Ch. 4

The phone had been ringing off the hook all morning. They had been calls of congratulations and calls of reassurance. While Joe was busy dealing with the aftermath of the takedown, he had asked that someone call Steph and let her know everything was OK. Everyone seemed to take it upon themselves to fulfill Joe's request. All of Steph's friends on the police force wanted to be the one to let Steph know that the takedown had gone off as planned. In the early morning hours, Joe was supposedly going to meet with an informant in an out of the way coffee shop. Not wanting this informant to ruin another buy, the "Wrens," as they called themselves, had planned to take Joe out in the parking lot before he ever had the meeting. The cops were there in full force to make sure that didn't happen. Joe was bruised and a little worse for wear but alive, and after a routine stop at the hospital his superiors had insisted on, he was coming home. It was over. But all that really mattered to Steph was that Joe had come out of it alive. Steph felt like she'd been holding her breath for days and with each phone call assuring her Joe was coming home, she'd let more and more of it out in measured gushes of relief. A huge part of her wanted to rush to the hospital to see Joe, but after not seeing him for the past few weeks, Steph preferred their reunion to be private. Besides, she'd been with Joe long enough to have learned that after resolving a big case, Joe liked time alone to decompress and come down off the adrenaline rush. So Steph decided she'd wait patiently for Joe at home, knowing Joe would understand her absence from the hospital, and she'd be ready for him when he arrived, which she knew he'd appreciate.

Placing her hands on her stomach, Steph rubbed gently. "Your Daddy's coming home today. We're going to be alright. Everything's going to be alright now," she whispered.

Wouldn't he be surprised to see her, Steph thought, looking down at her increasingly burgeoning belly. She hoped Joe would still want her. Lord knows she wanted him. A small smile stole across Steph's lips. She didn't really think her new figure would deter Joe. He just didn't get skittish that easily. As the day wore on to mid-afternoon, Steph had managed to sneak a shower in between all the phone calls. She fixed her hair loose and curly and applied just enough make-up to hide the strain that etched her features from worry and lack of sleep. No sense upsetting Joe now that everything was fine. When she dressed, Steph purposely chose not to wear one of her new maternity outfits. She was hoping to hide the tell-tale bump until just the right time to show Joe, and she wasn't so large yet that she couldn't cover it with loose sweats and one of Joe's T-shirts. She loved wearing Joe's clothes anyway. They always smelled like him and made her feel comforted. Once she was ready, Steph realized it was getting late in the day and she was hungry. She made her way downstairs and prepared a sandwich for lunch, eating it as she paced the tiny kitchen. When the sandwich was gone and her feet were sore, Steph headed into the baby's room to do a little clearing away of the old stuff to make room for the new. Keeping busy seemed her best option at the moment.

Steph was upstairs when she heard keys jangling below. Her heart started skipping overtime. Joe was finally home. Steph went running downstairs and found Joe standing in the entryway removing his coat and shoes. Without thought, she ran to him and flung herself into his arms, trusting he would catch her. Joe grabbed onto Steph like a life raft and lifted her up into his strong grip. She wrapped her legs around his waist as their mouths connected. Steph melted into Joe's kiss, resting her full weight against him, knowing without a doubt he'd support her. It was such an amazing feeling to need someone so much, and to have complete faith that they would always be there for you.

After several minutes, Steph released Joe and slid slowly to the floor. She looked up and took in Joe's appearance, the fatigue, the five o'clock shadow that looked more like it was closing in on seven o'clock. Joe needed some rest and some TLC. Taking his hands, Steph led him to the couch.

"Come on, let's sit down and you can tell me all about being the hero of the hour." Steph smiled at Joe, pride and happiness reflected in her gaze.

Joe's brows pinched together. "I don't know about that, Steph."

"I do. So, sit down and tell me all about it."

Joe shook his head and Steph thought she might have heard a rusty chuckle pop out of him as they sat on the couch.

Joe sat quietly for a minute, gathering his thoughts and soaking up the sight of Steph. An incongruous smile lightened some of the shadows around Joe's face. Joe couldn't say he was happy, too many fellow cops had been lost prior to today. But, of the job he and the others had done today and over the last several weeks, it was a job well done and Joe was proud. Trying to sort through everything that had happened and how he felt, Joe explained it all to Steph. How he had used information from his street contacts to ruin a large buy. How this wasn't something the gang could overlook and by angering them so intensely, he had forced their hand to come out into the open. They had to save face with their fellow criminals, and they had to teach a lesson to the other cops. And they weren't relying on anyone else to do it. Word coming from the street was that the Angels were determined to be the ones to prove that the good guys weren't a threat to their success. Joe explained how he arranged for information about a supposed meeting with a source to be leaked out onto the street. The bait was taken and they got word of the hit that was supposed to have taken place that morning. Joe was there with an entire back up team, waiting for them.

