Fixin' it with Soos and Pearl
Part 3
Gsv zyrorgb gl rnkilerhv rh z sfnzm hkvxrzogb. Nliv zylfg gsrh zg 11!
The vid opens with Soos sitting in his room talking to the camera
Soos: Now it's time for the Mailbag! I don't really have a bag. Or mail really….its…. Kind of a bad…name. Anyway let's go to the comments …..Your fat, your fat….Ah here's one!
Bruceninja14 says These Vids are totally Bruce. And that I'm fat….AND AWESOME! Could you tell me how to get my views up?
Soos: Thanks Bruce, I try my best and you should Too! You'll those view up someday, try to get some more exposure! Next we have..
RobinNightwing and They said: How can people think that being fat is healthy. He should start exercising and learn some discipline. Put down the Chips. You look like a hamster.
Now, someone is disagreeing with him. Now four others have commented all at around the same time….other people keep making comments. Those five keep trollin…other people are trolling back….. Those five troll more…..Look RobinNightwing people have different body types, I actually live a very active lifestyle and as for discipline I have a black belt in Karate. Maybe you should talk go to your parents, relatives, or guardian and ask them how to not judge others on their appearances. And you should probably consider keeping less toxic friends around, you might end up falling in with a bad crowd.
Next up we have:
ButterflyMagic and they ask. Hey my wand is broken, can you come over and help me fix it winky face …. Wow that's a lot of emoticons, is that a waffle?. Well ButterflyMagic I'd have to look at it. Also, I don't know where you live. There are Fixiteers all over the place, so go out and look for one! Also, don't be afraid to try to fix it yourself. You'll never know until you try! Seriously, what's the worst that could happen? That's it for the mailbag and…I need a new name for this section.
Vid jumps back to Soos driving in his rusty pickup truck. The fixin'it with Soos intro theme ( www . youtube watch?v=jzufO5n9fb8 ) is playing on the pickup truck's speakers.
Soos: Yeah…so it turns out if you get a strike on your Tubetube account. They lower the file size you're allowed to upload…. Just as well, we couldn't get it to stay up anyway.
Amethyst (off Camera): Wouldn't be the first time.
Soos: You're telling me! It took so many attempts, but it just kept stalling during the upload, think there might be something wrong with my equipment?
Cut to pearl and soos in front of the shacks sign. At every * Cut to the Mystery Shack's "S" falls between Soos and Pearl. At every cut, Garnet moves closer to then farther from the camera.
Pearl: Why * does * this* keep* hap*pening* AHHHHH!
Cut back to the inside of the pickup's cab. Camera is on the dash.
Soos: So then, Melody stopped taking my calls, so I had to drive down to Portland and explain everything. Told Mr. Pines I'd be back in about two-three days tops. Don't worry though I left my Job in trustworthy hands.
Wendy enters the Gift Shop. Steven and Connie are stacking boxes behind the counter. Greg is cutting a cardboard box open. Garnet is standing around; Pearl is carrying a wooden plank in the background.
Wendy: Uhhh…. Who are you people?
Cut back to the inside of the pickup's cab. Camera is on the dash.
Soos: Trustworthy hands.
Stan walks into the Gift Shop, holding a sign with a string that says fezzes $300 each. He walks up to Greg and starts pulling fezzes from the boxes. Pearl throws the plank up to the roof ladder and jumps off screen.
Dipper (off camera): Hey Wendy! Where have you been?
Wendy: Cooking Dim Sum for the last 2 days straight. Seriously though, My life is now officially filled with Soggy dumplings. We have like 2 tons worth at our house. So what's with Street performers?
Dipper: They're staying here so they can fix something, but first they need to find it.
Wendy: Where's Soos and Mabel at?
Dipper: Mabel's up on the Roof, and Soos went out of town.
Stan looks at Wendy.
Stan: Oh…right. Wendy, everyone, everyone, Wendy. Now that that's out of the way, help me find a place for these fezzes.
