Chapter Seven
"I can think of one reason," a voice said from the entrance to the medical unit. They all turned to see who it was. Standing by the doorway, leaning casually against the wall and with his hands crossed over his chest, was Sester.
"What are you doing here?" asked Avon with a snarl. No one had told him that Sester was here.
Sester smiled at the predictable attitude and came over to where they all stood. "Is that the way to greet someone with an interesting hypothesis to put forward?" he asked. He was all charm and smiles. Unlike most smooth operators, Sester did not ooze charm; his came across as disarmingly straightforward.
Standing there among them, Sester could see the only one who didn't want him to leave the room was the Healer. Most likely because he doesn't know me yet, he thought jokingly. I'm sure the others will fill him in soon enough.
Argus stepped forward aggressively, "We're not interested in anything you have to say. Leave the room. You're not wanted here." His stare held the promise of air locks and the emptiness of space.
Sester was not one to be intimidated. "I don't think it's your place to say where I can or cannot go. We are both guests here. But I am not here to cause trouble. I will leave once I tell you what I think Servalan's intent is."
Argus half-turned towards Avon, but kept his eyes on Sester, "Avon?"
Avon stared at Sester, his eyes boring into the other man like daggers seeking to slice through the façade of civility. Avon projected to Cally Do you sense anything from him?
Cally had been trying to do that since Sester had made his presence known. He was one person who instantly caused her to put her guard up. She always wanted to know what he was up to.
He seems to think he's being genuine in his offer. She told Avon. A strong tone of cynicism was conveyed with her telepathic communication.
The corners of Avon's mouth lifted in suppressed amusement. You're getting as bad as I am.
No one could be that bad. Not even you. She sent a ripple of laughter towards him. Avon's amusement became a little less suppressed.
Sester's head cocked in interest. It was obvious to him that unspoken communication was occurring between Avon and Cally. He wished he was privy to what they were saying to each other. This is interesting. The two of you appear to have grown closer since the last time I saw you. Servalan must have known this would happen. It's unfortunate, I doubt if she will allow it to last. Sester suppressed his own smile. I don't think I will tell her though. She is not the only one who can play games.
Sester was still irritated at Servalan for trying to put him on the defensive, by forcing a confrontation with Argus and Reya. He felt a mixture of guilt and excitement as he remembered the scene earlier, in the corridor with Reya. Thoughts of her always did that to him.
"It might be worth listening to what he has to say," Avon responded to Argus. "It would be interesting to know what he wants us to believe."
Sester inclined his head. "Of course. But I will only speak to you, Avon."
"Fine," said Avon.
Argus gestured for the others to leave. Before he followed them he turned to Sester and said in a cold voice, "If Avon asks me to kill you, I will."
"I don't doubt it," said Sester.
Argus nodded to Avon and then he left the room as well.
There was a chilly silence as Avon stared at Sester. "Say what you have to say."
"And leave? You left that part out," said Sester.
"You're a psychostrategist," said Avon. The word, psychostrategist, from his lips sounded like something very unpleasant. "I expect you to be able to read the subtext."
"Oh, we can. That's why I'm staying. I do like the challenge of an openly hostile environment."
"Stop wasting my time," said Avon.
"Very well. I think you already suspect what I'm about to say."
"Servalan." Avon said the name with disgust.
"Yes. Servalan. It's ironic that you are benefitting from her obsession with you," said Sester.
"She thinks that giving me back the ability to experience emotions normally will change my need to destroy her."
"I don't think she ever believed that. But I do think she is hoping for different possibilities with you."
"I know what she wants. She will never get it from me," said Avon.
"I hope not. For your sake. But we both know how devious she can be," said Sester.
"I don't need you to tell me that," said Avon coldly. "Unless you plan to tell me something I don't already know, you can leave."
Sester smiled at the other man's continued hostility. "We both suspected what Servalan's intentions were in doing this. I just wanted to give you time to sort out your suspicions, without the presence of the others. It avoids questions you might not want them to ask."
