A 5 Ounce Swallow & a Coconut

Ama and Shera walked into the strip club dressed in the male night class clothes they had taken, and sat down waiting for Shiki to show up for his appearance. They had bundled their hair into caps and oddly enough they looked better as men than women. Go figure. Where had they found such nice fitting clothes? Which men were close to their size in the world? And which men would let them borrow their uniforms?

Aidou and Kane looked everywhere in the bathroom. "Where the hell are our clothes Aidou?"

"I left them right here! I swear I did Kane," complained Aidou looking around in the clothesbasket he'd brought in. Aidou scavenged around the basket and finally turned it upside down shaking the basket of its contents. Their towels were gone too. Who would do such a thing? Then Aidou found a note that fluttered from the basket to the floor.

We borrowed your crap. Your towels are outside. Along with the rest of your clothes that we took out of your rooms. The front lawn is now decorated rather nicely with your crap… can you hear us now?

Love,

Shera and Ama

"What the hell? They're the ones who made me act like an idiot," shrieked Aidou referring to the annoying calls. "Oh god there's more," he groaned in pain as he saw more writing, or that's what he assumed it was for they wrote rather sloppily.

PS: That's right you idiot. Its us.

"Nah durh," mumbled Aidou.

PSS: Yes durh.

"How the hell did they do that?" Aidou asked looking up at Kane shocked, meanwhile Kane had no idea what Aidou was referring to. All he knew was that his cousin was looking at a sheet of paper, their towels were outside hanging on tree branches, and as he glanced out the window; the day class was stealing all of their clothes outside on the front lawn sighing and gasping at such luck.

PSSS: We're geniuses and can predict your every move.

Aidou says, "Oh yeah," and crosses his eyes.

PSSSS: Stop making weird faces. Your face is already messed up!

"No its not!"

PSSSSS: Yes it is.

"To each their own," he huffed. "Well if that's the only prank they did I think I'll be okay."

PSSSSSS: Want to play a game?

Aidou ducks and would've covered his head with a towel but there were no towels around him so he just cowered in the shower shutting the glass door before looking down at the note.

Stop hiding. Jeez we were just joking about the toxic gases.

"At least they stopped using 'PSS.'"

Duh, it was getting too long to write stu-uuupid.

"Kane! This paper is psychic." Aidou hands the paper to Kane who just sees a blank sheet.

"Aidou there's nothing on this sheet. Are you okay?"

"What? How the hell do you not see it?" Aidou places the paper in Kane's face rubbing it in his nose wishing that his cousin would see it. "These two girls are stalking me!" Kane begins to worry immensely about his cousin who is jumping around and holding the paper close to his face at the obvious words that were so distinctly written there. Aidou also worried about his insanity as well though not as much though that's probably because hes had a sneaking suspicion he was on the edge of insanity.

We have magic reappearing and disappearing ink… but it only works for you. And we know what you're going to say because we tried to be psychic for a moment and it worked.

"HOW THE HELL?"

We traded a magical priest for the ink and 10 minutes to be psychic with a five ounce swallow that could carry a one pound coconut. (Author's note: Yeah beat that, a Monty Python reference)

"Where did they find a magical priest?" Aidou walks up to Kane and grabs him by the shoulders shaking him not caring that his cousin was naked and so was he. "The paper said that they got ink only I can see! They traded a blasted swallow and something about a coconut for it! And 10 minutes to be psychic! Why the hell did they trade 10 minutes to be psychic and used it to torment me?"

"Stop talking to the paper! You're freaking me out Aidou," murmured Kane, eyes wide in fear at what Aidou could do to him. Aidou disregards his cousin's advice and glances back down at the paper.

Are you and Kane gay? We know Shiki has to be gay and Ichijo has to have something in his closet but seriously you two are in the bathroom bathing together. We know you're cousins but still… you're male cousins.

"WE'RE NOT GAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!" Kane takes a step back.

