A/N: Here comes the update! Before you go ahead, I remind you that this story has specific warnings because it comes from a specific prompt. I'm just writing down an idea another person wanted me to write.

Thanks to jobelle516, an amazing beta that always helps me out!

When Sebastian blinks in the morning and finds himself staring at Kurt sitting on his bed, he startles a little. At first, he has to remember that he's not at his own place. He isn't used to it yet. And then … waking up to Kurt staring doesn't feel that bad. It is starting to feel familiar already but it's different from yesterday. Kurt is now more confident with the staring, doesn't pull back or look surprised at having been caught up.

"Master." he whispers softly, watching while Kurt's lips arch into a smile.

"Hey baby," Kurt moves in – unable to keep it this time – and presses a soft kiss on his boy toy's cheek, "got you clean clothes, as promised."

He feels awkward at the sensation invading his chest for the thankful way Sebastian is looking at him, but Kurt tries his best to push it away as far as possible. This isn't the right moment to let himself get involved in crazy stuff.

"Thank you." Sebastian smiles too. He doesn't want to feel like this, doesn't want to let Kurt get under his skin the way he had already let him do yesterday; but he is learning that when it comes to Kurt, it's hard to fight it.

"You're welcome." Kurt shrugs and snuggles in closer until his legs are on the bed too. He crawls a little and moves in close, without touching Sebastian yet. "Are you hungry? Have you eaten already? Do you want me to-"

"Master." Sebastian says hesitantly to stop him and he smiles. "I don't understand. Why are you so concerned about me all of a sudden?"

Kurt licks his lower lip and shakes his head.

"Don't be silly." He says, weirdly making sure that his voice sounds more teasing than serious. "You know I'm trying to be a good master, so you will be happy to give me what I want and what you need."

Sebastian tries to put up a smile but it must be evident that he can't because Kurt's face drops too. It isn't his fault if he can't stop thinking about what happened, about that night at the gay bar … he can't just forget it and everytime someone mentions anything that might be related, Sebastian immediately feels like crying at the memories that come with it.

"Sebastian."

Kurt calls his name, but Sebastian is now staring down, unwilling to look at him.

Kurt knows something is happening now, he knows something he has said made Sebastian sad or scared. He feels stupid at having indirectly mentioned sex again after what happened with Sebastian and the fact that Kurt pushed it.

"Sebastian." He says a little more insistently, but at the same time softly. "Look at me, baby, talk to me about this."

"I-I can't." Sebastian sobs a little and stiffens. He presses his knees to his chest and wraps his arms around his legs protectively. "I can't talk about it-" His voice cracks and he sinks his face on his knees, already feeling like crying. "It … it hurts, I, Kurt, please, don't-"

When Kurt puts a tentatively comforting hand on his elbow, stroking it softly, Sebastian is breathless. His touch feels like Heaven and it can't feel like that because Sebastian has understood this boy is pure danger and it's going to hurt him so bad if he doesn't build safe walls around him. It's already a lot that Kurt isn't actually pushing in for the sex. Sebastian wouldn't resist, he probably couldn't. Kurt is the only one who turned him on in years. He is the only one who can give that to him.

But he is so afraid … so afraid that memories might come back even while he has sex with Kurt.

"Talk. To. Me." Kurt repeats gently again and though Sebastian can't see him because he is sinking his face in his arms, he feels the pressure of his mouth over his slacks.

Kurt is placing a soft kiss on his knee and Sebastian's heart flips on itself at that, but he doesn't look up.

"Please, baby. I want you to talk to me; you know how this works, right?" Kurt whispers and moves even closer. "The fact that I am your master, the fact that you belong to me. It means that I have to take care of you, and I want to do so, so damn much, but I can't reach you if you don't let me."

Sebastian tilts his head a little, only his green eyes popping out over his arms as he stares at Kurt, still half-hiding behind himself. Kurt's face is softly concerned, his eyes pleading for explanations.

"I won't force you to talk." He murmurs and smiles fondly. "But I need to know what is going on with you, about sex. Sebastian, honey," he breathes in, "Just know that having things clear between us would make it a lot easier for me to understand you."