"You expect me to believe that you had a fit of altruism?"
"Even psychostrategists do have them occasionally. It broadens our experience," said Sester. He turned serious. "Avon. You may be able to use this obsession against her one day. But be careful how you do it. She's never stopped having a plan where you're concerned."
Sester did not want to see Avon in Servalan's hands again. He did not want to be forced to have to hurt him again. He still felt he owed Avon a debt for what he had done to him the last time.
"I can take care of myself," said Avon.
"You don't need anyone? Do you still believe that, Avon?"
"I don't need you."
"True. You have Cally. And Argus. And the others. I should be jealous. It's not often you can find so many people who would stand with you. I believed what he said before, by the way. Argus. He would kill me if you asked him to."
"I don't need him, for that."
"I didn't say you did." Before Avon could tell him to leave again, Sester said, "I think it's time to relieve you of my presence." He turned to go.
"This doesn't change anything between us," said Avon.
"I didn't think it would." Sester left Avon to contemplate on the deviousness of a woman who wanted him to be able to experience emotions normally again.
After Sester left, Argus came back into the room. Avon was pacing; he was deep in thought.
"Do you want me to kill him?" asked Argus, half in jest.
Avon stopped pacing and turned to stare at him. He said, "And what if I said, that I did?"
Argus gave him a wolfish grin and turned to leave, giving every impression that he was about to go on a hunt.
"Wait," said Avon.
Argus turned back to him, "Don't tell me. It's more fun to do it yourself?"
"Stop playing," said Avon.
A brief wolfish grin appeared on Argus's face again, this one had a mischievous quality to it. In a more serious tone he asked, "Are you going to tell me what he said?"
Avon studied the other man, wondering how much he knew and how much he had deduced already.
When Avon stayed silent, Argus said, "You don't have to say anything."
"You've already guessed," said Avon.
"I did find you in Servalan's bedroom when we rescued you. She wasn't torturing you," said Argus.
"That depends on your perspective." There was a brief flash of anger on Avon's face as he said this.
"Cally probably knows too."
Avon nodded resignedly and started pacing again. "It's hard to keep anything from her."
"Yes, I know what you mean. I could swear that Reya can read my mind most of the time and Cally really can almost read yours."
Avon stopped abruptly and asked, "Did everyone leave the room because you wanted to avoid embarrassing me?" He did not like this thought one bit.
"I'm sure Vila had no idea."
"Vila wasn't in the room," said Avon with icy irritation. He began pacing again.
"Well, I'm sure he wouldn't have guessed even if he was in the room. For some reason, he can't seem to grasp the idea that any woman would find you so fascinating. What are you going to do?"
"As Sester observed, this is an unexpected benefit from Servalan's obsession with me. But I fully intend to disappoint her as to the results."
"She may target Cally if she doesn't get what she wants from you. She will see her as an obstacle to be eliminated."
"I'm aware of that." Avon stopped directly in front of Argus and looked at him. He was thinking about something and then he appeared to make up his mind and said, "You said that you would kill Sester if I asked you to?"
"Yes." He looked at Avon quizzically, wondering where this question was leading.
"Would you protect Cally from Servalan if I asked you too?" asked Avon. There was a serious look on his face.
"I would do that anyways. You don't have to ask me," said Argus.
"I don't mean that. I need you to protect her if I can't," said Avon.
Argus nodded with understanding. "You're afraid that Servalan will get to you again? And you're afraid of what will happen if you continue to deteriorate?
There was a grave look on Avon's face. "Yes. It's the only thing I can do to protect Cally."
"I won't let that happen, Avon. Not if I can do anything about it," Argus said just as seriously.
"I believe you. But I doubt if sentiment will matter much in the face of Servalan's schemes or if my mind refuses to cooperate."
"Oh I plan to face Servalan with much more than just sentiment," said Argus forcefully.
