Dan hurried to Blair's room. The door was shut.

No, surely not? They couldn't still be in there?

Dan came to an abrupt stop as he heard moans. He cringed. Oh, no.

Could this get any more awkward?

But then, he knew, it was probably a good thing that Chuck was there. Chuck could do the whole protective, scary boyfriend thing - because, as Dan knew first hand, Chuck was terrifying when he was angry; even more so if someone was trying to hurt Blair - and hopefully scare Paul off. Because God knew Dan couldn't.

He knocked tentatively.

Seriously, it had been nearly a whole day!

But to his surprise, Blair's voice was very collected when it rang out.

"Who is it?"

"It's Dan. I really need to talk to you."

"The door's not locked."

Oh, God.

Half tempted to shield his eyes, Dan opened the door very gingerly.

Blair was sitting, alone, on the bed, laptop open.

She raised an eyebrow at him.

Only Blair Waldorf could convey that much disdain in a single gesture.

"What is it, Humprehy?" she snapped.

"Er..." Where had the moans been coming from, then?

He froze as heard them again, then realised they were coming from the laptop. And, in fact, now that he thought about it, they weren't really moans. More like howls.

"Are you watching White Fang?" he blurted without thinking. He was just so relieved. He wanted to laugh.

Blair frowned. "I've got to write an assignment on it."

The eyebrow raised again. What did he want?

He was eating up valuable time. Time she didn't have for stuttering Humphreys. She was already behind on her work...thanks to the day's activities. She repressed a smirk at the memory.

Luckily, Dan hadn't noticed.

"Where's Chuck?"

Blair sighed. "You just missed him." Her nose wrinkled. "Is that the reason you came here?"

"No. I need to talk to you. About Paul."

He had spent a few moments agonising over it, but not very long. Because he knew, really, that there was no way he would ever be willing to get his script published by those means, regardless of how good the opportunity was.

"I saw him today."

She sat up instantly, straightening. "You did? Without me? What happened? Did you ruin everything?"

He shook his head at her barrage of questions. "He...told me he'd take the script."

Her eyes lit up in sheer delight.

"That's brilliant!" Then she noticed his expression, and frowned. "That's good news, remember, Humphrey?"

It still amazed him, sometimes, that someone as prickly as Blair could ever be best friends with someone like Serena.

"No, that's not it. I don't think I'm going to give it to him."

Blair just stared at him. Like he was the craziest person she'd ever seen.

"You don't think you're going to give it to him." Each word was enunciated very slowly, like she couldn't comprehend any of it. "Can I ask why, Humphrey?"

Anyone who failed to pick up the note of danger in her voice would have been unbelievably dense.

"He's not a good guy, Blair. I don't want to have anything to do with him. And, neither should you. Definitely you, in fact."

Blair was still staring.

She closed her eyes, took a deep breath.

"Humphrey. What have I spent the last several weeks-"

"Blair. He's a creep. He pretended to use my script because he wanted to sleep with you."

Blair made a slight, choking noise of sheer disbelief.

"That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!"

"He as good as told me today."

"Humphrey. I'm a girl, ok? I would have noticed if Paul wanted to sleep with me. I can tell these things, trust me. Besides - Paul's gay!"

Dan stared at her now. "What?"

Blair rolled her eyes. "He's the leader of a drama society. He wears...drainpipes. And silver rings. He's definitely not straight." She looked at him in suspicion now. "Are you sure he wasn't trying to come on to you?"

Dan shook his head. "Seriously. He's into you." He repressed a slight shudder as he remembered some of things Paul had said.

Blair's eyes had narrowed. "DId you tell him you wouldn't give him the script?"

"No," Dan sighed. "Not yet. I came to tell you first-"

"Thank God."

Dan's eyes widened.

"Uh, Blair. I'm not giving it to him."

"Why?"

"I just told you!" He was horrified.

She made a noise of exasperation. "Ok, because of some stupid little theory that a gay guy may want to sleep with me - although, I'm still convinced you're just scared he wants you - you're going to throw away everything we worked for? Your dreams of becoming a director-"

"Writer."

"-Whatever. Of having a script used in a renowned play? Having your name linked to stars? Not to mention," she added, "My plans to conquer NYU. You'd really do that to me? To yourself?"

Dan frowned.

"How would that be any kind of victory, if I knew the only way I got it was because I used some one else?"

Blair gave him that look again. As in, you're crazy.

"Humphrey. You need to adjust your view of the world. If you let that detail stop you every time, then it's no wonder you are where you are."

Dan just shook his head. Groaned. Why was he trying to reason with Blair Waldorf?

"Besides," she continued, "Who would you be using?"

Dan looked at her then, raising an eyebrow. "Uh, you?" he reminded her.

She laughed. "Oh, please. How are you using me?" Then, before he could answer, "Look. Even if your weird theory is right, then all we're doing is using him right back."

Dan cocked his head. No, it was no use. He would never get Waldorf logic.

"And how do you figure that?" he sighed.

She rolled her eyes. "Well, it's not like he's actually going to get anything from me. But if the idea gets you your script..."

"Blair! This isn't a game."

She stifled her own groan. "Of course it's not. It's politics."

"So what happens when Paul realises he doesn't get anything out of this?" Dan struggled at last.

"By then, it's too late. He'll have signed the deal to use your script. He can't back out then."

Dan just stared. "And what about your plans?" He made one last effort. "It's not going to make you very popular."

Blair sighed. "First of all - as we've covered several times - it's highly unlikely that this idea of yours is true." She smirked. "But even if it is - if everything goes according to plan, I won't need Paul Hoffman to like me by then."

Dan wasn't entirely sure he wanted to hear that particular plan. He should have known, really, that Blair Waldorf would not be happy just being an ally. She had to rule. Everything.

"I think he's dangerous."

Blair scoffed. "Please. You think the Ice Capades are dangerous." Dan's mouth dropped in shock, and she smirked. "You should be careful what you tell Serena, cabbage patch." She tossed her hair. "Now, we're going to give Paul the script-"

"No," Dan insisted. "We are not."

"Ugh, stop being so moral. It's boring. I thought we were past this?" Then, unable to resist, she added, "Mr. Threesome."

Arguing with Blair Waldorf was like banging your head against a brick wall.

"I'm not giving him the script. I don't want anything to do with him."

And with that, Dan walked out.

Blair glared after him. For a moment, she was speechless.

Why couldn't she convince him?

Why was he being so stupid?

"Fine," she snapped. "I don't need your script, anyway!" she yelled after him.

Damn. Now what was she supposed to do?