Hey everyone! Thank you for the reviews! They really make me smile, and I'm flattered that so many people read my work.
This Chapter holds a little shock for everyone, I was suprised when I read it lol :P, I tried to do as much research on the matter as possible, not knowing anything about the subject, and I apologise if i do offend. (I dont think i do though :)
On a happier not :
I would like to dedicate this chapter to Michelle1249 for reviewing my every chapter with such encouraging words :) Thank you so much!
Marissa woke happily, she took a deep breath as she felt Ryan's strong and slightly tanned arms hold her tightly. They had gotten back from a break in Hawaii a week ago, his anniversary gift to her, and the light tanned colour he had was quickly leaving his toned body,. Marissa however, had done her best to keep hers there. It was only a partial tan, one of a weeks long holiday, that her and Ryan spent most of it in their suite, making up for lost time now they had a child. She rolled over to face him, and felt Ryan's grip tighten around her even more and she smiled at him. He had a smirk on his face, indicating that he was indeed awake but his eyes clenched shut. Marissa smiled and leaned into kiss him, and felt him smiling against her lips. They laid like that for a while, in a world away from anyone else, their lips never leaving the others.
"Merry Christmas Riss" Ryan told her happily when they broke apart.
"Merry Christmas baby" Marissa bit the side of her lip, as she studied Ryan's face, to her Ryan's looks had only gotten better with age, well 25. Soon enough, they couldn't keep there hands off of each other, and Marissa was laying on top of Ryan, in complete happiness. As she broke another one of their heated kisses she stared down at him,
"See something you like" Ryan asked her teasingly, she set down and laid her ear on his chest, and he twirled a piece of her blonde hair around his finger.
"When should we get the baby up?" Marissa asked him after a while, not wanting to be away from Darcey too much that morning.
"Don't you like it just the two of us?" Ryan asked, feigning hurt
"Of course, I do, but a mother needs to be with her child on such staple days, and Christmas is one of them. Besides I want to spend some time, just the three of us this morning, uninterrupted and relaxed, you never know what's round the corner, and these are special memories to be made. Who knows where we will be with next Christmas?" Marissa told him wistfully.
"Marissa, you know full well we will both be right here, waking up from Christmas Eve sex, and getting up to go and open presents with our beautiful daughter, and you know, there might be more than one beautiful daughter" Ryan said hopefully, when Marissa turned to him with an arched eyebrow.
"You want more kids?" Marissa asked him in shock, Ryan shrugged his shoulders and avoided his gaze.
"You don't?" Ryan asked her confused.
"Well, no, or at least I don't think so, I want to be able to spend as much time focusing on Darcey as I can, But then I suppose, I would like kids where there age gaps aren't to big" Marissa said thinking. Ryan looked hopefully at her and she carried on.
"But I'm not sure if I want another one yet, she is quite hard to handle on my own anyway. And they do call it the tantrum twos, I'm not sure I could handle that pregnant, and its not like you would be here to help me, I mean your always at the office working" Marissa said without thinking, Immediately regretting her words, she felt Ryan tense beneath her and she moved off of him to grab her house robe.
"What's that supposed to mean Marissa? I'm always at the office?" Ryan asked hurt
"Can we not have this argument again please, especially not it today Ryan, its Christmas, and I want to be with my daughter" Ryan took note of her walking out of their bedroom, and the use of the word 'my' daughter. She was always stubborn and protective when it came to Darcey, and it was always in the back of his mind, if Marissa never fell pregnant, where he would be.
"Coop" Summer asked as she knocked on Marissa's door. When they had come home, on that first night, Marissa had run straight up the stairs crying, and locked herself in the spare bedroom, no-one daren't go in there. Summer left food and water outside of her room, glad that she knew Marissa was eating something, and drinking something that wouldn't ruin her liver.
Ryan had tried to come round the house and called persistently, but Seth had stopped him, he had kept on offering to take Darcey, wanting to help the couple out, but they had managed enough to cope, it would be easier though if Darcey didn't keep on asking for her Mother, after 2 days of not seeing her, despite being in the same house. Summer understood that Marissa needed time to mourn, irregardless whether someone had died, she understood how Marissa would take this, but she hadn't realised that she would shun everyone away. Summer felt useless once again and extremely tired as she knocked on her best friends door, urging her to come out of the dark room.
"Marissa, I was just wondering whether you wanted to see Darcey today, she's been asking for you" Summer put her ear to the door, and awaited any response. She heard a rustling, and felt slightly happier to hear some movement within the room.
"I was thinking about heading up to LA today, get some things in" Summer said trying to tempt her, although holding of on the word 'Chrismukkah', knowing Marissa would be in no Christmassy mood. Marissa opened the door, she was wearing an old pair of pyjamas, her skin was red and blotchy and she had dark bags under her eyes,
"Where's my baby?" Her voice raw with scratchiness.
