capable of saving the world. They were fooling themselves. Loki never should have tried to save her.
Darcy was curled up in a ball of one of the hotel rooms, sitting in the darkest corner she could find. Andrew and Victor, her projection bodyguards kept close. She didn't have the heart to send them away. Their presence calmed her, helped her clear her head when she didn't know what to do. She only wished they were real. She needed them both so badly, so desperately. She needed their insane advice, and stupid jokes.
The tears fell before she could stop them, spilling down her face as if she hadn't cried in ages. She was a total disaster. A complete wreak, but it felt good to break down for once. She didn't even know why she was crying really. It didn't matter. Obviously, she just needed to cry, and she wasn't strong enough to fight it anymore. Sobs shook through her body, breaking the dam, and while Loki expressed his anger… she cried away her pain.
Red eyes in the darkness. They surrounded him. Nothing but red eyes in the black. Demons sent to kill him while he slept. The temperature lowered slowly, the chill like needle pricks against his skin. He couldn't move. He couldn't even think. Eyes wide, shaking in fear, waiting for them to reach out. Loki tried to scream, but cold hands covered his mouth, burning his skin, and the tears slipped down his eyes only to freeze against his skin.
Young Loki shot up in bed screaming, kicking at his covers as if they were the very demons from his dreams. "My child no! You are safe!" the soft words of his mother whispered, gathering him up in the warmth of her arms.
Loki clung to her, begging her not to leave him, sobbing against her chest as the dream washed over him. The boy could still feel the chill on his skin, buried deep in his mother's embrace. "They came for me… the frost giants!"
"My son, they will never come for you here… I would never let them have you," she whispered, kissing his forehead, clammy with sweat. He only held her tighter and shut his eyes. Her voice became his anchor as he weathered the storm of his greatest fears.
"Don't let them get me, mother," he whispered. "Don't let them get me…."
Loki's eyes snapped open as he stared up at Darcy before him. He'd long since tired out from his rage, resting against the very wall he'd taken his anger out on. A weariness had set in, memories repeating in his mind, reminding him of all the reasons why Darcy was right… a foolish Midgardian. This truly was the worst nightmare he'd ever endured.
"I do not wish to play your game again," he finally spoke.
Darcy frowned, slowly moving to sit beside him, resting her back against the brick wall. "I don't think we really played it right anyway." Silence settled over them for a brief time, neither quite sure what to say to the other. He supposed he was still licking his wounds in a way. The fact that it was Darcy that had inflicted them made it all the more uncomfortable. A Midgardian… how the mighty have truly fallen. Darcy turned to look at him. "It was really weird seeing you blue. The red eyes were kinda creepy."
Loki's eyes narrowed, refusing to speak.
Darcy licked her lips. "It's also kinda cool… I guess. I mean, you still look like you… just blue. You had these weird lines… like tribal marks. It was kind of… beautiful."
Loki scoffed. "You were terrified of me."
"I wasn't exactly prepared for you to change colors, Loki."
"I am a monster," he insisted, disgusted by the thought of anyone calling his true form beautiful. It wasn't beautiful… it was horrific!
"No… you're not a monster, Loki. A monster is the man who tried to take over my world with no regard to the lives he was hurting. I don't think that's you anymore."
Loki regarded her curiously. "You think me incapable of trying to dominate your race a second time?"
"You wouldn't dare."
"Why wouldn't I?"
Darcy smiled at him, leaning close enough for their shoulders to touch. "Because I have psychic powers remember? And I think I'm finally starting to understand how you think… scary as that sounds. You may feel invisible, Loki… but I want you to know… I see you." Loki didn't dare stop her when she rested her head against his shoulder, stunned. She continued to baffle him at every turn, sending him in a hundred different directions. It was infuriating… and perhaps exhilarating too. Like flying and falling, though he had no idea what would happen when he finally touched the ground.
"If this is so, and you truly see me. I believe it's only fair I'm given the chance to see you in return, yes?" he asked gently, hoping she'd see his point.
Darcy let out a tired sigh. "I know… I guess breaking down those walls won't be quite as easy as I thought," she admitted.
"You must try," he urged her.
She nodded against him. "Okay… just promise me something, and don't lie."
Fair enough, he supposed. He hadn't exactly been playing by the rules. For her… he would try, just this once. "Yes?"
She paused for a moment, perhaps trying to choose her words carefully. "I already lost the only two people who ever understood me. I'm not sure I could go through that again, Loki."
It took him a moment to understand her words, and truly… they were chosen well. The fact that she would fear losing him was staggering, and almost… humbling, though he would never admit such a thing were possible. "You worry I will leave you?"
"Won't you? We're stuck in this stupid dream, but eventually if we break down the wall… we'll wake up. Everything will be just as it was before… you'll forget all about me."
Reality would certainly change many things, but it was obvious she didn't know him quite as well as she thought. He moved her head from his shoulder briefly to wrap his arm around her, pulling her to him as tightly as he could. "Many things will change when we awaken, Darcy… but you must understand… your impact on me will never be one of them. I could never forget you."
Darcy's arms slipped around him, and he found himself smiling… a genuine smile. That a Midgardian could treasure him boggled the mind, but the irony was… it truly pleased him. She pleased him, and confused him, and infuriated him. So many conflicting emotions… it was hard to keep track. "I could never forget you either," she whispered against him, holding him tight. "Not in a million years, Loki."
To Be Continued