(Author's note: I am VERY sorry for the long wait; there are times where I really hate my laptop. I would have posted this chapter two weeks ago, except that my laptop somehow got another virus and crashed again before I could get this up! Thanks to EverTheDreamer for her help with McGonagall's dialogue and character. Hope you enjoy this chapter. In case anyone is wondering, Tammy is a character from my other HP fanfic: A new student or two, which is where I got this idea from.)
The next day was nothing but a blur, and it wasn't until later that evening, just before dinnertime, that Hermione got up the courage to speak to the Head of her House. "Professor McGonagall?"
"Miss Granger? How may I help you? What's on your mind? You look troubled, dear." The professor asked with concern in her eyes as she adjusted her wire framed glasses.
"May I speak to you alone please?" The brunette asked, swallowing discreetly.
"Of course you may! What's wrong?" McGonagall asked, feeling a bit alarmed at this request that was coming from one of her House's best students.
Hermione shook her head, but didn't say anything until the two of them were safely in the Professor's office. Then she took a deep breath after she sat down, deciding just to get it over with. "I want to leave Hogwarts." She stated firmly.
"Leave? Why? What's happened?" For once, the Headmistress of Hogwarts was completely flabbergasted with shock. This was the last thing that she expected Hermione to say. What could possibly be so bad that Hermione would be forced to leave the school that she seemed to love so much?
"My reasons are personal. I was hoping that, despite my recent sliding during the start of the term, my grades were good enough to transfer to another school, but if not, I'll go back to my parents and finish my schooling in the muggle world." The Head girl replied steadily, outwardly calm.
"Well, of course your grades are good enough. It may be considered 'slipping' to you, but they're still better than most of the students' grades. But, Hermione, my dear girl, I can respect that your reasons are personal but what is so pressing that you need to leave? We've only just started this term! And you have so much potential! Please feel free to confide in me, if it will help. I'd hate to lose my best and brightest pupil over something small that could be easily fixed!" McGonagall said, amused despite herself.
"I feel like I'm trapped in a bad love triangle, and it's affecting my schoolwork among other things..."
"You feel that you're what, dear? Do you... Want to talk about it? That wasn't honestly an answer I was prepared for, but I'll still listen if you'd like to talk."
"I have two people who claim to both be in love with me, and they are using me as an excuse to tear at each other's throats."
"Oh dear, that's not good! May I ask who? And you thought leaving would help with that?"
If I tell you..." Hermione bit her lower lip in worry. "Would you promise me that you wouldn't tell anybody else?"
"Of course! Student-teacher confidentiality!"
"One is Fleur Delacour. The other is Ginny Weasley."
"Oh! You're the reason for their feud? Here I thought that Ginny was honestly distraught by the idea of Fleur leaving Bill. Oh, dear me! I suppose I have an apology to send to Fleur."
Hermione's lips tightened. "It's tearing the family apart and..." She shook her head. "Ron and Harry don't know..."
"Oh, I see. And you feel guilty? Well, leaving Hogwarts won't solve the problem, nor will it alleviate your guilt. I don't see how Misters Weasley and Potter's knowing would help, but if you feel that you should tell them, you should follow your heart."
"Tell me, does either of them know that you have feelings for both Ginny and Fleur?"
"No, neither of them had been happy when Ginny came out, so I've kept my mouth shut." She replied, shifting her weight in the chair.
"Well, I don't think it's right to deny yourself of someone you love, nor do I think it's right to hide such a large part of who you are. But, dear girl, you can't base it on their reactions to Ginny! Weren't Ginny and Harry involved?"
"Yes. Ron's mad at Harry, and Harry just thinks that Ginny's overreacting because of the breakup."
"Well, boys tend to overreact when a girl's sexuality could possibly be connected to them, and not in a good way. They're boys, dear. I'm sure they'll get over it. They were your friends in your first year, before gender mattered. Think of it like that. Sure, Ron might believe, as Harry does, that it's because of him. But you can't let that fear stop you from being who you are. And you can't let it scare you from what you want." Was the sensible answer
"There's really no point in telling them Professor. You might think that I'm running away, but I honestly can't deal with this stress. I'll admit, I'm far better with books than I am with people. No matter who I choose, I'm going to loose, and I can't stay here and allow them to fight over me as though they were dogs fighting over a bone." Hermione replied.
"Dear child, have you considered talking to them about this? I understand that it will be difficult and that you're better with books, believe me, dear, that I understand. And I understand this feeling of overwhelming loss. but is it fair to anyone for you not to decide? They'll fight like rabid dogs even if you leave, each believing the other drove you away. So, isn't it better to just decide what you want or at least talk to them both? Then, maybe, you can stay."
