I shrieked in pain as I moved. Wait, moved? My eyes shot open, revealing a room full of people that were looking at me intensely.
"Allen, thank god you're finally awake!" said Lenalee as she rushed towards me. I moved my head a fraction of an inch so that I could see her better as I spoke..
"Why am I alive?" I asked Lenalee in a monotone voice. She took a step back, definetly not thinking that would be the first thing out of my mouth.
"You've been in a coma since you fell, which was around two months ago, Allen." She said, obviously ignoring my question.
"I didn't fall, Lenalee. I jumped. I want to di-" I cut off my sentence as my eyes strayed towards the window. Then I came the panic. The tears came again, and with them the pain in my heart. It was so painful I wished I had died.
"Allen? What's wrong? Allen?" Said Lenalee franticly, eyes huge with worry.
"W-why? W-why is h-he h-he-re? G-get him o-out. P-p-please." I begged through my tears. It hurt to see him. I couldn't take it. That's why I jumped in the first place. She turned and saw Kanda leaning on the window watching me. As she ushered him out of the room, he looked back at me, and there was an unmistakable flash of genuine pain in his eyes. He stalked off without a word, leaving me broken and helpless once again.
"Allen, calm down! He's gone now!" said Lavi as he looked down at me. I tryed to stop sobbing, but that proved impossible. The pain was still there, and my heart throbbed. I hated feeling so small, so insagnifigant, so stupid.
"I-I c-can't c-ca-lm d-down. I-it h-hurt-s." I sobbed, What ever was left of the shread of dignity I had left poured away with my tears. In a blurred frenzy, I found that I could move one of my arms. I did whatever I could think of to stop my life. People tryed to restrain me as I tore I.V.'s out of my arms and trashed around like a fish out of water.
"Why can't you people just let me die?" I screamed, flopping down onto the bed as my strength sapped away. I was still sobbing, but now they were more tears of frustration. "I don't want to be alive! Can't you see that?" "Allen, why do you want to die so badly? If you give me a proper reason, I won't save you next time." said Lenalee, eyes huge.
"Because I can't take life anymore. You don't understand how much it hurts to go through every single day knowing the one you're in love with hates you. Every minute feels like a pain-filled hour. You begin to despise yourself. You begin to despise life. You don't want to go on living. You don't have the strength to. Every waking moment is filled with pure agony and you can't sleep or eat. You can barely force yourself to move. Is that good enough of a reason?" I spoke dryly, my eyes obviously pits of despair and agony. Lenalee looked horrified, and nobody else in the room could belive that had just come from my mouth. I felt a small bit of satisfaction as the shock spread over their faces.
"But Al-" Lenalee began before I interupted her.
"Please, just let me die. Please." I begged, my heart throbbing even more as my thoughts strayed to Kanda. The I realilized something. There was pain in his eyes. He didn't want to leave. He was worried about me.
" Lenalee, how many times was Kanda here while I was unconcious?" I asked softly, a thought blooming in my mind. She looked puzzled, but she answered.
"Everyday. He was here everyday." She said solidly.
"Are you sure? Absolutely positive?" I asked, my voice soft once again. She cocked her head in confusion, but answered me all the same.
"Yes. Why?" I struggled to sit up and push my feet over the edge of the bed. "Woah, Allen, what the hell do you think you're doing?" said Lavi as I pushed myself to my feet. I swayed as dizzyness came over me, but I caught my balance before I could fall.
"I have to find him." I said, making my way towards the door on shakey legs. I broke into an unsteady run as they tried to stop me. Twisting through the hallways, I looked for Kanda. Then I saw him. "Kanda!" I called, racing towards him on my still unsteady legs.
"Moyashi?" He said in suprise as I reached him. The sound of my hand striking his face echoed through the mostly empty lounge, and he looked at me in shock.
"What the hell was that, Moyash-" I cut him off before he could finish his sentence, my lips pressing softly against his. He pressed his lips closer, and then we broke apart. I rested my head on his chest as he wrapped his arms around me.
"Please, stop lying to me, Kanda. It hurts, you know. Just admit that you love me as much as I love you." I said softly, and he grunted. I looked up at him to find half embarrassed, half angery bluish black eyes stairing down at me. Then he slapped me. I only staired up at him, wide eyed, hand pressed to the stinging side of my face.
"Never, and I mean never, try to kill yourself again." He said harshly, pulling me closer to him. The only thing holding me up now was his arms, for me legs went limp underneath me. He looked downwards, worry plain on his face.
"Are you alright?" He asked, looking at my limp legs. I pressed my lips to his once again, relishing the taste of his lips. "I'm okay, I just over-exerted myself that's all." I smiled wearily up at him, a sudden wave of exausation washing over me. I felt my eyes closing as I leaned against his chest. His large hand brushed through my hair as he sat down on a sofa, pulling me down with him.
"I love you." I said, me voice slurring as I fell asleep on his lap. I could feel him smiling down at me as he said:
"I love you, too, Moyashi."