"Would you like help or do you plan to do it all yourself?" said Avon.
"Sorry. Of course. What did you want to do?"
"You still haven't answered me," said Avon. He needed an answer, even if he already knew what it would be.
"Yes, Avon. I will protect Cally."
"Don't tell her that I asked you to."
Argus nodded. "She won't like the implications. And for the record, neither do I. It sounds too much like you're giving up."
"I'm just being a realist. And I like to make provisions for every contingency."
"Yes, you're infinitely practical. But let's do some fighting first before we start thinking about last resorts."
"You would," said Avon; with a much lighter sarcastic tone than he normally used with Argus.
Servalan appeared on the main viewer in Sester's observer craft.
"Have you found out why Avon is there?" she asked him.
Sester had prepared his response before she asked him this question. He knew that lies would not work. At least not full lies. The Federation had agents in each of the Reve brothers' headquarters. He directed the majority of them, but that didn't mean that she didn't have other ones who reported directly to her. In fact he knew she did.
"Yes. He's here to undo some of the damage you did to his mind."
Servalan smiled the smile of a slippery snake. "You mean the damage that we both did."
"Yes. You're right," he conceded. "They know about the microsurgery. And about your attempts to fix it. Why didn't you tell me? Those details were not in his files."
"Not your files," she told him.
"I see." Sester wondered where she kept these other files.
"Has he been having problems?" asked Servalan. From her interest, one would think that she really was worried about Avon.
"He wouldn't be here if he weren't."
"I underestimated the Atholians. I didn't realize their level of medical technology was that sophisticated." Servalan thought for a few moments, her eyes focused on something beyond the screen. "Avon does need help," she mused. "Very well, let them help him for now. Don't interfere. But I want to know if they've found out anything else."
"Yes, Madame President."
"Have they found out anything else, Sester?" she asked.
"Not as far as I know, Madame President."
There was a look on her face that told him that she didn't quite believe him; but she had no proof that he was lying to her. She would have been told that examinations were made but Sester knew that the results would have been kept highly confidential. She would not know what was found out. It was most likely that she would guess that they would find the physical damage to the brain. That was the easiest. But she would not guess that they had the ability to find the more subtle damage; the ones that impacted the mind.
"You will keep me informed, won't you?" she said, stressing his role in their relationship.
"Of course, Madame President."
"I want you to arrange to have yourself based on the Justice," said Servalan. "I want you to keep a closer eye on them."
"You mean as a prisoner? That's the only way they will let me onboard their ship again," said Sester.
"I'm sure you will think of something, psychostrategist," said Servalan. There was no need for further incentives. She expected to be obeyed. "You are very persuasive when you want to be."
"Very well, Madame President."
After Servalan signed off, Sester thought, I need access to those files. Find out what else she is hiding.
Chapter Eight
Vila watched the open entrance to the medical unit. He'd been waiting there for the last hour, trying to work up his nerve to go in. No one had paid any attention to him in the last few days. He doubted if anyone had noticed that he hadn't been in to see Avon since they arrived on Zirgon. They were all too worried about Avon. Vila was worried too but he was too afraid that the feelings he had been having might make him do or say something they would both regret.
Normally Vila preferred not being noticed. It meant that no one would ask him to do something, or think that all this free time he was having, should be filled with some kind of responsibility that was only important to someone else.
Cally noticed him lurking about outside and came to talk to him.
"How is he doing?" Vila asked Cally when she got near.
"Why don't you go in and ask him yourself," said Cally.
"I'd rather not," said Vila.
"What's wrong with you, Vila? Why haven't been to see Avon since he was brought here," she asked him.
"I didn't think anyone had noticed," said Vila. He hoped that Cally's Auron senses would not be able to tell her what he had been struggling with. She had more than enough to worry about. He did not want to tell her about his angry and violent dreams; not with the way she felt about Avon these days.
