Chapter FOUR!: They resolve teh Chief's story, but they don't!

Disclaimer: This shit will blow your mind.

Three years in the making. This is the last chapter. Here it is.

My name is Xytan 'Jar Wattinree. If you don't already know me, you pretty missed the point of the entire Halo series. Seriously. I can't understate how important I am, and how integral I am to the plot. It's a subtle importance, but it's big. I'll be leading you for the rest of this journey. That's just the type of guy I am.

When we last left our heroes, as they say, "shit was becoming a reality". Our main character, Master Chief...

...Seriously, I don't know why they call him a main character. I don't want to be pompous or anything, but I'm kind of a big deal. I mean, he's important and everything, but y'know, someone's gotta hold up the series. Y'know what? I'm the bigger man. It's okay. I'm good. Just a bit of recognition now and again would be nice. We cool? Okay. We cool.

...had just woken up from a terrible nightmare concerning Thel 'Vadam. Our heroine Sakura was brutally shot, and her mysterious twin Rakura had risen from her corpse. There was then a run-in with a flying Eggplant Koala. There was false use of interval notation, a terrible crime in these parts, and finally, a banana that was poisoned was engulfed by phagocytosis. Verily.

Now then, on to today's episode. We find our hero in the Mess Hall, which is the military equivalent of the Louvre. Framed pieces of art sat on the walls. While you're with me, let's take a look at a few. The first picture is one by Officer Ray Manta. He called it "Mashed Potatoes in Slumber". See the delicate use of potatoes as shading here, on this potato glob. Note the masterful of use of gravity on this glob, which is sliding off the wall, making this a piece in motion. Such masterful composition. Such genius! Moving on, this seems to be a lovely piece by Admiral Stahrfeesh, called "Untitled". The medium used appears to be canned peaches, with a few specks of what looks to be frozen peas. This work of art has been for a while, and even seems to have a few dashes of graceful, fuzzy mold. Look at how the mold growth accents the ... the... the ness of this piece! Just as masterful as any galleria. Excuse me, I am brought to tears... I need a moment.

I have returned. Now then, let us join our hero as he sits in the Mess Hall. In a wonderful display of arm flexibility, Master Chief is waving his arms in the air. An uneated C-Ration sits in front of him, forlorn and forgotten. The marines surrounding him were staring, mouths agape, at this spectacle.

To fully understand how this event came to be, we must examine this specimen's mind. Come hither with me, on a journey through the brain of a Spartan. Be aware that once within the mind, I will take on a different form. Do not be alarmed, as I am still with you.

We have arrived. This current state is incredibly unstable, and incredibly rare. Do not be scared by the floating platforms, with no seeming end. Yes, there is a wall in front of us, you can try walking if you'd like, it's not going to work. We call this an invisible wall. If you look over there, you can see what seems a Scarab, fighting off tiny marines. It all looks like a miniature storybook, does it not? Please, follow me. There is a path up I would like us to take. The wall ends here, and that's where the path begins. You cannot see it, so do not be afraid. You will not fall. But I would not suggest looking down.

I told you not to look down. See how you can see our own faces? And towards the top of the square, we can see the scenery around us, repeating on to eternity. We call this an infinity square. I would not advise looking while moving- things get a little bit, as they say, trippy.

I expect things to be getting back to normal soon. Oh! There we go. Now that we are surrounded by white, and our faces have returned to their usual states, it is safe to say that our journey is coming to an end.

"Where am I? What happened? How did I get into the mess hall? Why is everyone staring? Why are my arms in the air?"

My my, that voice is booming! Our boy is coming back!

"I feel so drained... The hell? What could have led to this... moment? Maybe if I try to think back on what happened?"

Oh, dear. I don't think I can handle memories. I'm afraid you all are on your own from this point on. It has been a pleasure guiding you. Farewell.

The colors began to pour back into Chief's mind. Slowly, they formed hallways- those of the Cairo. A mission... An emergency mission... A mission only for him. The colors poured into the figure of the Chief, hurriedly walking towards the command room. Lord Hood had called him in for something. The colors rearranged themselves and became the command room, Hood standing proudly at its apex. Wait, that's another memory. No... Something was different this time... Hood wasn't standing. He was sprawled out on the ground. Dead? No... Not dead... Just... lying there, staring at the ceiling, with a wide grin on his face. No blood, no signs of severe injury... There seemed no point for him to be there. Hood sat up, and locked eyes with the Chief. Something wasn't right- something was off about his glance. Had he been an AI, Chief would have suspected rampancy.

"Chief, I've got an important mission for you," Hood started, slightly stuttering. Chief nodded expectantly.

"Top. Secret. Mission." From his jacket, he pulled out what looked to be a simple mushroom. He handed it to the Chief.

"Sir, what is the mission? What am I going to do with this?" Chief cocked his head quizzically.

"You... are going to go places. Places no one has ever gone before. You're going to see things that will make even the most hardened war heroes cry like small children... This... is Halo." He then collapsed back to the ground, humming softly.

Chief looked at the mushroom in his hand. Was it lunch? It must be lunch.

He took off his helmet, popped the mushroom in his mouth, and replaced the helmet. It tasted funny, but mushrooms always did. He never really liked them. In fact, if it hadn't been a mission, he probably wouldn't have eaten it at all.

He walked back towards the gym in order to get some training in. It was then that things got fuzzy. Literally, the walls grew fuzz. Odd.

He reached out, and touched it, expecting a fuzzy feeling. He got pudding. Huh. The pudding was on the ceiling. Did the ceiling feel like fur? He had to find out. He reached up, and felt. It felt like spaghetti. The floor was jello, and it was beginning to swallow him up.

He regained control of the situation, and began to unsteadily walk on the jello to get around the corner.

Among the shifting masses of foreign textures stood a young girl. She had long pinkish-purplish hair, and was clad in leather. She had no identification, and she was heading right for him. She grinned, and yelled...

"HAY CHIEF! LET'S HANG OUT!"

Welcome back, my friends. It's me, Xytan. Your friendly guide through the world of this journey. I don't get the recognition I deserve, but that's cool. I'm okay.

I hope you enjoyed this final installment in the journey of the Master Chief. Good day, my friends. And always expect the unexpected.