"To understand me." Sebastian whispers. It's something halfway between a question and a bitter reply, but Kurt pretends he doesn't notice the little snapping tone. He can be gentle, he knows he can. "Do you even care to understand me?"

For unknown reasons, the words hurt Kurt more than he expected them to. And Sebastian catches it somehow, which makes him confused. Kurt is complex, that's evident. He looks so witty and smart, and sometimes he's even loving and caring, but Sebastian hasn't forgotten what kind of person he is and what he does. He can't forget it, not with the way they had sex. He should feel disgusted at what happened, but still … he doesn't manage to bring himself to feel that way.

"I care." Kurt says after a few moments of hesitation, "Please, just let me read you a little, just so that I can get what's going on." He murmurs softly and scoots in closer until Sebastian is apparently willing to give up and let him in somehow.

He lets Kurt move in, unlacing his legs and his arms until Kurt is sitting between his legs and kissing his forehead. This is just like foreplay. Kurt swears to himself that he is going to stand these intimate touches even if they have nothing to do with sex right now.

Sebastian looks into his eyes then; those wonderful blue eyes.

Despite everything that seems to be the world in which Kurt was born and grown, his eyes also seem capable of spreading a wonderful feeling of trust and sensibility. It's like Sebastian can see into his gorgeous irises that this is the moment when he'll finally let go and tell someone about the truth. He's never made it to do so in the past, not even with his dad. It's the moment when he can let go and just say everything.

"It's something …" He starts, then looks down, swallowing the words in his throat and looking up at Kurt only a few seconds later, "It's something I've never told to anyone. It's like … a secret, I guess?"

"O-kay," Kurt says softly and slowly, passing a soothing hand on his leg, "I won't tell anyone, if that's what you're worried about." He winks and Sebastian laughs as much as he manages to do with that thought in mind.

The sensation that is suddenly warming up his chest is just so good. And it's happening with Kurt of all people.

"No, it's not that." Sebastian sighs and he stiffens up just a little. He thought he would have felt more uncomfortable and instead he's just being natural. "It's just that I'm scared it's going to make me sound pathetic."

Kurt shakes his head and shrugs, "Well, I've met lots of pathetic people in my life, but you look nothing like them."

Sebastian's lips tilt into his smile again and suddenly he feels like crying. It's not a bad feeling though. It's just that no one has whispered kind words to him lately, like Kurt is doing.

"Fine." He takes one last breath and starts, his eyes connected to Kurt's. "I was eighteen when it happened. I was … basically an easy guy you would say, but I didn't mind. I just liked having fun and enjoyed everything I could get. I'm sure you know the feeling."

For a moment, Sebastian is afraid that he might have said too much, that Kurt is going to take it personally. But Kurt just nods, which makes Sebastian think that there isn't something to be ashamed about indeed. If Kurt is not ashamed, why would he be?

"And I had never even considered the idea that someone might take advantage of that situation." He explains slowly, swallowing down at the mere memories that were arising, though he is trying to block them. "So, one night I was at a gay bar, just looking for fun as I always did," he licks his lips nervously, "and I was blocked there by three men who just … forced themselves on me-"

When his voice breaks on the last words, he manages to take in Kurt's expression. There's no need for him to explain more because Kurt's jaw has already dropped and he is looking at him with eyes filled with disbelief. But still, Sebastian doesn't manage to keep his words in his mouth and instead he lets it out.

"They put their hands on me, forced me on my knees, pressed me against the wall," his eyes are suddenly watering with tears, so he looks away from Kurt – not because he feels embarrassed, but mostly because he feels weak, "and … that's why I was so reluctant at first, I … I hadn't got hard in years and I thought I couldn't anymore-"

"Shhh," Kurt suddenly stops him and Sebastian finds himself startling when his palms move to cup his face. He looks into Kurt's eyes again, shocked at the comforting and soft gaze he is giving to him. It warms Sebastian's chest, to know that this bad brat has some feeling hidden under his armor. "You don't have to tell me, I got it." He says and Sebastian is even more shocked when Kurt moves in closer and kisses his mouth.

