Summary: When Axel finds Roxas after he'd been gone for a year, he thinks everything will be right again, but then he becomes tangled in a web of secret deals and lost memories. Will he be able to save Roxas while trying to flee the Organization? Warning: Involves physical/sexual abuse.
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. I wish I did but sadly, they belong to Square Enix. :(
It was very early in the morning, the moonlight casting a pale glow across the room, and Roxas was still blissfully asleep. He was snuggled tightly against me, his limbs partially intertwined with mine. I lightly ran my fingers down the side of his face and he leaned into my touch almost immediately. I took a deep breath, resisting the hope that rose inside me. I knew that there was almost no possibility that he actually remembered me through the lies that made up this false life. Namine would have placed secure blocks to ensure that nothing slipped through. Still, that once percent chance, however slight, was still a chance.
I grudgingly removed myself from his embrace, my joints popping as I stood. I didn't want to take any chances. Even though I normally woke before him, Roxas was still an early riser. There would be hell if he woke up beside me now.
I silently crept out of the room, rushing upstairs for a quick shower and a change of clothes. There was work to be done today, and I was a bit pressed for time. First of all, I didn't want Roxas to be alone for very long after he woke. That seemed more than a bit dangerous at the moment. Also, what I planned to do was better done under cover of darkness, though I was more than capable of moving about undetected in broad daylight.
I went to check on Roxas before I left, mostly to reassure myself that he was actually here and I wasn't just hallucinating. I sat at the side of his bed, watching the rise and fall of his chest with each labored breath. I was always the kind of person who feared the worst, especially when it came to him. I wanted desperately to know how far the attack had gone, but I didn't want to just come right out and ask.
I closed my eyes, holding back tears. If he had been raped... again... I didn't know what I would do. He didn't deserve this pain, and I wanted more than anything to shield him from it. There was nothing I could do about the events of the past but take revenge for them, and that wouldn't really solve anything (though vengeance would certainly make me feel at least a little better). What I could do was keep him from any further harm, beginning with the most imminent. I knew that one or both of his "parents" were abusing him, and I'll be damned if I was going to allow him to go back to a home that wasn't safe for him.
I wrote a note for Roxas in case he woke up before I got back. I didn't want to be gone without him knowing where I went.
"Good morning. Sorry if I'm not here when you wake up. I went out for a while. It's Tuesday, but I didn't think you'd really wanna go to school. So feel free to explore the house. Just don't wander off. Make yourself at home until I get back."
I smiled and left the note on the nightstand next to his bed. As I turned to leave, I was assaulted by a furry beast crawling around my feet. I turned back to the note and wrote, "And sorry about the cat. He likes to cuddle."
After signing it, I picked up the obese orange fur-ball and left the room, pulling the door closed with my foot.
"What am I going to do with you, Freckles?" I asked my cat, scratching around his ears. I made sure his food and water bowls were full so he wouldn't decide to attack Roxas for food, then made my way out the door.
I went to stake out Roxas' family abode, getting there just in time to see a pale young woman with long dark hair who I assumed was meant to be Roxas' mother pull out of the driveway in an old, rusty truck that had probably been blue at some point in its life. I could see the "father" pass in front of the window at the right of the house a few times and wished I was close enough to really see what he was doing. I knew it was dangerous to go inside while the man was awake, but I knew I could manage to get by unnoticed if I was careful. The problem was that I couldn't really control my temper very well when it came to people that hurt Roxas, and I didn't know what I was about to find in that house that could possibly set me off.
I sneaked around to the back of the house, peeking into every window until I found the one that I'd been looking for. There was a black blanket draped like a curtain over the window, but it was pulled away just enough for me to be sure that I was actually looking in on Roxas' bedroom. I portalled inside, tip-toeing my way out of the darkness and onto the floorboards, pausing to ensure that my entry wasn't discovered. When all I heard was the dull, muffled sound of the television in the other room, I allowed myself to wander the room.
The room was very small, hardly big enough to make a proper bedroom. I wondered how Roxas could even get to sleep in this tiny space, especially noting the deadbolt on his door, which had been installed to lock from the outside. I took a deep breath and held it for a few seconds, quelling the urge to charge into the next room and kick that bastard's face in. Instead, I continued my search of the room.
