Disclaimer: Twilight and all its characters belong Stephenie Meyer. I just wanted to see how they might deal with real life.

Author's Note: Big thanks again to the ladies who give their time to correct my crazy mistakes and encourage me to keep on writing…Cougar and Celeste…couldn't do it without you! Luv you ladies!

Bella wants to tell us about her past because, as we all know, the past sometimes complicates the present.

The Past Never Really Is

I always hated take-off time. Flying didn't bother me but the sensation of the lift-off was uncomfortable and this was our second one today. Our layover in Salt Lake City had added almost 2 hours to our return flight home but had also given me time to think about what was coming next. Edward looked at me and cocked his eyebrow.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked

"I'm nervous," I admitted. "Let's tell your family first."

"Chicken!" Edward teased kissing me on the nose, and then added more seriously, "Why are you so nervous about telling Charlie?"

I sucked in a deep breath and thought about my response. A grown woman should not be afraid to tell her father about a decision she'd made, especially one that made her happy. The problem wasn't so much that he'd be angry, although that's probably how he would initially react. My actual concern was that I'd be breaking his heart. Charlie had a very different picture of what my life should look like, and it didn't include Edward. It did, however, include Jacob.

A sense of unease settled over me as memories rushed to fill my mind.

Until our breakup shortly before my trip to Italy, I had been in love for many years, for most of my life, with Jacob. I'd known him since childhood and our relationship was natural, organic and real, a no brainer, really. He owned my heart in every way from the very beginning. We never made a conscious effort to date, we just were a couple and everyone knew it. We experienced everything that life had to offer together. He'd been there through my happiest times, graduation, first job, birthdays and holidays. He'd been there through my darkest times, first my grandmother's death and then my mother's. We'd experienced the pains and joys of growing up and becoming adults together. There was nothing we didn't know about each other. We'd been each others' first kisses and first times.

He was different from me in every way - his dark skin to my light, his impulsive nature to my reserved one, his easy smile to my cautious demeanour. But that didn't matter. I looked to him to be all the things I could not be and relied on him to make me whole. And I believed that I made him whole too.

And he was fun. Much more fun than I was. It felt like he always had friends around him, attracting people like flies to honey. Everyone wanted to spend time with him, to talk and laugh with him, to have a piece of him. I understood the attraction and was proud to be the one Jacob chose to spend time with. During our high school years we were constantly surrounded by people, the most popular couple in school. If truth be told, however, at times I was a bit jealous of how naturally people were attracted to him. I didn't command as much attention and was not as adored, or so it seemed to me. He was truly the one people wanted to spend time with. But still, it made my heart flutter to think he wanted to spend his time with me, that he was mine.

Of course, my father loved Jacob. He was his best friend's son and, in his mind, things could not have worked out more perfectly. Charlie trusted Jacob by default; in his eyes he could do no wrong. In our youth, that was an advantage. We were not fenced in by tight curfews or overprotective parents like our friends were. Jacob spent countless hours at my house and I at his. And, contrary to what all other fathers in the world were concerned about, my dad seemed not to worry about any mischief we might get into. It would have given Charlie an aneurysm to know that we'd made love in my room for the first time when we were both just 16 years old.

I shook my head. I should not be thinking of Jacob at this moment, with Edward by my side. But, as usual, once I started down this journey into the past I was hard pressed to avoid the memories.

It's funny how I could easily remember the good times, if I chose to - Jacob bringing me flowers, telling me silly jokes when I was down, sneaking up and tickling me unexpectedly. These images brought a smile to my lips. In truth, since I'd met Edward, it was easier to remember and cherish the good times with Jacob. The hurt and disappointment I'd felt was now buried deep. I'd made my peace with the role I'd played in the destruction of my relationship with Jacob and I had Edward to help me move forward.

But, more often than not, the memories that haunted me were the sad ones – the last few months with Jacob had been difficult. My faith in love and my belief in happily ever after had been decimated.

