Sorry for the delay! Here's 3 chapters in one to make up for it! PLEASE REVIEW! X
Elliot had been sat at his desk for nearly an hour when Olivia walked in, she looked like she hadn't slept at all. He'd left his ex wife's house shortly after crying on her shoulder but he hadn't been able to sleep, the images of the lost children he's been trying to save. It looked like Olivia had been doing the same, he knew how much she beat herself up whenever they lost a victim and he hadn't helped the situation.
Guilt wasn't something he often felt unless it was related to his kids, missing important milestones, birthdays, ball games, plays. He'd often felt guilty for leaving his wife to cope with 5 children, for leaving her scared when he didn't contract her, for leaving her...There was only one other person in his life who could ever make him feel guilty without even trying and she was sat directly across from him, ignoring any attempt at eye contact.
He had been as ass, accusing her of sleeping with Wallace, embarrassing her in front of their colleagues. He wanted to apologise, to tell her that he knew she would never go near Wallace but he just couldn't. He sighed as he searched through the files looking for any viable clues between the children and the perp. He looked up just one more time, he could imagine her now, tossing and turning as she struggled to cope with losing another child, he only hoped that he hadn't cause of her lack of sleep...
"Morning," he looked up, watching as Wallace walked in slowly.
"Morning." Being civil was a lot easier than punching they guy every time he spoke. "I'm gonna revisit some of the parents today, see if there's anything we missed."
"You think it will help?" Wallace asked, obviously not thinking so.
"I think it's better than waiting for the next kid to be abducted-"
"We still have two days-"
"Okay, sure. I'll just sit on my ass and wait, wait for the kid to go missing – not even bother trying to prevent it? Never mind the little boy he's probably torturing as we speak?" as he spoke Olivia closed her eyes, she really wasn't ready for Elliot Vs Wallace round 10.
Elliot didn't bother to wait for a reply, he didn't ask her if she was coming, he just left.
She turned to follow him.
"Liv..." Wallace stepped forwards, watching as she stepped back.
"I have to go."
"Liv-"
"We'll talk," she called as she headed for the door. She really didn't want to spend the day with Elliot but it was the lesser of two evils, facing Wallace was not an option, she couldn't even look him in the eye.
Last night it had seemed so easy, but now, in the light of day she couldn't quite remember why she'd kissed him, why she'd lead him to her bedroom and why she'd allowed him to strip her and move within her numerous time throughout the night. She needed comfort, he'd needed comfort but she should've thought it through because now as she backed away from him slowly she wondered how long she would be able to avoid him.
**
Olivia sat alone in the locker room. She was covered in blood and supposed to be showering and changing, ready to get back to finding the son of a bitch who now had another death on his hands. She had found Karen Jones lying in her son's bedroom, wrists slit, pulse gone. Jordan Jones was one of the first victims, he had been murdered nearly 6 weeks ago and his mother just couldn't take it.
Elliot had started CPR, desperate to save the woman who just couldn't face life without her little boy but after a few minutes Olivia knew she was gone. She closed her eyes, trying to force the image of Karen's lifeless body out of her head.
"Liv?"
She turned to see Elliot stood in the doorway, silently seeking permission to enter the room.
"I'll be out in a minute-"
"I just wanted to check that you're okay." He constantly surprised her. She had already played the "I'm fine" card and after the recent distance between them she figured he wouldn't realise that she was anything other than "fine" but he proved her wrong. He was still her partner, no matter what else was going on she should have known that he would still have her back.
"I'm..." she knew she wouldn't get away with fine. "I'm tired El, I'm tired of not being able to save these kids, I'm tired of fighting, I'm...I'm tired," she sighed, standing up and reaching for her locker.
"I'm sorry." His apology shocked her, he was just full of surprises today. "I uh, haven't been easy and I'm sorry. I know you wouldn't touch Wallace." His words hit her hard, he was apologising for accusing her of doing something she had done, he didn't know she had done it, but it didn't matter. "I know you don't...you don't get involved with people at work and I know you have better taste," he forced a smile. "And I'm sorry for being such an ass. I uh, I'm sorry. I've been spending more time with the kids and Kathy..."
She didn't even know what he said next as her mind ran into over drive, she knew they would get back together but she couldn't help the sinking feeling in her heart. If it hadn't happened already he knew it was only a matter of time....
"I'm sorry," he spoke softly.
She didn't even know where to start. Firstly, his concern and apology had surprised her, he'd been so wrapped up in himself recently she often wondered if he'd notice if she didn't turn up to work at all but there he was, making sure she was okay. Secondly, he was actually apologising which is not something he did often, not to her anyway. He had his roundabout ways of apologising, leaving tea on her desk, doing her last bit of paper work but very rarely would the words "I'm sorry" actually exit his mouth, now one of the few times they had – he was actually in the right, whether he knew it or not.
She needed to tell him that he wasn't 100% wrong, that she had in fact slipped up and slept with Wallace. Sure he'd be annoyed but she couldn't let him bare his soul in front of her and not tell him the truth, she owed it to him to be honest.
"El-"
"Sorry to interrupt." Charlie's voice interrupted any kind of ill fated admission. "Stabler, Cragen asked me to find you," he told the man in front of him. It looked like he'd interrupted something important. "But I can-"
"No, it's okay. You okay?" Elliot asked Olivia, walking out after she nodded although she was silently begging him not to leave. And then it was just her and Wallace.
"I should-" she gestured to her bloody shirt hoping he would take the hint and leave.
"You uh, you wanna tell me why you left before I woke up?"
No such luck.
She wasn't ready for this. When she'd first woken up it had taken her a few moments to register the moments from the night before. She was lying cocooned on Charlie's arms, her legs tangled with his, their clothes thrown across the floor. When he had turned up at her door at 2am she had intended on yelling at him and telling him exactly where to go but after hearing about his little girl something switched. He had stayed and they had talked until 5am, and then tiredness took over and she kissed him, led him to her bedroom and allowed him see her more personally than anyone had in a very long time.