Cally saw that Vila was feeling depressed and troubled about something. "Is there something wrong?"
"I want to see him. I do," stressed Vila vehemently. "But I can't."
"Then why are you here, Vila?" Cally was not able to sense Vila's emotional state in the way she did with Avon, but she knew enough to understand that the thief was conflicted about his reason for being there. "Did something happen between the two of you?"
"Whatever happened, it was a long time ago," said Vila. But why does it seem like yesterday. It must be these dreams. They make it seem like it just happened.
"Normally, I would say that the two of you should deal with whatever is bothering you… but not right now, Vila. I don't want him to have to cope with more than he has to." Her face was full of worry. Avon had been having continued headaches and it did not seem to be getting any better.
Vila had not been there when Garett told the others what he had found. He still didn't know.
"What did they find? Is it bad?" he asked her. The look on his face reflected hers.
"It is," said Cally. She stopped, finding it difficult to talk about it. "They did horrible things to him, Vila. They tried to make him into a machine. Take away his ability to feel anything. They did it when he was a child, Vila! How could they do that?" She was clearly upset now, and angry. Vila put his hand on her shoulder, trying to comfort her.
Cally had been trying to hide how she felt from Avon. Overtly emotional displays would not help him and would only make him feel uncomfortable and even more burdened than he already was.
Vila felt terrible. He remembered all the times he had accused Avon of being an unfeeling computer. "I thought he was always like that. That it was normal for him."
"How can that be normal, Vila? Unless he weren't human. But he is, Vila. Even if he doesn't believe it sometimes. I always knew." Cally turned away from Vila.
Vila felt a stab of guilt. He remembered Avon saying something similar once. "She is more human than I am." And he remembered his own response, "That's not difficult."
Did they make you believe that? Cally's right. How could they do that to anyone? Did she say that you were a child when they did it? Vila felt sick. There were so many things he wished he could take back now. I wish I had known. Maybe it would have been different. Things would have turned out different if we had all known. He had a strong desire to see Avon now, to talk about things that were important.
"Healer Garett is afraid that we haven't found everything yet," continued Cally.
"But that's not fair. Wasn't that enough? Why did they have to do more?" said Vila angrily.
"Garett said that Avon must have tried to fight them. When the conditioning didn't work the way they wanted, they tried other methods. They operated on his brain, Vila."
Vila put a hand to his head. With him, the Federation had tried aversion conditioning so that he would not steal. It never stuck, but they never operated on his brain before.
Cally told him, "I know now why Avon said that being intelligent should not be a curse. After the Federation realized how valuable his mind was, it became a curse. They saw him as a valuable asset and they treated him like one. He wasn't a human being to them. Just an important resource to be used and controlled."
"That's horrible." That was one of the reasons Vila had bought himself a lower rating; apart from avoiding compulsory military service. The higher the class, the more things they did to you.
"You know, Avon always said that he wanted to be rich. But he wanted it for different reasons than I did. He thought he could be safe if he was wealthy enough and then no one would be able to touch him. I'd always thought that was an odd thing to say. But now it makes sense."
"Yes, many things are starting to make sense. Vila, can you stay with Avon? I want to find Healer Garett," said Cally.
Vila hesitated. This conversation with Cally had helped. He wasn't feeling anything negative; no twinges of memory.
Vila said, "Go and talk to Garett. I'll stay with Avon."
"Thank you, Vila. Try not upsetting him when you're in there," said Cally.
He put his hand to his chest and asked in a slightly offended tone, "Me?"
"I know you, Vila. I know how the two of you interact. I don't want Avon to have the added pressure," said Cally.
"Don't worry. I'm worried about him too." Vila told her, "You know he's not going to like being treated like an invalid."
"I know. Don't tell him that I asked you to watch him. I don't want to leave him alone."
"Alright," Vila reassured her.
aaaaaaaaaa
When Vila entered the room, Avon was at one of the medical terminals, looking intently at something on the monitor. At Vila's approach, he shut down what he had been doing and got up.