Back then I had been so ready to spend my life with Jacob, for the certainty of waking up next to him every day, for the day to day joys and sorrows, for bringing our children into the world, for growing old together. And I'd thought he was too.

Looking back now, I know I pushed. Once I'd reached the point where I believed that the future had to start immediately, I didn't look back. I wanted to start our lives, to begin the forever I imagined. So I pushed. Actually, I shoved. I spoke of marriage at every turn, picking fights when he didn't respond as I wanted him to, sulking when I didn't get my way. In short, I pushed him away. I see that now, but I didn't see it then. All I understood at that point is that everyone thought we should be moving to the next step – everyone!

All our friends were moving in that direction. Angela and Ben were engaged and I knew that Jessica and Mike were headed there. Why weren't we? It made no sense; we'd been together for so long, so much longer than them. But, as I pushed, he retreated, and I just got angry, not allowing him the opportunity to explain, just feeling betrayed. Because I could not understand his hesitation, I began to doubt his love for me. How could he be pulling away from me after all this time? Did he not love me like he professed to? Did he think I wasn't good enough for him?

Our fights had been explosive and frequent during that time. More and more each day I imagined that there was something he wasn't telling me. Maybe there someone he didn't want me to know about.

"Are you seeing someone else?" I'd demanded during one of our more heated fights. "Is that why you don't want to marry me?"

"Don't be ridiculous Bella." he retorted. "You know that's not true."

"What's the problem then?" I asked.

"Do we have to go into this again? I think we're too young, we're not ready. Look what happened to your parents, married young and divorced just as quickly. Is that what you want for us?"

"You think our love won't last?" I asked, defeated.

I don't even remember his response. Once this thought took hold of my mind and my heart, it was the beginning of the end. Spending time with him only meant that my heart broke into smaller and smaller pieces.

At first he fought me tooth and nail. He told me how much he loved me. He was caring and attentive. He tried to explain his thoughts – that we were too young, that there was so much yet to discover before settling own, that we had plenty of time. He never admitted that he was scared, although looking back it was clearly there in his eyes. But, by that point, I could not see things from his perspective. And so I distanced myself even more and he became quiet. In some far-away corner of my mind, I knew I wasn't being rational and that I was destroying something good. But the emotions were so strong that I was overpowered.

We simply spiralled downwards until there was nothing left to save.

It was a Thursday. I remember it as if it were yesterday although 9 months have passed. We were sitting in the living room of Jacob's small house watching television. Actually, I was pretending to watch. I had made up my mind about what I wanted and had formulated my ultimatum – let's take the next step or let's end this now. I was nervous but also strangely confident of what the outcome of the conversation would be. We loved each other. I just had to be clear about what I wanted and this would work itself out.

As we sat there, I was sure that we were both feeling the tension in the air. Finally, whatever Jacob was watching came to an end. I heard him take a deep breath, probably anticipating my mood. He turned around to look at me and, in true Jacob fashion, asked me if I was hungry.

In that moment, all the emotions of the past months rushed through me and, without thinking any further, I made my demands.

"Look," I said, "I'm tired of all this fighting. You know that I'm ready for us to get married, to start our life together, and I don't understand why you don't want that."

He started to speak, but I held my hand out to stop him. I needed to make the full speech I'd been rehearsing.

"I know there are lots of reasons not to marry early, but this is us, Jake, you and me. We've been together forever. I don't think I'll ever love anyone like I love you. I'm ready, I want to move forward, get married and have children."

"I don't understand why this is so important right now." He interrupted me. "I'm not saying no, just not right now. Is this because of Angela and Ben getting married? Are you jealous of them? We're not them. We need to make decisions that are right for us and this isn't it. I'm tired of you being such a bitch about this."

His final words stung. He'd never used that type of language with me, not during our entire relationship. I snapped.

"Look, it has nothing to do with Ang and Ben," I yelled. "It has to do with you and me, about with what I want. Am I wasting my time here? I feel like you're using me until something better comes along. You know what I want and if you loved me at all, you wouldn't be so hesitant. So what will it be, do you love me enough or should I just walk out that door and never look back?"