She'd pried herself out of his arms, quickly gotten dressed and left, not allowing the guilt she felt to take over. She sat alone in her car for nearly an hour wondering how she was going to face him, she hadn't intended on sleeping with him, it had never even entered mind. She was attracted to him, the more she got to know him the more she liked him. Charlie was funny, entertaining and a lot sweeter than she ever thought he could have ever imagined.
She closed her locker and turned to face him. "I uh, had a few things to-"
"Liv?" he looked at her, did she really expect him to believe that? He thought it might have been a little awkward but he didn't expect to wake up in her apartment alone.
"Charlie-"
"We had sex," he stated, as if he was saying 'the sky is blue'. He watched as she looked up, finally meeting his gaze for the first time. "We didn't kill anyone, we didn't do anything wrong."
"I know, but I...I don't do...that-" she had nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. They were having this conversation right now.
"You don't have sex?" he grinned, he was trying to make it a little less awkward. He watched as she continued to blush, he'd never thought he'd see Olivia Benson looking flustered...He never thought he'd see her naked either. "Liv, you don't make a habit of it? So what do we do now?"
"We...we're struggling with the case, but this isn't the road to go down so we uh, we just need to not...not let it happen again." She looked down, the blood was going to stain, she'd have to dump her shirt.
"Okay, but...are we okay?" he asked, he didn't want to stop spending time with her, he liked her company maybe a little more than he should.
"We should...we should just keep it professional now-"
"Come on Liv, we can still be friends, this doesn't have to ruin that. I needed someone and you needed someone but that's it, we've said it's not going to happen again so let's just pretend it never happened and carry on like before?"
**
She hadn't intended on carrying on like before, she hadn't intended on meeting up with Charlie outside of work again, she hadn't intended on turning up on his door step and she hadn't intended on having sex with him...again. And yet as he collapsed on top of her, spent after another night of no sleep, intimate touches and soft moans, she chastised herself again. This was a bad idea, never get involved with someone at work, never get involved with a colleague.
This time it was his bed, he had made the first move and she happily accepted, allowing him to pin her against the wall and enter her there and then before carrying her to his bedroom and taking her again.
"If I go to the bathroom will you be gone when I get up?" Wallace asked, only half joking. When he had woken up and found her gone after the first time they had spent the night together he was more than a little bit disappointed.
She swallowed the moan of protest that was threatening to escape as he pulled himself out of her. God Damn it she wanted him again, what was she doing? She sighed, knowing she had to leave before she fell asleep, before the situation became even more awkward.
"I should go-" she sat up, pulling the covers against her chest, scanning the room for her disguarded clothes.
"Liv, you can spend the night," he told her softly, hoping she would decide to stay. When they had slept together the first time she had turned onto her side and fallen asleep, he had reached for her in his sleep and she allowed him to hold her.
"No, I can't. This is a bad idea Charlie-"
"You said that the first time," he smiled. She knew he was trying to lighten the mood but he obviously didn't get it.
"This can't happen again-"
"Why not? You came to me tonight, you knew this would happen again." He ran his finger along her bare arm and she struggled to suppress the shiver that was peaking at the tip of her spine. She failed. "What is it you're scared of?"
"I'm not doing this, this was a mistake."
"No, once is a mistake. Two times, that's a choice, you're choice."
"So what I stay until the morning? Then what? I still have to leave, see you at work-" she placed her hand on her forehead, he really didn't understand what she was saying.
"Then you come back, we watch films, eat dinner and go to bed. And then we do the same thing the next day, you spend the night, you stay with me. You leave your toothbrush in my bathroom."
"We're not dating, this...this isn't dating Charlie." She knew turning up on his doorstep was a bad idea, but she had still done it. She knew she would have to leave, but she still turned up in the first place. She didn't really understand it but she had to get out.
"It could be," he brought his hand up to cup her cheek. "I uh, I care about you-"
"Charlie-"
"If you can say you don't care about me then I'll stop now...but I think you do. I'm not saying it'll be perfect or even easy our case is slowly killing us but you," he sighed. "You've made it easier, I uh, I want to get to know you, to continue seeing you like this." He pressed his lips against hers, bringing his hand around to the back of her neck.
"Charlie." She couldn't think straight when he was kissing her. He was offering her the chance to begin a relationship, she wanted to say yes, to try but she knew it would never work...she couldn't quite remember why. Charlie was a good man, he was funny, charming, smart, hard working and caring, it was rare to meet a man like him and she did care about him and she was attracted to him but she didn't know if that was enough.
She moaned as he plunged his tongue into her mouth.
"Just try this with me, if it doesn't work I'll back off I promise." He pressed his lips against hers again.
"We..." she took a deep breath. "I don't know..." she wanted to say yes, but something was holding her back. "Can we just...can we go slow?" she asked, softly kissing him.
"You'll stay the night?" he slowly climbed on top of her. "And be here when I wake up?"
"Okay," she whispered, not quite sure what her promise would lead to.
**
4 weeks later
She wouldn't cry, she would not cry. Two more minutes, two more minutes and then she could lose it, she could scream and she could cry. She shut the crib door and ran her hand along her face as the first tears fell.
Matthew Richards was 3 years old. The bastard took a baby, a baby. She'd been awake for nearly 40 hours straight struggling to find him, desperate to save the little boy who was stolen from his stroller. She had found the little boy face down in a ditch, his tiny body battered and bruised, she could barely hold the contents of her stomach. Now, after watching Matthews mother collapse into Elliot's arms, screaming, begging him to take back the words he'd spoken she couldn't hold it in any longer.