"How are you feeling?" Vila asked.
Avon stared at him and then walked slowly back towards the patient area. Vila followed.
"Did Cally ask you to watch me?" asked Avon.
"Couldn't you ask me something easier? Sort of, work up to the harder ones?" asked Vila.
"She did," said Avon. He sat down on the bed and leaned back against the wall tiredly. The pain in his head was bothering him again; the drugs had obviously worn off.
"She told me not to tell you," said Vila
"You're doing a splendid job," said Avon sarcastically. He closed his eyes; it seemed to lessen the pain a bit.
"Well, I can't help it if you already guessed," complained Vila. He stood awkwardly, not knowing what to do. Avon had his eyes closed and didn't seem to want to pay attention to him. Typical.
He finally settled for sitting down on the chair next to the bed.
"What do you want, Vila?" asked Avon without opening his eyes. "I'm assuming that you want something, otherwise you wouldn't be here?"
Vila felt insulted. He had been sincere in his concern, but Avon seemed to be insinuating that he was only there because he wanted something from him.
"I shouldn't have bothered," said Vila, he got up to leave. "It's a waste of time being nice to you."
Avon opened his eyes to look at the other man. "Sit down," he told him.
Vila didn't understand why, but he sat down. They stared at each other.
When Vila didn't say or do anything, Avon asked, "Well? Does your 'being nice', extend to anything other than just staring at me?"
"You're right. I do want something. But it's not just for me." He knew that Cally would be angry if she knew what he was doing. She had asked him not to put stress on Avon but Vila couldn't help himself. He was not experiencing any negative feelings. Maybe it's a good time to do this. Before Cally gets back.
Avon could see that Vila was struggling with something. With the pain in his own head, dealing with something else serious, was the last thing he wanted to do. But he could see that what the thief was trying to do was important. Avon decided that the pain in his head was minor compared to a possible repairing of a relationship. He tried to concentrate on what Vila was saying.
"I've been having dreams," said Vila.
Avon gave him a puzzled look. He did not see how this was relevant.
"I've been dreaming about the shuttle," said Vila. He kept his eyes on Avon's face while he said this, trying to gauge his reaction.
Avon grimaced and his stomach twisted in pain. "I can't talk about this now, Vila."
For some reason, Avon's refusal caused Vila to start feeling angry. "Yes. We are going to talk about this now. And you are going to listen," he told Avon vehemently.
There was confusion on Avon's face at Vila's abrupt and violent change in manner, "What's wrong with you?"
That made Vila very angry. Before he realized what he was doing, he had gotten up out of his seat, seized Avon by the collar and pulled him up off the bed. The shocked and weakened Avon had no choice but to stand up.
Vila was filled with rage now. "Wrong with me? There's nothing wrong with me. I'm not the one who tried to push me out the airlock." He punched Avon in the face. The force of the blow caused the other man's head to snap back. Blood flowed from his nose.
Avon could see the look of rage in Vila's eyes and the complete lack of rational thought. A memory intruded into his mind. There was a sense of déjà vu. Vila hit him in the mid-section, causing Avon to double over in pain. Vila still had him by the collar, and pulled him upright to face him again.
"Vila." Avon tried to loosen Vila's grip and pull away, but in his weakened condition, he was no match for the thief. Vila knocked his hand away and began hitting him repeatedly.
Vila felt good as he felt his fist impacted the other man's body. This is right. He deserves it, Vila. Hit him again. Harder. It will make you feel better. Yes, it always makes me feel better.
Avon's head bowed as the blows continued to batter his body. He felt as helpless as he did at the Detention Centre. "Vila." His voice was a whisper; full of pain. Another flash of memory. He could see his cell again; the harsh glaring lights aggravated the pain in his head. Avon winced, as the next punch from Vila landed at the same time as the one in his mind. Vila? No! Avon's mind retreated in shock.
