On my deathbed… maybe!
Rel 2.0
By Pizzigri
Disclaimer: Urusei Yatsura and all regular characters from UY series are copyright Rumiko Takahashi.
Point of no return
Notes.
Of course, on another planet a lot of things would be different, but for the sake of simplicity let's assume that someone (yours truly) has already translated all units (distances, time etc) in comprehensible stuff!
Also, I imagine that any military organization would have its own jargon and even a phonetic alphabet. So, let's just say I have translated, for your convenience, that stuff as well… Some terms are explained in the end notes.
WAR!
War.
Mr. Invader despises War. Not for the violence, the killings, the destruction…
actually, that's the most enjoyable part!
The Oni Warlord, now pondering about the situation in his office within the UDF HQ Government building complex, fondly recalls all the times the local government of an newly invaded planet did not honor their word and attacked Uru forces, in the aftermath of a lost customary game of tag.
The fighting. The exciting feeling of overly superior power. The planet's unavoidable submission.
That always felt good.
But a War…
In this case, War is a conflict between a known planet against Uru. And not a simple "planet".
Famzine System, distant some 29 light years from Uru System.
A system comprising a G1 class star and six planets, the second of which nets 0,8 Earth masses, supporting life; Famdom, originally inhabited by a race of humanoids similar to Earth's people. Invaded centuries ago, by one of Mr. Invader's ancestors, Famdom has risen to the ranks of a federated state planet, under Uru's central government.
60% covered in water, Famdom is very rich in natural resources and is quite a beautiful planet.
Large parts of the population is immigrated Oni, and many have formed families, now calling Famdom "home".
In the last few years, a relatively small ultra nationalistic party of natives has gained a discrete following. Largely unnoticed, and underestimated both by Uru's Government and the local administration, the Famdoomi Falangist Front managed to put their people in key places. And only ten days ago, at the same time as her daughter went berserk on Earth, the Famdoomi Falangist Front took the power in a Coup d'état and declared independence from Uru!
Fortunately, it was not a blood bath, but the whole situation is indeed serious.
Quite a big chunk of the Oni population on Famdom had been ghettoed. Tens, if not hundreds, of thousands of people risked everything. On top of that, most of Famdom's population, native or otherwise, did not agree with the new government.
Up to now, Uru's Government managed to keep information regarding Famdom's independence claims pretty much classified, but any day now, the whole Pandora's box will blow up in their face.
The few other Federal planets are pressuring the Central Government for lifting the communications ban, as the native population of each planet is growing dangerously suspicious.
A War is also different from the typical conflict or invasion on another count. Normally, no concern for secrecy or intelligence would be raised if, for instance, the invasion of an unsuspecting planet like Earth is planned. How could an underdeveloped planet, blissfully unaware that Uru even existed, technologically centuries or even millennia behind Uru, with no space capability, defend itself? How would they know who to target, and more important, how could they do so?
But, Famdom is another matter.
Technologically, it is on a par with Uru, owing to its position of "federal state planet", although its military power is vastly smaller, being essentially geared for Law Enforcement and Police use. Some heavy combat gear is present in Famdom's orbit, meant for planetary defense but it is –was, actually- manned by UDF and already has been deactivated.
Intelligence is, obviously, also totally compromised.
Being part of Uru's Federation, information on all UDF procedures, strategies and tactics, weapons and armed services capacities, all the way down to IFF and communications codes, is compromised.
Much more relevant personally to Mr. Invader, everybody on Famdom (and in the rest of the Federation…) knows exactly who he is, what he does and even where his family lives.
Mr. Invader is at the top of the military caste that guides Uru. Politically, the power is shared between a Warlord, akin to a Caesar in ancient Rome, that has complete dominion on all military forces, and a few Ministers, in charge of… basically everything else. A "senate" is also present, and everything, you would have guessed by now, is based upon family station (something veeery loosely resembling India's Hindu caste system on Earth). Actually, more than a political body, Uru's government appears to be more akin to an enterprise executive board, with CEO's in charge of various parts of the administration.
