Chapter 4

As Tony drove and Tim slept, signs began to appear advertising for Wall Drug. They made Tony smile. This was one of the things he'd been looking forward to during the long drive across South Dakota. He'd heard about the incessant Wall Drug signs. The perfect way to build people up to what was, essentially, a tourist trap.

...but interspersed with the Wall Drug signs was a sign for something called the Corn Palace. In fact, it was supposed to be "The World's Only Corn Palace!". It sounded intriguing to him. What did that even mean?

"Hey, Tim!"

Tim groaned and woke up.

"What?"

"Let's go to the Corn Palace!"

"NO!" Tim said loudly, sitting up and looking strangely-infuriated. "The Jolly Green Giant, Walnut Grove...just get to whatever comes next on this stupid trip so that it can get over and I can get back to work!"

"Whoa! What's that coming from, Tim?" Tony asked, surprised at Tim's vehemence.

"It's coming from the fact that you're waking me up to tell me that we should see some stupid building made out of corn! What's the point?"

"It's supposed to be fun, Tim," Tony said mildly. "But if that's a foreign concept to you, feel free to go back to sleep."

Tim looked at him for a few seconds...and then, he lay down and slept. Tony rolled his eyes. His patience was running out, even allowing for Tim's obvious instability. But he didn't take the exit for Mitchell. He just stayed on I-90, looking at the signs for Wall Drug. For a moment, he felt rather sad that this thing he had been looking forward to for more years than he'd admit was kind of tarnished by Tim's attitude.

I can see this again. It's not like the signs will disappear.

Still, the first time across South Dakota, seeing signs like Wall Drug as told by Good Morning America or Free Ice Water at Wall Drug wasn't nearly as fun when his only traveling companion seemed to be on the verge of a break down.

Another one.

Tony smiled at another sign.

Badlands Then Wall Drug

That was his next goal. No way was Tim keeping him from seeing the Badlands.

"Tim, you need to take a break. We're all back and working on it."

"Not all of us," Tim said. "Ducky's not back."

"But he will be, and the whole team is here. Jimmy's doing a good job. Abby's on a roll," Tony said. "You don't have to kill yourself to find Dearing. We're all trying."

"And will we find him before or after he kills someone else?" Tim asked and strode away.

Tony sighed and then grimaced as Tim headed down the hall. Vance came around the corner from his temporary office. Tony would be glad when headquarters was fixed. He didn't like that Vance could suddenly appear without warning, especially when Tony was trying to get at the bottom of what was eating at Tim...when he was supposed to be focused on finding Dearing.

"Agent McGee, are you all right?" Vance asked.

Tony was shaken out of his thoughts at Vance's question. He started down the hall toward Vance who had a look of deep concern on his face.

Then, before he could reach them, Tim staggered and collapsed to the floor. Vance dropped to his knees almost instantly. He looked at Tony.

"Agent DiNozzo, call for assistance."

Driving across South Dakota was not the most exciting thing he'd ever done. With Tim slumbering away in the passenger seat, even the Wall Drug signs lost their appeal after an hour or two. Finally, he pulled out his phone and called the outside world.

"Tony. I did not expect to hear from you," Ziva said. Her tone was light, but Tony could hear the hope in her voice.

"South Dakota is boring and McGee's asleep," Tony said.

"How is he doing?"

"He's worse than I thought he was."

"How?"

Tony glanced over at Tim. He was snoring slightly. Definitely asleep.

"He's not sleeping at all at night but he is most of the day. There was a moment...I actually thought he was scared of something, but...but it didn't make sense at all in the context of where we were."

"Where were you?"

"In a visitor's center, looking at a display on how to carve pipestone."

"And he would not tell you why?"

"Of course not. That would be too easy...but I'm starting to get frustrated."

"Only now? I would have thought that would have come much earlier."

"Ha ha. If I wasn't sure that there's something else going on, I'd have smacked him a long time ago. At best, he's crabby. At worst, he's being kind of a jerk."

"What are you going to do?"

"Keep on with it. Don't see that there are many other choices."

"You could come back here and have him talk to someone again."

"Didn't help the first time."

"That does not mean it will fail every time."

"Yeah, well, I'm skeptical."

"He may need that kind of help, you know."

"It's not going to help if he won't tell anyone about it. He hasn't so far. Do you want to see him like that again?"

"No. No, I do not want that...but are you sure this will help?"

"No...but he's talked a little more. I may wear him down."

"He does not need to be more worn down than he is."

"Yeah. I know."

"Tony..."

"Hey...would you ask Gibbs if he threatened to fire Tim sometime when we weren't around?"