I sat down on his bed, which had been pushed against the wall as far away from the door as possible, and surveyed the room. Typical of Roxas, there were clothes and various knick knacks strewn all around the room. He had never been one to keep his living space very tidy or organized. The room wasn't very personalized either. There was a bookshelf in one corner of the room, filled with manga, graphic novels, and fantasy books. I smirked when I noticed that he seemed to favor shonen ai. Next to the bookshelf was a small dresser with a framed photograph of a young brunette woman in a pink dress, a piece of a broken mirror, and a plastic chess set on top of it. Other than that, there wasn't much here. It was a very simple living arrangement and he deserved better, in my opinion.
I was about to go search his parents' bedroom while it was unoccupied, but when I stood, I noticed a small metal box that was partially wrapped in a white t-shirt and shoved halfway under the bed. I tentatively took the box and sat on the edge of Roxas' bed again, pulling the shirt away and opening the lid. What I saw underneath brought tears to my eyes. Nestled inside the box was a roll of gauze, a tube of antibacterial ointment, and three small razor-blades, one of which had remnants of blood stained onto the steel.
I glanced to my left when I heard the familiar sound of a portal opening beside me just in time to see Demyx walk out of it.
"What are you doing here?" I whispered as he sat beside me.
"Backup," he whispered back. "Just in case. There are rumors floating around the castle. You need to cover your tracks better. Is this really where Roxas is staying?"
"Apparently," I said, fiddling with one of the little razorblades inside the box I still held.
Noticing, Demyx asked, "Is that... his?"
I nodded in response.
"He's a cutter?" he asked with a gulp. "Geez I didn't know that. He okay?"
"I don't know," I admitted. "But let's have this conversation somewhere else, okay?"
"Right," he said with a sigh, eyeing the box as I wrapped it up and placed it back under the bed. He moved to the window, but I stopped him with a tug to his shirt collar.
"Woah woah woah," I whispered.
"We're not leaving?" he asked, wide-eyed.
"Not until I find what I'm looking for," I said, beginning to carefully rummage through Roxas' closet.
"And what might that be?" he asked, picking up the photograph of the young brunette.
"Evidence," I answered. "Anything I can use against that bastard if he's hurting him."
There wasn't much in the closet besides the few articles of clothing he had in his wardrobe, but eventually I noticed a loose floorboard under which was hidden a small notebook made of recycled paper.
"His journal," I whispered to Demyx as I sat cross-legged on the floor to read it.
The first several pages I found dated all the way back to the first month Roxas had been here. They held detailed information about his attempted suicide and how a mysterious girl that he never found out the name of (whom I knew to be Namine) had come along just in time to get him to the hospital before he bled to death. Those pages also accounted the confusion of the weeks following the suicide attempt and the visits to the school's psychiatrist. Apparently, Roxas wrote everything he'd wanted to say in this journal, but had never said anything to his psychiatrist about why he'd wanted to kill himself.
September 9
She'll never understand. I don't even understand it all. How can someone else, someone who doesn't even know me, try to get inside my head? What does she have to gain by figuring me out? She probably doesn't even want to understand me. I'm just a headache for her. I'm just... a number on her paycheck.
The truth is... I don't even know why I tried to kill myself, why I still want to die. Every day... I want nothing more than to take a razor-blade and slide it across my neck. But why? Why does this pain haunt me? Where did it come from? There's my past... I feel significant amounts of pain every time I think about my mother... and my father, but those emotions have nothing to do with this. It's another area entirely. I feel like... I don't even know me... anymore.
After this, it was all basically about his social life. How he met his three best friends after moving to Twilight Town. How he ended up dating Hayner (I cringed at this). How most people at school tended to look down on him. Then I came to a particularly disturbing entry that satisfied my need for evidence.
November 19
My father's drunk again. I can hear him in there arguing with mum. Any minute now she's going to have enough of it and storm out of the house like she always does. Then he's going to come into my room like he always does when she leaves me here alone with him... There's no stopping him. If I try to resist him, the only thing I get is a painful beating. I have to take it. That's all I can do. If I lay quiet, if I give him what he's after, I should come out of it relatively unscathed. It's (a few words here were rendered illegible by tear marks) the police. They won't do anything. They never do.
