AN: Hi guys! Here's the latest installment for Hold On. I'm still trying to decide what I want to happen in the end. There's so much drama I want to put in but it might be too much. Hahaha. Thanks to all those who reviewed, by the way. And I'm sorry the plot's pretty slow moving, still. Stay with me. Hahaha. There. Enjoy!!

I own nothing. :|

"So…. Care to tell me why, when I paged the head of neo-natal for a consult this morning, some raggedy old woman came up to me instead of my ever charming ex-wife?" It had been a week since Addison left, and sure enough, people were starting to notice the absence of a beloved presence, especially at the NICU.

"Derek. Good morning to you, too" Richard said calmly, continuing to walk towards the cafeteria hoping to grab a cup of coffee.

Derek walked alongside him. "Good morning, Chief. Now.. care to tell me why? Did Addison take a break? Because her replacement is killing me. She's a little… demanding."

Richard raised his eyebrow at him. "You're telling me Addison wasn't demanding?"

"Well.. she was.. but in a charming way. You know that. But you're avoiding the question." Derek stated, getting a bit serious. He looked expectantly at Richard.

"You can say that Addison has taken an… indefinite leave of absence." Richard was hoping he'd have this conversation with Derek in a private place. He wasn't ready to break the news to him. After all, if Addison was his daughter, Derek was also his son.

"A leave of absence?" he questioned. "An indefinite leave of absence?" he repeated, knitting his eyebrows in confusion. He was missing a piece of the puzzle.

"Yes. She went back to New York. Listen, Derek. I was hoping to have this conversation with you in private, seeing that this is a rather important piece of news. How about I meet you at my office after my 2:30 surgery and we'll talk about it?"

Derek looked at him, the seriousness of his voice weighing down on him. Something told him this was going to be big news, so he simply nodded and walked the other way. He was trying to figure out why Addison had gone back to New York. She had told him once before that she didn't plan on leaving any time soon. And that if the time comes that she deemed it fit to leave, she would tell him about it, regardless of their situation. By the looks of it, Addison had not intended to tell him, and he was disappointed. Not that he had any reason to be, really, because he'd done the same thing to her once before.

Lost in thought, he walked aimlessly across the hospital, somehow ending up in the NICU where her replacement was filling out charts. Addie used to do that, he thought.

"Derek!"

He looked up at the sound of his name, seeing Meredith heading towards him with a gentle smile on her face. He didn't want to deal with her just yet, with his emotions running wild.

"Hey" he said softly, looking up at her as she stood before him.

"I hate to be straight forward but I have my shift starts in a while so...A rumor's been going around that Addison's left Seattle. Is that true?" she questioned, looking up at him.

He looked at her, almost debating if he should confirm or deny it. He closed his eyes a bit before answering. "I'm afraid it's true. But I don't have any details for you. The chief and I are going to discuss it later today," he answered. "I can feel that there's some sort of… story behind it. Something must have happened for her to leave so quickly."

"I don't mean to sound gossipy any more than I already am, Derek, but I heard some of the nurses talking about her sudden departure. They say she's getting some sort of treatment at a facility in New York or something. I personally think she's getting fertility treatment, but that's just me." She sounded so unsure, like she didn't trust herself to talk to him about Addison.

"Well if that's true, then I hope she's happy" he said earnestly, trying to hide the pain that was slowly washing over him. She was moving on, without him. The very thought of her living the dream they used to share hurt more than any insult could. He wanted to be there for her. He wanted to have that baby with her. He was in on forever. But he couldn't blame her for moving on. It would be selfish of him to wish that she'd stay in love with him for the rest of her life.

"Yeah. Are you… Are you okay about this? I mean.. I understand if you're feeling overwhelmed or….something. The divorce was only finalized 6 weeks ago. You should mourn a bit." Meredith knew that his moving on was a little forced. It wasn't normal for him to be starting a new relationship so soon. She understood that no matter what, Addison would always be a big part of his life, and she respected that. Sometimes she felt sorry for the woman. But she also had this nagging feeling in her head that Derek was just using her, and she was a willing partner.

"I'm.. okay. Right now. I still have to confirm things with Richard, though. But.. I don't know. I guess I'm done mourning. I've mourned for our broken marriage since she screwed my best friend. But I'm moving on," he said, trying to sound convincing.

"If you say so." There was a slight pause before Meredith started speaking again. "Anyway, I have to skidaddle. Bailey's got my ass if I'm late for rounds. I'll see you tonight at home?" she smiled while touching his shoulder a bit.

He nodded before planting a meaningless kiss on her cheek. This is going to be a long day, he thought, before heading over to the Neurology wing to continue on with his day.

After what seemed like forever, Derek's pager beeped, signaling his meeting with the Chief. He walked, trying not to think about the rumors. If indeed Addison had started to move on without him, to start a family by herself, he would be happy for her. Even if it pained him. Deep down, he knew he still had feelings for Addison. However, he would never admit it. His pride had always taken the front, and that was the reason he had pursued Meredith after the divorce. After she had divorced him, he mustered up all the dignity he had left and pursued the young blonde. It was as if he wanted to prove something to people. But the months dragged on and he couldn't bring himself to forget his wife. Well, ex-wife by that time. But he also couldn't let Meredith go because of some innate need for him to be the good guy. It was his downfall.