Stan walks up to Garnet and starts putting Fezzes on her shoulders and twisting them into her afro. He then ties two string bits together, the sign hanging from her neck. He starts to pull a bouquet of flowers out from her Afro.
Garnet: No.
Stan: Look Lady, you're taking up valuable real estate. Only three things are allowed to do that, stands, attractions, and employees. So unless you want to start telling people the future for money, either be a stand or throw on a staff shirt.
Garnet morphs a shirt. Throwing all the fezzes off of her and tearing of the sign.
Stan: Well, That was Rude.
Greg: That reminds me, when are we going to be getting our food?
Stan: What do you think this is a bed and breakfast?
Greg: YES! That's what you said it was!
Stan: Oh….Do you have it in writing?
Wendy walks behind the counter.
Wendy: Hey kid you're in my spot.
Connie looks down. She trembles slightly.
Connie: I'm so sorry!
Wendy: Whoa, Take it easy, no apologies necessary.
Wendy pulls gum out of her pocket and puts some into her mouth. She then offers Connie a stick.
Wendy: Here. Take some gum. Trust me. It'll help calm you down.
Connie: My parents said I'm not allowed to chew gum, it's bad for the teeth and jaws.
Wendy: Oh they did, did they?
Wendy looks over to Greg.
Wendy: Yo Daddio! Can I offer your kid some gum?
Greg: Sure you can offer Steven anything.
Wendy: Steven huh? Wow that's a name isn't it? Don't feel bad though, Compared to Dipper's name that's nothing.
Dipper: That's not Steven, that's Connie..
Greg points to Steven.
Steven: I'm Steven! I really like your hat!
Wendy: Thanks, I like your shirt.
Wendy pokes Steven's Star. Camera starts trembling, Steven looks down at it. Then Wendy flicks his nose. Connie looks at the Camera. Mabel climbs down the ladder.
Steven: Ow, that was mean.
Wendy: Aw, you're not going to cry are you?
Steven: Mayybee.
Wendy: Don't cry dude. Here have some gum.
Mabel: P is getting really cranky.
Connie: Is Dipper not your real name?
Dipper: Yes it is, Dipper is my name, Dipper is one hundred percent my name.
Jump cut to Garnet. A Customer walks up to her side. She does not turn to look at him.
Customer: Excu…
Garnet: The Bathroom is for customers only. There are red popsicles, We don't have any more Large Star Shirts, you'll really like that fireside tale book, and the snow globes are priced correctly.
Customer walks over to the bookshelf and picks it up. And stares at it
Customer: Hah! I don't even like rea…
He walks to the counter and pulls out money.
Garnet: ….yussssss…..Huh….So that's why those two talks like that.
Mabel: Your first sale! High Five!
Garnet raises her right hand and Mabel completes the high five.
Mabel: YEAHHH! Great Job!
Mabel runs off. After Mabel leaves the screen, Garnet starts rubbing her palm with her other hand.
Garnet(cringes): hssss aahhhh...right it the face.
Cut back to the inside of Soos's pickup's cab.
Soos: Thanks for coming by the way; it made explaining things so much easier. And the Cat idea! .
Amethyst: Ehh… I wanted to get out of the Forrest, clear my head.
Amethyst warps into Melody.
Amethyst: Besides I wanted to meet your girlfriend.
Amethyst runs her warped hand on Soos neck.
Soos: Dude. I'm driving.
Amethyst Warps into Soos.
Amethyst (imitating Soos): What's wrong DAWG! You're not sensitive are ya.
Soos: DUUUUUDE! Soos five.
Soos Throws his hand up. Amethyst smiles as she and Soos high five.
Amethyst: We back yet?
Soos: Almost…allllllmoooooosstt there.
The sun is beginning set over the Mystery Shack as Soos pulls into the parking lot. Littering the side of the yards is hundreds of broken boards, screws, and dozens of oddly shaped blue machines. Pearl can be seen clutching her knees staring at the sign. Steven, Mabel, Dipper, and Connie runs up to the Truck.