Kurt is a lot surprised himself, so much that he realizes that his legs are shaking between Sebastian's. For some reason, he feels weak and exposed, but he knows it's silly. Sebastian is the one who must feel like he's naked to the soul now: he is telling Kurt something he has never said to anyone else before, telling a story that probably still hurts him and haunts him. There's no reason for Kurt to feel exposed, is there?

But still.

When Sebastian's lips move weakly against his, just brushing and not daring to do more, Kurt feels like another person he's living through his kisses for the first time. Not just kissing, but drinking the feeling that comes with it. Actually, the moment their mouths open, they are sharing air and it's something completely different from what it has always been.

To Kurt, sharing air with someone had been nothing more than sharing poison before. It was just a way to mark people, to make them know that from that moment on, they belonged to Kurt and there's nothing else they could do but to accept his will. But right now, he wants his breathing to be salvation rather than condemnation, wants his kiss to heal and not to wound. Wants to wipe away the pain and the fear he must have caused to this boy who was too scared to even complain and tell about this before.

To Sebastian, sharing air had always been too intimate. It's not like he hadn't kissed anyone before, he did and a lot, but most of the times, he didn't give his hookers the chance to reach for his mouth, not even when he was easy and careless. Kissing had always been precious but never explored like this. Kurt's mouth is moving slowly and tenderly on his own, so differently from the first time they met, in this very room. It's like Kurt is another person.

Maybe it's like there's a person hidden under the character this horrifying reality has built over Kurt's face.

Their mouths part open, almost at the same time and when Kurt kisses him more deeply, his tongue caressing Sebastian like he wants to take care of him, Sebastian melts and can't resist his urge anymore. His arms end up wrapping around Kurt's shoulders.

That slight second their bodies come more in touch doesn't feel sexual at all. In fact, Sebastian almost sinks in the heat of Kurt's body, enjoys the way it makes him groan, but not in excitement, simply in the joy of finally feeling human at a touch again. He doesn't feel like a toy, he feels like a person. He feels like Kurt cherishes him and wants to take care of him.

Sadly and unexpectedly, the contact breaks the spell.

All of a sudden, it's like Kurt realizes immediately who he is and what they're doing. Sebastian can feel him stiffen in his arms and he has no idea why it hurts so much, has no idea why he suddenly cares that much that this stranger, this dangerous boy, might want him to break this hug, might want to stop kissing him. He shouldn't care by now, but he does.

"Sebastian," Kurt whispers, sounding a little scared, "Let me go."

He cares so fucking much, so much more than he should allow himself to care than when Kurt is lifting his arm, and Sebastian is scared that he might be about to be slapped, he finally lets go, unwrapping his arms from his body. Kurt shakes himself immediately, lifting on his knees and away from Sebastian's torso. Sebastian feels fucking cold at the lack of touch, feels like he needs more from Kurt.

Kurt doesn't look as mad as Sebastian thought he would. More than anything he looks scared.

And he is scared.

Of all the people he has been intimate with, in his whole life, he's never felt the need to be so connected with them; has never let himself feel the need to hug and kiss away the pain from someone's life. This is just as shocking for him as the whole kidnapping thing has been to Sebastian. This is Kurt experimenting the fear of getting emotionally involved in the need to take care of a person and becoming familiar with guilt and mercy, which he's always avoided in his life because he knows how weak they can make you look in your enemy's eyes.

Sebastian is not the enemy but what if this change explodes outside of this room too, if Kurt lets go once? What if it wouldn't just be momentarily or exclusive? He can't allow that.

"I'm just-I-huh, gotta go." He says then and it's all he can do before he's standing up from the bed and walking away, not even glancing at Sebastian once more.

Sebastian knows he shouldn't allow this, shouldn't allow Kurt to get under his skin in any possible way. That boy is trouble, he smells like danger and hasn't got anything better to offer than pain. And yet, if that is the truth, why did his kiss feel like medicine? A good kind of medicine that you would take willingly though. And why does his warm body feel like home?

Sebastian is left to himself to wonder. All that he manages to see, as he looks up, is Kurt's back and then the door closing.

As soon as he gets out of the room, Kurt realizes he is shaking.