Being in charge of all Uru's military system and having to guide the UDF against Famdom is more than enough to designate him as a top priority target by the FFF.
This warrants the protection precautions he had to lay down for his family, close relatives, and friends; he can not rule out a possible assassination attempt, or a kidnapping scheme to force him out of the office.
Anyway, he laid out a good plan to take over Famdom's defenses in little more than four hours, with very little losses on his side. Every detail of Famdom resources and forces is known; in less than two days he would be on his way with enough firepower to take on thirty times the magnitude of the planet's armed forces. It will be mostly land battle; the fact that he could not indiscriminately punch the surface of the planet with high energy weapons, standing the presence of thousands of Uru and Oni citizens, is disappointing.
Mr. Invader wonders what the hell those idiots forming the FFF were thinking when they decided to take the power. They should have known better, since it is obvious that Uru can not just sit and allow them to be… it would be a terminally dangerous precedent that many other colonies and Federal Planets could invoke to declare their own independence.
En passant, he has also to deal with her daughter request to secure Son in Law from Earth and transfer him on Uru. Lum actually managed to catch him off guard this morning, attacking him from above. She essentially … ordered him to snatch Son in Law from Earth!
Of course, it makes sense; much more so than allowing Lum to go back to Earth! Well, it would not be too bad to spare a small military transport and dispatch a SF Quiet Professional team to grant his daughter's wish.
Mr. Invader turns from staring out the windows on Uru's Capital city, to the three aides standing in the office.
"Tuvo! Deal with news services and talk with PI office to come up with credible release on the matter, we need to go public shortly and lift the communications ban. Please also inform the Circle of Elders and allow them to supervise the release".
"Yes, Boss!"
"Bara! Relay to Operations orders to organize and detail securing an Earth citizen, Moroboshi Ataru; he is to be taken into custody, and brought over to Uru, to be delivered personally to me. This must be regarded as an evacuation operation. All relevant information is on file."
"Yes, Boss!"
"Naru! Call a hovercar. I will be home for the next six hours".
"Yes, Boss!"
Leaving his office, Mr. Invader considers what consequences his daughter request could bring. Having Son in Law on Uru should not pose a problem, after all. Even if he's an Earthling, he still is very well known on Uru, being Lum's fiancée, although for obvious reasons, not much liked.
Lum would be on much higher spirits, maybe easier to control, and of course he would have a good chance to seriously talk to Son in Law regarding his intentions with his daughter.
A few minutes later, Mr. Invader steps in the main private dining room of his family palace, to find Mrs. Invader and Lum having tea. They both stop talking instantly. Lum's anxious and inquiring stare immediately catches his attention.
"My Precious, I have decided that Son in Law will be allowed to visit us… - A - umph!"
Even his size staggered on the sheer impact of an overjoyed Oni girl hugging his neck!
"DADDY! Oh, thank you! thank you! thank you!- I love you so much!"
She covered her father with kisses.
Then, she hovered six feet off the floor to blow a kiss to her mother that knowingly winked: -see, I told you!
"Ok, Precious… BUT, you will be responsible for Son in Law! You know, feed him, find a good spot for him to sleep, take him outside to play and of course, clean up after him…"
Lum doesn't understand the joke at first, and the surprised look on her face changes with realization to one of disapproval… "Daddy, oh you are so mean…!"
Mr. Invader sports a wide grin, as he heads for his private quarters.
"Come on, I was only joking! You know how much I really like Son in Law!"
He turns again to look at Lum, with his right index finger raised.
"But, it is true that YOU are going to be responsible for him. Remember it!"
"Please excuse me, my treasures, I want to rest a bit. Lum, I may want to talk to you later. I know that Mother foretold you a few things, and we both decided that it is not fair to leave you in the dark. I will therefore inform you of everything, just allow me some peace for the next few hours…"
Scratching the back of his head, Mr. Invader steps out of the room.
Lum excitedly jumps on the sofa, savoring her victory. She can not wait to see Darling.