Pearl (in the distance): Every time I look away it falls, Every time I look away it falls, Every time I look away it falls, Every time I look away it falls, Every time I look away it falls, Every time I look away it falls Every time I look away it falls, Every time I look away it falls, Every time I look away it falls, Every time I look away it falls, Every time I look away it falls, Every time I look away it falls
Steven: Amethyst, Pearl is acting crazy, really crazy.
Dipper: Seriously, She's gone off the deep end. After you two left she started pulling out these weird tools. And it's like with everyone she used, the more her insanity increased.
Connie: Everyone's tried to talk her down but it's to no effect. It didn't start getting weird though until she grabbed that goat and put that Staff Shirt on it.
Mabel: She kidnapped Waddles and put him in a white dress! White! He only looks good in Fall colors! FALL COLORS!
Amethyst: Alright, Alright I'll go to talk to Pearl. Leave it to her to harsh my buzz.
Soos: I was afraid this might happen. Her Prowess was so great it blinded me, but no one should have to handle such a huge problem alone. She's Fixxing Out! Follow me my Amethysts! Hold on Pearl! We're coming.
They run off
Connie: Apprentices!
Hard cut to the roof. Pearl is holding Waddles, while sitting in the fetal position facing away from the camera. While within the sign's shadow she rocks Waddles back and forth. Gompers the Goat is chewing on a can.
Pearl: Soos get that can out of your mouth.
Gompers keeps chewing on a can as a second can rolls down the side of the roof.
Pearl: See Rose, I fixed the problem they had. Are you proud of me?
Waddles: *random oinking*
Waddles licks her face.
Pearl(sings to the tune of jesus loves me.): Rose, you love me this I know. In my Gem you tell me soo… You always know what to say, unlike him!
She points at Gompers.
Pearl: Stupid, Greasy, Hairy….The only thing you did was make it more difficult; leaving when you were needed the most! All you did was annoy me, raise my expectations, and then BREAK THEM; Like you tried to BREAK ME with your little trap. You hide behind an idiotic facade. The second I turn away, you'll tear it back down and I'll have to start again. hehehe But if I never turn away the sign will never fall! SO I just have to wait here and watch this sign until you die? How long until you croak? Fifty, Sixty years? That's nothing to us!
Steven: Pearl Snap out of it. You're acting Crazy!
Pearl never turn's her head. One of her eyes and her mouth begins to move to the back of her head.
Pearl: Look Rose, It's your Son! This is a Miracle! Steven! Come over and say hello to your parent!
Pearl's entire torso snaps around facing the Camera, only one of her eyes is present on her face, a tear forming on it. Her legs stay facing the sign. She holds Waddles up. He's wearing the same Empty White Bag Connie pressed against her face.
Pearl: Get away from them Steven. They'll corrupt you! Warp you! CHANGE YOU!
Amethyst: STOP THIS RIGHT NOW PEARL! SO WHAT IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT? THAT'S NO REASON TO GO WACKO!
Pearl: This is simple human problem, why should we come to clean up their messes. It should be so easy for a Gem like me to some stupid, menial, HUMAN Problem! This just has to be a trap, no other explanation! A clever ruse set up by that devious Mastermind!
Soos: It is as I feared. The brokenedness is completely flowing into her; Bearing down on Pearl's very soul trying to decimate her.
Steven: Brokenedness?
Wendy: All things carry different amounts brokenedness inside then, which pulls hope into itself and turns hope into itself. When the Brokenedness becomes to great, the object becomes broken and more brokenedness pours into what surrounds it. The Fix'it force exists to neutralize the brokenedness, but so to does the reverse…
Connie looks at Wendy
Wendy: Or, that's what he told me…We talk a lot Okay?!
Steven: Pearl, You're stronger then it! Don't let the brokedness destroy you!
Connie: Soos's has developed his own world hasn't he.
Wendy: You have noo idea.
Pearl points to Gompers chewing a can!