The killer was becoming less and less frequent, and she knew they only had a few more weeks to catch him before he went underground returning again in 6 months. This son of a bitch was picking children off one by one and there was not a god damn thing she could do about it. "God!" she slammed her hands against the wall. She couldn't save these children, there were no clues, no evidence ever left behind. She couldn't keep doing this, she couldn't.
"Liv," Charlie walked in slowly. He watched as she quickly wiped her eyes and sniffed.
"Where's Elliot?" she asked, her voice breaking. She had barely spoken to her partner in days. He was spending every spare minute at home and she was certain he was going back to his family for good. She wanted to see if he was okay, the little boy resembled Eli, an older version of his son.
"He's gone home." He took two steps forward, placing a soft hand on the back of her neck.
"Don't." She pulled away as more tears threatened to escape.
"Come here," he urged, placing his hand on her arm again, pulling her towards him and wrapping his arms around her.
"He was just a baby."
Charlie placed a soft kiss on the side of her forehead. "It's okay," he comforted her, knowing exactly how much she was hurting.
Neither one of them noticed the lone figure watching through the window.
**
Elliot stood watching as Wallace held his partner, he'd left the s 1-6, wanting to go to his children and hug them but stopped, knowing exactly how much Olivia would be suffering. The little boy had been so small, his blonde curls reminding him of Eli, he knew Olivia thought the same. She had placed a soft hand on his shoulder, asking if he was okay, she had no idea how much he'd needed that gentle touch and he wanted to return the favour.
He'd noticed that Wallace and Olivia had been spending a lot of time together but she was very rarely this physically comfortable with people. He'd held her once and for the first few second she was so tense, slowly she moulded into his hold and clung to him but that was after nearly 10 years of being partners, she'd known Wallace for only 6 weeks.
He froze as he watched Wallace pressing his lips against Olivia's. She showed no hesitation and he knew from that alone that it wasn't the first time it had happened. She placed her hands on the side of Charlie's face and Elliot felt like his heart was about to explode. How long had this been going on? His heart was thumping, he wanted to hot something, to put his hand through the window, anything. He'd only apologised for accusing her of sleeping with Wallace and she'd allowed him to, how could she just stand there and listen to apologise for accusing her for doing something she actually had done and not even attempt to stop him, to tell him that she was sleeping with the son of a bitch. How could she lie to him like that?
He swallowed the lump in his throat and walked away slowly.
**
"There's something we're missing." She felt like she was banging her head against a brick wall, she'd been searching through the archives of all the children who had been murdered so far, there were so many. "What do you think?" she asked her partner who was sat across from her at his desk.
He simply shook his head at her, he'd barely said a word to her in weeks. He'd been quiet, moody and back to his old miserable self. She'd tried to talk to him, catching him when he was alone and asking if everything was okay to which he replied "I'm fine" she couldn't quite help but feel the sarcasm in his voice. Since then she hadn't even tried, he was like a human yo yo. She thought after they had had a moment of clarity after Karen Jones' suicide that things would slowly start to get back to normal. She was wrong.
"Do uh, do you want to go and something to eat later?" One last try.
"Not really." He didn't even look at her, he kept his eyes firmly on the file in front of him. Did he have any idea how god damn rude he was being?
"Elliot?" she started only to stop as her phone began to ring. "Benson?" she listened to Charlie on the other end of the phone and her eyes widened. "We'll be there in 5." She shot up. "Elliot, they think they found a new victim, he's alive!"
It took only second for them both to exit and head towards the hospital.
**
Charlie paced the hospital corridor anxiously waiting to hear from the doctors who had taken the broken and battered little boy into the exam room.
"Charlie?" He turned to see Olivia and Elliot. "Is he alive?" her eyes were wide and he knew just how desperate she was for the little boy who had been found abandoned in the middle of a play park, to be okay. No one had reported the little boys abduction but the fact that he had been found alive was a huge breakthrough, either the killer was losing his urge to kill, or had slipped up either way it was a breakthrough they desperately needed.
"He's still alive, he's a toddler, a lot younger than the other victims. He was conscious when he was found by a couple walking their dog, Munch and Fin are interviewing them now. I'd say he's four or five?"
"Do we know it's the same killer? We didn't even know he was missing, and he's alive?" Elliot asked, hoping that the child had survived the monsters hands but not willing to believe it just yet.
"It could be a copy cat," Olivia agreed. "We just uh, we need to wait and hear from Munch and Fin and hope this little guy makes it," she walked towards the closed door, beginning to pace slowly.
It was few minutes later when he snapped.
"Would you just sit down?" Elliot's voice echoed along the narrow corridor. Both Wallace and Olivia looked up at him, Olivia looked slightly confused and a little upset and for a second he almost felt guilty, he knew she had no idea why he was angry at her.
Wallace glared at him angrily, "What's the problem Stabler?" he spoke slowly.
"No problem Wallace, you got a problem?" He almost dared him to say yes, he didn't need any excuse to fight the bastard.
"You uh, you don't have to talk to her like that." He wasn't going to argue with Stabler, that was all he wanted to say, it pissed him off when he spoke to her like she was his property. He could see how much Olivia valued his friendship, and it hurt him to see her being rejected so often by him. When he first met them they were different, she would constantly stand up for him and he would snap but then apologise and he knew they were in sink. Now it was different, he would snap at her and she would try not to look hurt but Stabler didn't care, Charlie had tried to talk to Olivia about him, about the way he treated her but she told him to forget about it. He still didn't understand why she didn't stand up to him and the more Stabler pushed her away the more and more defeated she became.
"I don't think how I talk to my partner is any of your God damned business," he practically growled.
"She's not just your partner Stabler-" he stopped. He was about to say something Olivia had begged him not to say. They had had many conversations in bed, she'd yet to tell him the most intimate things about her life, this he knew, he also knew not to push her and that she would eventually open up to him. One of the things they had spoken about was Elliot, whenever he broached the subject she would kiss him, and urge him to make love to her again, he knew this was a diversion tactic but she was irrisistable. The only thing she had said about her partner was that she didn't want him to know about her private life and she urged Charlie not to tell him about their relationship.