Close encounter of the fourth kind…
This morning, slowly walking towards Tomobiki High staring at the ground, Ataru is lost in his mental ramblings. He's basically on autopilot, ignoring completely what happens around him.
This thing is going to drive me insane. Gosh! I lost the pleasure of tasting Gyudon, I cannot even think of going girlhunting… until I clear this thing out with Lum. Lum! Yabay, Lum… where the hell are you.
The realization that his present, undeniably real, love for Lum could have an artificial cause does not really bug him. Technically how or why he fell in love with Lum, is now secondary. What really disturbs Ataru is, actually who decided it!
Since he was a child, he based everything on his own free will. He is in control of his life, He decides what to do, and of course, ultimately who to love or despise. Even deciding to go against all common sense, 'taking decisions not considering or thinking about the consequences', just to prove that he can do it!
Years before something strikingly similar to the simple phrase 'yes, I can' brought someone to be President, Ataru Moroboshi lived totally by this concept.
I do it… because I can!
But, his card castle miserably crumbled down, when he realized a day ago that it is possible that someone else subtly forced his unconscious to choose who to love... He cannot stop thinking that if he wasn't so craftily influenced, he may have never fallen for Lum. She took away his freedom of choice. She actually made the decision FOR him. And he had to… obey.
Coming to terms with this is going to be real tough, unless…
…unless I… I… dismiss my love for Lum.
Shaking wildly his head, Ataru stops walking and tenses. His jaw is clenched shut, teeth grinding, eyes lost in a thousand mile stare.
Enough!
He pulls himself together, resolving to seal all his thoughts regarding Lum in the back of his head. Without her around, it would be useless to keep at it, anyway.
Ataru passes by the construction lot where Sakurambo has his tent. A few stray cats meow at him. The pestering monk is nowhere to be found. He warily looks around, scanning all possible hiding places. All clear.
What a relief. I think the only good thing of all this is that Sakur-
"I see an ominous sign of Death and Sorrow in your face, Ataru"
"AAARGH!"
"Dere vas no neef to crobber me wif dat crovbar, Adaru…"
"You deranged priest! I almost had an heart attack! Allow me to gently remind you… I DO NOT WANT YOUR ADVICE! And I don't want you around, understand?"
"But, Ataru. I see that you will be shortly crossing the void, travelling thru the vastness of blackness …"
Ataru leaves the construction lot while Sakurambo lies bleeding on the ground, next to a bent steel crowbar, muttering "…sadame ja…"
"That's exactly what I needed! Sakurambo tellin' me I'll die shortly! Brrr, that creep never fails to make me quiver!"
Talking about creeps…
Yesterday evening, after a whole afternoon of gloom and sorrow, Ataru decided to investigate why Lum did not return to Earth. She promised, and broke her promise.
So, he paid a visit to Ran in her spacecraft. Beautiful as usual, she was quite surprised that Ataru actually visited, although she knew perfectly what he wanted; and, of course, could not help.
"Darling, I am really sooo sorry… but my communication equipment is totally disappointing me… and maybe I will have to do something about it".
The tone she used was excessively sweet and sugary but…
Ataru could swear that he saw the electronic console on the ship actually shiver in fear on the last sentence; but then, it must have been his imagination. Consoles and keyboards are inanimate objects; they do not shiver.
Smiling, Ran gently turned to look on the consoles.
"Did you understand that, you pile of JUNK!"
As Ran bared her quite sharp fangs, and switched to a voice that George Romero would have paid anything to have in one of his movies, Ataru not only saw the console shift again, but also distinctly heard the mainframe cry "eeeep!"
A white vase seemed to gag out the flowers in the background with a strange noise.
The chair he was sitting on moved slightly. He looked down to see that the tips of the chair legs were… tip-toeing, recoiling away from the table and Ran.
That did it. Shivers darted down his spine. He stood up to leave.
