To say I was gently awoken in a bed made of roses with sunlight dappling my face would be a lie. And I'll admit, I kinda had been expecting it when I awoke in Middle Earth. I mean, they had Elves and Hobbits and Dwarves. Fantastical creatures. Surely I would awake n a fantastical setting. But no. Although I did wake in comfort. The comfort of a hobbit bed, to be precise. I was a little too long for it, but otherwise it was a reasonable fit. Someone had thoughtfully removed my coat and my boots, and I wiggled my toes idly. My first night in Middle Earth. But wait- there was a raucous coming from outside my closed door. And it was still evening time when I peered out of the circular window. I pulled on my boots, left my coat on the chair and rifled through my pack. It sounded like joviality, but I couldn't be sure. I found the purple pill and bit into it.

So apparently this one was meant to make me more dwarvish. I really hoped that didn't mean physically. I'd retained the slender form from London, and I really did not want to suddenly grow three dress sizes in the space of as many seconds. And I really didn't want anymore of the sideburns than I already had. Not cool. Not cool at all. It turned out that it wasn't that; a little electronic voice told me that it was downloading the weapons and dwarvish language software to my brain. And then it hit me. Mahal - my body started shuddering violently as it processed. I had to bite down to prevent myself from shouting random words that I didn't think I'd known before but somehow understood.

To cut to the chase, when it ended, I was a shivering little mess on the floor. What a great start. But I had to pick myself up and sort it all out. I started by opening the door to my bedroom. A carrot whizzed inches from my face, and if not for my suddenly lightning fast reflexes, I'd be looking a little too much like Olaf from Frozen for my liking. I shit you not, the carrot embedded itself in the wood of the far wall across from me and stayed there, quivering. I stepped into the hallway, glanced around-

And found myself confronted by a table of dwarves. Well hell.

Naturally, due to my ridiculous chemistry, my body would choose that time to send all available blood to my face, and I have no doubt that in that moment, there was nothing redder in the house. Not even the tomatoes which had been left, discarded in a bowl by the side. Apparently dwarves aren't fans of their vegetables. But back to the table of dwarves.

It would've been quite comical if it hadn't been incredibly intimidating. Slowly, one by one, they each stopped talking and turned to stare at me. I really began to wish that my bodice-thing hadn't been tied so tight because the looks I was getting were not good oh no no no. I crossed my arms over my chest, cleared my throat a little, and in my attempt at my best Dwarvish - a language I'd known for exactly five and a half seconds - greeted the company.

You could've dropped a pin and it would've been heard in that silence. I heard an awkward chuckle as someone shifted to look more presentable, saw the dwarves shifting and murmuring amongst themselves about how it was not right to have a Dwarvish lady in society and that someone should take her back to somewhere safe.

Needless to say, I took a deep breath and recited the same spiel that I'd told Gandalf. "My name is Astrid - known as Asta among companions. I come from the tribe of the Amazons to show our support for Thorin Oakenshield and his quest to reclaim the lonely mountain." No, I do not know what I was on. Told you Gandalf's secondary smoke was potent. "I have travelled far, but am proficient in blades and am willing to do whatever I can to aid the quest." And blah; you get the picture. Perfect blonde was really working overtime on me. What I didn't really realize, until a Hobbit shot me a bemused look, was that I'd been speaking fluent Dwarvish. Well, my grandmother had always wanted me to learn another language. It's never too late to start, kids.

A slowly building murmur of questions began, culminated when Gandalf raised his voice to be heard and explained that yes, I was a new companion for the quest. And well, then I had this ridiculously long roll of paper thrust at me. Maybe I should've read it, maybe I shouldn't have. Either way, I scribbled down my signature and handed it back. I didn't read it, for the record. Nothing quite like the thrill of signing an unknown document. Gandalf waved me over to a chair beside him, and I scooted in.

My cheeks were still burning.

Stares followed me from around the table - I tried to remain nonchalant as I filled my plate, but it was hard with a shit-ton of dwarves assessing your every move and only an old wizard to whack the one who ogled your tits. Maybe I should've gotten a scarf.

The silence was only broken when a blonde headed dwarf leapt onto the table with a tray full of mugs and started handing them out. Protestations followed, and gradually the company settled back to their normal atmosphere. I was glad for the presence of Gandalf then; he kept me mostly hidden for the rest of them. So hidden, that when I leant out to snatch a bread roll, the blonde dwarf turned to me. "Mahal; who's she?"

Again, the dwarves shut up as one. It was pretty comical really. I felt like the new kid on the playground; the shiny new toy.

So I shot him my best smile, whipped out the mental Dwarvish phrasebook and rattled off the same crap that I'd told the rest of them. But this one wasn't bought. Or his brother, the dark-haired, fairly beardless one beside him. Peach fuzz came to mind as a nickname for that one. Maybe it was just the suspicious youths. Well. They looked younger than everyone else at the table. And a great deal finer too; no bulbous nose or hideous hairstyles. Kind of like 'waiter, I'll have chips and a slice of that'- I cut myself off mid-thought. Beside me, Gandalf chuckled, and I glared at him. Stupid brain-stalker wizard. He butted me with his stick and I went back to eating, trying to think of anything but the fact that the two dwarves were staring at me.