"No? You wanna tell me what else she is?" Elliot took one step forward and Olivia watched as the two men prepared to come to blows again.
"Stop it." She stood in between them, one hand on each of their chests pushing them away from each other. "Elliot, stop." She looked him right in the eye and didn't recognise what she saw, she could always tell what he was thinking, always...what was going on?
"No please, tell me Wallace?" Elliot tore his stare from Olivia to Wallace. "You think you know her so well?" He tried to move forward, pushing against Olivia's hand.
"What the hell is your problem? All I'm asking is that you don't talk to her like she's a piece of crap."
"Charlie, stop it. Would you stop it?" she pushed the two men further apart as they both pushed against her.
"No Liv, I'm sorry but I won't let him keep treating you like this. Stabler, there's something you need to know-"
"No," she turned to him, pleading with her eyes. "Charlie, no." She wasn't ready for Elliot to know, he had to understand that.
"Agent Wallace?" The nurse frowned as all three officers looked up, still in the same positions, Olivia between the two men pushing them apart.
"Uh, sorry." Olivia lowered her hands, trusting the two men not to kick the crap out of each other in front of other people. "Is he alright?"
"He has a few broken ribs, he was beaten up pretty badly. He has a nasty gash across his stomach and rope marks on his arms."
Charlie and Olivia shared a glance, these were tell tale signs of the murderer they had been searching.
"He's stable, very frightened, he hadn't said a word since he woke up."
"Can I see him?" she asked softly, embarrassed thinking about how unprofessional they must all look.
"Just two of you, I don't want him to be too overwhelmed." With that she walked back into the room.
"I'm going in there-"
"I'm going-"
Both men stopped and looked at Olivia. She wanted to tell them both to stay out in the corridor but she couldn't risk them beating the crap out of each other in public.
"Charlie, you should go and see if Fin and Munch have found anything," she spoke softly, hoping he would understand.
"You're serious?" he raised his eyebrows. "Right." Before she had the chance to say anything he was gone. She knew he would be mad, but Elliot would have been unbearable.
"What the hell was that?" the anger she felt as she turned to her partner surprised them both. "You're acting like a child Elliot-"
"Don't tell me I'm acting like a child." His voice was low and the way he was staring at her sent s chill down her spine.
"Then don't act like one-"
"You know you're not exactly in a great place to be telling people how to behave right now."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" she was going to hit him, there and then she was going to p[punch her partner in the face. She coudln't put up with it anymore, he was infuriating.
"Detectives?" The Nurse popped her head out of the door, wondering what was taking them so long.
"We need to talk about this-" she didn't even get the chance to finish her sentence when Elliot simply walked past her muttering.
"There's nothing to talk about."
**
As she walked into the hospital room Olivia saw the little boy lying on the hospital bed, he looked so small he couldn't have been any older than 2. He had cuts and bruises all over his body and she could see he was terrified. The doctors were moving around him carrying out tests to make sure he really was okay.
"Hi," she spoke softly, it was a tone Elliot had heard thousands of times. As much as he wanted to yell at her and ask her what the hell she was doing, he knew that right now the little boy came first. "I'm Olivia and I'm a police officer, what's your name?" she sat on the side of the bed, watching as the little boy stared at her, trying to figure out if she was a friend or foe. He turned his attention to Elliot, "This is Elliot, he's my friend."
"Hey buddy," he brought out his warmest smile. He frowned, watching the little boy wince as the doctor forced a long needle into his arm, tears filled the tiny child's eyes.
"Do you...do you have to do that-" Elliot started watching as the young boy cried with pain, tears running down his cheeks.
"Hey, you're okay," Olivia softly ran her finger along his other arm trying to comfort him.
"I'm sorry, I know it's not fun to watch- he's in a lot of pain and we're just trying to ease it, and make sure there's nothing else causing him any pain," the Doctor informed them. He pulled away, finished, as the little boy became hysterical. "I'm sorry little guy."
Elliot watched as the toddler held his arms out to Olivia as he sobbed. She turned to her partner and then the doctor.
"You can hold him, just be careful of his ribs. The pain killers should set in soon." The doctor left quickly leaving Olivia and Elliot with the young child.
"Liv," Elliot prompted as the sobbing grew more intense.
"It's okay sweetheart, you're okay." She very carefully picked him up and held him close to her, her hand cupping the back of his head as she gently shushed him. "It's okay, you're alright."
**
It had been two hours since Olivia had first held the only known survivor of the monster they were chasing. She sat in the hospital chair, the young boy sat on her lap, cuddled into her chest and fast asleep.
She looked up as Elliot walked in.
"Cragen wants us to stay with him, he's got the guys searching for leads."
"He wanted us to find him," she spoke softly, scared of waking the sleeping child. "He's playing games with us, he left him in the park on purpose."
"We don't know that," he told her, sitting on the vacant hospital bed. "But, I agree with you. There's something different about this kid, he's never broken his pattern before, why now?"
"Have Fin and Munch found his parents?" she looked down at the sleeping child.
"No, you think he killed them?" he asked, finding it hard to stay angry at her as she cradled the toddler in her arms.
"I don't know..." she trailed off. "El-"
"Not now," he told her, knowing exactly what she was about to say. He couldn't yell at her while she was holding a sleeping child. He sighed, why the hell did he want to yell at her? He knew her private life was none of his business but he couldn't help feeling...jealous?
"Elliot." Her voice shook his from his thoughts. "We need to do this, and...you won't yell at me while I'm holding a baby," she tried to joke. She watched as he sighed. "I'm sorry," she told him.
"For what?" he asked, knowing she was apologising just to make things better.