The look on his face is one I'll never forget. Stunned, confused and extremely hurt followed immediately by anger and resentment. He looked down to collect himself and I braced myself for what I anticipated would happen next. But there was no more fighting. When he looked up, his mouth was set in a straight line and the sorrow was evident in his eyes. I could see his response to my demands without him speaking any words. Without hesitation and fuelled by my own anger, I stormed out of the house. I saw him standing at the door as I started my truck and heard him call my name, but I did not respond.

I've never been back.

After that, Jacob called and left messages for me every day, several times a day. Always saying the same thing - we needed to talk, to work things out. That he loved me. And eventually, he gave in – saying that he would do whatever made me happy. But I didn't want only my happiness, I wanted his too. I didn't want him to do this for me; I wanted him to need me, just like I needed him.

Of course, I ignored every message and never answered the phone if I saw his number, so he took to coming over unexpectedly. I never answered the door when I heard his car or his motorcycle approach the house. And I steadfastly refused to speak with him. My anger had overtaken my sadness by that point. Eventually, the frequency of the calls and visits slowed from several times a day to several times a week. Then, even less. No one could believe it. No one understood. I didn't understand either. All I knew was that what had been perfect was now lost.

At first, my cheeks were streaked with tears every minute of every day. I was inconsolable. I was sad and angry and confused. Angela and Jessica had tried to comfort me as best they could but I didn't really let them. I wallowed in my misery. And Charlie was angry. He and I never discussed what happened. I don't know if he got the story from Jacob, but I think he must have because I could tell that he blamed me for the break up. He pressed me to give things another try. We began to fight too and eventually, it seemed like I was pushing everyone I loved away.

Funny enough, it was Jessica, in one of her never-ending talks about nothing in particular, who changed my life. She suggested that I should get away. Actually, she suggested that we should go away together but that didn't sit well with me. I enjoyed spending time with Jess but only in small doses. Her idea stuck in my mind though. I had always wanted to do some travelling and this seemed to be a great opportunity. That's when I went to Italy and my life changed.

I had gone to see Jacob when I returned from Italy. I did not want to leave things as they were. Somehow, having Edward in my life made me see more clearly. Jacob and I had just been at different placed and perhaps we didn't know how to express those feeling. I had hurt him deeply and I wanted to make up for that. I didn't want to lose Jacob as my friend. And we were working hard at becoming friends, although, it seemed easier for me to move on, probably because I had Edward, than for him. He occasionally spoke of our past and the future we could still have and I had to remind him that our break up was for the best. I don't think he fully believed me. I'm sure he still loved me and I saw the sadness occasionally creep back into his eyes when he thought I wasn't looking at him. I wanted to erase that sadness because I knew I had put it there and I would work very hard at being a good friend.

It had been difficult to introduce Edward to Jacob. The tension in the room had been palpable. They would probably never like each other and I had come to terms with that, or so I told myself. Jacob had taken me aside and we had fought over his insistence that Edward was my "rebound" man. I decided that we all needed time to get used to our new lives. All I wanted was to move forward and to have everyone in my life be happy and I would do whatever was necessary to make that happen. I wasn't in love with Jacob anymore, but I did love him. I needed him in my life and I needed to be in his.

And now I had to tell Charlie and Jacob that Edward and I were married. I would be breaking both their hearts again. I could anticipate the anger and the sadness and I didn't know if I was strong enough to handle it.

"Hellllooooo...Bella?" Edward waved his hand in front of my face to break me out of my dream. "Are you OK? You haven't answered my question."

"Sorry, I was just thinking about how to tell Charlie." It wasn't the full truth about where my mind had been but I knew that Edward felt a certain amount of jealousy towards Jacob and I didn't want the conversation to move in that direction. He didn't understand why it was so important to me to have Jacob in my life and, try as I might, my explanations didn't make sense to him. So, I would have to make sure to go see Jacob on my own to tell him the news, I didn't want Edward involved in that conversation.

"I think we'll be just fine." I smiled at Edward, and then mumbled to myself "eventually".