Reaching Richards office, he was greeted by Patricia who opened the door for him, saying that the Chief had been expecting him. He thanked her and gave her one of his signature McDreamy smiles before heading in to the office.

"Ah, Derek. Sit down, son. We have a lot to discuss."

"Thank you" he said, before moving to sit on one of the chairs.

"Let's not beat around the bush. I'm just gonna go and say it. Addison has moved back to New York for…..personal reasons. She asks that I do not disclose the reason why, but I assure you that it is valid. She also asks that you don't try to contact her. She will contact you, if necessary," he said, eyeing Derek so he knew better than to disrespect her wishes.

"Can I get a… clue as to what exactly she's doing in New York? I mean, I've heard gossip that she's having fertility treatments done at a local OB-GYN clinic. Is there some… truth to it?" he questioned, needing to hear more information about her. He would respect her wishes, yes. But he had to be assured that she was fine.

Richard sighed. He knew full well Derek would ask questions of that sort. "Derek. She's in New York, but no she isn't getting any sort of treatment." After all, there was some truth to it.

"Then what is it? Is she coming back?" he asked again, slowly getting frustrated that he wasn't getting much out of the Chief.

"She isn't coming back Derek. I hope she can come visit by the end of the year…." His face was purely pained. "But I can only hope", he finished.

This time it was Derek's turn to sigh. If Addison didn't go back to New York for treatment, there was only one more reason she could have gone back. "Did I do something, Richard? Did I.. offend her in any way? Not notice her enough after the divorce? Did my pursuance of Meredith affect that decision? You have to tell me because I have a right to know. If I did something, I should at least apologize. As her friend, at the very least. Please." he pleaded, looking at Richard with a haunted expression. He would never forgive himself if he drove Addison away again. Never.

"It wasn't you, son." Richard tried to reassure him. "It was her decision, and we will respect that. There are some… aspects.. of that decision I don't exactly agree with myself. But it's her life. And though I would very much want to fly to New York at this very moment to plead with her, the rational side of me tells me that she isn't going to budge. She's stubborn."

"I know she's stubborn. But if anything happens to her… god… if anything happens to her I would blame myself."

Richard looked at Derek thoughtfully. "You still love her, don't you? And don't give me that 'I'll always love her' bs. You're still in love with her, right?"

Derek was taken aback by the question. He wasn't expecting this conversation to take that turn. He was suddenly at a loss for words. He knew the answer all too well, but he couldn't just admit it, right? Surely there was some hard and fast rule about loving your ex-wife after you've treated her like crap. But alas, it was true. He was still in love with his ex-wife. Addison was still the love of his life, no matter how much pain they've caused each other.

"I guess I do." He had said it so softly that Richard wasn't sure he said anything at all. But the look on his face gave him away. He was still hopelessly in love with his ex-wife, and it pained him to see her move on, to not have her within a drive's distance. Her being so far away was another squeeze to his already wounded heart.

Richard nodded, looking at him gently. "If you really love her Derek, you'd let her go. You have to learn to let her go, and you have to start now." Richard didn't know what possessed him to say that, but he realized the value of Derek's moving on, even if he had no clue about Addie's situation.

"You're right, as usual. But… is it wrong to still have feelings for her? I mean, after all the crap I've put her through, people would think I've stopped loving her and forgotten about the 15 years we've shared together."

"You were hurt, Derek. And to some extent, it was understandable for you to treat her the way you did. But we all have our limits. You've crossed yours.. and hers as well. But you'll make up for it sooner or later. When the right time comes Derek, you'll know what to do next."

Derek only nodded. "And another thing, Derek. I'm sure you're aware that you're a front runner for the Chief of Surgey position." Derek nodded again. "Well then. I suggest you start showing the board why you're the one for the job... I'm retiring soon and the board's going to start discussing it."

Derek looked up at him, more emotions running through his body. He was going to be chief soon. He didn't if he was going to be happy or sad. It was bittersweet, for he'd always wanted the position, but it was also the reason his wife had screwed his best friend. He simply nodded, again, in acknowledgement and moved to stand up.

Richard stood up, patted Derek on the shoulder before showing him out.

Richard reclaimed his earlier position behind his desk, burying his face in his hands. If Nancy and Savvy weren't able to convince Addie otherwise, maybe Derek could. After all, Addie and Derek were two of a kind. They were both hopelessly in love with one another, but were too stubborn to act on it. He would give her a silent ultimatum. If she hasn't received any form of treatment within six months, and Derek hasn't moved on, then he would tell Derek. Maybe, then, there would be a difference. Maybe then, Addie would decide to live.

Sooo... how do you like it so far? Please let me know. Thanks! :D