"For...whatever it is that I've done-"
"Stop it," he stood up.
"Please don't go, please." She very slowly got up and put the baby back on the bed, following Elliot out the door. "Elliot, I can't keep doing this with you."
"So what do you want to do?" he was waiting for her to tell him that she was leaving again, with Wallace. "You wanna go then go, because I can't keep doing it either."
"Do you want me to go?" she asked, trying to stop her lip from quivering, she had no idea how it had come to this.
"Do what you want, it doesn't matter what I think." He watched the colour drain from her face as she finally realised.
"How long have you known?" she asked softly. How could she have been so stupid? Of course he knew, he was a detective.
"Does it matter?" he sighed, he wanted to yell at her but he couldn't as she stood in front of him looking like she could break at any minute. "I think maybe it's time for a change-"
"No-"
"You know what they say Liv, when you can't trust your partner-"
"I do trust you, Elliot, I trust you I just wasn't ready-"
"I don't trust you."
His words hit her like a ton of bricks. He didn't trust her. She had lied to him, and now he knew she had lied to him, he had every right not to trust her.
"Don't do this," she could barely speak. She wanted to apologise again, to tell him that she didn't mean to lie and to explain why she had...but she couldn't, she couldn't tell him that she was scared of telling him because she knew he hated Charlie and his opinion was the only opinion that mattered to her. She knew that if this was any other man, and any other case this wouldn't be happening. The stress was getting to them all.
"I...I think we need some time apart-" he shook his head, angry at himself for inevitably hurting her but knowing it was what he had to do.
"How long?" she asked, her voice no more than a whisper.
"I don't know." He didn't know, he couldn't be around her knowing that she had lied to him, that she was seeing him...he couldn't be around her when the thought of her with another man nearly drove him insane.
They both looked up as they heard the sobs of the little boy from the room they had just left.
"Elliot-"
"You should go to him, I uh, I'll see you." He walked away slowly leaving her no choice but to take a deep breath and walk back into the child's room.
"Hey, it's okay." She gently picked him up and held him close as he cried. "It's going to be okay," she whispered as a single tear slipped down her cheek.
**
"His name is Joseph Macintire."
The short, middle aged and slightly grumpy social worker told Olivia. She had been waiting for hours for someone to arrive to take the little boy to safety nearly four days after being nearly beaten to death. She'd sat with him every night, ignoring calls from Charlie and praying for just one call from Elliot, she'd had none. He'd walked away from her days ago and she hadn't seen him since, she'd thought about calling but there really wasn't anything else to say.
She had been to the station to talk to Cragen and re interview witnesses but the majority of her time was spent at the hospital with the two year old little boy who had somehow managed to make her forget exactly how much of a shambles her personal life was in. She'd called him buddy, a nickname Elliot introduced and it just stuck, she'd tried to guess his name but he didn't react to anything. At night she had simply watched him sleep, it was beautiful and at time overwhelming, she wondered if this was what Elliot spent his night's doing when he lived at home?
Charlie had visited a few times but she'd insisted there was no need for him to stay. He'd kissed her softly and she hated herself for feeling like she was betraying her best friend. Elliot had essentially forced her to choose between him and the man she'd started to like a lot more than she had expected to and she hated feeling like she had to choose between her best friend and her not yet boyfriend.
Joseph, as she now knew him, had perked up in the few days she had spent with him. She was still baffled as to why this little boy survived but silently thanked whoever was responsible. He had begun mumbling, she watched as he happily sat talking to himself whilst playing with whatever toys she could find around the hospital and hoped that he wouldn't remember the horrors he had already faced in his young life.
"Joseph huh?" she turned to the little boy who was happily playing with the teddy bear one of the nurses had supplied.
"His father left him in the park hoping someone would take care of him, said he couldn't cope anymore-"
"The mother?" Olivia asked, unable to feel anything but anger towards the man who had unintentionally left his son for dead.
"She left a few months ago, dad said he'd tried to get help but no one was listening."
"So he just dumped his son in a park? Why not a hospital or a police station?"
As the woman began to speak again Olivia turned to Joseph, how could anyone want to abandon him? How could any parent abandon their child? Of course his father didn't know what would happen to the little boy but it didn't change the fact that he left him alone surrounded by strangers.
"Detective Benson?"
"Uh, I'm sorry." She forced an apologetic smile.
"Are you happy for me to take him now? We have a family who are more than ready for him."
Olivia turned to Joseph, she'd been asked by Cragen to stay with the toddler and as hard as she tried she had gotten attached, the way that he would cling to her as she held him or the way he would react to every silly face with an infectious giggle meant she had to fight the sadness that was threatening to rise up from the bottom of her chest.
"Hey Buddy...Joseph, you're gonna be okay now." She picked him up and gave him a soft squeeze before handing him over to the woman who would inevitably bring him to a safe house where he would be loved, that made the sadness a little better, knowing he would be safe and happy. "Bye," she whispered as the social worker carried him out of the room leaving her alone.
**
"You okay?" Charlie wrapped his arms around Olivia as she lay with her back to him a mere moments after making love.
She couldn't remember when it changed from having sex to making love and if she was completely honest with herself it frightened her. Sex with Charlie had been so easy, no complications, no niggling feeling in the pit of her stomach, it was pure attraction and lust and she liked it that way.
When she had agreed to a relationship with him she hadn't expected it to last very long, she certainly didn't expect to start having feelings for him and when one night they made love it completely threw her. She hadn't felt connected with a partner intimately like this for a very long time, and as much as she tried to convince herself that it was just sex, that it was a casual relationship she soon found it hard to keep pretending. It happened as soon as she let her guard down around him, crying in front of him and letting him hold her when the latest victim, a three year old, was found, it was that night that they had first made love, he'd held her in his arms, kissed her, held her, moved within her and it was...amazing.