Ichijo is glancing through his ledgers after the call he had made to check his balance in the bank. "I'm missing a few more hundreds?…. Is my father taking money out? I need to ask Kaname-sama if the prices have raised at the school. They do have access to my account… What if Cross-Kaien is taking my money?" Ichijo gasps wondering if the school headmaster is taking his money and then he remembers how easily amused the headmaster is when it comes to planting and cooking fish, "Nah… but I've got to get to the bottom of this!"

Ichijo pulls out a random Sherlock Holmes cap and a magnifying glass ready to investigate.

Shiki walks into the gay strip club, decked out in a dark purple suit, golden buttons glittering brightly against the light of the club, and a cane in his hand as he looked around the room. Immediately Shiki was scared for his life. "Is this the right place?" He murmured to himself.

The music was sexy, the dancers weren't. They were men, most of them in thongs or speedos shaking their toosheys to other men who gladly threw bills of money at them. As soon as Shiki had flocked in the room most of the strippers had decided that he was the most gorgeous man they'd ever seen, even if he looked like a pimp, and if Shiki was a pimp they wouldn't mind being pimped out by him. One male stripper ran up to Shiki immediately and asked, "May I work for you? I would gladly like to talk to you alone so that we may discuss how I get paid." The male stripped looked Shiki up and down with obvious meaning.

By now Shiki had turned bright red from pure raw anger… then again he had noticed the two male night class snickering in the room who weren't males. He pushed the man aside who hissed, "B****," as Shiki passed him and headed straight for Shera and Ama.

"Ah s***! He caught us! We got to get out of here before he pops a cap in our ass," hissed Ama trying to drag Shera away out of the club before Shiki could make his way through the strippers who admired him and flocked to him.

"But he's so pretty," breathed Shera dreamily.

"Too bad he's gay," said Ama still tugging on Shera who was rigid in place as she stared at Shiki.

"I have an idea," Shera cried clapping her hands and jerking herself from Ama. "Do I still look like a man Ama?"

"What? Yeah a pretty man. So? Why?"

Shera pushed through the crowd headed towards Shiki forcing her way, pushing aside men who gasped at her rudeness and ignoring the other men who pinched her tail, then again they thought she was a sexy man beast. Shiki's eyes glowed angrily as he glowered down at Shera. Here's my chance to get back at these idiots, Shiki thought to himself. Sweet vengeance lay before him as Shiki gripped her shoulders roughly jerking Shera in his arms. He would rip off her arms first and use it to beat her to a squishy pulp before he beat her with a banana into submissive death.

"Listen you idiot. You and that Ama BMW are going to regret-"

Shera lifted up on her feet quickly and shut off whatever threat Shiki was hoping to carry out by planting a giant kiss on his lips startling Shiki so that he froze in place. Then she leaned back and shouted to the gay men in the bar, in her best male voice yet, "Oh my! You're giving free kisses all night! To anyone and everyone! Like oh my gosh!" (Author's note: We know gay people do not speak like this and are in support of the gay community, we mean no disrespect, she's poking fun at Shiki because of the on-going joke that he is gay when he is in fact straight) She kissed him one more time for good measure before Shiki pushed her away and he was consumed by the mob trying to kiss him.

"I knew you were gay," shouted Shera to Shiki, "otherwise you wouldn't have pushed me away."

A tumbleweed passes by.

Shera and Ama are gone.

G

O

N

E

Gone like the wind and a person who has passed gas and didn't want anyone to know it in the grocery store aisle.

"How are we going to get our clothes back?" Kane asks his cousin who is rocking back and forth naked inside the shower.

Just then Ichijo pops his head in through the door, "This looks like a job for Sherlock Holmes!" Then Ichijo disappears to get the missing clothes as Kane stares at Aidou and sits down on the toilet, in the pose of The Thinker, and sighs out, "That's it. That's got to be it. Everyone's going crazy."