He doesn't know why his body is trembling, because Sebastian is the one who is supposed to shudder. What he's just done, or almost done is horrible. This boy in the room behind his back is the guy who just confessed to Kurt what happened to him. Kurt was about to give him somehow the same kind of violence that traumatized him in the past apparently. This must be a sign, this is just another sign of how much Kurt is losing control over himself.

And that is why he is already typing a number on his phone as he sits behind a column in courtyard.

Pick up, he thinks to himself, almost prays, pick up, please.

"Hello?"

When Rachel's voice makes him jolt, Kurt knows he had spent so much time waiting that he had almost stopped hoping. Rachel has probably picked up right before the answering service started.

"Rach, hey," he says, knowing that even if she didn't check the number, she will at least recognize his voice, "I need to talk to you …" He looks around awkwardly, checking that no one's there.

There's a guard walking along the hallway where Sebastian's room is, Kurt can see him from the window, but it's too far for him to listen at least.

"What's going on?" Rachel asks, her voice already sounding worried. "I mean, you don't usually panic enough to feel the need to call me."

Kurt wonders for a moment if panic is the right word. He isn't the kind of guy who panics, not at all.

"I'm not panicking." He makes clear anyway and tries not to get mad when Rachel giggles on the other line. "I just … I'm in a messy, sticky situation and I might need your help, someone's help at least, but considering the way you're making fun of me, maybe I should call someone else."

He hates that he just snapped, hates that he said it so bitterly to Rachel, whom he loves so much.

"Oh Kurt …" Rachel says on the other line, but she doesn't add anything. Kurt knows that she meant You have no other friends, but at the same time he is so grateful that she didn't say it out loud when she could have used it to hurt him back. "I wasn't making fun of you. You know I'd never do that. I am not one of those people you can't show your vulnerabilities to."

"I know." Kurt says immediately, his voice sounding a little sorry. "I … I'm sorry, I … you were right before," he admits, his voice quiet like he's afraid to speak it out loud (he's used to having to hide information), "I am freaking out and I might be panicking. I instantly think of when that is exactly the way I'm feeling. So stupid of me …"

"Don't worry, I had it all figured out." Rachel says easily and Kurt loves her so much, because she always knows what he means, even when Kurt himself doesn't always manage to give a meaning to it. "Tell me about what's bothering you, honey. Is it some business thing you can't catch up? Did you fight with Blainers again?"

"No, God, haven't seen Blaine in a while," Kurt breathes in, "it's about … another boy."

Rachel squeaks on the line and Kurt rolls his eyes. "Who is it?"

"My new boy toy?" Kurt bites his lower lip. "Not so sure whether I should call him so-"

"Oh my God! Do you have feelings for him?" Rachel yells, sounding enthusiastic. "I can't believe you haven't told me about him already, can't believe it happened so fast, do you want him to be your boyfriend-"

"What?! No, Rachel, stop." Kurt growls, swinging a little on the marble where he is sitting, back against the column. "That is not it. I don't have feelings for him, not like that at least."

Rachel is silent for a few moments before she speaks again, "Like what then? What is it that makes you worried? I thought everything was 'easy and fun' with your toys."

"It is." Kurt licks his lower lip, thinking about Sebastian's eyes, his mouth, his skin, his tears. "It is usually. But this boy is different." He waits for the question to come but when it doesn't happen, he just continues. He swallows first though. "He is vulnerable. Very vulnerable. Everytime I touch him, I feel like I'm breaking him and it … it kills me a little inside." Kurt confesses, waiting for Rachel to help him out somehow, like she always does.

"Hmm, maybe you should treat him with some delicacy. Does he want to be your toy?"

Kurt closes his eyes. He hates this so much, hates that he doesn't have an answer for that. Sebastian told him that he was on for the sex but Kurt has no idea if he believes him. What is sure though, it's that Sebastian doesn't want to stay here, closed in his room like a prisoner, even though he didn't try to escape when he could.

"I don't know." He says honestly then. "Sometimes I feel like he does and sometimes I feel like he doesn't. But honestly? I so want him to be mine. He is … different from the other boys I had-"

"Then have him but make sure he wants it too, behave and be good to him." Rachel squeaks, a little excited again. "Don't treat him like you treated the others, just be good to him."

"That is my problem." Kurt sighs.

