Disclaimer: don't own it, never did, never will…mores the pity

A/N: Grizzly you really have to stay out of my head, it's rude to go nosing around in other peoples thoughts dagnabit! He he…

Many thanks to those who take the time to review. I am not a review whore and I'm certainly not a 'gimme X amount of reviews or I won't keep writing!' type, I do this for me and I'm always pleased as punch when others enjoy it as much as I do so again thanks! Oh and to be nice I will say expect 1 more chapter from this dead horse before I quit beating it.

(random humor: when I wrote dagnabit MS Word gave me a misspelling line and when I right clicked to see what it suggests for a correct spelling it said 'cannabis'. Gave me a chuckle, thought I'd share)

Ashes, Ashes Part 2

The sun streaming into her room is what woke her. The incessant pounding on her door was what forced her to leave the warmth of her down comforter. Stumbling down the hall she straightened the loose cotton shorts that had twisted sideways as she slept. Running a hand through her hair she yelled at the persistent person battering her door

"I'm coming! Hang on a minute!" stopping to look at herself in the mirror over the sofa she noted her bloodshot eyes, betraying her. They spoke openly of her sleepless night spent bouncing between tumultuous thoughts and frighteningly realistic dreams. It had been the same for the last 3 nights, since he had asked her. Every day was a haze while she dealt with her work. Her mistakes mounted up to a head yesterday when she gave an ABNU member a booster for polio and gave a four year old boy a complete Shinobi physical. Tsunade had declared her unfit to work and informed her she would have to take a vacation. Sakura resisted but in the end it was take the break or lose her job, neither of which she had any interest in doing.

Shaking herself, she padded to the front door and opened it expecting to find a hyperactive blonde on her stoop. Instead she found Hinata, looking terrified and anxious, twisting her fingers so harshly it had to hurt.

"good morning Hinata-chan, come on in." sakura smiled and gently tugged the frightened girl into the house. Hinata appeared to be close to passing out, almost hyperventilating when sakura touched her.

'well nothing abnormal there, although the door banging was a new behavior for sure'

"you want some coffee? I'm going to make myself a huge pot and then spend the entire day drinking it. I never have the time to even drink it when I do make it what with work and all so I figured I might as well use my vacation time to indulge, you know what I mean?" As she spoke her hands weren't idle, preparing said coffee and forcibly sitting Hinata at the table. The Hyuuga heir's eyes were darting around, her glance inspecting the ceiling, the floor, the table and a tiny cobweb that had formed in the space between the fridge and the underside of the cabinets. Everywhere but Sakura, who was having second thoughts about her offer

'the last thing this girl needs is caffeine, she's like a hummingbird this morning'

Clearing her throat she stilled the pale girls hands in her own "Hinata-chan, what's wrong? You look as if you might explode at any moment"

Hinata sighed deeply before speaking in a tone somewhere between a wail and a moan

"Sakura-chan, forgive me! I never meant to betray your confidence in me. I apologize from the bottom of my heart" she slipped from her chair to the floor bowing deeply "please forgive me for my mistake. I did not wish to betray you!"

Sakura glanced around shocked. Kneeling in front of Hinata, she grasped the prostrate girls shoulders and lifted her to look into her eyes. "Hinata-chan, I am not angry, I'm not at all! I'm puzzled as to what I should do but that's not your fault!" Sakura hugged the tiny girl tightly and helped her up to her chair "the way I see it, I would have been dealing with this conundrum even if you hadn't helped speed things along. So stop groveling and relax!" she grinned at Hinata, who was now returning the smile with one of her own.

"I'm sorry Sakura-chan, i forgot to mention it when we spoke before" Hinata accepted the steaming mug and took a small sip "But I have to ask, what are you going to say?"

"I don't know" Sakura said flatly, gulping a mouthful of coffee and promptly burning her palate. Grimacing she swallowed and frowned "I like him, I really do but am I ready for marriage? It's such a huge thing"

"you would be well taken care of, there's no doubt about that." Hinata absently twirled a lock of dark hair around her finger "and underneath his cold appearance, he is a very nice person"

Laughing Sakura set her mug down "it sounds like you're the one who should marry him Hinata-chan" still chuckling to herself , she missed the deep blush that spread across Hinatas' cheeks.

Hinata emitted a short, forced laugh before redirecting the conversation "so assuming you actually like him as much as you think you do, would you do it?"

