Chapter 4: Illusions of Pain

A/N: Yeah, it's been a little while for this story, but I suddenly got inspiration thanks to a challenge issued by The Nerdfighter. So, thanks, NF, for giving me the inspiration to keep going. I would advise all of you to read The Nerdfighter's stories as they're really good. Thanks also to all of those who have read and reviewed thus far. You guys have been so awesome about all of this. I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Disclaimer: TMNT and all related characters are property of Nickelodeon. I only own the plot for the story.

I bolted upright, jolted awake from my nightmare. I looked around and saw that no one was there with me, which made me feel better. I just didn't want to see my family after everything that had happened. Despite what they said, I felt that they still hated me and resented me for what I did. I looked around and spotted my swords up against one of the tables. I felt it was weird that my weapons would be here, but I picked them up and put them on my back. Feeling that I needed to get out of bed, I stole out of the infirmary and made my way to the living area. Then a door nearby caught my attention, and I made my way to it, turning on the light to see what this room was for. As the light illuminated the room, I gasped. This was the room from my nightmares, the one where my family would torment me. My breathing became shallow as I took in gasps of air. Was I having a panic attack? What was going on?

"Leonardo?" a voice asked. Splinter appeared before me, a look of concern on his face that I took to be a look of disappointment. "What are you doing in here?"

I couldn't answer him as I still found it difficult to breathe. Then I heard other footsteps as Raph and my other brothers came into the room.

"Leo, what's wrong?" Raph asked me.

I unsheathed one of my swords and swung it at him, but a spasm of pain made me double over, dropping the sword to the ground. I curled up in a ball, still gasping and waiting for the onslaught of insults and blows that I usually had to endure.

"Donnie, what's wrong with him?" Mikey asked.

"I think he's having a panic attack," Don replied.

"So what do we do?" Raph inquired.

"I think I know how to help," Splinter said gently. Then he began to sing a song in Japanese. After listening to it, I recognized it as one of the songs Splinter would sing to us when we were little and were either sick or had a nightmare. My breathing gradually slowed as I focused on my father's soothing voice. I realized that this wasn't the same room it had been before and that I was home and safe.

After he finished the song, Splinter gently knelt down and looked at me. "Are you feeling better, my son?" he asked.

"No, it hurts," I whimpered pointing to my bruised ribs.

"We will take care of that," Splinter replied. "What triggered your panic attack?"

I told them about what the Kraang did in that room and what happened there. "It was a form of torture used to break me," I answered.

"Sounds like some form of virtual reality to me," Don mused. "That's pretty neat. I wish I could have seen the components of how they made it. I bet they used some really advanced technology to make it seem like what you were seeing was real. I think that would be awesome to use that for our training sessions because it would allow us to really fight with the opponents without actually fighting them. Don't you think that would be neat?"

"Donnie, we're talking about a method the Kraang used to torture and hurt Leo," Raph replied. "Do you think that would be neat to see?"

Don's face softened. "No, I didn't mean it like that," he said softly. "I'm sorry, Leo. I guess I just wasn't thinking."

"No, it's okay, Donnie," I said. "You can't help yourself when it comes to technology."

"So why did you come in here anyway?" Raph asked me.

"I had a nightmare and just thought I would come in here," I said leaving out that I thought I was still with the Kraang. I didn't want my family to think I was crazy, even though I really felt that I was.

"Okay, well, I know something that might help," Raph said. He held out his hand to help me up, and I took it, knowing that he wasn't going to hurt me.

"Sorry I swiped at you," I apologized.

He squeezed my shoulder. "It's not your fault, bro," he said gently. "You were scared." He led me out of the dojo and into the living area and settled me on the couch. Then he went to the kitchen and got an ice pack for my ribs, which felt really good.

"So this is the thing that's going to help?" I asked him.

"Not exactly," he replied. "The ice pack's part of it, but there's something else that might make you feel better." He turned on the TV and scrolled through our recorded shows until he stopped on a show I recognized instantly.

"Wait, you're going to watch Space Heroes with me? But you hate that show!"

Raph laughed. "Well, you didn't get to finish it before our battle, so I figured it would be cool to watch it and see how it ended. And to be honest, I really don't hate Space Heroes. Believe me, I've seen worse than that. I was just teasing you."

"Aha, I knew it!" I said triumphantly. "The truth has finally come out!"

"Yeah, yeah, but don't tell the others I said that," he warned. "I do have a reputation to maintain after all."

I laughed. "Okay, I won't," I promised. Then I sat back and watched the show with my brother. As it turned out, Captain Ryan did go down with his ship, and the show ended with a very sad funeral. I was a little shocked that they had ended it that way, but at the same time, it made sense since the show was ending.

"Man, tough luck for Captain Ryan, huh?" Raph asked me.

"Well, he just did what he thought was right," I answered.

"Yeah, but he basically killed himself for nothing," Raph argued. "I mean, if you love your crew, wouldn't you want to leave with them and start fresh with a new ship?"

"He didn't see it that way, Raph," I contradicted. "He saw it as a noble sacrifice."

"Yeah, well it was stupid of him to do that," Raph grumbled.

"You mean, just like it was stupid of me to stay on the Technodrome?" I asked him.

Raph's opened his mouth and then closed it.

"Wait, you DID think it was stupid of me to sacrifice myself?"

Raph squirmed a little in his seat. "Well, I didn't think it was the right thing for you to do," he admitted. "I thought you were copying Captain Ryan since you idolize him so much. I just felt that there could have been a better way."

"I wasn't thinking about Captain Ryan," I said softly. "Before we left, Splinter told me that the important thing was to finish the mission no matter what I had to sacrifice or who I had to sacrifice. I knew that there was no other way than to do what I did as a leader."

Raph's green eyes widened at my words. "Whoa," he whispered. "I had no idea about any of that, Leo. I'm so sorry I thought that about you, bro. You were just doing what Splinter asked you to do."

"I understand why you would think that, Raph," I told him. "You just didn't want to lose me."

"No, I don't want to lose you," he answered. "If I did, I don't know what I'd do." He turned away and rubbed his eyes. I pretended not to notice since I knew he was wiping away tears and didn't want me to know about it. After he regained his composure, he turned back to me. "So you ready to go back to bed?"

"Yeah, I think so," I replied.

"You mind if I stay with you just in case you have another nightmare?"

I smiled and put an arm around him. "I'd like that, Raph."

We went back to the infirmary, and I felt a little better that Raph didn't think I was stupid for sacrificing myself now that he knew the details. But at the same time, I couldn't help but wonder if he was right. Would there have been a better way for me to escape instead of going down with the ship? Did Don and Mikey resent me about it? And why had Splinter said that to me? Did he really feel that sacrificing myself would have been worth it if I had died? I knew I would have to get answers to these questions soon, but for now I was too tired to really dwell on them. I settled back on the cot and closed my eyes, happy that Raph was with me. Before I drifted off to sleep, I felt Raph place his hand in mine and squeeze to reassure me that he was there. I squeezed back and kept my hand in his, knowing that the support of my brother would help me get through any nightmares I had for the rest of the night.

A/N: Yay! Another chapter is done! I'm so glad I got this chapter out, and I can't wait to put out more. Yep, Leo's still got questions he needs answered, and he still has doubts aobut what he did on that ship. Feel free to leave a review and have a shelltastic day.

I