She'd been fighting her feelings for Charlie, despite both her head an heart telling her not to, it wasn't until a few days ago in what was set to be a final confrontation with her partner that she realised why. She was holding back on Charlie because of Elliot, because he hated Charlie and because she cared a little too much about what he thought. She knew exactly how he would react and tried to avoid it by not telling him at all, that went well...
She had been thinking about the silent ultimatum her partner gave her as he walked away form her and although months ago she would have chosen her partnership with Elliot over any other man she was finding it hard to make the same decision with Charlie, Elliot would, undoubtedly, return to Kathy, didn't she deserve to be happy?
She needed to speak to her partner to make him understand that she had been lonely, unhappy and struggling until Charlie came into her life and now, she was genuinely happy with him despite the hellish case they were working on.
"Liv?" He placed a soft kiss on her shoulder blade, sending a chill from the bottom to the top of her spine.
"Elliot knows," she spoke softly. She felt him shift against her, perhaps not too happy that moments after making love his girlfriend was talking about another man.
"How did he take it?" he asked, bringing his arm around to her front, pulling her towars him so that her back was against his chest.
"He was okay..." she trailed off.
"That's about as likely as me running off with Cragen," he whispered, she could feel his smile against her shoulder blade.
"He'll get used to it." She hoped. She smiled as he traced soft kisses from her shoulder to her neck, her neck to her cheek and then her lips. She shifted so that she was face to face with him. He traced the outline of her cheek bone, eventually running his hand through her hair.
"Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?" he genuinely wondered. He knew she was unsure of herself at times and it was one of the many things he loved about her...
"Ssshhh," she smiled, unable to take the compliment without blushing. She pushed him onto his back and rested her head on his shoulder, running her hand along his stomach.
"Tell me about Lisa," she whispered, hoping it wasn't too soon. He hadn't mentioned his daughter since his first admission and she wondered if he was ready for her to press the subject. She felt him take a deep breath.
"She was a May baby, 7lbs exactly...."
As she listened to her lover speaking of his lost child she became convinced that, as unsure as she was, as scared as she was, a relationship with him was something she could pursue, wanted to persue, she only hoped her partner would understand.
**
"He wanted us to find Joseph," Olivia spoke confidently.
Cragen, Much, Fin, Charlie and Elliot all listened as she explained her theory.
"There's got to be a reason why he didn't kill him-"
"Maybe he was too young?" Munch suggested.
Olivia shook her head, "No, he doesn't care about that, he's heartless, he forces children to watch others children being killed. He wanted us to find him, but why?"
"To mess with us? To show he calls the shots?" Fin asked.
"So this is to send a message to us?" Cragen asked. "Has he ever done anything like this before? Sent a message to officers involved?"
"Never, he has no contact with the officers, this is the first time," Charlie answered. "So why is he now?" he asked, moving to the case board.
"Maybe he couldn't kill his own kid?" Elliot spoke for the first time in what seemed like hours.
"No, it wasn't Macintire, we already checked, he had an alibi for nearly every killing. Maybe he know the kid though?" Munch asked.
"No," Olivia shook her head. "He wouldn't care, he may well have known some of the children he killed but that's not it, he isn't an emotional killer." She looked at the board, squinting hoping to see anything she may have missed. "Did Warner get any DNA from Joseph?"
"She's testing some hairs that she found on him, she said she'd let us know." Fin sat down, racking his brains to think of anything useful Joseph's father may have said.
"It just...it seems clumsy, and we know he's not a clumsy killer, everything he does is done on purpose," she reminded her colleagues.
"So, what do we do now?" Elliot asked, at least he was speaking to her at work.
"Now we wait for his next message and hope he doesn't kill again." Olivia didn't like it but she knew they had no other option.
"Olivia," Cragen called as the men dispersed back to their desks. They headed into his office. "I just wanted to let you know I had a call from social services," he told her, watching as frowned. "They wanted me to tell you that Joseph is settling in well to his new foster home and to thank you for staying with him," he smiled softly.
She returned the smile, happy that the little boy was safe.
"They are also charging his father with abandonment, but I'm going to request no jail time."
"You are?"
"He didn't know what would happen Olivia, he was a father struggling to cope and I think you can understand that?" he asked.
Images of her mother flickered through her mind. She nodded and turned towards the door.
"Olivia?"
"Cap?" she turned to him.
"We're going to get this bastard."
"I know, I know Cap." She walked out of his office and into the squad room. Munch and Fin were sat looking through old files, Charlie was sat at her desk on the phone, Elliot was no-where to be seen.
**
"Thought I might find you up here," she spoke softly, walking out onto the roof.
"I was just going down-"
"Can you spare a few minutes?" she asked, hoping he would say yes but knowing there was every chance he would simply walk past her and go back inside. He was a stubborn son of a bitch.
"Wallace know you're up here?" he retorted.
"Don't do that," she sighed, folding her arms. In all her years with Elliot, all the arguments and disagreements, she had never felt so awkward. "This isn't about Charlie-"
"Yes it is, this is about you and him-"
"No, this is about you and me." Her words shocked them both. "You...I should have told you about Charlie and I'm sorry I didn't, I am. I...I was just getting used to the idea myself and-"
"You don't have to explain it me Olivia," he couldn't hold her stare.
"I don't want to fight with you, we don't need to fight about this-"
"How would you feel if I suddenly pulled a girlfriend out of no where?"
"Is it about that face that you didn't know or the fact that it's Charlie?"
"He's an ass-"
"No, he's not Elliot, you haven't given him a chance-"
"I don't want to give him a chance!" he yelled. Didn't she get it? He couldn't be friends with him, not while he was with her, he could barely look at him knowing that he went home with her, went to bed with HIS partner. "He's going to break your heart, what about when this psycho moves on? Is Charlie going to stay here? Or maybe you'll go with him? You're good at that-"
"Hey, you're the one who told me to go. You can't do this anymore remember?" she asked, bringing back their last conversation.