"What do you mean?" Rachel asks curiously.

Kurt tries to recollect his thoughts for a moment.

"I want so bad to have control with him. I tried to be gentle but ended up hurting him again. I don't want to do that. I feel like I'm so used to violence that I just can't keep it." He can feel his chest tighten at the words. "He said something to me, confessed something and I-" his voice cracks and tears are suddenly gathering in his eyes. "I wanted to hold him, and he did hold me, but I pushed him back, I almost hurt him physically and I don't want to do this anymore."

"But you can't let go of him, right?" Rachel just asks and Kurt is surprised.

He thought she was going to judge him actually.

"Yeah, it would be the best thing to do." Kurt is almost crying by now, shaking a little with the emotions of what happened in Sebastian's room. "To just free him and never see him again, let him live his life, but I can't-I can't do it, I-I don't know why-"

"I understand you." Rachel whispers softly and fondly. "I have been there with my personal driver."

"St. James?" Kurt arches his eyebrows.

"Yeah, Jesse, I hmm … kind of fell for him and thought that if I let him go, Jesse would have had a better life." She confesses and Kurt is shocked that he didn't know anything about this. "But the truth is … I couldn't let go and I can't do it now either. Even if we're not a thing, I feel things for him I'm not sure of and I'm afraid that if I let him go, I would lose something special that I didn't even get the chance to actually experiment fully."

"I don't think this is the same thing." Kurt complains. "And I'm not sure why you didn't tell me you had fallen for him?"

"Well, that happened awkwardly. Slowly inside me and quietly, until I woke up one day and I just knew." Rachel's voice sounds dreamy and also a little pained, but before Kurt can ask more, she's already speaking again. "What I mean is that I know how you're feeling, I share it. Why did you feel like you had to attack him?"

Kurt winces at the words. He was about to do just that, to attack Sebastian who only wanted to hold him closer; Sebastian who had been raped and confessed that to Kurt.

"He held me." He whispers slowly, like he's afraid someone might hear the call. "Held me tightly and we kissed softly. I felt … so many things within me as it happened, and the problem is that, as much as I loved it, there was an enormous part of me who was just afraid of that. Afraid of him hugging me, kissing me, confessing his pain to me. I don't do that, Rach. I don't let them get under my skin."

"Maybe this one is already under your skin and you don't even realize it." Rachel murmurs fondly.

"What if I don't' want him under my skin?" Kurt asks hesitantly.

"You can't control it, Kurt. Just let go for once." She replies softly. "Meet him, see him, talk to him, kiss him when you want to and when you feel like he wants to-"

"What if he doesn't want to kiss me?" Kurt asks, hating how unsure he sounds. Rachel giggles on the other line, which makes him frustrated.

"You're already head over heels, babe." She jokes and then turns serious before Kurt can complain. "If he pushes you back just wait for the moment he will want to kiss you too. For once, Kurt, the key of this whole thing is that you think about the other person instead of just thinking about yourself."

Kurt licks his lower lip. He can't even bring himself to complain about the selfishness he's being accused of because he knows it's fucking true, knows he's never cared about anyone's opinions or feelings. And right now, he's supposed to open in himself to this person he's just met because he feels something new. That can't not be awkward.

"How can I think about him, it's not like I'm in his fucking mind-"

"No curse words with me, remember? That's the rule!" Rachel scolds him and Kurt growls annoyed. "Anyway though. I know you can't read his mind but you can read his body. Sometimes body language tells a lot about a person's feelings. And for once, try not to think about your pleasure, but about the other person's need for something. I know you're a good boy, Kurt. You're a good boy grown in a mean world. Let yourself embrace your real nature and give up on this horrible bad boy mask, please?"

Kurt stays in silence for several minutes, wondering what to do. Maybe he can allow that for once, maybe he can worry about the other person in the room instead of being all concerned about himself for once. Maybe this is the chance he has to experiment how being a better person feels like and then eventually deciding if he should embrace it or let it go.

"You're probably right." He sighs, thankful that Rachel has been waiting for his reply even if it took long. "I want to give a try to this brand new thing. I don't know if it's that serious yet, but if I don't give it a chance, I will never know, right?"