"Ran chan, thank you very much. Sorry if I disturbed you, I… think I have an appointment…"
"Ohh… Darling, please, do come and visit me more often, OK? I just… love to have friends for dinner"
A much more frightening shiver went up his spine, as a double meaning to what Ran just said leapt to his mind…
"Darling…?" Ran stared at a shadow rapidly dissolving where Ataru was standing a second ago, while something created a sonic bang a few hundred feet out her Spaceship's open airlock.
Recalling his visit to Ran, Ataru shook his head.
Holy sh…! how the hell did I actually want, months ago, to date her!
Finally, he reaches Tomobiki High. Ataru stands before the institution's entrance, as students hurriedly rush inside. Walking slowly, he heads for the main doorstep. It is almost four weeks he skips school. He carefully inspects the walls, furniture, people he encounters walking along the school corridors. Students pull apart before him, choruses of "oohh" and "aahh" go along with low voice gossiping, as everyone tells his/her neighbor the latest from the grapevine: "Hey! Did you know… And Moroboshi …Seriously! And Lum… Wow!"
Bah. What a bunch of losers.
Homeroom 3-4.
Ataru is hesitant.
Gods give me the strength…
He opens up the door. Instant silence welcomes him; everybody freezes in whatever they are doing.
He puts on his best smile.
"Good morning everyone".
"Ataru chan! Oh, It's good to see you!"
He turns to see Shinobu smiling to him. A heartwarming smile! He is genuinely surprised. He can tell that she's sincere. But of course! It makes sense, Lum is missing.
Many more only seem happy to see him. Even those that normally would not have much to share with him. Well, everyone, except Hiromi, that is. She stays sitting behind her desk, staring away, with a really upset expression on her face.
Perm, Chibi and Kakugari are mildly happy to see him. Megane is not present, Chibi informs Ataru that he has some problem home and has skipped the first period for the last couple of days.
Everybody seems to have something to tell or ask Ataru, crowding him. Probably to add their own to the rumor mill. Of course the ichi ban question is where is Lum.
As chatter go on, Ataru notices another lone figure standing by the windows. Clad in a trademark pure white suit, a samurai sword (an Inoue Shinkai Daisho blade) at his side, Mendo Shutaro chooses to not acknowledge Ataru's presence.
Ataru is compelled to move on and press Mendo. Ignoring those around him, he steps out of the group of students and addresses him.
"Hello, Shutaro kun! How are you. Thank you for your help at the hospital. And for the Limo. Of course, if you didn't betray me in the first place, none of this would have happened anyway, but, hey, that's how life goes…right?"
Mendo slowly turns his head. His left thumb touches the katana's Tsuba, easing slightly the blade from the scabbard.
"Moroboshi! How dare you address me in such a peasant manner. I shall not indulge in petty talk with a lesser. I…"
Mendo freezes when their eyes lock. Ataru has a gaze of steel. His stance is seemingly careless, but in reality leaves no openings. He also closes every escape route. Never has Mendo seen this resolution, this focus, from Moroboshi Ataru.
Well, at least he has never been the object of such focus, 'cause he shivered thinking that this must be what a girl feels being Ataru's target!
Yabai! It is probably the first time Ataru kun has redirected his concentration in something not libido related.
Mendo knows full well his speed and also knows that, somehow, Ataru is highly proficient in some form of Ninjutsu. He can stop a katana blow with his bare hands. Perfectly perform various Kawarimi techniques. And showed off his skills many times in the past, most recently with Shingo, thick headed as hell but a skilled and effective ninja none the less, with Ataru always prevailing.
Mendo doubts his own Kendo technique. Not that it has ever worked, with Ataru, anyway.
He turns his back to Ataru. "I… Just leave me alone, Moroboshi"
Ataru crosses his arms and mocks him.
"Oh? Leave you alone, Shuu kun… and why? You know what? I always regarded you as a worthy rival, and, even if in my opinion such a virtue is useless, also considered you honourable. I sincerely waited for you to visit me at the clinic. To… clear things out, sort of. Y'know, about Lum-sama"
"You lecherous swine! You know perfectly well whose fault it is! Who started the whole mess in the first place! You really don't think I have not investigated what happened with Hir-"
Mendo stops just in time. Ataru feels a fit of guilt, but stands still. Hiromi, ignored by everyone except Ataru and Mendo, plunges her face in her hands, thinking of that day when Lum violently broke in her house, forever shattering her family's peaceful and very quiet life.