"He would not have done that."

"That's what I thought, too, but Tim seems pretty sure that the only reason he still has a job is because he agreed to come on this trip with me."

"I will ask him. You could ask him yourself, you know."

"I know."

"I will let you know what I find."

"Thanks. I'd better focus more on the road. Talk to you later."

"Good-bye, Tony."

Tony set his phone down and stared out the windshield. Somehow, in his head, this had been more successful. Once Tim wasn't at work, feeling like he had to perform to some standard, he'd open up and explain himself. The problem was that, once Gibbs had told Tim he was taking time off, Tim had stopped trying to do anything. He just seemed to be sitting around... only with some hidden thoughts churning unceasingly around in his head. Tony knew that there had to be because he'd never seen Tim without thoughts churning unceasingly around in his head.

...well, almost never...

Tony ran into the makeshift bullpen.

"Boss, McGee is..."

"Abby has tracked down Dearing!" Ziva said at the same moment.

"Where?" Tony asked.

"All that stuff that Abby has been going through. She was able to pin down his IP address or something like that."

Gibbs nodded and then looked at Tony, raising his eyebrows.

"McGee just collapsed out in the hall. Vance is with him and there's an ambulance coming."

"What happened?" Ziva asked.

"I don't know. He was walking and then he fell."

Gibbs actually looked torn for a moment. Dearing or Tim?

"He's not alone?"

"No. Vance is with him."

"We'll make sure he's okay," Agent Lovitz said, standing up from his desk. "You guys go get that lowlife. Make sure he pays for what he's done. If he gets hurt somehow, I wouldn't complain."

Tony drove for another hour and then his phone rang. He looked over at Tim. Tim shifted slightly and mumbled but he didn't wake up. Tony sighed with relief and answered.

"Tony, Ziva said you had a question?"

"Boss...I thought she was just going to call me back."

"I didn't threaten to fire McGee. I didn't talk to him besides when we were all there in the room. You know everything I've said to him already."

"So...why would he assume that you were going to fire him?"

"I'm not McGee. You'll have to ask him."

"I'm trying, Boss. Maybe my idea wasn't a good one."

"Better than letting him sit around in his apartment getting worse."

"I guess."

"He's not alone, Tony. That's important."

"I just don't know what to do, Boss. I've tried to let him talk, but he won't. Everything I thought might work...isn't working."

"Just keep it up. No sense in giving up in the middle of South Dakota."

Tony chuckled. "Guess not. We're going to the Badlands next."

"That's pretty much where he is already, you know."

Tony blinked. "Hadn't really thought of it that way, Boss."

"What way?"

"Tim's already in the Badlands. Maybe I can get him out of them."

"Worth a try."

"Thanks."

"Don't get in an accident."

"Right. Bye."

Tony hung up again and refocused on the road. He drove for another twenty minutes and then Tim started mumbling in his sleep. Then, he sat up quickly and looked around.

"Where are we?" he whispered.

"Almost to the Badlands. What happened?"

"Nothing."

"Nightmare?"

"Nothing," Tim said again.

"You're totally lying, Tim."

"Tony, just..." He stopped and stared out the window. "Why are you doing this?"

"Because, believe it or not, in spite of how jerky you're being, I'm trying to help."

"Help with what? Keeping me away from NCIS? Stopping me from working? How are you helping?"

"By trying to get you to tell me what's wrong! ...and don't even think of denying that there's something wrong. Everyone can see it. It's just that you haven't been able to hide it as well since you collapsed."

Tim seemed embarrassed by the reminder. Tony decided to press it. Maybe this was his chance.

"You weren't sleeping, Tim! You were apparently barely eating! This is not normal behavior, not even for a weird guy like you! What is going on in your head? Because we're trying to figure it out and we can't! We don't want to see that happen again. Ever. It was bad enough that you were unconscious in the hospital for two days after the bomb went off. To see you collapse...without realizing that there was that much of a problem... Tim, there's got to be something wrong!"

"There's the exit," Tim said.

"What?"

"For the Badlands."

"Oh."

Tony was irritated that he was distracted by getting off I-90. Still, he took the exit and headed for the entrance. After the rain the day before and because of the fact that it was early in the summer, there was no real competition. Tony drove to the first overlook: the Big Badlands Overlook. After the heavy rains the day before, there was now bright sunlight. Tim didn't protest getting out of the car. They walked to the overlook.

Barren would be the word to describe what they were seeing. Tony had never been here and it was a shock. But there was more to it than just being barren. Here and there across the mounds of slowly-eroding rock were tufts of grass that looked all the greener for being in the midst of something that seemed completely dead.