"Exactly!" Rachel squeaks through the phone. "Whenever you need me, just type my number. I'll be here for you. And Kurt?" She takes just a brief pause and then adds, "Take care of yourself, but take care of him even more."

"Of course." Kurt murmurs and the call is over.

He stays in the courtyard just a few minutes more, staring absently at the screen of his iPhone and wondering how bad this is going to be, how much it is going to change him and if the consequences are going to be something Kurt can live with or not. Eventually, he walks away and just goes to his room to study. He'll think about it when his mind will feel lighter.

/

By the time he has done, dinner is almost ready.

He has had this whole time to ponder, to think back about the last few days. He is scared, so afraid of letting go to the human part of him, but yet so unable to fight the urge that it is turning to. The part that he fears the most is that he has let Sebastian get underneath his skin somehow. The fact that he trusted Sebastian and Sebastian didn't run away when he could have done so, or the fact that he kissed him softly and allowed Sebastian to hold him for a moment before he pulled back … Kurt doesn't usually lose his control so easily.

He is walking along the hallway to the dining room when he passes by Sebastian's room. There's a guard bringing a plate of food, he's already reached for the door, but Kurt makes sure he intercepts him before the man can open the door.

"James?" He says and the man looks up to him, bowing a little as he recognizes Kurt. "There's something I need to ask you."

"Whatever you desire," James almost purrs but Kurt tries to ignore it. It's not the first time that this man goes so shamelessly after him, he's used to it.

"It's about Sebastian." He says and the guy looks confused, like he has no idea who Sebastian is. Of course. "The boy, my huh, my toy here." He gestures a little awkwardly towards the door.

The man seems a little surprised and Kurt knows why. He's probably never actually called his toys by name with his employees. This must be the first time he talks about one of that like he is a person, like his name matters.

"Sebastian, of course." The man says teasingly so Kurt stiffens up, trying to pretend that he's not scared James might dare question his figure.

"You can let him out if he wants to." Kurt shrugs, pretending that he doesn't care even. "He might need some fresh air. I wouldn't want him to become too apathetic, you know."

The man looks at Kurt thoughtfully, but it doesn't last long. Of course. No one can actually disobey the orders of Burt Hummel's son. He just nods and smiles. Ugh, Kurt has never liked this man, ever. He also knows that somewhere in his wicked head, James wanted to take a ride with him but realized he wasn't good enough to even be a toy for Kurt Hummel. It must be exhausting.

"What if he tries to run away?" James lifts his eyebrows elusively and Kurt knows this is a test.

He would usually tell him to just shoot before his toy runs away. Or to just hit the crap out of him. But having someone hitting Sebastian after all that Sebastian has confessed? He wouldn't do it even if there weren't new feelings involved, even if they didn't share any moment together. But he can't really say the opposite either. It would make him look weak in the eyes of his and his dad's servants.

"He won't." He says instead, lifting his chin smugly. "He seems to be more educated than most of the others. Not to mention that he even seems to be even more educated than most of you."

James seems to sense his words as a threat of lay off because he tilts his head downwards.

When he doesn't say anything and seems apparently scared enough, Kurt walks away because he knows he has a lunch to attend and his dad doesn't really tolerate delays. One thing he's surely taught Kurt better than how to succeed is how to behave. He's the most polite kid when he has to.

Indeed, he goes to the dining room, sits at the table and when his dad comes over, he lets the conversation run the way it should be. When being at lunch or dinner, they speak about politics, about the weather, and just when they're taking coffee, Burt usually asks about Kurt's grades and his studies.

They're having coffee right now, when the dangerous conversation they had recently pops up again.

"Because, you know, I'm looking forward to the day when I can get some rest and you'll take care of the business instead," Burt is joking, but there's also that little tip of seriousness in his voice that makes Kurt understand it is some sort of indirect message for him.

"Hmm, dad, I-" his fingers shake just slightly around the handle of the cup. "I'm not saying that this day is never going to come, but I just want to be sure that it is my choice what I want to do with my life." He shrugs and looks straight into his dad's eyes. "I mean, I know I was raised for this but I also love working on my sketches and … someday I can picture myself designing for famous fashion companies."