For the first time, Joe grinned. "It was great, Steph. We got them all with only a couple casualties, and it was the bad guys with the casualties." If he had been a little more hostile or aggressive than he needed to be when he arrested the perps, well, none of the other cops there seemed to be able to remember clearly exactly what happened. Joe had gotten some scrapes and bruises in the deal, but nothing serious.

Steph gave Joe a sideways look. "'Great' is hardly the word I would use to describe facing criminals in an open arena. Joe, you could have been killed. Granted you weren't, but…"

Joe waved away her words. "We were all vested. The danger was minimal."

"Minimal!?" Steph cried. "Vests don't protect your head and neck, you know."

Joe smoothed his thumb down Steph's cheek. "We did what we had to do, Steph. Anyway, we had the element of surprise working in our favor. Those idiots were just too sure they'd win."

Steph allowed her frown to ease a bit. The New Jersey cops were heroes, and as far as she was concerned, Joe was head of them all. "I am so proud of you. So proud. And so happy to have you home." Steph lightly trailed her fingertips over the bruises mottling Joe's gorgeous face.

"It's nothing Steph," Joe said gruffly. "We had to run down a couple of the perps and I got a couple bruises. No big deal."

Joe would say that, Steph thought. He would accept the aches and pains as if they went with the territory, and he wouldn't whine about them. He was so strong and capable, but whether he liked it or not, she would be there for him now. "Well, I still want to take you upstairs now and inspect for myself that you're OK. And if you're not, I'll kiss the ouchies away and make it all better."

Joe's eyes darkened and the corner of his lip quirked ever so slightly. Steph was determined to rid Joe of every last bit of tension he was still holding on to. She took his hand and silently led him up the stairs, periodically glancing over her shoulder to steal a peek at the face that she had missed so much. He looked tired, and a little wan, but his eyes were lit with passion, stirring Steph's own desires. She was looking so forward to being back in Joe's arms. When they reached the top of the stairs, Steph turned toward their bedroom, but Joe tugged on her hand and halted their steps.

"Steph, wait. Let me take care of the beard first."

"Leave the beard. It's damn sexy. And I'm already anticipating all that wonderful extra stimulation against my skin."

"You know I love it when you talk like that."

"You love me."

"Guilty."

"It isn't a crime, Detective. And on the record, I love you, too."

Joe smiled, further erasing the shadows from his face. When they reached the bedroom, Joe sat Steph on the edge of the bed and knelt before her so their mouths were practically even. He threaded his fingers through her long curls, holding her face in his palms, as his mouth drifted to hers. He nibbled at her lips, sampling what he'd been craving. At the sound of Steph's soft moan, his tongue delved in to get a deeper taste. Steph wanted the moment to last forever, and at the same time she wanted Joe to move on to something, anything that would ease the throbbing deep inside that his kisses created. All of a sudden her clothes felt confining, irritating and she wriggled in an attempt to relieve herself of the offending material. Joe responded by reaching down and pulling Steph's shirt over her head, intent on returning to kissing her as quickly as possible, but was stopped short by the sight that befell him. Joe placed his hands on either side of the rounded mound, his heart pounding against his chest until he couldn't catch a single breath. Long moments passed before he raised his head and met Steph's joyful look.

"When did this happen?" he finally managed to force out past the lump in his throat.

"Not too long ago. I swear, Joe, it was like I literally popped overnight. I don't know where it came from." Joe returned Steph's smile; and finally, all the strain was removed from his features. Steph was glad she had waited to surprise Joe with the fact that she had started to show. It seemed to be exactly what he needed.

Joe's eyes returned to Steph's body. He just wanted to look for a minute. Look at all the changes his baby had caused in Steph. He'd had no idea what he'd been missing while he'd been gone. Steph would probably be amused to know that he'd had a desk uniform acquire a pregnancy book for him. Sometimes, in the late hours when he thought his head would spin from the details of the case, he would take a break and look through the book and try to catch up on what he was missing. But seeing it in front of him, knowing it was his baby and not just a picture in a book, made his amazement even more profound. His hands traced the delicate blue veins travelling beneath Steph's skin. Gently, he cupped the fullness of Steph's breasts, the only change he remembered being there from before he started staying at the station. Joe scrutinized everything top to bottom. It was then that he noticed the thin brown line that extended down the center of Steph's stomach. Joe didn't know what that line was called; he'd have to look at the pregnancy book another time. He supposed he could ask Steph if she knew what it was called, but he didn't want to break the silent serenity of the moment as he perused all the wondrous changes to Steph's body. Eventually, his eyes and hands went back to the small mound, the life that was resting under it. And then something happened that did spoil the happiness he'd been experiencing. Was it possible that despite everything he had struggled against he really was as depraved as any of the other Morelli men—like his own father? Was this the legacy he'd pass down if he had a son? He hated to think so, didn't want to believe it, but the evidence was clearly poking him in his jeans. Disgusted with himself, he jerked up from the floor and propelled himself away from Steph. He paced a few feet away, scrubbing his hand over his face.

