For those of you unaware, which I guess is no one ~ a "Crack" fic means some thing that takes more than liberal artistic license.
For some strange reason, FF's document manager got some beef with abbreviations of mr and mrs. it always cuts them off when I upload. It's so annoying. If I hadn't clearly remembered typing and retyping this part, I would think it's some thing I did.
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There's a silver lining to Harry trying to learn as many symbols as he can to create a portal. No, it's not succeeding to create a portal, but failing to achieve good grades. Now many of you guys might wonder how in the world that's a good thing?
It simply meant Harry proved to be naturally stupider than Dudley, as such, aunt Petunia did not at all mind when he vanished in to his cup board after doing his chores to do his home work. In fact, she even let him the picture books which might have become too simple for Dudley ( she liked to think the ends worn out because of reading, not because Dudley liked to bash them on walls), even let him read along with Dudley at times, so that it may help his cerebral development.
While Harry might have appreciated these renewed efforts from aunit petunia to educate once upon a time ( a week ago), Now they are nothing but distractions in on his way to learn how to create a portal. Harry, concluding that learning how to create a portal is more important than writing an imaginary fiction or doing his homework, sufficiently fell behind in both to make Dudley look a nerd.
That resulted in strangest out come ever. Aunt Petunia, mistakenly assuming that Dudley is some kind of whiz kid, now forced him to sit and do all his home work, puzzles and scientific questionnaires and such. That meant his aunt spent not a single moment in kitchen cooking food. i.e. Harry can cook entire dinner with his wand and send food to his room with out any kind of problem what so ever.
Aunt petunia even gave him more food for finishing early and docilely waiting in his cup board while she called him out for dinner. Harry got almost four meals a day, far smaller than what Dudley consumed in a single meal, but four meals none the less. He never went hungry at all. The only thing he needs to do now is find a way to create that portal, so he can solve the bathroom problem too.
Time passed. Harry learned at least ten symbols a day, but it's not enough to learn the symbols. He had to learn the sequence too, and there shouldn't even be minutest mistake when creating the portal. If there's even smallest of the mistakes, the portal will collapse if he is lucky, if he is unlucky... Harry dreaded to consider that option. The book depicted gruesome images of a black hole eating away at people, people accidentally vanishing in to the portals never to return.
It's fine if he gets the back lash of the collapsing portal. Harry feared the consequences of what happens if Dudley is the one to accidentally go in to the portals. As much as his family ignored him, he did not dislike them. After all, Aunt Petunia gave him, Harry the freak, magic wand, not Dudley. Even his uncle Vernon gave him the tea party ensemble, which now finished his dining room.
He even did not hate Dudley, for if Dudley is not there, there wouldn't be any toys or otherwise entering the home at all. If there are no broken or ugly toys, Harry would get no toys what so ever. The story books! If it's any child other than Dudley, They would have probably hoarded the story books. Dudley some times threw a book under the door in to the cup board, just so Aunt petunia won't press him to read it again. Harry liked his story books.
All in all, he liked his life just fine the way it is, if he can have some unconventional solutions to some of the problems, all the more better. Thus, Harry learned the symbols painstakingly, all five hundred of them. Then he laboriously learned the rune sequence, written the sequence in school toilet with crayons on the wall for an entrance, repeated the same in his cup board for an exit.
He even went to school to go potty and came back. How ever, when he woke up in the morning and had to go urgently, he could not go to school lavatory at all. For the first time in a long while, Harry cried. He almost peed in his pants. It's all the more hard to hold it in when he hadn't planned for it. It is quite hurtful to go through all the trouble and the portal to work only once.
In his bad mood, he accidentally burned the bacon. Aunt Petunia whacked his head with ladle for not paying attention. He would have cursed, but he knew well enough if he did not keep his manners, his aunt won't even give him the burnt toast. So, he kept his cool, stopped his tears from falling, drank his meager glass of milk, dragged him self all the way to school.
The first thing he did in the recess was to run to lavatory and check for his rune markings. They are not there any more. The wall is as clean as it was yesterday. Harry thought he should write the set again, but he hadn't gotten any lee way to do that. He could already hear Dudley's gang approaching, if they caught him here, they will try to dunk him in toilet.
So, he scurried out of the toilets as fast as possible, and went to his most secret hideyhole, the nook behind the stairs. It's too small for any of Dudley's gang to fit in, except for Piers, but piers did not know about this place. Harry wrote the rune matrix on the dusty wall for no reason other than to pass time.
He did not use this entrance, nick named "not cupboard", for no other reason than he did not have the inclination at the moment. Harry is surprised when he tried going through this portal the next day morning and it worked. It worked the day after too, while the rune markings that he wrote in toilets kept vanishing mysteriously.
Harry, unable to resist the mystery, copped out one day in the toilets after all his chores are finished. If push comes to shove, he can always leave through his 'not cupboard' exit. That is how he discovered what's happening. As soon as children left, the janitors came and cleaned the place thoroughly. That meant, any and all crayon markings. How ever, it is not the same for the shelf under the stairs, for no one looked in there for crayon markings, and crayon markings them selves are really small.
Harry left that day pondering over a solution. He wondered about it the day after and the next and the best he could come up is he will need some kind of tool that makes the writing super small or super invisible. Harry tried making the crayon markings invisible, but even so, some how they got wiped away. Harry, as some one knowledgeable of this entire cleaning business, assumed that some one is cleaning the walls even if they don't see any crayon markings or otherwise.