"Professor, I can't risk it. If I talk to either one of them, each one will think that I'm choosing her over the other. Any effort I've made at letting them know I wasn't interested in them has only made they try all the harder! Besides, I can always make something up as for why I was leaving... Why, oh why didn't the sorting hat put me in Ravenclaw...?" She groaned, burying her head in her hands and trying not to cry.
"Hermione, the sorting hat put you in Gryffindor for a reason. You've always had courage. I believe, dear, that it's time to use it. Why not write them each a letter asking them to meet you? Then you can talk to them both at once. Tell them what you're thinking. Tell them that all this attention makes you feel ill at ease and that it must stop, or else you'll be forced to leave. Simply up and leaving won't solve this. It may, as you said before, make them try even harder. And you can only run so far." McGonagall reprimanded back, covering her very real concern.
"I don't think that'll solve anything. The truth is, I don't know what I want. If I chose Fleur, it would break Bill's heart completely. He's not adjusting to the change as easily as we had hoped he would. Yet if I chose Ginny, I'd feel like I was robbing from the cradle! The only thing I am at all sure about is my love of knowledge and learning. I'm not sure if I can..." She shook her head in anguish.
"Tell them. Tell them how it's tearing you apart. Tell them all of this: if they really care for you, they'll back off. If they don't… Well, I'm not saying I would look the other way if you happened to accidentally curse one of them, but I'm also not saying I would punish you too severely for an 'accident.' And, if you're deciding what's right for you, you can't think about the ramifications on others. Dear, Ginny isn't too much younger than you are. A year and a half, if I'm correct. Bill would adjust, dear. He can't blame you for the crumbling of his marriage. If Fleur's already making these advances, the marriage can't be too intact."
"What makes it worse in that Ginny said that she loved me only after she had that fight with Fleur... To me it sounds at though Ginny used her feelings as though her having them were some kind of an acceptable excuse! Honestly professor, I don't think either one of them are worth cursing. If I had my way, I would make myself fall out of love with them as soon as possible. They both sound like bad bets; at least that's what I think." Hermione said, unable to keep the bitterness out of her voice. "Hating them would be better than what I'm feeling right at the moment. All in all, I think I'll stick to books. At least they are dependable and faithful!"
"Hermione, dear, you can't give up on love and life just because of two stupid girls! And hate is never better than love. It may hurt now, dear, but hate is not better. Hate just turns you into a bitter old woman. That's not what you are! You're warm and caring. Do not give up. And if you do love them, either one, tell them."
"Even if I did love one of them professor, they way they're acting now makes me want to stay out of it. My disgust for them is bordering on hate. At least at the Weasleys things were civil."
"Tell them! Hermione, I would hate for you to run away from Hogwarts and any possibility of love just because they're acting childish!"
"I don't know if it is love on any side! At least if I get some distance, I'll have some breathing room."
"Emotional distance is fine, but whether its love they feel for you or just an obsession, it won't stop if you leave."
"Professor, I have no privacy! Fleur can call be into her office at any time she wants, and Ginny is always hovering around! I can't even take a breather in the girls' bathroom without one of them popping up!" Hermione finally exploded.
"You're Head Girl, right? I believe you can change your password and not tell others. You can change the password to a prefects' bathroom as you enter so no one can follow. You have enough leverage to deny a meeting with Fleur. Drop her class if you must, but don't pull away from Hogwarts! This is your true home, Hermione. And you know it. You know you could never be happy in the muggle world after experiencing all this. You wouldn't feel right."
Hermione sighed, all emotion running out of her. "I guess the worst part is that I'm afraid. I'm not out to anybody. All I want to do is focus on my school work..."
"Hiding your sexuality in your schoolwork won't make you feel better. And, Hermione, you're 'out' to me. So, now there's at least one person who you've shared you 'big, dark secret' with who still cares for you. And my door is always open to you. My ears are always open."
"Thank you professor." She said. "Are you sure my grades are all right?"
"Hermione, you could have easily passed N.E.W.T.S. in your fourth year. Your grades were never something I've been concerned about. And no problem, Hermione. Remember, anytime."
Feeling drained. Hermione stood. "I'm sorry you missed dinner on my account. When the meeting takes place, can you be nearby, just in case?"
"Hermione, I'm Headmistress, I make my own lunch period. I assure, It was no trouble. And you just give me the date, time, and room and I'll be right there. Just let me know."
"In the worst case, If I end up dropping her class, can I ask you to give me private Transfiguration lessons?"
"Certainly. I'm not sure why you feel you need them, but if you feel that you need something to fill that hole in your schedule, I'll give you lessons. Or you can start as my teaching assistant. You've thought about teaching, haven't you?"
Surprised, the Head Girl nodded. "I was leaning in that direction yes." She honestly hadn't thought anyone would notice.
"Well, there's no time like the present to get a head start. Under my tutelage, we'll have you prepared for the basics. Though I daresay your adventures with Harry has prepared you quite a bit."
