A/N: Sorry, I hate to get your update-hopes up, but I just wanted to say that I have a new poll up on what list I should do next!! I need some votes, guys! Poll closes Wednesday at 5. Yay! I remembered that I'm supposed to be writing lists! Ok, Twilight fans (HP fans, please proceed to the list below, thank you for your cooperation), I'm thinking about doing a Twilight version of 10 Things. What I need . . . IDEAS! So far, I have 10 Thing the Volturi Do in Their Spare Time, 10 Things Emmett can NEVER DO AGAIN, and 10 Nicknames Alice Doesn't Appreciate. I NEED MORE!! You will get credited if I like and use your idea. If not, thanks anyway! RIDICULOUSLY LONG AUTHOR'S NOTE!

10 OOC Characters That I Find Mildly Hilarious

the following are interviews conducted with the OOCs

1. Angst-Filled Harry-

Me: Harry, you've recently defeated the Dark Lord Voldemort. Tell us about that.

AFH: A lot of the people I loved died. My life has become meaningless because there's no more Dark wizards to hunt down and kill. I can't hold a girlfriend, and my hormones are all acting up.

Me: Wow, that's really . . . pubescent. What's this about not being able to hold a girlfriend? What happened to Ginny?

AFH: She left me because she said I was too angsty for her. (Starts to sob uncontrollably).

Me: Uh, wow. You? Angsty? I never would have guessed . . .

2. Whore-mione

Me: So, Hermione, something's different about you . . .

Mione: I got a make-over. That's when someone makes you beautiful so you can finally date Ron, Harry, Malfoy, Neville, Snape, AND Dumbledore at the same time without any of them caring! You should try it sometime . . . you're looking a little . . . ugly.

Me: Gee, thanks WHORE-mione.

Mione: You wanna go, Mugglebutt?

Me: BRING IT!

(After a brief and painful scuffle with Hermione)

3. Emo Draco:

Me: Draco, what's it like to be on the good side of things now?

ED: What is the difference between good and evil? Who decrees what is good and what is evil? I know not.

Me: Er, ok . . . what's with the black hair/clothes and scarred wrists?

ED: I can not forget my past misdeeds. They haunt me to this day . . . reminding me of my former life. Horrors! I wear black as a symbol of mourning!

Me: That still doesn't explain the scars . . .

ED: I CUT MYSELF TO FEEL ALIVE!

Me: I'm gonna go have nightmares. You need professional help.

(Several nightmares later...)

4. Fattie Ron

Me: Ron . . . you've changed a lot. Where were you hiding those extra two-hundred pounds?

Ron: Do you have any roast beef? (MISTRESS OF CRAZINESS!)

Me: Er, no? How's life been for you, Ron?

Ron: I really want some biscuits. Or some cupcakes. Do you have any cupcakes?

Me: I don't have any food! I'm just trying to interview you for the enjoyment of the readers!

Ron: You don't have any food? Not even a cupcake?

Me: No, no food.

Ron: Well, that's unfortunate. I suppose I'll have to eat you.

Me: Noooooooo!!!

(After cutting myself out of Ron's stomach using Emo Draco's handy-dandy Emo-tastic razor blade because he was, oddly enough, also eaten by Ron at some point...)

5. Neville the Idiot

Me: Neville, you assisted a lot with the killing of Voldemort. Tell me, how did you do it?

NI: I dunno . . . I taked the sharp thingie . . . and then I cutted off the snake's head and it bleeded on me. It was real hard to get out of my clothes.

Me: Oh . . . oh, I see. Um, how did that feel?

NI: Well my grandmother was mad cause those was my only clothes that I had left after the war . . . so I guess I was sad.

Me: Neville, what's your current IQ?

NI: Last time I checkeded it was almost seven.

Me: Just go home, Neville. Just go home.

6. Luna on Drugs

Me: Luna, you seem pretty wound up today.

LOD: Do I? Really? I'm gonna go find a Blibbety Boingapop!

Me: Can it wait? I'm kinda trying to interview you.

LOD: You seem uptight! (tee-hee!) Do you want some of these magic mushrooms?

Me: Loony - I mean - LUNA, those aren't magic mushrooms! They're just illegal mushrooms! Don't let anyone seem them!