There's the front door slamming. Tifa's gone. Inevitable footsteps. I should hide this now.
That was it. I put the journal back into it's hidey-hole, blinking away tears. There was no way I was letting him come back here to stay. I had seen the wounds, the scars, the untreated injuries, and now here was proof, and I would not stand for it. I needed to convince him to stay with me, but I couldn't just come out and ask. He didn't know I knew these things about him. Maybe I could bring him back here just until something happened. I would stay on the lookout, and as soon as I saw something go awry, I would jump in and steal him away to safety.
Turning to Demyx, I said, "I got what I came for. Let's get out of here."
"Yeah," he said, accompanying me through a new portal and back to my car.
"I have some shopping to do for Roxas," I said, climbing into the car.
"I'll come with you," he said, going around to the passenger's seat. "I have something important to talk to you about anyway."
"What's up?" I asked as I drove away.
"Well..." he said, biting his lip. "It's about Roxas."
"Go on..." I said anxiously.
"Well, there's a rumor going around the castle that you've found him."
"What?" I growled. "What did you say?"
"Nothing!" he gulped. "I didn't say anything, I swear! But... um..."
"Spit it out," I said, keeping my voice level.
"Xemnas wants to see you," he whispered.
"Shit," I breathed. "How much time do you think you could buy me?"
"Not much," he sighed, "but I'll do my best."
"I appreciate it," I said, coming to a stop outside a convenience store. "I have to get back to him soon. He'll be awake by now."
I couldn't let them get their hands on Roxas. I had no way of knowing exactly what they'd do to him, but I had a pretty good idea. There was no way I'd let anything else happen to him, especially after what had already happened to him. If they got their hands on him while his memories were still manipulated, God only knows what that would do to his psyche.
"I'm sorry, Axel," Demyx said suddenly, tears coming to his eyes. "I know this is tough on you. I'll do everything I can."
I winced and said, "I can handle it, Demy. I'm really sorry about all this. I'll get it worked out soon, okay?"
"I'm not so sure," he said with a slight shiver. "I have to go back, though. I just wanted to warn you."
"Thanks, Demyx," I said, not even coming close to telling him how grateful I was for everything he's done.
He nodded, opening a new portal and fading into it. When he was gone, I sighed, heading into the store for a few essentials.
When I got home, I was greeted by the beautiful sight of Roxas laid out on the couch with Freckles purring greedily on his lap. I was painfully envious of that cat at the moment.
"Good morning," I said with a smile as I closed the door behind me. "I see you've been acquainted with Freckles."
"Yeah," he answered as I rounded the corner into the kitchen. I heard some hesitation in his voice. "He woke me up."
I chuckled halfheartedly, glad I was behind a wall so Roxas couldn't see the expression on my face. That cat... I'd have to have a talk with the lucky bastard. "Sorry about that," I called. "I guess I didn't close the door all the way."
"It's okay," he said as I finished putting everything away and started collecting the necessary items to make breakfast. After a short pause, he said, "Hey uh... these pajamas... did you undress me?" In my shock, I lost my grip on the kettle I was currently holding. I clamped my mouth shut as the edge of it struck my toes, cursing as I flung the thing into the sink.
"I'll take that as a yes?" he asked, sounding a little concerned.
"Uh..." I said, trying to make my brain form words. "Yeah, well I figured you probably wouldn't want to sleep in wet gym shorts, so... uh..." I cleared my throat.
"It's okay," he answered. There was a brief silence and then, "Thank you."
"Huh?" I said, leaning over so I could see him.
He was blushing slightly, smiling as he said, "I really didn't... want to sleep in wet gym shorts."
I returned the smile and said, "Well, you're welcome." I forced myself to stop staring at the spreading blush on his face.
"One thing though," he said quickly.
Oh no. "Whassat?"
He looked down, his lips coming together before he looked back up at me and asked, "Would you burn them for me?"
I felt a little pang of sorrow at what he must have been feeling then, but I smiled and nodded before disappearing behind the wall again. If he only knew...