This made Vila even angrier, he had a great desire to see the other man's eyes; to see the pain reflected there. He grabbed Avon by the hair and lifted his head up.
"Vila! What are you doing?" Several people pulled him away. Without the support of Vila holding onto him, Avon could no longer stand. He fell, into the arms of Healer Garett, who guided him down gently.
Vila struggled against the arms holding him back but they held him still. He turned angrily to the people who were preventing him from hitting Avon again. The sight of Cally's angry face shocked him out of his rage and he stopped resisting. He began to look around in confusion.
What did I just do? Vila was in disbelief as he saw Avon lying on the ground, bruised and bleeding. He remembered hitting him. Vila shook his head; he couldn't sort out whether what he was remembering was from his dreams, or if it had just happened.
Even as they pulled him across the room to the other side, Vila realized with shock, I've done this before. He brought his fist up, it was sore and bleeding. He had a sickening feeling; what just happened felt so familiar that he knew that he had done this before; and not just once.
Even as they pulled him across the room to the other side, Vila realized with shock, I've done this before. He had a sickening feeling; what just happened felt so familiar that he knew that he had done this before; and not just once.
Healer Garett began examining the injuries. Avon's face was swollen and bleeding. He was curled up, his arms crossed protectively over his chest.
"Avon." Cally was kneeling next to him as well. She had felt the pain from Avon as she was talking to Garett, and had rushed right back. She touched Avon on the shoulder, but there was no response. His eyes were closed.
Cally was afraid; there was something wrong with what she was sensing from him. She tried to reach for Avon with her mind. Cally gasped and jerked away; what she felt nearly brought tears to her eyes. She had never realized that loneliness could be so painful. It was the only thing she could sense from Avon. A wall of painful loneliness. She had not been able to touch his mind.
"What's wrong with him?" she asked Garett.
"I'm not sure yet. These injuries are not severe enough for him to become unconscious. Help me get him up on the bed and I'll make a fuller examination."
Someone had been sent to inform Argus and Reya. They were now all gathered in the medical unit and had just received Healer Garett's report on Avon's condition.
"As I suspected, his injuries are not severe. Numerous contusions and some internal damage, but nothing to explain his unconscious state."
"Something must have caused it," said Argus.
"I agree. But the reasons are not physical."
Cally told them, "I tried to reach his mind but I can't feel it. Not in the way that I normally can. All I can feel is pain. Something has shocked him so badly that his mind has retreated in order to protect itself."
"How about Vila?" asked Reya. "He's the one who attacked Avon. Something must have happened."
Garett said, "I've examined Vila. He appears to be fine now but his memory is hazy about what occurred. I strongly suspect that his mind has been tampered with as well. Something which causes a violent reaction when triggered. At this point I don't know if it is directed specifically towards Avon or if it is a general reaction."
"His mind was tampered with," Argus informed them. "We found out that Servalan had implanted memories in his mind to make him believe that Avon had betrayed Blake and the Scorpio crew; so he would tell others. They conditioned him to have a strong reaction whenever the events of that day were mentioned. But we had that conditioning reversed already."
"Did you check if there was evidence of other memories or conditioning?" asked Garett.
Argus said, "No. Damn. The one who undid the conditioning turned out to be working for Servalan. Professor Tarkson."
"So you have no idea if he even undid the conditioning," said Garett.
"We assumed that he had because Vila seemed fine after and he stopped trying to attack Avon."
"Until now."
"Yes, until now." Argus realized that he had made a big mistake in not checking after they found out that Tarkson was Federation. Not that they would have known who had the ability to help them, or who they could trust. But I should have done something.
Garett said, "I will have to do a thorough examination of Vila as well then. I had to sedate him. We will get a better picture when I can talk to him. In the meantime, I have him isolated in another room. I have one of my assistants watching him."
"More of Servalan's doing," said Argus angrily. "She's the only one who could have done this."