Perfect blonde took that opportunity to fill me in with her little mental dialogue. Firstly, I had no beard, except for the barest shimmer of dark sideburns. That just ostracized me in dwarvish society. Secondly, I wasn't dwarf-like in build - but perfect blonde assured me that I didn't want to be. I didn't really mind that. Thirdly, I had no braids at all. Apparently some of the braids meant something. I wasn't really listening to her at that point. Cue what must have been the mental equivalent of a slap. I winced. And fourthly, she announced, with some vigor, Dwarf ladies weren't really seen outside their homes. Like... ever. To have me in battle-gear and rattling off about an adventure was quite a commodity. Most dwarves saw women as needing to be protected and prized. Not that I minded that too much. That blonde one could- I cut myself off again. No. No thinking like that. Perfect blonde smirked in my head, before fluttering off back to her stupid desk with the stupid buttons. I glared as she went.

"Astrid, perhaps you'd like to refresh yourself before the journey?" Gandalf gave me the most unsubtle of meaningful looks. I deadpanned. Did he want me naked in a bath now? Lord. "It'll be an early start, and we may not encounter baths for a long while." I was off my chair by the word baths, trotting through to the room that I'd slept it. It had a screen in the corner, with a large bathtub just behind that I could fill. I tried my best to ignore the stares of the dwarves on my back as I ambled off.

The bath was divinely hot. I imagined every pore just opening and letting go of all the crap from my day. My dark hair hung loose over the back of the tub, and I relaxed, eyes drifting shut. This was just perfection...

The noise of the door opening jerked me back to my sense, and I sat up, wet hair slapping against my skin and shielding me, at least partially. So far, longer and thicker hair was definitely a good thing. "Hello?" I called out. Stupid dwarves and their stupid curiosity. Tucking my arms around me and covering all inappropriate areas, I peeked around the corner of the screen and nearly headbutted the blonde's abdomen. And he had the audacity to look crossly bemused!

"What're you doing?" His voice was low, husky. It made me want to leap up and- No. I pushed those thoughts back to the dark recesses of my mind. Where they could delightfully fester and mellow with age.

"I could ask you the same question." So I may have sputtered it because bath water was running down my face, but at least I got it across indignantly. "I'm taking a bath - you're not meant to walk in."

He frowned, unlacing the leather top over his tunic. Ok. So now I was a little worried because yeah he was gorgeous but I'd known him for all of an hour. "I'm Fili. My brother told me to come and braid your hair for you. It's too long." He yanked the leather top off and over his head, sending his hair flying and exposing a little strip of golden skin which I tried so hard not to stare at and failed miserably. Anyways, what was with his lame-ass excuse?

"Couldn't you braid it at another time? When I'm clothed, for example?" Well this was awkward. And then suddenly it all fell into place and I realized what was going on. Rather attractive young dwarf did not understand that he'd been set up by his brother but was proceeding anyways. Poor guy. I lowered myself back into the bath, arms still hiding everything from view.

"Why then? Now's as good a time as ever." I didn't really have anything to say to that, so I nodded, muttering a fine. He pulled up a stool behind the bath, guiding my head back. His hands were warm, fingertips rough on my skin. I shuddered, and hoped to Mahal that he hadn't felt it.

The feel of his hands in my hair was indescribable. Intense. I shivered and squirmed and kept my hands wrapped around me because by Mahal he was not getting a look at anything. I pulled my knees up to my chest, letting my head fall back and into his touch. Now I was just behaving a little wantonly. Oh hell. I tried to just sit there but ugh.

Gently, he twisted my hair together, clipping it in place with small little beads that I hadn't seen him holding. It was braided back from just beneath my temple at either side, drawing back into one long, intricate braid that slithered down my back. Beads were interspersed along each braid. It was incredible, and he pushed it over one shoulder so that I could look at it. Yes, my hair was that ridiculously long.

I turned my head to face him, to express some gratitude, and realized that he was inches away. I inhaled a little too sharply, blinking. Maybe ruining the tension thing going on between us. Again, intense. His eyes; his nose; his lips. So close. Almost as soon as it'd happened, he moved back and away, reaching for his leather shirt and pulling it on over the blue tunic. I turned back, facing away from him, feeling my cheeks heat. Stupid stupid stupid. Mahal knew I couldn't reprimand myself enough. I didn't even know him. He was just part of the company. Just part of the second chance at life. I'd complete the story, and then live out my days in happiness. Sorted.

I remained in that position until the door closed quietly.

Mahal.

A/N: yes so I know things are moving a little unrealistically too fast shh. ;3 But still. HotFilibraidinghairyesplease.