"You can do both," Burt suggests but Kurt wrinkles his lips.

He knows that once he'll be in the business officially, everyone will know. This is how the code of silence works. Everybody knows and even if no one tells, most of them judge.

"Yeah, sure." He avoids to speak out loud that thought. "But I also think that I could have a career that is far away from here. Maybe in Europe? You know I love Europe, and Paris? Paris would be perfect for me and I just l-love it, I-" He knows he's stuttering, knows no badass attitude can keep him from doing that when he's nervous.

"Maybe we can locate a new point of trades there?" Burt suggests and it seems like he's desperately trying to make Kurt know there's a way to work this out.

And Kurt doesn't want to create him any illusion that it might work by now.

"I don't think this is working." He spits out then, though it's still soft and careful, like he doesn't want to hurt his dad in any way. "I just wouldn't make it. I could never look into someone's eyes and shoot. I couldn't kill anybody, not even to protect myself."

"But the training-"

"I've trained with mannequins, dad. There's no emotion in their painted eyes." Kurt says honestly and he sighs. "I just want you to see this from my perspective: I feel like I don't have any choice but to hurt people and I don't want to hurt people."

I don't want to hurt Sebastian, he thinks before he can help it.

Burt stays silent and just looks at him intensely. Kurt doesn't know if his look is positive or not, he just goes on.

"If Carole and Finn would be here today, I wouldn't say this. If anyone else was here but us, I'll keep it within me, but it's just us now and I want to be honest." He says sincerely. "I'm not comfortable with doing this life anymore. I think I'm not even comfortable with throwing it on alcohol, boys and … everything. Do you have any idea how much weed I smoked in the last few months?"

"What?" Burt asks concerned, "I didn't know-"

"Of course you didn't. Why would I tell you?" Kurt suggests lightly, like it doesn't matter. "But if I don't quit this way of living, all of it, it is going to eat me up before I have a chance to save myself. Is that what you want? For me to have no salvation? I'm not you, dad. I'm not as wise. As you can see, power has a terrible effect on me. It doesn't make me stronger, in fact, it only makes me weaker in the soul and it's going to make me an easy target in the flesh."

Burt seems more convinced at these words rather than Kurt's personal aims in life. It's like the instinct of protecting his son is stronger than the supremacy of getting to choose his life.

"I have to ask you something." He says though and Kurt stiffens a little, taking one long sip of coffee and nodding behind the little cup, like it might protect him. "If this is something that has always been on your mind, why are you talking to me just now? How come you've never told me before about your concern?"

Kurt puts the little cup back on the table and he looks up to Burt. As he does, he finds himself being a little breathless.

Sebastian is standing by the door, right behind his dad's chair and he looks evidently sorry, like he knows he isn't supposed to be here. He swallows down evidently and he is about to move away, but then Burt must realize Kurt has been staring at that point for too long, because he turns around.

As he melts under his gaze, Sebastian is practically paralyzed. For what Kurt can see, he has even stopped breathing.

"Hello, kiddo." Burt says easily. "How are you doing?"

For a moment, Sebastian looks insistently into Kurt's eyes, like he's desperately trying to tell him to interfere with the conversation, but Kurt just nods to him – ignoring the little stab of pain at the thought of the way he has left him this morning while they were … sharing something?

Therefore Sebastian has to clear his throat before he speaks.

"Fine." He says briefly and looks to Burt again. "I'm doing fine. I don't mind being here." He adds, though Kurt is sure that he's lying.

Burt laughs and turns to look at Kurt, "Your friend is quite the liar."

"Not my friend." Kurt spits out and when he looks up, Sebastian is giving him an intense look, but Kurt can't read into it.

"You know what I mean," Burt says and then turns to Sebastian once more, "Don't worry about the interruption, kiddo. I'm sure you can't distinguish the rooms of the house just yet. Have you eaten something?"

"Yeah, I've just-I've just finished." Sebastian says tentatively. "I guess I'll go. I'm sorry for interrupting. It wasn't my intention." His voice shakes as he speaks and Kurt hates it that right now he would stand up and walk to him until he has his arms wrapped around Sebastian.

