Chapter 4 – Look Before you Fall

As soon as Serena left Dan was confused, he needed to talk to somebody, anybody and preferably not someone who would immediately go and rat to Blair. Well that meant that someone like Nate was completely out of the question, not even Dan could assume that he would keep a secret like this from his ex especially after he was the one hurt after the last time. The worst thing that could happen is that Gossip Girl found out, that meant that it had to stay with people that he trusted. Right now Dan felt awful, what he had done to Blair was the thing he had always promised he would never do, cheat. However he had almost done it on Serena with Georgina and he had kissed Serena when he was with Vanessa, perhaps he was innately evil? Maybe this was a part of his nature.

Just then the front door slammed closed, someone with keys then but who? Looking around his door Dan saw his dad and he pulled his open shirt tighter together across his chest. "Hey dad," he said, slightly grateful for the interruption but far more worried than anything, he knew his dad believed that whenever he was with Serena things got messy and he didn't want him to be disappointed in him either. Rufus was perceptive though and Dan knew he would almost immediately notice that something was up with his son, with just Dan there and Jenny having gone back to their mom's permanently he didn't even have his materialistic bitch of a daughter to analyse, that just left a wounded Dan. "What are you doing here?" asked Dan, hoping to get things off to a fairly good start, better butter up the parental before admitting he had cheated on his girlfriend of less than a month. Now that his father knew the truth, and had happened to walk in on the lack of action his son was getting, it was only fair that he knew that it was only after sleeping with Serena that Dan had admitted he had just buried his feelings for his ex rather than removing them.

Now was not the time for a heart to heart about the past and what had happened, Dan just wanted his father to tell him what to do next. Grinning at his son he slapped him on the back, Dan continued to button up the shirt he had on and passed a hand through his morning after hair.
"I'm here to grab one of the guitars and shuttle it back to Manhattan, though if you want to talk..." Rufus trailed off because he knew it wasn't wise to push his son however he knew something was bothering him and by the vacant loft it didn't even seem to be Blair trouble which Rufus had gotten pretty darn good at sorting out by now. Glancing down at his son he shrugged, "I guess I could move it later and make waffles," he suggested noticing the lack of breakfast things on the side, no good him leaving here on an empty stomach.

Whilst his father worked Dan thought. How could he put this to his father without him thinking he was some sort of awful person? Seriously Dan did like Blair and he meant what he said when he had spoken to her, she was what would make him happy and he was perfectly secure in the knowledge that picking her over Serena would be something that would make him the happiest man alive. However with Serena he was so much more, sure, they would fight about stupid things and barely agreed on anything maybe that was a good thing though, being similar would be boring with Serena and life with her was never boring. That sex last night had been incredible and it was something that Dan had missed, being close to Serena wasn't just about that but it was more than with Blair they connected and they connected in a way that Dan never did with anyone else.

Listing his relationships in his head Dan knew that Serena was the one that continued to make his heart race and gallop about in his chest. Vanessa had been fun and they had known each other inside out but she was jealous and emotional and hated all his friends, especially Serena. Olivia had been gorgeous and sweet and sensitive but that had all ended thanks to Vanessa herself, she had been too much for Dan as well and not in the Serena way, with Olivia he really had felt like he had his head barely above water and was about to drown. Now there was Blair, with her he felt intellectual, like he was discussing things he truly enjoyed but couldn't he do that with a friend? He gave her advice about Louis and Chuck, wrote her vows for her and kept her entertained all through the horrors of that miscarriage. Basically to Blair he was the prince charming but he was the prince that kept her entertained, was there for her, was that why their love life failed? They were just friends? Looking at it like that he knew that Chuck made her the worst of herself but even Serena brought out the better side of Blair, how was Dan that much more than her after all?

Waking up from his day dream about his past Dan looked at his dad. "I think I did something stupid," he told him groaning, how did he choose? Right now he could just be blinded by Serena in much the same way as he was blinded by Blair when he was with her. "I slept with Serena...again." He told his dad bluntly, not bothering to sugar coat what was going to sound bad however he put it. But the action felt right, telling his father that he was back to his high school self, mad about Serena van der Woodsen, it actually wasn't too bad, it felt right somehow. By his father's sharp intake of breath he could tell that he disagreed. Just then Dan's phone buzzed. Grimacing he noticed Serena's message was not open to options, grabbing his father's wrist Dan shoved the message into his hand. Rufus appeared less frustrated at the message than at what his son had done.

"Dan, why would you do this to yourself? To Blair? To Serena?" Listing all the people Dan cared about made the boy realise that it wasn't just him he'd be hurting here, if it was possible to feel worse than he already had been it certainly was happening now. "Look, you need to talk to Blair and to Serena separately. Choose once and for all, who do you want to be with? Nobody else can make this decision for you, Serena chose you eventually so don't you think you owe it to her to choose somebody as well?" Clapping his son on the back he left the loft quietly, still worried that his son was making a huge mistake here, as much as he had been sceptical of his son's relationship with Blair they had seemed to blossom and they were almost certainly perfect together, perfect on an intellectual level anyway. Even Rufus couldn't deny the fatal attraction between Serena and Dan though. They always seemed to end up together, they were like magnets, and eventually the pull became too much and all other relationships combusted because of them.

Sweating slightly Dan tapped out a message to Serena. I need to talk to Blair myself...as well. You're right, I need to end this. Sorry. Sending it with a sigh Dan did what would turn out to be even harder, he grabbed his phone and arranged a meeting with Blair, Please be alone and please forgive me, D he ended the text on that note and sent that as well. Burrowing his head into his arms he felt like hitting himself, how could he be such an idiot as to give up what he had with Blair? Would he be able to give up what he had with Blair? Dan knew he had to choose and in his heart he knew what he would choose, who he would always choose. One day in the past he had told Serena he would always be there for her and he intended to stick by that promise, even if that meant ruining himself in the short term for something that he knew he would always return to in the long term.