"So, what? You want me to sit back and let him use you-"
"Stop it." Her teeth bit into her bottom lip, did he have any idea how infuriating he was?
"How do you know he doesn't have a different girl in every city? How do you know he hasn't used the same lines on you that he has on every other girl he's ever met-"
"Stop it," her stomach dropped, wondering if Elliot was right.
"What the hell do you want me to do? Stick around till he screws you over and then pick up the pieces?"
"You know what I'm a big girl, I can pick myself up-" she stopped, he even had her convinced it would end in tears. "When did you become so bitter?"
"When you passed the buck Liv." He angrily walked past her and left her alone on the roof. She wanted him to be happy for her, to be her partner, her friend, to allow her to be happy for a change. She sighed and closed her eyes, she was so exhausted she felt physically sick. The case had drained her physically and emotionally and for every hint of joy and happiness Charlie brought into her life the bastard they were chasing would snatch it away and replace it with anger and confusion and it was finally starting to take its toll on her physically.
Elliot only added to the exhaustion, she understood why he was upset but as usual Un-Stabler had to take it to a new level, she only hoped he would revert back to her partner and friend, sooner rather than later. She didn't know how much more she could take.
**
One week later
"Can you just tell her we called?" Elliot asked, not even trying hide the anger from his voice. He and Olivia had been trying to trace Joseph's mother to search for any possible lead and she was so far proving difficult to find.
"That was the last one on the list-"
"Great, end of the wild goose chase." He was in a foul mood, again. For the past week she had been partnered with Fin, she was sure Elliot had requested a break, she didn't know how temporary it was. Today Fin had informed her she would be working with her old partner and her stomach had dropped, he had barely said a word to her all week.
She still felt ill, completely exhausted and run down but she had to grin and bear it. She never thought she would have to bear Elliot, it was always so easy between them, of course they'd argued, but never like this.
"Do you want to go and get a drink? Cragen said he didn't need us back-"
"No thanks, I have plans." He walked a few steps ahead of her. She followed in hot pursuit.
"Is this what it's going to be like all the..." she stopped suddenly, gripping the wall for support as her legs threatened to buckle and her head swam.
"What?" He turned to her, his heart stopping he saw her clinging to the wall, eyes wide. "Liv." He ran forwards catching her as her eyes closed and her legs buckled. "Liv!" he sank to the floor with her in his arms. His heart was racing as he desperately grasped for his mobile phone. "I need a bus...."
**
He'd been sat in the same corridor for nearly forty minutes. No updates, no kinds words of comfort, nothing. As he was on the phone screaming for a bus he'd looked down to see his partner's eyes fluttering open. She insisted that she was fine, unsteadily trying to stand up, failing miserably and falling back into his arms, eventually she accepted his help and he supported her as she stood, insisting she was fine.
He had no idea what had happened, one minute she was yelling at him, the next she was in his arms unconscious. He had been a bastard to her for weeks, he could see she was tired, exhausted even, he could see she wasn't completely coping and he still pushed her. He shook his head, it wasn't his fault.
"Where is she?!" there was no mistaking Wallace' voice, even when filled with panic.
"She uh, she's still with the doctor," Elliot informed the other man. He'd called Cragen whilst in the ambulance, the ambulance Olivia had insisted she didn't need, Cragen must have told the others.
"What happened?" Charlie asked, struggling to calm his quickly beating heart. He had no idea hwta had happened, he heard the words hospital and Olivia and simply bolted towards the nearest exit.
"She, she fainted." He closed his eyes, his mind replaying the exact moment when she fell into his arms, his heart sinking the same way it had when it happened.
"What do you mean she fainted? What happened?"
"I just told you, she fainted, she was fine and then she fainted-"
"Why? What happened before that-" he needed to know if she was hurt, had she hit her head?
"I don't know what happened! I just know she passed out okay, I'm as worried as you are."
"You could've fooled me," he snapped.
"Don't start that crap with me-"
"Where the hell have you been huh Stabler? Throwing your toys out of your pram because you found out about me?"
"You really want to do this here?" he turned to Wallace, he would happily take him out there and then but Olivia didn't need any more stress. His eyes travelled to the room that she was being treated in, he needed to know she was okay.
As his mind again ran through every single thing that could be wrong with her he noticed her door open. A small, older man walked towards them.
"Family of Olivia Benson?" he asked. Both Elliot and Charlie stood forward.
"I'm her partner."
"I'm her boyfriend."
Wallace's words physically hurt him, he felt like his had been struck across the chest.
"Okay, she's fine. She's suffering from exhaustion, slight dehydration and a number of other stress related minor issues, she's going to be absolutely fine, but she needs to rest, to take it easy. I want her to take two days off of work and to sleep as much as she can," The Doctor informed them. "If either of you can think of anything in particular that is causing the stress try to keep it away from her. A few days rest and a little less stress she'll be fine."
"Thank you." Elliot could barely breathe, what had he done to her? He turned to Charlie as the doctor walked away. "Uh, can you take her home?"
"Of course." Both men had been given an accidental warning, no more fighting, no more stress.
"Okay, tell her...I hope she gets better soon and I'll take care of Cragen."
"Thank you." It wasn't exactly friendly but civil would have to do. Charlie watched as Elliot walked away, he walked towards Olivia's hospital room. She met him at the door, coat on, ready to go. "Hey," Charlie enveloped her in his arms. "You had me worried," he told her, kissing the top of her head.
"I'm sorry," she apologised, her voice no more than a whisper.
He pulled away from her slightly, worried by the tone of her voice, she was pale with bags under her eyes. "You feeling okay? Do you need me to-"
"I'm okay, take me home. Please?" she asked, again so quietly be could barely hear her.