Thus, his need for some thing sharper. He could get Dudley's things, but he did not know what to get. Plus, his magic did not like it when he took some thing deliberately. That day, Harry learned a lesson. Good things will make you put in effort one way or another. He has received his wand only after braving wrath of Aunt petunia and a beating from uncle Vernon. From the moment the wand came in to his hands, it's making him think one way or another, either for some thing as simple as learning recipes, or for some thing as complex as this portal. He knew with out a doubt this portal is a good thing. Thus, it is going to need a lot more work from him. So, he went on to read other things in the magic book.
Days passed. Harry continued reading through the magic book. There are many other things he can do. He could put some symbols on his blanket so he can meet people in dreams. How ever, there are way too many symbols he did not know. There's one to create a fire place which burned every thing but wood. That would not be useless, but Harry can just as well take some thing and throw in the bin.
There's one to make people not notice some thing, and it only had like ten symbols Harry did not learn. There's another to get things of a specific description, how ever far they may be or how many obstacles there may be in the path. There's one to knit in to the blanket and his clothes, so he could better if he is hurt and in winter, he can stay as warm as he can. There's one that can even make his roof look like sky at all times. How ever, Harry did not know how to knit. Plus, the summer is already here.
Harry finally learned the symbols needed to place what the book called notice me not ward and placed it just after the brooms and cleaning supplies. He is absolutely sure if aunt petunia noticed his room is bigger than Dudley's, she will make him take the bed room. Harry liked his magical cup board.
Soon, It's July is ending. Harry woke up full of anticipation on the day of his birthday. Aunt Petunia cooked to day instead of him, and he is given five more minutes to bath. Its' cold water as usual, but just for this day, Harry carried his wand in to the bath room. He told the water to become warm and guess what? They did. He had a nice warm shower, and even a toast with orange marmalade and a pancake and syrup just as Dudley is having.
Harry went to school in high spirits. Dudley did try to chase him during the lunch hour, but Harry escaped to through his portal and came back just as lunch finished. When he came back home, he heard they are going to movies. Harry could not contain his happiness. That is, until they were about to leave and his aunt informed he is not part of the entourage. Had it been like before, Harry wouldn't have done this. Hell, if he hadn't been living in as much comfort or had as much energy, he wouldn't have done it. How ever, Harry is a healthy four year old, being told on your birthday that you are the only one not going to movies is unacceptable.
"Why? I want to come too." Harry screamed at his aunt and uncle.
The lights started flickering in the living room.
Petunia cuffed him in the back to snap him out of his tantrum, while Vernon grabbed him by the scuff of his neck. Dudley smirked at him from behind his father's legs, while Harry growled at him. The flowerpot besides Dudley exploded. Vernon turned purple.
"That's it boy. No dinner for you. You will stay in there until you learn your lesson." uncle Vernon growled at him before throwing him in the cup board. He even turned the fuse off, so Harry would not even have a light bulb In his cup board. Harry is not afraid though. He still had his wand, and he knew he can make light with it. So he did.
Time passed. With it, Harry's indignation slowly ebbed away. Harry slowly, but surely realized he has let his temper ruin a golden opportunity of staying alone in the house. Yes, the Dursleys may go to movies, how ever, had he not thrown that tantrum, he would have stayed outside his cup board, then he could have watched how much ever television he wanted. God, he is so stupid. There's nothing to be done for it though.
So, Harry did the only thing he can. He opened his magic book and started flipping through looking for some thing he can do, that's actually might be interesting. Too many symbols he did not know. Too big a spell he did not want to read. He flipped. Spell to summon items of specific description. He knows almost all symbols. He read on.
The spell summoned items of specific description mentioned in the runic circle. Like Harry called his portals either not cupboard, or magnolia tree or some such, this particular spell needs a specific description, only this should be some thing like so and so items. Harry perked up. He could summon a cake. He could even get presents.
So, he learned the all of five symbols he did not know, all wrote all the hundred and fifty symbols he did know correctly, and filled up the place for the items to be summoned as cake and presents. Then, he lit up the array with his wand. Nothing happened. Harry waited. Nothing happened. He double checked his symbols and waited some more. Nothing happened. Harry opened the book again and read through the entire description twice. It is on the third read he figured the problem. The spell said to be as descriptive and as specific as possible.
Harry removed the paper he placed in the circle of description, amended 'cake' to Harry potter's birthday cake. Then, he amended 'presents' to Harry potters' birthday presents. Then he placed the description, and activated the spell once more. Nothing happened. Harry, felt dejected even having expected this outcome. How ever, just as he turned his back to the spell he sensed the change.
There is a package there. Harry eagerly took the package, and opened it to see what's in there. It looked like chocolate fudge. Harry couldn't have smiled wider. There's even a letter associated with the fudge, from some one called Ginny. She wished him a happy birthday, and hoped he enjoyed the fudge. Harry did not know who this is, but he sure hoped he could meet her. How ever, that's not the end.
A cup cake with a single candle on it was next. Harry eagerly picked it up, lit the candle with his wand. A man's voice sang birthday song to him. The voice is sad and off key, but Harry liked it. The man even told him where ever he is, may he be happy. He called him pronglet, Harry doesn't know what it is, but he will sure find out. May be it is his dad. Or not, if it's his dad, then he would be living with him. May be it's a distant uncle. Harry hoped he can meet him too. The next is a teddy bear from some one called Bones, a weird golden ball from some one called vance, and a iron cauldron which he had no idea what to do with, but happy to receive any way.
As the runic array lit up and spewed out more presents, each more weirder than previous one. By the time it's all finished, Harry had quite the haul in his cup board. There's a little broom stick he had no idea what to do with, there's the golden ball, and some book in which the pictures moved, boat loads of chocolate, and boat loads of cake. More and more items started arriving even as Harry is putting away stuff. Harry is now quite thankful he hadn't gone to movies. He so would have missed all these if he had gone to movies. Harry is locked up in his cup board for a week this time. Harry did not even notice it this time around.