"She's just downstairs, Seth's giving her her breakfast, she's been asking after you a lot" Marissa nodded and looked to the floor, Summer enveloped her in a hug and Marissa whispered to her
"Thanks" She said, her voice full of emotion
"Oh Coop, don't worry about it, you know I'm here for you, with anything" Summer said holding her weight.
"Has he tried to ring" Marissa asked her, Summer nodded and then looked to the floor.
"What has he said" Marissa asked her woefully,
"He tried to speak to you, but I didn't want to disturb you, and you told me not to-"
"Sum, its fine, I was just wondering" Summer nodded in understanding and Marissa made her way down the stairs.
"How do you feel Coop?" Summer asked her cautiously,
"I feel like someone has just ripped everything in my life I love out of it. I feel like he stabbed at my heart, its hard to explain," Marissa said sadly. Marissa walked into the kitchen, and Seth looked surprised to see her, he smiled and she nodded at him, but moved forward to hold her daughter.
"Mommy!!!!!!!!" Darcey squealed as her mother picked her up and smothered her in kisses, holding her as close as she could, Darcey reciprocated her hugged, and squeezed her tightly, not liking that she was separated from her Mom for that amount of time. Marissa had told Summer not to bring Darcey upstairs while she was in her room, because she didn't want her to see her that upset.
"You play with me and ewic?" Darcey asked her hopefully holding up the battered old rabbit, Marissa nodded and carried on to holding her.
"Do you want a bagel or anything Marissa?" Seth offered, she shook her head and stared at the marble countertop. It hurt for her to see and Summer eating breakfast together doing all of the things she wished she and Ryan could still be doing, not that she grudged them being happy, because she didn't and she didn't want to force the pain she was going through on anyone else, but she just missed the way Ryan would make her bacon sandwiches, or bring her a tea when she was still in bed.
"Coop, you've got to eat" Summer said mothering her,
"No, I don't, I'm fine" Summer nodded unconvinced, and Marissa concentrated all energy on her daughter despite the rumbling of her stomach, and Summer looked at Seth with a worried expression on her face.
"So, Summer, where were you thinking on going today?" Seth said, avoiding the elephant in the room.
"Um, I thought maybe the Grove, and Robertson's, I need to get in some things for Chrismukkah" Summer said trying to be enthusiastic.
"Well don't burn up the card too much, Have a nice day." Seth leant into kiss Summer, and Summer noted that Marissa turned away with glassy eyes.
"Bye" She said as she pecked his lips once more.
"See you later, Marissa, Darcey" Seth said walking out of his kitchen. When the girls were just left, Darcey lay content against Marissa's chest, sucking her thumb in her mothers embrace.
"Do you want to talk?" Summer offered her and Marissa shook her head.
"I think that I need to get a lawyer of whatever you get when you get divorced, I don't even know what's meant to happen" Marissa said as a few tears escaped her eyes.
"Do you want me to ask Sandy for you--" Summer offered, but Marissa's eyes widened in horror.
"No Summer, you cannot, I don't want the Cohen's involved" Marissa said in a serious tone
"Okay, why?" Summer asked confused
"Because, I don't want to pour my heart out to my husbands Dad, I don't want him to know what went wrong with me and Ryan, I don't want to admit to the people that I consider my family that I couldn't keep my husband satisfied! Its embarrassing Sum, they will all know that I finally lost him. Anyways, they always thought that Ryan was too good for me. I mean its never a good start to things when your son, who you just gave a multi million dollar company to, comes home and says, 'I'm marrying Marissa because I knocked her up' I could tell they were always against us from the start" Marissa said angrily
"Marissa, you know that's not true, the Cohen's love the both of us, were like daughters to them" Summer said to her, Marissa shook her head cynically.
"Summer, would you still love my Mom, if she pushed your Dad into marriage, because she was pregnant with his child and then divorced him 2 years later.? I don't think so" Summer gave up, realising she wasn't going to win this battle. Marissa was being stubborn, but she expected and could handle it, she realised that Old Coop, was a long way from coming back to them.
"I need to head out to Ralph's, just to get some more food in, do you want to come with me?" Summer asked her, making light work of the dirty dishes. Marissa looked solemn as she continued to hold Darcey, Summer wondered, how long it would take, how long she would act like that.
"Well, if you don't need me, then I will just head out now, Is there anything you need?" Summer asked her, and getting a head shake from Marissa. She nodded then as she walked out of the kitchen she stopped to kiss Darcey on the head, growing extremely attached to having a baby in the house after such a short space of time.