All other students silently stand, trying to make something out of the cryptical word skirmish the two just exchanged.
Mendo continues, in a much lower tone, his hand on the sword. "Moroboshi… I will be happy to give you satisfaction- but, not here and now. I…"
Ataru moves like lightning. He approaches Mendo so fast that his blade never clears the scabbard, and there's no more space to maneuver. He pins Mendo's strong hand, the one holding the katana.
Ataru's forehead lightly hits Mendo's.
They each stare in the other's eyes, in a tense standoff, steeling every muscle, arms pinning each other, a fierce battle of nerves. Silence is broken only by Hiromi's quiet weeping.
"Shutaro kun… you should know me better. I do not care for a duel… I need some other satisfaction".
Mendo unexpectedly straightens himself, with a totally fake surprised expression painted on his face, causing Ataru to almost fall to the floor.
Then, again turning his back to Ataru, and sheathing back the blade, he speaks matter of factly: "Oh? Is that all? OK, then, I'll arrange two of the very best Oiran of Kioto to visit you… if you prefer a hotel, you only have to ask. It'll all be on the house, of course"
Picking himself up and regaining his composure, Ataru yells at Mendo:
"Mendo, c'mon! I did not mean that kind of satisfaction! You know perfectly well what I meant!"
"Moroboshi… san, yes, of course. But, you see, I… do not feel comfortable talking of this matter, here, today."
Mendo blushes visibly.
"It shall suffice to you to know, for now, that I had no intention to follow through, that evening, at 'Shogo Shima' restaurant, and that I deeply regret anything I did."
A pause.
"I… think that instead something got the better of me. And…"
Suddenly, he recalls vividly experiencing the raw and primal influence of Lum's 'spell', a massive attack similar to a fatal overdose of some unearthly powerful aphrodisiac drug.
"Will you please excuse me, now. I believe I will be very sick in the next few minutes, so I apologize if I will not be able to stay…" Mendo brings a hand to his mouth and runs out of the homeroom.
Ataru looks at him run away. Hanawa sensei enters the class, bows politely and asks everyone to take places. Once the customary exchange of greetings ends, he notes Ataru.
"Moroboshi san! It's really good to see you again with us. Please remember to bring the hospital papers to Admin office, before lunch today. Class, now please take notice, a new subject will be introduced today. Open the textbook at page…"
Mendo did not return.
The rest of the period went on for Ataru as a pure concentration of boredom and dullness. Shinobu and Momoe had noticed Hiromi's red eyes, but she turned them away; no one, except Mendo, Ataru and Lum, actually knew what happened that night, and she kept well shut. Since then, Mayuko is under a government psychological support program. Hiromi was right all along…
A few days ago, Hiromi's family had requested a transfer for her. She believed that she could move before Ataru's (and Lum!) return; obviously, it did not happen.
As lunch time approaches, Ataru drops the hospital release papers in the school's principal's office and stops by the school's small infirmary, where Mendo most probably would have found sanctuary…
Plus, any chance to say 'hello' to Sakura cannot be wasted! He lightly knocks on the door.
"Hello… is the doctor IN?"
Sakura opens the door. "Good morning, Ataru. I imagine you're here for Shutaro. He kept muttering about you. I am sorry, but he's quite ill, so I sent him home a few minutes ago…"
"Ah-hem. You mean, Sakura chan, that we're alone…?"
An ominous grin spreads on Ataru's face. He jumps for her, but Sakura slams the door and he badly crashes on the wood panel, cracking it; the heavy "infirmary" metal framed sign gets loose and falls on his head.
Sakura opens the door again and shakes her head looking at the passed out boy on the floor.
"Tsk, tsk. You'll never learn."
Meanwhile, Megane learns as soon as he enters the homeroom that Ataru is somewhere in the school.