He nodded, wrapping an arm around her and leading her to the exit.
**
He'd been lying awake for hours, unable to sleep having been part o the reason his partner collapsed. Stress. He'd certainly given her plenty of that, he sighed. His eyes darted to the living room as he heard a soft knock on the door.
**
She hadn't said a word since he had opened the door.
"Shouldn't you be in bed?" Elliot asked, pouring a cup of tea from her old stash, the one she used when she used to come to his apartment. "Sit," he offered.
"Thank you." She accepted the tea with both hands, setting it down on the coffee table in front of her. There was a long pause.
"Liv?" he started, uncertain of what exactly he was supposed to say. "I uh, I'm sorry about today, about everything. I didn't mean to make you...to make you-"
"You didn't." She didn't give him time to finish his apology. She was obviously unsettled about something but he couldn't tell what it was, had she argued with Wallace? If he'd argued with her after being told not to stress her out Elliot was going to have to punch him.
"What's going on?" he asked, in a softer tone than she had heard him speak to her in for a very long time.
She couldn't say it.
"Liv, you're worrying me." He placed his hand over hers, watching as tears formed in her eyes, he had never seen her like this. "Liv-"
"I'm pregnant."
His heart stopped."Wh...what?" He couldn't think straight, she was...how...what?
"I...I should go-" she shook her head, this was a bad idea. WHat was she thinking coming here? She couldn't deal with this right now.
"Hang on...what...you..." he shook his head trying to make sense of the two words that had essentially collapsed any straight thinking and comforting he had planned to do when he thought she and Charlie had split up. "You can't just leave..." how could she drop that bombshell and leave?
She simply stared at him, eyes wide and tear filled. Her chest was heaving and she looked utterly distraught.
"I have to go." She stood up and took exactly two steps before Elliot grabbed her arms and spun her around, enveloping her in his arms. She fought him for a few moments, struggling to pull away from his grasp before sinking into his hold and clinging to him as the tears slipped down her cheeks.
**
"Does Charlie know?" he asked once he had managed to calm her down and sit her down on the sofa.
She shook her head, unable to even thing about what his reaction would be.
"How uh, how far-"
"Six weeks." She closed her eyes, they had been so careful. She had nearly fainted again when the doctor cheerily gave her the news, he obviously hadn't expected her to cry, or to stare at him in shock for nearly five minutes.
"You uh, you didn't know?" he could barely take in the news himself, watching as she shook her head.
"I thought I was tired." She brought her hand up to cover her mouth, how could she be pregnant?
"You and Wallace...how long-"
"Eight weeks," she almost laughed. She must have fallen pregnant within the first week of their relationship. How was she going to tell him? She shook her head, unwilling to think about it.
"I uh, I don't know what to do to make it better," he offered softly.
"Neither do I-" she swallowed a sob that was threatening to escape. She closed her eyes as a single tear slipped down her cheek. This wasn't supposed to happen. "I...I can't even think straight El," she admitted.
"I..." he didn't know what to day, he was still in shock. "Are you happy?" She didn't look happy.
"I...no." She shook her head, unable to think straight. "This...this wasn't supposed to happen, I...we aren't...God." She covered her forehead with the palm of her hand.
"Do you want to stay the night? I can sleep on the sofa." He offered. He didn't know what else he could do, his heart was still beating twice its usual pace as he struggled to accept that his partner was, in fact, pregnant.
"No, I uh, I should go-"
"Liv, you came here for a reason..." he told her.
"I...I shoulnd't have come here." She stood up again. She should have spoken to Charlie, after a silent car ride home she had practically begged him to leave her alone and after walking her to her door and placing a soft kiss on her cheek he did as she'd asked. She knew he was worried and yet here she was. She couldn't even think about Charlie, everytime she thought of him, more tears would come and the panic would set in.
She had sat in her apartment staring at the same dot on the wall for hours before breaking down, she needed comfort, she needed what any woman needed, her best friend, but her best friend was a man who had caused her more stress in the past few weeks than she could take. "I shouldn't have come here," she repeated. "You know why I did?" she looked up, meeting his stare for the first time since her announcement. "I uh, I was scared that I was betraying you by telling him first, that you would....that you would be angry at me if I told him first- God!" She brought both hands up to cover her face.
"Liv-"
"No! God, you have...Do you..." she shook her head. She had actually sat at home, wondering how angry he would be if she didn't tell him first. It wasn't his baby, why the hell was she worried about him?
She was utterly terrified about talking to Charlie. She had been with him for only two months, how could she possibly judge his reaction in such a short time. Having only just convincing herself to give a relationship with him a real go, this was a huge shift and one she was no-where near ready for.
What if Charlie was angry? What if he blamed her? What if he didn't want to know?
"Liv-" Elliot's voice shook her from his thoughts.
"No – you....I...I sat at home thinking about you...why...I need you to..." she couldn't form a single sentence. She was angry, angry at him for forcing her to choose and for being such a bastard for the past few weeks. "I was so scared to tell him and...I thought that you would be mad at me, that you would think I was choosing him over you if I told him first. And I...I don't want to choose..." she shook her head, knowing that she already had by coming to him first. She had chosen her partner, maybe because she was scared, maybe because she needed someone who was once her closest friend to tell her that it would all be okay even though she feared it wouldn't.
"Whatever you need, Liv, whatever you need. I promise." He was literally desperate to hold her, to comfort her, to make it all okay.
"I...I don't know what to do, and I...I need you," she whispered. She needed him to be strong for her the way that she had always been strong for him now that she was more lost than she had ever been in her life.
"You've got me," he promised, pulling her into another tight hug and pressing his lips against the top of her head. "It's gonna be okay..."
This was a massive update, it's three chapters together just to apologise for keeping you waiting for so long! This story does have a twist coming and I have up to chapter 20 written so PLEASE review, let me know if you want more xx