I figured now might be as good a time as any to broach the subject of his injuries, so I cleared my throat and said, "I checked a few places I thought might be broken when uh... well." I winced. "You have a couple cracked ribs, but other than that, nothing too serious. There's not much you can do for that, but do you want me to take you to a hospital anyway?"
"No, I'll be fine," came the immediate reply. I suspected that would be his answer.
"Well, in that case, I have a few Ace bandages tucked away. I'll wrap that for you. It's about all I can do."
"Okay," he said, his voice small.
I wanted desperately to say more, to know the facts of what exactly transpired yesterday, but I didn't want to make him relive it. I mentally kicked myself for not checking him for signs of sexual assault last night. He'd been fast asleep; he wouldn't have even known, and I would have saved myself a lot of worry and fear.
"Axel?" Roxas asked, snapping me out of my haze.
I shook my head, dispelling those thoughts for now, and answered as I placed two strips of bacon on to fry, "Yeah?"
"Are you like... rich or something?" came the tentative inquiry.
"My parents' inheritance paid for this house," I said with a chuckle. "Apparently my father was very well-off." It wasn't the whole truth, but... heck he knew the whole truth. He just didn't know he did.
"Oh..." he said, sounding vaguely surprised. "That makes sense."
"Yeah," I replied. "It's enough to live off of and keep me happy possibly for the rest of my life, or until I decide to spend it on something stupid and reckless." I peeked around the corner and shot him a quick wink.
When the toast popped out of the toaster and the bacon was nice and crispy, I flipped over the perfect, unbroken eggs, keeping them on the heat no longer than thirty seconds. Sunny-side over, just like he liked it. I put the bacon and eggs on a plate, cut the two pieces of toast into four diagonal pieces, and quickly made a bowl of instant oatmeal. I smiled at my work before bringing it to Roxas.
Instead of the warm smile he usually gave me when I used to make him breakfast, he looked at the plate, his eyes going wide for a moment. He opened his mouth to speak, but closed it again, slightly leaning away from the food. That... was strange. Even though he had just gone through a horrible ordeal, it wasn't like Roxas to turn down my cooking.
"Is something wrong?" I asked, looking over the food. Nothing was burnt, and it smelled absolutely divine. Had I missed something?
"I don't want to be rude," he said, biting the edge of his lip.
"What is it?" I asked. Obviously there was something wrong, but I couldn't see it.
"I'm vegan," he said after a pause.
That genuinely surprised me, but I managed not to show it. I only furrowed my eyebrows and handed him the non-animal foods, wondering when the drastic change in eating habits had occurred.
"You don't mind if I eat the rest though, do you?" I asked, feeling my stomach growl.
"Not at all," he said, smiling at me. Surprisingly, that smile was only partially forced. Maybe he was beginning to feel comfortable around me.
I spun around, taking the plate back into the kitchen, but stopping when Roxas asked me where I was going. I simply answered, "I'm going to the kitchen so I can eat the foul animal products without disturbing you."
"Oh," he said, contemplating the statement. "Thank you," he finished, glancing up at me.
"No problem," I said as I slipped into the kitchen, immediately devouring a piece of bacon. Then I realized that I should offer Roxas something to drink. I went to the fridge, paused for a moment, then asked, "So I take it milk is out of the picture too?"
I heard him hastily swallow before saying, "Sorry, yeah."
"No need to apologize," I said. "You want juice, then? I've got apple, cran-apple, and orange."
"Orange juice would be swell," he said. God, I loved that boy.
"Coming right up," I said as I poured him a glass of orange juice. I glanced over at the small plastic bag on the counter and said, "Oh and I got you something while I was out."
"What?" he asked, surprised.
I snatched the bag of toiletries off of the counter and brought it to him along with the juice. "I figured you might want to be relatively clean for your stay here," I said with a shrug.
"Thank you," he said, gazing into the bag as though I had just given him some rare treasure. He smiled up at me before turning back to his food, finishing the rest of it in a hurry. When he was finished, I directed him to the downstairs bathroom, which was down the hall, just before the guest bedroom.
I watched, worrying at my lower lip, as Roxas walked with a slight, but noticeable limp toward the bathroom. For his sake, and my sanity, I hoped that didn't mean what I thought it meant.
I tightly shut my eyes, forcing back tears that threatened to spill over and swallowing the bile that was rising in my throat. I didn't want Roxas to come back and see me so distraught. That would only make matters worse.