"By all that's holy and sacred! That thing dared return from under his rock to poison and tarnish our very existence, and my beloved Lum sama is still missing! This is a disgrace of epic proportions, such that Shakespeare himself would stand revolting in dismay witnessing it! Where is that evil creature, shaped by the Gods to teach us all the figure of the lowest form of life, thriving beneath the wastes in sorrow and grief, for us to be deprecated and loathed? To show us all that, indeed, evil is always UNbalanced by good? Where is the cause of my beloved Lum sama's disappearance? The cause of the loss of the only light to illuminate our lives, our only very reason to live, again shaped by the Gods to, instead, represent all that is positive and noble in the universe?"
He stops short of turning blue for lack of air. Megane then breathes again and screams:
"WHERE IS MOROBOSHIIIIII?"
Ataru, miraculously recovered in minutes from his latest, unfortunate attempt on Sakura, is outside,
by the homeroom's door and out of Megane's sight, wildly giggling and barely containing himself from actually bursting laughing out loud…
Gods, if only he knew what Lum did to him and the others…
Lum, with her nasty Third Power, de facto created an explosive situation.
Ataru genuinely believes that she is ultimately the reason of all his, Tomobiki High's students and probably half of Japan's too, problems.
He can see that now. With her missing, everything seems to be turning back to normal. She is something that, for all practical, logical and rational reasons, should be kept far, far away just like a plague epidemic disease. Unfortunately, at the same time, Lum is something that no one (especially Ataru) would be ever able to renounce.
Torn between utter hate and the purest and complete love, Ataru heads for the School campus.
Ataru's attention is captured by a beautiful lone girl standing on the sidewalk by Tomobiki's High main entrance. She has a very exotic look to her that immediately appeal his senses; a beauty that could only be described as… otherworldly. He can tell she's a foreigner… maybe Russian?
He immediately approaches her, with a big smile; "hello, my goddess! Do you speak Japanese? Would you join me for a drink... Or anything else you could like?"
She turns around to face him and widely smiles back. Now this did strike Ataru as odd; not for the smile in itself.
Rather, because her smile seems more the grin of a very large cat looking at a very small, and tasty, mouse.
None the less, he's compelled to introduce himself.
"Well, ah, I'm Moroboshi Ataru… And you…"
He stopped as soon as he realized that the girl's eyes are not simply sparkling… They are actually glowing!
"Mr. Moroboshi, yes? I suspected it was indeed you, yes? I have come to take you with me, yes?"
She very smoothly draws a small boxy handgun that approximates the look of a Glock 19.
She calmly takes a step back and, with great grace, aims the gun on Ataru's face, then on his chest.
Ataru cannot believe all this happening; if anybody else did so, or even if the girl moved more aggressively, he would have simply "teleported" himself away. Instead, he froze for a fatal split second.
The girl fires her weapon.
Ataru felt excruciating pain... And then, nothing.
Ataru's body slumped lifelessly to the ground. Out of nowhere, two tall and well built men with tiger striped jump suits crouch next to the body and roll it inside a black body bag.
"Come on, hurry up!" the girl is now very nervous.
The group of strangers silently disappear as they came, taking Ataru's body with them.
End notes.
IFF: Identification Friend or Foe. An electronic transponder system used to avoid typical "blue on blue" (shooting on fellow or allied soldiers) mistakes
PI: Public Information services
Quiet Professional: a Special Forces operator
Class 3-4: Third year of Fourth class. Four is an unlucky number, and since it's two years Ataru and Lum are together, I assume that they are in their third year (hence the upgrading from the 2-4 that appears in the anime\manga). Also, it is their senior year, so that is why Lum is now 18 (fist chapter). She is supposed to be a few months older than Ataru.
Gyudon: Beef bowl
Sadame ja: "it's fate"
Kawarimi: literally "substitution", it's a Ninjutsu technique that allows one to exchange places with an inanimate object, i.e. a wooden log, sometimes with a shirt or jacket over it to enhance the illusion, to distract or escape. Ataru does it A LOT in both Anime and Manga.