Pearl: We sacrificed for them; gave up everything for them! And how do they repay us for the opportunity WE bought for them? Run around like beasts, stealing and breaking thing that don't belong to them!
Soos: You're right, not about the trap or devious Mastermind thing, heheh I mean really could you imagine? I should not have allowed you to handle this burden on your lonesome. It's just that your fix light is so bright it blinded me of my own. I thought you could handle anything. So I went off to fix another problem, knowing full well the severity of the problem before us.
Steven: We should have stayed with you too; I'm just as much your apprehension as his.
Dipper: Apprentice.
Connie: We should have stuck by you.
Pearl second eye moves next to the first one. She stands up and walks towards the camera, crying
Pearl: You're right *sniff* I'm so sorry , especially to you Soos. But hey I think I finally fix
The S falls off
Pearl: OH COME ON!
Amethest: Eh, So what?
Pearl: SO WHAT?! SO WHAT!? Sew what? That's It! We'll Sew it!
Pearl produce's a needle and thread from her pearl.
Pearl: These are an interdimensional needle and Dual-filament thread; They're used to sew any kind of material to another, even the fabric of reality itself! Will you guys all gather around and hold it in place.
Jump cut to a close up to the S. Static flickers wildly. Pearl begins sewing the sign to the wooden back board. Everyone puts their hand on the sign.
SooS: Come on everyone let's count the stiches! 1
Everyone: 2, 3….
"BOOm!"
"SoLVed!1!"
These large flashing letters go across the screen. Jump Cut Camera is carried backward Everyone's back is to it. "BOOm!" "SoLVed!1!"
Everyone:...49, 50!
Everyone looks to the camera.
Soos: BOOM! SOLVED!
Dipper: Wow, you know what? I can actually see it this time!
Steven: Me too! I've Gotten Stronger!
Mabel: ANND HOW!
Connie: I know what you mean.
Wendy: Yeah there is a 1 where an exclamation point should be.
Amethyst: I don't see anything.
Pearl: UHoh… EVERYONE BU..!
A bright Green Flash explodes from the background! Inside bubbles everybody, Rockets past the camera. A huge amount of debris then starts being sucked into a small black growing void with green light swirling around and into it! Pearl, Steven, and Connie are in frame.
Pearl: How could I have been so blind! Quickly, We have to use the Dimensional needle to close the hole before….
A large rock hits the needle carrying it with it into the void. Soos points his arm at it
Soos: The Needle with which to pierce the heavens!
Pearl: It's Over… There is nothing we can do! If I just took a step back and saw the big picture It would have been so much easier, Curse my Hubris!
She falls to her knees.
Steven: Pearl , What do we do?
Pearl:…without the needle nothing… If only Rose was here…
Soos walks into frame next to Steven and Pearl.
Steven: Soos! what do we do?
Connie: Steven, he can't do anything against something like this! And without that tool, no one can!
Soos: ..That's a Problem not an Excuse…
Steven: What?
Soos: You can't just give up just because what you want isn't there. We don't have the tools we need? Don't know how? When you let these become excuses, the brokenedness wins. Rig something up. Just try something! Doesn't work? Try something else! If it's broken, it can be fixed!
Connie and Steven: But this is…
Soos Covers both their mouths as the boil swells
Soos: It. Can. Be. Fixed. Clear your minds and Say nothing else!
Connie and Steven: It. Can. Be. Fixed.
Soos: Again
Connie and Steven: It. Can. Be. Fixed.
Soos: Again
Connie and Steven: It. Can. Be. Fixed.
Soos: AGAIN DUDES!
Connie and Steven: It. Can. Be. Fixed!
Soos pulls a hammer, a screwdriver, and duct tape out and places them in their hands He turns toward the void.
Soos: And what are we going to get?
Connie and Steven: 10 out of 10!
SooS: Come my Pretentious Ship! Let's show this thing what true Fixitidness can do!
They scream as the charge towards the void. A great green flash fills the screen.