But mostly, he hates the awareness that even if he would hug Sebastian, it wouldn't last more than a few seconds, because he would run away quick enough to hurt his feelings. If Sebastian has feelings for him of course. Kurt didn't even wonder. So stupid and arrogant of him.

"Don't worry about it, see you around?" Burt asks, which makes Kurt frown and his legs shake a little under the table.

"Of course, sir. Whenever you need me." Sebastian replies kindly and he gives Burt a half-bow before he walks away, acting as if he was one of their servants in this house.

Kurt stares while Sebastian walks away, looks at the way the hoodie covers his body, at his back that was so much better when naked. He feels tensed up at this meeting, has no idea how to read into it. Maybe there's just nothing to read into though. Maybe it just happened.

When he looks down at his dad though, Burt Hummel is giving him one long knowing gaze that is making Kurt freeze even more in his chair.

"Are you in love, Kurt?" Burt asks and Kurt's heart flips on itself.

"Of course not." He says though. "Don't be silly, dad."

He shakes his head as he looks down at his own empty cup uncomfortably, and knows he shouldn't, because everytime he looks away from his dad, Burt thinks he is lying. But he isn't. He couldn't be in love with Sebastian anyway. It's way too soon and he doesn't even believe in love. There are some feelings between them but with the emotional swirl they've gone through, Kurt isn't even sure that these feelings are actually romantic. In fact, he is pretty sure they are not. It's probably guilt that is making him softer towards Sebastian.

"If you say so," Burt groans and he goes back to drinking his coffee.

Kurt doesn't say anything. He pretends that he didn't even hear the last words. It wouldn't be okay for him to let himself wonder, especially with the moving story Rachel told him about her and Jesse St. James. Time will tell what is happening. The only thing Kurt can do is to wait.

/

It's late in the afternoon when Kurt has gone through another intense studying session and he is walking along that hallway. When he gets to the door of Sebastian's room, he knocks. There's no answer, but Kurt goes in anyway. It's not locked and there is no guard, so Kurt guesses they must have realized that Sebastian has no intention to hide. He steps in the room slowly, closing the door behind his back. When his gaze focuses on the bed, he realizes that Sebastian isn't there. So he licks his lips nervously and looks around.

The window is closed, the little lamp light in the corner is turned on.

And then he sees him.

Sebastian is sitting beside the ruined desk in that corner, on the floor, his back against the wall and his knees pressed to his chest. The position awkwardly and painfully reminds Kurt of this morning, so he guesses that maybe Sebastian curls around often. Maybe it's a defensive position or something.

"Hey." Kurt murmurs and though he is sure that the other boy noticed he's here, only then does Sebastian turn his unfocused gaze toward him. "What are you doing there?"

"Just thinking." Sebastian says quickly and, instead, he watches the way Kurt moves around him and around the room.

Sebastian has no idea how to explain it, has no idea why he feels safer now that Kurt is here, but he does. Kurt feels too much an anchor right now and it is too dangerous to let go completely to this sensation. Sebastian knows, but he just can't stop. It's so easy to find relief in a demon, because he has the shape of an angel.

"Do you want me to … do something for you?" He asks, unable to keep it, wondering why he is asking, if this is part of his subconscious.

Kurt frowns momentarily, but then he seems to realize what Sebastian is implying. His face drops a little at the way this boy is already being submissive, but he feels relieved when he notices that Sebastian isn't sick or disgusted at the idea. At least he is willing to have sex partly. Kurt doesn't know how he would feel if this would make Sebastian sick to his stomach and scared to death.

"Not now," he says then, stepping to Sebastian but keeping a minimal distance between them anyway. "Actually," he breathes in and stares into Sebastian's eyes before he adds, "There's something I want to show you."

Sebastian looks doubtful for a moment.

And he is doubtful. He is afraid that he shouldn't have walked in on them having dinner, afraid that he's going to get punished for this. Eventually though, he stands up with the thought in mind that Kurt doesn't look mad at him or angry in anyway. Whatever he wants to show to Sebastian, it probably doesn't have anything to do with the fact that he might have over-heard their conversation.

Because Kurt doesn't know that Sebastian over-heard it, doesn't know he's buzzing a little with Kurt's hesitation, and the way he reacted to his dad's words.