"Look after Mommy, Darcey," Summer said, to her niece
"I'm a grown woman Summer, I don't need my 2 year old to look after me" Marissa bit as she walked out of the house, Summer ignored it and carried on. Wishing for Old Coop to speed up her return home.
"And then there were two Darcey b" Marissa said to her daughter who was struggling to get off of her lap.
"I no want dat Bwwekfast Mommy" Darcey asked her, pointing at some toast,
"You want cereal?" Marissa asked, understanding what she was saying completely, all mothers could communicate like that, they could always understand what their children were saying. Darcey nodded and Marissa sat her in a her special seat, that she noticed Summer must of bought for her.
"Mommy eat tooosht" Darcey said, pushing the plate Seth had put out in front of her towards her Mom. Marissa looked at the bread soaked in butter, as if it was teasing her. She was so hungry, so unbelievably hungry. Summer had been bringing her up food, and that's exactly what she had been doing behind closed doors.
It had started back when she was first doubting Ryan of cheating on her about 3 months ago. She would eat more than anyone should regularly eat, purge on all sorts of calories and then a while later, go to the bathroom, and run the taps, at the sound of the water whoosing she would lean over the toilet and stick her middle finger down her throat.
She would wretch and throw up whatever she had in her stomach, turn off the water and go back downstairs, and pretend everything was normal that was when it was only a few times a week. At first it was a one off, she hadn't meant for it to happen, but it did. She got a rush after the first time, for once she was back in control, she could dictate what was happening to her life. Then it started to become more regular, and she would feel exhausted and weak as an after effect, but it was doing great things for her figure, which she claimed was made at the gym, although Marissa had never stepped foot in one in her life. No one knew, she thought that Ryan wouldn't even be able to tell, he had been away from home so much, she could of shaved her head and he wouldn't of noticed.
Every time Summer bought her up food, she would eat it as fast as she could, eat everything on the plate, she would wait a while, go into the bathroom, turn on the taps, and empty it back up again. She knew what she was doing was stupid, but she couldn't help it. There was a need within her that made her do it.
"Mommy, mommy" Darcey said, snapping Marissa out of her gaze. Marissa looked over at her daughter with droopy eyes.
"Yes bubba" Marissa asked her, trying to conceal a yawn. Darcey looked up with her bright blue eyes, and opened her arms, wanting to be carried. Her big blue Atwood eyes, that would haunt Marissa whenever Ryan wasn't around.
"Shall we go for a walk? Go find some animals?" Marissa asked her, knowing that Darcey wouldn't turn down anything if it included an animal, she was obsessed with anything on four legs with fur. Darcey nodded emphatically, and Marissa took her upstairs to quickly change her into something else, and for her to put on some sweats. Which were an easy way to hide her diminishing figure.
Half an hour later they were walking along the pier, Darcey at Marissa's side holding onto her hand tightly in a pink terrycloth juicy with a pink headband, and Marissa in sweats and Ryan's old Berkeley jumper, which she took from his wardrobe when she packed her things. Everything about the jumper reminded her of him, its smell, screamed Ryan. The fact that he had worn it, and she remembered one night she spent at his dorm in college, and she felt so cold that he had given it to her to wear, even though the heating was broken, and held her so tight she thought he would never let go.
"Mommy, I av dwink?" Darcey asked her curiously, as Marissa held her in her arms. It was the first time she had left the house, since going back to Summer' from the beach that night. It was too bright outside, after being concealed in a dark room for 2 days. There was too many people with happy cheery smiles on their faces walking along with their boyfriends. Marissa moved her daughter to her other jutting out hip and pushed her sunglasses on top of her head as she stopped at the sight in front of her.
"Mommy! Look Doggy!!!!!!" Darcey said excitedly pointing to the chocolate coloured poodle on a lead in front of them. Marissa's eyes unknowingly began to water, at the dog owners sight. Lauren, in all of her fake boobed and faked tanned glory, with her tongue down her husbands throat. Ryan broke their kiss, at a voice that sounded much like his daughters. He shut his eyes, anticipating the worst, and when he opened them, he saw Marissa shaking his head at him, with more of a hurt look in her eyes than anger. He noticed how gaunt she looked in his jumper, and how ghostly her skin was, and he wondered whether she had looked like that when they were together, or whether it was more recently.
"Marissa" Ryan said sadly, at getting caught again.
"Daddy!" Darcey said smiling at Ryan, Ryan gave her a half hearted smile back, and Lauren stood smirking at Marissa, her hand entwined with Ryan's. Marissa took a deep breath and shook her head at him. Ryan stepped closer to her and she stood still.
"I mean it this time Ryan, please just leave me alone" Marissa said quietly, as she took her daughter and started her walk towards Summer's house. Wanting nothing more, than to run to the toilet, and throw up whatever she had in her stomach.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year all :)
R/R
xoxo