LOD: Relax, man . . . now let's go find that Blibbety Boingapop!

(After one long and fruitless search for a Blibbety Boingapop)

7. Gay Remus/Sirius

Me: Ugh, guys, it's been a really long day, so Remus-

R: Please, call me Mike.

S: And I am Ike!

Me: Of course you are. Now, how did you end up in this little suburb in Connecticut?

Er, Mike?: Oh, it's the CUTEST story! Remember, Ikey-poo?

Ike: I sure do! I think it was fall-

Mike: No, no, no, it was spring!

Ike: That's right! It was spring, and Mikey was working at Honeyduke's-

Mike: Was it Honeyduke's? I really thought that it was Fourish and Blotts-

Ike: No, no, honey, it was Honeyduke's, anyway-

Me: I'm just gonna go.

(After one failed suicide attempt and several large painkillers)

8. Senile Dumbledore

Me: Does that honestly say 'Senile Dumbledore'? SENILE DUMBLEDORE? HAVEN'T I BEEN PUT THROUGH ENOUGH TODAY? WHERE DOES THE INJUSTICE END?

SD: Um, hello, I'm Albus. Are you quite all right?

Me: B-b-b-b-b-but you aren't senile!

Just regular Dumbledore: Actually, Senile Dumbledore is on vacation somewhere on Mars. I told him that I would fill in for him at his interview this afternoon. Is that ok?

Me: (relieved sigh) Dumbledore, that is BEYOND ok. It's fantas-

SENILE DUMBLEDORE: I'M BACK FROM MARS! AND IT'S NAKED TIME!!

JRD: Senile! Put your pants on! You're embarrassing me!

(After putting SD's pants back on and letting the nurses give him his 'nappy time' shot)

9. Pervert Sirius

Me: So, Sirius, you have toed the line between 'player' and 'pervert' in every Marauder fic that has ever been written. Why did you choose to cross it now?

PS: I dunno, some 12-year-old boy got his hands on a computer, and now I'm obsessed with boobs and say 'That's what SHE said!' on every occasion possible. Isn't it great?

Me: Actually, it's really childish and ridiculous and I don't enjoy it at all.

PS: That's what SHE said!

Me: You're an idiot.

PS: That's what SHE said!

Me: I'm sure she did.

10. Stereotypical black guy Dean

Me: So, Dean, I've never seen you stereotyped as an African-British wizard before. Why are you on this list?

SBGD: It's yo list, ho!

Me: Right you are, right you are. Can you think of any other reasons?

SBGD: Well, yous gettin' to da end of da story, G, so I be thinkin' dat you runnin' outta ideas, coo? Now, listen to dis rhyme!

I be rollin with da Harry

Da ghetto can get scary

But I got meh wand, wand, wand

Yeah, I got meh wand, wand, wand,

We be checkin out da witches

Man, Ron Weasley is a b!tch, jizz

I jinx him wit meh wand, wand, wand,

Yeah, he's dead cuz of meh wand, wand, wand

Magic really rocks, G

Hermione's super foxy-

(After one long and confusing magic rap)

I have come to the difficult conclusion that very few of these cliches are widespread, but all are equally annoying. Let's see how our participants have fared since the interview.

1. Angsty Harry is currently in lots and lots of therapy and just discovered ProActive, which has greatly helped his youthful acne.

2. Ho-mione is currently in the hospital because she was attacked by the girlfriends of all of her . . . 'guys on the side'.

3. Emo-Draco has attempted suicide four times, but still isn't serious enough to go through with it.

4. Fatty Ron called Jenny Craig and has lost almost four pounds in the three months since the interview. Way to go.

5. Neville the Idiot passed second grade last week. His grandmother is ecstatic.

6. Luna on Drugs is in rehab . . . she is having trouble abstaining from all twenty-seven substances that she was found to be addicted to.

7. Mike and Ike are still in their suburb. That's all I'm saying about THAT.

8. Senile Dumbledore ran into a wall and died of joy. I didn't know that could happen, but that's what the Healers said.

9. Pervert Sirius has been sentenced to sensitivity training twice a week . . . unfortunately the training is run by 12-year-old boys. His future is not bright.

10. Finally, Dean. He is currently the Rap Rookie of Britain. The rhyme that he 'spun' for us above is now his #1 single.