Ianto sat in a swivel chair in the autopsy bay, bare feet tucked under him, and played with the buttons on his open shirt. His head had stopped swimming long before Owen's tests had come to an end, and now he just felt bored. Though other feelings were niggling at the very edge of his brain, he ignored them, deciding to sort them out later. He also decided to ignore the fact that he was shaking. It was very slight.
Jack had passed his tests too. Ianto had noticed there was a lot more groping than strictly professionally necessary. He was also missing his shoes, but had his shirt buttoned, braces hanging off his belt.
Now Owen was subjecting himself to the same treatment. He had done every medical test known to man, and quite a few that were not. What he couldn't do to him self, he had Jack do. The captain seemed to be happy to comply.
Ianto tried to ignore them, yawning and sinking into the chair as the other two men turned medical testing into foreplay.
"You know I've always loved playing doctor." Jack said casually with a leer as he tapped at the keyboard running the last scan for the evening. Owen was stretched out on the autopsy table, arm thrown over his eyes to block the bright light above them.
"It's hitting computer keys. You're not exactly performing a pelvic exam here."
Jack's smile transformed into a truly filthy grin. "I could if you want...I could go get the Alvorix gender changer..."
"Yeah you keep thinking that, luv. I find any parts gone, and you're never getting in my pants again." Owen warned.
"Don't know what you're missing. I had the most amazing set of-"
The computer whined, drowning out the rest of the sentence, and Jack winced at the sound.
He looked over at the monitor, and the green flashing light. "All clear!" Jack turned and playfully grabbed a stethoscope and wriggled his eyebrows. "Just one more test." He advanced on Owen, using the stethoscope's bell to trace a slow line up from the other man's waistband to his chest.
Ianto snorted from his corner. Trust Jack. A flash of lust dashed through his head and he gasped softly, pressing his hand against the sharp, physical pain that had blossomed in his chest.
Jack continued to flirt, listening intently with the stethoscope. "Why Doctor Harper, someone might think I'm having an affect on you, the way your heart's racing."
Owen gave him an amused look. "Do you even have any idea what you're doing? Been to medical school while I wasn't looking?"
"Not particularly, no."
Ianto focused in on the conversation, the pain easing slightly. He yawned again, and shook his head.
"So you're just doing this to get into my pants?" Owen sounded suspicious, and a bit smug.
"Yup!"
"Well how can I say no to that?" Owen smirked and pulled Jack in for a kiss.
Ianto suppressed his irritation, and another annoying sudden rush of lust and pain. He cleared his throat and gestured to the computer, which was pinging again. "Tests are done. Are we all dying, or should I make plans for the future?" His chest ached.
Owen disentangled from Jack and moved over to look at the results.
Jack slid over to Ianto while Owen was reading from the screen and printouts; he wriggled the end of the stethoscope invitingly. "So...wanna play doctor?"
Ianto swallowed. "I think we've had enough of that for one night."
Jack gave an adorable pout, but went ahead anyway, pressing the cold stethoscope against Ianto's bare chest before he could protest. The flirtatious expression disappeared and Jack looked alarmed. "Ianto? Are you okay?"
"What?" he closed his eyes and gasped against a sudden burst of pain.
"Your heart's racing!" Jack kept one hand on the bell of the stethoscope but the other slid up to cup Ianto's face.
"I-" Well that explained the pain then. It had felt like his ribs were too small, and his chest was tight, the room slid ever so slightly to the left.
"Owen get over here, there's something wrong with Ianto!" Jack barked turning to the doctor.
Owen hurried over looking worried. "What is it?"
"His heart's racing!"
Owen frowned and grabbed Ianto wrist. "Ok yeah that's a bit high, quite a bit high actually, anything else?"
"I'm fine."
"Not you. You'd be 'fine' if you came in with your head in a shopping bag. Jack?"
"Uh...he looks tired? He's shaky. Gasped a second ago."
"...Jack it's nearly the middle of the night, and we've all been though a ton of tests. Of course he's tired!" Owen rolled his eyes and dropped Ianto wrist, and took the stethoscope from Jack so he could listen to Ianto chest for a minute himself. Ianto tried to disappear into the back of the seat, but Owen followed him.
"He's under more then a little stress, and he's the biggest caffeine addict of us all. Of course his heart rate is a little high." despite his reassurance grabbed and pointed a scanner at Ianto again quickly. "The shaking's probably just the egg zapper catching up with him."
He looked at it the scanners results with another frown and then went back to looking at the rest of the tests.
"What the the hell?" Owen scowled at the tests results. "Nothing. Blood tests, x-rays, normal physical exams, alien medical scanners. There's nothing new wrong with any of us. How the fuck could there be nothing? That thing knocked us on our arses, and there's nothing wrong with us?"
"You sound disappointed." Ianto commented while he pulled away from Jack and buttoned his shirt, working a knot into his tie.
"I'm not disappointed." Owen protested. "Just...confused. Why would that thing zap us, if it's not going to do anything?"
Ianto yanked the knot out, and started over, willing his fingers to be steady.
"Maybe it likes us?" he asked, only half serious.
Jack shrugged and moved over the tie Ianto's tie for him, still giving him a concerned look.
"Maybe it wasn't designed for humans. It could have tried to do something to us, and it didn't work. We'll find out when we get back there, and bring it inside so we can test it . For all we know it could be an intergalactic joy buzzer."
Tosh cleared her throat, alerting the men below to her presence on the upper floor. "Already doing that. We ran a few scans, got it into a dolly and we've started doing more advanced scans now."
"You two shouldn't have touched it. That thing knocked us out. Who knows what it could have done to you." Owen groused, sliding on his shoes and handing Jack his.
Tosh rolled her eyes. "We were smart enough to wear protection while handling a unknown alien device, unlike some people."
Owen muttered and gave the scanner an annoyed look while he pointed it at the captain again.
Jack pulled it out of his hands and gave him a quick peck to soothe the loss of his toy. "We're fine Owen. You said so your self. You've run every test we can do. There's nothing wrong."
Owen scowled. "I'm going to go look at the tests you've done on the device." he told Tosh as he brushed past her.
"He's cute...in an annoying way, when he's over protective." She tilted her head towards the retreating doctor.
Jack nodded, smiling, and Ianto felt he couldn't agree more; at least to the annoying part.
Ianto stretched his feet out and grabbed Jack's offered hand, levering himself up, feeling more tired than the late hour dictated.
"Coffee." He decided, out loud, and set a course for the machine, stepping around the medic who was sprawled out in the middle of hub, head beneath the raised egg and muttering himself.
Coffee. And maybe a splash of rum. It had been a long night.