"Allen, thank god you're finally awake!" said Lenalee as she rushed towards me. I moved my head a fraction of an inch so that I could see her better as I spoke..
"Why am I alive?" I asked Lenalee in a monotone voice. She took a step back, definetly not thinking that would be the first thing out of my mouth.
"You've been in a coma since you fell, which was around two months ago, Allen." She said, obviously ignoring my question.
"I didn't fall, Lenalee. I jumped. I want to di-" I cut off my sentence as my eyes strayed towards the window. Then I came the panic. The tears came again, and with them the pain in my heart. It was so painful I wished I had died.
"Allen? What's wrong? Allen?" Said Lenalee franticly, eyes huge with worry.
"W-why? W-why is h-he h-he-re? G-get him o-out. P-p-please." I begged through my tears. It hurt to see him. I couldn't take it. That's why I jumped in the first place. She turned and saw Kanda leaning on the window watching me. As she ushered him out of the room, he looked back at me, and there was an unmistakable flash of genuine pain in his eyes. He stalked off without a word, leaving me broken and helpless once again.
"Allen, calm down! He's gone now!" said Lavi as he looked down at me. I tryed to stop sobbing, but that proved impossible. The pain was still there, and my heart throbbed. I hated feeling so small, so insagnifigant, so stupid.
"I-I c-can't c-ca-lm d-down. I-it h-hurt-s." I sobbed, What ever was left of the shread of dignity I had left poured away with my tears. In a blurred frenzy, I found that I could move one of my arms. I did whatever I could think of to stop my life. People tryed to restrain me as I tore I.V.'s out of my arms and trashed around like a fish out of water.
"Why can't you people just let me die?" I screamed, flopping down onto the bed as my strength sapped away. I was still sobbing, but now they were more tears of frustration. "I don't want to be alive! Can't you see that?" "Allen, why do you want to die so badly? If you give me a proper reason, I won't save you next time." said Lenalee, eyes huge.
"Because I can't take life anymore. You don't understand how much it hurts to go through every single day knowing the one you're in love with hates you. Every minute feels like a pain-filled hour. You begin to despise yourself. You begin to despise life. You don't want to go on living. You don't have the strength to. Every waking moment is filled with pure agony and you can't sleep or eat. You can barely force yourself to move. Is that good enough of a reason?" I spoke dryly, my eyes obviously pits of despair and agony. Lenalee looked horrified, and nobody else in the room could belive that had just come from my mouth. I felt a small bit of satisfaction as the shock spread over their faces.
"But Al-" Lenalee began before I interupted her.
"Please, just let me die. Please." I begged, my heart throbbing even more as my thoughts strayed to Kanda. The I realilized something. There was pain in his eyes. He didn't want to leave. He was worried about me.
" Lenalee, how many times was Kanda here while I was unconcious?" I asked softly, a thought blooming in my mind. She looked puzzled, but she answered.
"Everyday. He was here everyday." She said solidly.
"Are you sure? Absolutely positive?" I asked, my voice soft once again. She cocked her head in confusion, but answered me all the same.
"Yes. Why?" I struggled to sit up and push my feet over the edge of the bed. "Woah, Allen, what the hell do you think you're doing?" said Lavi as I pushed myself to my feet. I swayed as dizzyness came over me, but I caught my balance before I could fall.
"I have to find him." I said, making my way towards the door on shakey legs. I broke into an unsteady run as they tried to stop me. Twisting through the hallways, I looked for Kanda. Then I saw him. "Kanda!" I called, racing towards him on my still unsteady legs.
"Moyashi?" He said in suprise as I reached him. The sound of my hand striking his face echoed through the mostly empty lounge, and he looked at me in shock.
"What the hell was that, Moyash-" I cut him off before he could finish his sentence, my lips pressing softly against his. He pressed his lips closer, and then we broke apart. I rested my head on his chest as he wrapped his arms around me.
"Please, stop lying to me, Kanda. It hurts, you know. Just admit that you love me as much as I love you." I said softly, and he grunted. I looked up at him to find half embarrassed, half angery bluish black eyes stairing down at me. Then he slapped me. I only staired up at him, wide eyed, hand pressed to the stinging side of my face.
"Never, and I mean never, try to kill yourself again." He said harshly, pulling me closer to him. The only thing holding me up now was his arms, for me legs went limp underneath me. He looked downwards, worry plain on his face.
"Are you alright?" He asked, looking at my limp legs. I pressed my lips to his once again, relishing the taste of his lips. "I'm okay, I just over-exerted myself that's all." I smiled wearily up at him, a sudden wave of exausation washing over me. I felt my eyes closing as I leaned against his chest. His large hand brushed through my hair as he sat down on a sofa, pulling me down with him.
"I love you." I said, me voice slurring as I fell asleep on his lap. I could feel him smiling down at me as he said:
"I love you, too, Moyashi."