I was actually surprised, though. He seemed... calm. Too calm for the circumstances, almost as if what happened didn't even matter. I knew that wasn't really the case, of course. Roxas had always been good at keeping his real emotions to himself. I knew that he was in very real, and severe, pain, and that this pain didn't just pop up overnight. I had gotten quite good at reading the minute changes in his tone and overall demeanor that signaled emotional distress. He would usually talk to me about them if I asked, but now that I was just another face to him, he wouldn't be very forthcoming about his feelings at all.
I sighed, running a hand through my hair. The first opportunity I got... if the ones I was thinking of were the ones who really did this... I would get revenge for Roxas' pain.
Freckles jumped onto the couch, rubbing against my side. I smiled at him and returned the gesture, saying, "Okay, Mister. We're gonna have to talk about your manners toward house-guests, especially those of the Roxas variety."
He laid down against me and began to purr, not paying attention to anything I was saying.
"Okay, okay," I said. "But we will discuss this."
A few moments later, Roxas asked, "What's wrong?"
I jumped, surprised at the sound. I hadn't been expecting him to suddenly be there. ...How long had he been standing there anyway? I forced a smile onto my face as he sat down on the other end of the couch. How I longed to close that distance, but I managed to restrain myself and answer, "Nothing's wrong. Just thinking."
"About?" he asked, sincerely curious.
I winced slightly and gulped before saying, "I don't want to bring it up."
He looked away from me, his whole body going tense as he asked, "Is is about what happened to me?"
I closed my eyes, taking a steadying breath, and nodded.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him draw his knees up, hearing the sharp intake of breath at the pain that action caused.
"Hang on," I said, practically running upstairs to my bathroom to retrieve the Ace bandage from my medical kit before scurrying right back down, pausing to catch my breath before going over to him. "Let me take care of those ribs."
I slowly pried his hand off of his knees and said, "Could you lean forward a bit? I need to get this around you." He silently obeyed, looking up at me. "Is is okay to touch you?" I asked. When he nodded, I went to work, expertly wrapping his ribs. I tried to concentrate solely on the task at hand, but... being so close to Roxas... touching him like this... It was distracting, even more so since his usually flawless upper half was now covered in bruises and welts.
"All done," I managed to say, my voice going dark, as I pulled my hands away from him.
"Thank you," he replied, looking away. After a while he asked, "So did you want to ask me something?"
"Uh..." I said, looking down. I tried to find the right words, words that wouldn't make him feel too uncomfortable.
"It's okay," he said, his voice flat.
"Right," I said, taking a slow, deep breath. I tried to keep my eyes on him as I said, "Well, I just wanted to know..." No that... wasn't right. "Did those boys..." Still wrong. "How far did... um..." I sighed, frustrated and at a total loss for a sensitive way to ask, so I just... asked, "Did they rape you?"
He was silent for a while, pulling his knees up and placing his head on top of them. He spoke into his knees, "Only one of them did anything like that and he didn't do much more than touch me."
Relief flooded through me. Relief... and anger.
"So he didn't.. uh..." I asked, trying to keep myself calm and not think about that boy's hands on Roxas.
"He didn't take me," he whispered.
I hadn't realized how tense I'd been, so afraid of his potential answer. I don't know what I would have done if he had answered differently, if my suspicions hand been confirmed aloud. I definitely wouldn't have been able to keep up this already fragile facade.
"Well that's a relief," I breathed. "You have no idea how scared I was when I found you, Roxas. Not that what he did to you wasn't bad, but it could have been a lot worse." I was trying to comfort him, and probably failing.
"I should go home before my dad has a fit," he said, lifting his head.
"Yeah... I'll take you, then," I said with a sigh, reminding myself that he wouldn't be there for long. Still, the thought of leaving him there with that piece of shit he called a father make me sick.
We both stood up at about the same time, and reluctantly headed out to my car.
A/N: Once again apologizing because it took me so long to upload. This time it was because my computer decided to crash and I was without computer access for... however long it's been since the last upload. But! I now have access to a new computer and will most likely be able to upload more frequently. Thank you for reading this piece of crap. Please review. :)