"I mean lets do the list here; he's courteous, intelligent and handsome. He is wealthy and a fantastic shinobi, as well as devoted to his family and village. He is what Ino would call 'a catch' but he isn't conceited. He's everything I could have asked for in a man, I'm just so afraid."

"what are you afraid of Sakura-chan? He cares for you and he wants to commit to you for life. What else could you need to say yes?" Hinata stared Sakura down, the question lingering in the air between them.

Sakura stood up on the pretense of getting another cup of coffee but after the task was accomplished she simply paced the kitchen instead of resuming her seat. She was going to admit something she hadn't ever told anyone, the words feeling like cement on her tongue.

"I-I'm afraid I'm not good enough!" she shouted, her voice echoing slightly, her tone much louder than she had intended

"I don't understand, is this because you don't have a strong clan background like we do? If it is that's sill-" Sakura interrupted her

"no, I mean yes, but that's not the only reason. I'm too weak, and plain, for someone like him. Neji-kun is fantastic, but I am most definitely not fantastic. He'll get bored with me after a year or 2 and I'll be playing second fiddle to some twit from the village who has a beautiful face and bigger brains…uh, A bigger brain"

"sakura-chan?" Hinata said gently, to no avail as Sakura continued her ranting

"-and not to say that he'd eventually want children, I'd become a nanny and an incubator. I'll be home raising children while he's out shagging some floozy and when he gets home, he'll toss his dirty clothes at me and insist I wash them before his mission to the land of naked women in the morning and--"

"SAKURA!"

Sakura looked at her companion in surprise "did you just yell at me? You never yell" She said incredulously

"forgive me Sakura-chan but you are causing yourself so much angst when it's all unfounded. Neji-nii-san is loyal, he would not be unfaithful…and I think you know that. You need to stop making excuses and just listen to your heart" Hinata gave her a sad smile

"I guess you're right Hina-chan. I just can't stop my brain from creating some crazy reason why this is a bad idea. The most prominent reason being I'm just 18 years old, I think I'm just too young to make such a life-changing decision" Sakura buried her head in her hands as she plopped into the chair, the wood creaking under the sudden weight.

Hinata stood and patted Sakuras head "it'll all work out Sakura-chan. Just trust your heart"

Sakura waved half-heartedly, not even raising her head from the surface of the table. Hearing the front door close, she began to bang her head against the smooth butcher block surface.

'I can't deal with this'

'no, you don't want to deal with it' inner-Sakura pointed out the obvious, as usual 'you're not afraid he'll cheat on you, you're afraid he's just like Sasu-'

'don't say it! I am not afraid he's like him. He's nothing like him, so just shut up!'

Sakura looked up and rubbed the now tender spot on her forehead "I know what I want, I do, but I'm just so scared. Some ninja I turned out to be, I can face any enemy and fight to the death but propose to me and I become a fragile little girl. I was right, I'm not good enough for Neji"

She tugged on her clothes quickly, the need to get out of the house tugging at her. She slammed the front door shut behind her with such force a large crack appeared in the stucco surrounding the door frame. She knew her answer in that moment and she had one goal now. To find the man who was the cause of her current insanity and give him her answer

"Oi! Neji!" Sakura hollered across the crowded marketplace, waving her arm over her head to assure he saw her. Fighting the throngs of shoppers they met each other half way, ducking into a quiet side street to avoid the attention her initial shout had garnered.

"it is good to see you Sakura-chan" he smiled at her, confidant in the answer that he knew was but moments away "I am presuming you have made up your mind?"

"yes I have, but first I want to let you know that I value you as a person, as a fellow shinobi, and as a friend." Sakura watched him cautiously

"of course, and I, you" His stomach began to sink 'she's not going to…no that's ridiculous'

"good, now that I have said that I want to give you my answer to your proposal" She took a deep breath and looked down "No"

'did she just say no?' Neji swallowed hard, an unusual feeling in his chest, heavy as if choji was taking a nap on his sternum "I see"

With that he walked away, disappearing into the crowds like a phantom, and in that moment Sakura cried. She cried for him, for his pain, for her own fears and for the loss of what could have been.

"it's best this way" she whispered to the dirt beneath her feet, before turning and plodding home, clumsy hands wiping away the tears she had shed for her never-to-be love.