"Actually, I was thinking more in terms of creating a new class..." She said thoughtfully
"Really? Now that is something I would like to see you do. Would you care to tell me about it?"
"I'm muggleborn, and I spent a lot of time with Tammy while she was here. In many ways, she was the first of her kind and Hogwarts was completely unprepared for someone like her. There might be other talented witches and wizards that are also 'differently-abled' like her..."
"And what was your plan? Because I feel that this is an honorable task and you may just be the one to do it, Hermione. I and the school will back you in whatever it is that you want to do one-hundred percent."
"I want others to learn about the different disabilities and the equipment that they might use just to get around. I was also thinking that students could learn how modify spells to turn stairs into ramps, and other things."
"That sounds very interesting, and practical. Hermione, I think this undertaking is just the thing for you! Like I said, I am behind you one-hundred percent. Whatever you need to make this work just let me know. You will, of course, be given extra privileges; Hogsmeade meetings and Hogwarts tabs and such. You are free to buy whatever you need. Any way we can help. When you're ready to go public with the class, let me know."
Hermione thought for a moment. "Let me think about this a little more. in muggle school, disabled people were taught alongside students who were able-bodied." She drummed on the fingers of her chair, now sitting again. "It would be a big adjustment for Hogwarts..."
"Were they really? Well, what would we have to do?"
"Well, the biggest thing would be to drop the electronic ban I think... Some of them have learning problems, so maybe extra study times might be in order... the bathrooms would have to be completely redone... And then there's the matter of stairs..."
"This is true. What do you suggest? I mean, if it were just a ban, I'd lift it in an instant. Electronics won't work because of all the magic. Couldn't you work on substitutes? For instance, our cameras and such as opposed to muggle cameras?"
"Perhaps, however, if we went that route, you would have to layer the chairs and other things with very strong protection spells. In truth, our disabled witches and wizards might become the best when it comes to protection and defense spells. They wouldn't have a choice."
"Like I said, we'll back you completely. As long as that route may be, that's the route we'll have to take."
"It would take me a while to work out the kinks. I might have to do some research when I go back home... Maybe I can somehow contact Tammy again and get her thoughts..."
"Back home, where? And, of course, you can use the school owl or my personal owl to contact Tammy."
Suddenly Hermione grinned. "I went to school in the muggle world before attending Hogwarts."
"Yes, I'm aware of that. Home where, Hermione? You're not still intending to leave Hogwarts, are you?""
"I don't know, it will depend on the outcome of the meeting."
"Very well, I suppose that's all i can ask for you right now. Why the sudden announcement of you going to muggle school prior to Hogwarts?"
"I knew a few disabled kids from there, and a few other reasons. I've also kept up on muggle education during the summer. You were right when you said that I don't want to leave here, but both muggle world and this one have its advantages. If I have to leave to find peace, then I will." She smiled tightly. "If I've learned anything from Tammy, it's how to adapt."
"I see. Well, about this meeting that will decide where home is, do you know when you want to have it yet?"
"Soon, as soon as possible. No later than this weekend I think. I want this over with a minimum of fuss. In privacy, if that is at all possible." Hermione said firmly, the light and spirit returning to her eyes now that a choice about a course of action had been made. Already the head girl was feeling like some of the weight had been lifted from her shoulders.
"Well, if you need privacy, I would suggest the Head Girl room. Or, even better, this office. Neutral ground."
"Which one of the two places is going to be less suspicious? I don't want either one of them to have their guard up thinking that they are in trouble. Still, you might want to have a word with Ginny after I'm gone." Hermione said, feeling a lot calmer now than she had earlier.
"Yes, I believe I do need to have a word with Miss Weasley. And it also depends if you want them to know that you're calling them. Should they know before hand that you want to talk to them?"
"I'm not sure. I don't want to give either of them false hope. At the same time, I don't want to drag it out either." The Head girl answered honestly.
"Well, like you said: I'll be wanting to talk to Miss Weasley. But, really, you need to decide when and where this talk will be. And, as I said, I'll be here for you."
"What if you had your talk wish Ginny, and then summoned me and Fleur. That way I could speak my peace without making it look like I wanted to speak to each of them alone." She suggested.
"Very clever. That should work just fine to suit both our needs. When did you want to talk to them, exactly?"
"Would tonight be too soon?" Hermione asked. "I think that the sooner this done, the better it'll be for everyone."
"No, tonight should be fine. I'll call Miss Weasley down now, if you'd like. And you can wait in my study. Or, you can go get Miss Delacour and let her know that I need to speak with her."
"All right, I can do that. Thank you Professor." Hermione nodded and bowed slightly before leaving the room.
"Of course, Hermione. See you in about an hour?"
"Yeah, that should be fine." Hermione said with a nod before leaving the room to get Fleur.