Tim stood next to him, staring out at it...and Tony thought that if there was any melodrama inside him, he would say that this was an expression of Tim's own status. Dead with some tufts of green life.

"Wow," he said. "This is pretty amazing."

"Yeah."

Tim even forgot to be irritating about pictures. Of course, Tony didn't ask him to pose. He just took his picture. There was no one around but them, and Tony was getting the feeling that Tim wasn't really there either. Suddenly, Tim took that deep breath and turned away from the view. He started to walk back to the car.

"Tim, what's going on?" Tony asked.

"Nothing."

"That was not nothing. Stop saying it's nothing. You're driving me crazy!"

"Then, let me go back to DC," Tim said. "Do you expect me to be sorry about that? You're forcing me to do this."

"You agreed!"

"McGee, what happened?" Gibbs asked.

They had just finished processing Dearing and putting him in holding...as quickly as they could. He seemed to be unconcerned with his certain incarceration. It was all any of them could do not to kill him on the spot...or at least punch him in his smug little face. For now that was on hold as they checked on Tim to find out what had happened.

"You got him?" Tim asked.

"Yeah. What happened to you?" Tony asked.

"You're sure he's not going to get away?"

"McGee, what's going on with you?" Gibbs asked.

"He hasn't been taking care of himself."

Tim dropped his eyes as his doctor came into the room.

"He's lucky all he did was collapse. If this had happened when he was alone, he could have been much worse off."

"What's going on?" Gibbs asked again.

"I was trying to help."

"By running yourself on fumes? How does that help us, McGee?" Gibbs asked. "That didn't help. Running yourself into the ground didn't help us. You need to get this in hand. You can't work like this."

Tim looked at him. "What do you mean?"

"I mean that you're taking a break, McGee. You're not working until you're ready to."

"This was just..."

"It was stupid and dangerous," Gibbs said, his voice tightly controlled. "That's what it was and I'm not standing for it. There are too many people who have risked their lives, too many who could have lost their lives, who have and I'm not letting you do it for nothing."

"I agreed to keep Gibbs from firing me."

"He wasn't threatening to fire you! What is wrong with you? Stop saying it's nothing because it's not!"

Tim started to walk away, but Tony wasn't letting it stop here. Tim had come close to saying something. He sprinted to catch up with Tim and he stopped him from leaving. He grabbed Tim by the arm.

"Don't you touch me, Tony," Tim said. "Leave me alone."

"No. Not anymore. You're going to tell me what's going on. We're not leaving until you do."

"Then, I'll walk."

"No, you won't. I won't let you."

Tim seemed utterly infuriated which gave Tony a measure of satisfaction because he was irritated, too. He was glad Tim wasn't happy about this.

"Tony, if you don't let me go, I'm going to hit you."

"Go ahead. Try it, McGee."

Tim tried to pull away, but Tony's grip wasn't light. He was planning on forcing Tim to stay there if he had to.

"Stop acting like a complete idiot, McGee!"

"Don't call me an idiot!"

"Then, stop acting like one! Just tell me what's wrong!"

Tim wrenched his arm away and then shoved Tony as hard as he could. Tony wasn't ready for that and he hit the hard ground...and he felt it.

"I'm terrified, okay?" Tim shouted at him. "I can't sleep at night because I'm afraid! I can't stop being afraid! ...and clearly, it's completely wrong and stupid and illogical and...but I can't help it!"

"Why not?" Tony asked.

"Because I'm incompetent! Because I can't do it right!"

"Do what, Tim? What are you talking about?"

"I nearly killed myself trying to find him! Trying to stop him from killing anyone else...and nothing I did could be enough. Nothing I did helped. Nothing I did was going to stop him. Gibbs came back and then he was caught! ...but in my head...even though I know it's not true...he's still there! Dearing is still out there and he's still waiting to do something else. At any moment, we'll suddenly find out that he's not really in prison, that he's free, that he's ready to kill other innocent people to get revenge for the death of his son. It doesn't matter who the people are. He just wants to kill. ...and I'm not good enough to find him and stop him. If it's up to me, it's not going to happen. More people will die. The least I can do is...is stay awake and watch, keep on guard so that...when it happens, I can get the people who can do the job. So that no one else will die because of how incompetent I am."

Tim stared up at the sky for a few seconds and then walked away from where Tony was sitting stunned...for more reasons than one. Where had all this come from? What had Tim thinking he couldn't do anything? ...and why had no one realized how much of a monster Dearing had become in Tim's head? Why had Dearing become such a monster?

And what in the world was Tony going to do to help that kind of problem? How in the world could he get Tim out of this dark place?