Steph had been sitting quietly while Joe looked at her and ran his hands over her. She reveled in his excitement, his awe, as much as she celebrated experiencing his touch again. It was wonderful to finally be sharing the visual evidence of the baby with him and to see personally that he was as excited as she knew he'd be. Steph's desire for Joe was strong, but she was determined to sit quietly, not saying a word or making any demands. She patiently waited and allowed him this time to take in all the changes, to become familiar with that sense of reality about the baby that she'd been living with since she first found out she was pregnant. Seeing is believing, as they say. Lost in sharing in Joe's happiness, his abrupt retreat shocked her. She didn't understand what had happened to make him do it.

"It seems as if I'm no better than my father," Joe raged.

Steph was stunned, and frankly a little appalled that Joe would or could even consider that he was anything like his father. She was completely beyond the capability of comprehending the words that had come out of Joe's mouth. And where had the thought even come from, anyway? The only thing Steph could think of was that Joe was having some sort of meltdown that was the result of fatigue, stress and the resolution of something he had put all his focus into for so long now, even if it had ended well. Steph didn't know what to say, but she knew she had to say something before Joe interpreted her silence as agreement with what he'd said.

"How can you say that, Joe, when you have come so far in your life? You are nothing that he was and everything that he wasn't. Your father was a mean drunk who hurt the people he was supposed to love and protect. You just risked your life to protect the people you work with and to help keep kids away from drugs."

Discounting Steph's words, still seething at himself, Joe spat, "I can't even look at my unborn child without getting a damn hard-on. How's that for fatherly love and devotion."

So, that was it, Steph thought. Joe was upset for having a sexual reaction while he was touching her and looking at their child. The Morelli sex fiend legacy rears its ugly head. Well, Steph knew Joe wasn't anything like that. And she was secretly thrilled that he still found her attractive and desirable. Her heart filled with joy at that, while at the same time it ached to see Joe castigating himself for it. She was navigating unfamiliar terrain here since it was usually Joe calming and reassuring her, but she knew she had to give it her best shot. Joe had to understand that there was nothing wrong with what had happened. Keeping her voice calm and steady, she hoped like hell that she could reassure him.

"Well, putting aside the fact that we haven't seen each other in a few weeks and I basically jumped you at the door, I think I can forgive you for finding your wife attractive in her current enlarged condition," Steph said, smiling. "I don't think it has anything to do with your abilities as a father."

Joe looked up at her and attempted a smile, but found it was beyond his capability at the moment. Steph's heart broke at the abject vulnerability radiating off of Joe. Steph saw the despair in the set of his shoulders and the tension in the hard line of his jaw and she didn't like the sight of either. There was so much pain depicted in Joe's stance, in the tortured expression on his face. Steph now understood where it was coming from, but she still wasn't sure exactly how to fix it. She never realized before the scars he still carried from his childhood. She sat and waited, still smiling reassuringly, hoping to get some cues from Joe about what he needed.

Joe blew out a large breath and came back to sit next to Steph on the bed. "I'm sorry, Steph." Still trying to justify it, Joe continued, "I didn't mean to have that kind of a reaction to you…at least not then…it's just that you look beautiful and I'm so proud…" Joe stopped, straightened and schooled his features. He was determined to hide his guilt and remorse for his flaws from Steph and concentrate on reassuring her. "I'm going to be a good father, Steph. I swear I'm going to try and do everything right and I'll be a better father than mine was, I promise you that."

"I know you will Joe. I never, ever had any doubts about that."

Joe turned away from Steph's understanding, not ready to accept it, and put his head in his hands. Steph knew Joe was hurting and she was determined to ease his pain. While Joe sat with his head downcast in his hands, Steph got up and easily slid her legs over his, bringing herself astride him before Joe could reject her comfort as she knew he would. Joe still didn't believe he hadn't done anything wrong, so he wouldn't think he was deserving of consolation. Sure enough…

Joe leaned back. "Steph, no," Joe growled out in warning.