Camera Skips to the next morning, Amethyst, Dipper, and Mabel can be seen in the 're sitting on the porch eating Dimsum. They are sharing the same body. Steven, Connie, Pearl and Soos are standing in the mid-ground. The awesomemommeter is facing the camera in the foreground. Mystery shack's sign is not in view.
Soos: So how did we do on the awesomeommeter?
Amethyst: 10 out of 10 I can eat three times as fast!
Mabel: 10 out of 10 My Hair is so shiny and can make it whatever I want to!
Their hair turns into a powdered wig.
Steven: So distinguished.
Dipper: 9 out of 10, I'm so strong and hard now! Yeah I just realized what I said. My head hurts…
Amethyst: We're going to need a new name now though.
Mabel: I got it! Amadeyst!
Soos is excited!
Soos: You rocked me Amadeyst!
Pearl: That's disgusting; Steven can do something about the monstrosity?
Steven: Okay!
Steven screams at them as they defuse, flecks of spit hitting them. After they do Amethyst reaches for more buns.
Amethyst: Aw man now I have to go back to analog! Guess I'll just have to enjoy the Journey!
Dipper: My Headache is gone!
Wendy and Connie walk onto the screen carrying more baskets.
Wendy: Eatup guys, we got plenty.
Soos: So guys how did we do?
Connie: 10 out 10 that was the most awesomest thing ever!
Wendy: 9 out of 10. 10 out of 10, if you eat one of these baskets.
Soos: Internet's perceived powers of Soos, Activate!
Soos starts eating buns as he looks at the camera. 13 seconds pass.
Greg: Oh! Uh 10 out of 10! Can some of those?
Soos looks at Wendy she hands Greg a basket.
Garnet walks through the door.
Soos: So How did we do?
Garnet: 20 out of 10. You solved those problems at the same time.
Stan: 0 out of 10!
Garnet Turns towards Amethyst. We see Stan's head is hanging upside down, sticking out of her butt.
Amethyst: AHAHAHHA! What's wrong Stan? Never touched a ladies butt before?
Stan: I choose not to answer that question.
Amethyst: Hey Garnet you got to try some of these bean buns. They're sooooo good.
She hands a few buns to Garnet.
Stan: Don't you dare! Somebody get me out of this crazy thing!
Steven screams really loud at Stan's face. Garnet glows and shakes as Stan falls out headfirst on to the ground.
Stan: Aw My neck, my back…
Garnet:…
Stan: Now that, that nightmare is over with…
He looks up at the sign, The "The S is turned 90 degrees to the left ~
Stan: Good enough, 10 out of 10.
Soos looks to Pearl.
Soos: So Pearl. What does our work rate on the awesomemometer?
Pearl: 8 out of 10: but once you humans develop a multi-dimensional written language 10 out of 10! SO ULTIMATELY 10 out 10. and you?
SooS 10 out of 10! Do you know what this means?
Pearl: Not since I got here, no.
Soos: We transcended the Awesomeommeter! A feat I once thought only possible in the legends! Victory DANCE!
Soos grabs both Pearl's hands, and performs a simple two step dance. As the Fixin'it theme plays in the background. Pearl looks really uncomfortable at first but then shrugs and starts enjoying herself. She Spins Soos, then takes one step forward catching him as he places his forearm on his forehead. When sh bends over it is revealed that she has little moth wings on her back. She bites off a piece of Soos' shirt as the video ends.
The video shrinks as the screen shows a Tube-tube site page. One comment is in the comment section.
RobinNightwing: My Parents were murdered by an assassin, you fat ugly waste of life.
Another comment appears.
PearlCrystalGem: Your Parents were murdered on the trapeze. But what the caveman didn't tell you is that, they actually asked Tony to do it. When they realized who you'd grow up to be; they just couldn't live with themselves anymore. Anyway enjoy your Tower.
Camera Pans out to see Garnet sitting in front an Orange laptop. She stretches, placing both hands behind her head.
Garnet: The Boil's dealt with, Healing is Fixed. Garnet Wins.
Atbash: The ability to improvise is a human specialty. More about this at 11