Steph feathered a gentle kiss over Joe's lips to silence him, then helped him out of his shirt. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she brought him back to her, chest to chest. Bare skin to bare skin. Pressing her chest as tightly against his as she could manage with the bump in the way, she sought the warmth and the connection that she had desperately missed the last few weeks and suspected Joe desperately needed. Steph's lips grazed over his eyelids, currently shut tight with hurt from a remembering of a painful past that went bone deep. She trailed kisses down his hard jaw, stroking and licking a wet path to his neck and shoulder. Joe, usually one to lead the bedroom activities put his head back and accepted all that Steph was offering. Joe's breathing had grown choppy, as had her own, while the tension eased slightly from Joe's shoulders. Confident that Joe was, at least, no longer going to protest her presence, Steph felt her power, her ability to make things right for Joe as he had done for her countless times. Steph slowly eased back, raised herself up and lowered her pants to the ground, then did the same for Joe. When there was still no protest from Joe, she straddled his lap again and lowered herself onto his erection. A gush of breath escaped both their lungs at the same time. It had been far too long since they'd been this way together, joined so intimately. But comfort, not physical gratification had become the tone for their lovemaking now. Steph initiated a gentle, easy rhythm, gliding slowly back and forth over Joe. She continued her rein of kisses along Joe's face and jaw, imbuing all the love she felt for him, and all the love and lonliness she had felt for him during their time apart. She willed her kisses to erase everything but the comfort of being together again. When neither one could hold back the tide of release any longer, they held onto each other tightly and rode the waves together, Steph eventually collapsing against Joe's chest, cradling their baby between them.

For long moments they stayed that way, holding each other, recovering from the emotional overload of their reunion and everything that had transpired. Eventually, Steph lifted her head and met Joe's eyes, which looked a lot less tortured than they had a little while ago. Steph silently cheered the shift in Joe's mood and figured now would be a good time to state her faith in him again. She had the feeling the last time around, it didn't sink in.

"Well, aren't we a pair? It wasn't that long ago I was worrying about my abilities to raise our baby well. So, how about if from here on out we both have as much confidence in ourselves to be good parents, as we have in each other. Do we have a deal?"

Joe's heart squeezed at the joyous expression on Steph's face, the triumph she felt at easing his mind, and he felt like he was the luckiest man alive. Joe couldn't resist bestowing a quick kiss on Steph before responding, "Deal."

Steph nodded her head once, as if to seal it. "Good! Now, while I'm on a roll…"

Joe couldn't help laughing, his heart feeling lighter than it had in quite some time. "One agreement is a roll?"

Steph rolled her eyes. "It's rude to interrupt and to answer your question, yes! So…" Steph glared at Joe in warning to not interrupt again. "…while I'm on a roll can I get you to agree to something else?"

"Name it," Joe said with a grin, too happy now to deny this woman anything.

"Would you like to share a shower?"

"Absolutely," Joe answered and then he picked Steph up and carried her to the bathroom as she loudly protested that she was getting too heavy for him to do that. Joe deposited her in the shower and turned the water on full blast, spraying her with the cold water as reprisal for her ridiculous statement. Steph shrieked and yanked Joe in with her, where he proceeded to warm her up until the water had adjusted and could do the job.

They spent the rest of the day much as they had spent their last day together before Joe started spending all his time at the station; taking Bob for a long walk, carrying in a late dinner, then cuddling in front of the TV for a while. Afterward, they headed back to bed where their lovemaking was more wild and intense than it had been earlier in the day. When they'd exhausted themselves, they both enjoyed the best night of sleep either of them had had in weeks.

The next morning, Joe woke up earlier than Steph and as he often did he watched her and experienced the contentment that came from having her with him for the rest of his life. A frown marred his face as he noticed the red marks on her skin left by his beard. Steph really should've let him shave it off the day before.

Dozing, Steph sensed Joe's scrutiny. Sure enough, when she pried her eyes open he was staring down at her, his eyes narrowed to slits and his mouth shaped in a frown.

"Hey, Grumpy," Steph teased. "Should I run down and start some coffee?"

"I left marks on you with my beard," Joe grumbled.

Steph smiled at the memories of the previous afternoon and evening. She hadn't minded one bit. Propping herself on an elbow, she looked past Joe's grim countenance to his back. Just as she'd suspected. "Mmmm, and I loved it. Anyway, it's no worse than the marks I left on you with my fingernails."

Joe got his own flash of pleasant memories at that statement. "Yeah, that was kinda a nice surprise."

"Pre-natal vitamins," Steph responded groggily. "They're doing wonders for my hair and nails."

"Ah, the wonders of modern medicine. Remind me to ask Bella to send up an extra thank you for the pharmaceutical companies next time she's at church."

Steph laughed. "I'm sure Bella will be just thrilled with that request. No doubt she'll lecture you about making the thanks yourself, in person."

"No doubt, but I've got my own private thanks to make."

And lowering them both back down to the bed he went about his task perfectly.