Don't Look Back

by perfectpotterhead

"Ian," I whisper. "PRIMROSE!" he shouts, and he wraps me up in his arms and I kiss him and he kisses me and I run a hand through his hair and his hands clasp around my waist, bringing us closer together, and our mouths work perfectly together.

4. Chapter 4

Don't Look Back—Chapter 4

A/N: Hello, lovely readers! Please enjoy this fourth chapter in my installment! A new character comes into play here! :D! Go on, read! Enjoy Ch. 4!

Chapter 4—Driven to the Brink of Madness

Prim's POV

"Come on over."

"Oh, Ian," I say, grinning madly. "Oh, god, this is going to be awesome!"

He sounds unsure when he says, "Of course it is."

I wring my hands and pluck a marker from my desk. Snatching a piece of paper, I begin scribbling down a list.

"I gotta go, I'm making a list of stuff we need, and I'll call you tomorrow. Bye, love you, leave me alone."

He laughs as I hang up the phone.

My penmanship is awful, it's changed so much. I can't do cursive or shorthand; I just kind of do wobbly letters in scrappy sizes. My writing is crap. But it's not the only thing that's changed.

I've become darker, more secretive and moody. I hang out with the "tough" kids at school. I mean, I'm still a pretty good student, B+ average, but my whole personality has changed. My "clique", the rough students, actually accept me better than anyone else. They get what I'm going through, and they're experiencing it themselves.

My closest friend in our group (nicknamed "the Sleaziness"), Cassandra, is actually really nice and I have no idea how she got into the Sleaziness. She puts on a scowl and keeps quiet while we're hanging out behind the school at recess, but after they leave she's a babbling brook. She always compliments me and makes suggestions kindly and I quite like her. But even though I like her it doesn't mean that she's my best friend.

My best friend is probably Elisa, who lives two doors down from my old house in the Seam. We're always laughing and having an awesome time around each other. Elisa Kenning, the 15-year-old artist and Gandhi (some guy who lived long, long, long before Panem and when Panem was "North America", thanks to my Ancient History class), and I, Primrose Hazel Grace Everdeen, the rookie rough girl and secret-hider trying to love someone and be sane and nice at the same time, are inseparable. Ever since I moved to Victor's Village, we've walked to the old bridge by Dappling Cardinal River, which runs straight through 12 into 11. It's a beautiful place.

Anyway, my list looks something like this:

SUPPLIES NEEDED TO SMUGGLE IAN OUT OF 10

-all the regular survival stuff food water first aid

-rope

-weapon of any sort

-cell phone

-map compass clock all the how to not get lost stuff

-stuff to keep me busy

-disguise

-sleeping bag gloves coat the entire how to not get frostbite stuff

-bug spray

-plan a

-also a plan b in case i like almost die

-probably a lot of spur of the moment stuff

PLAN A

trek on foot to 10, using all the stuff i listed above

get ian out of victor's village with a peacekeeper disguise

trek back to 12

not die

live happily ever after

PLAN B

trek on foot/on mini hovercraft

get ian out of victor's village w/o disguise

trek back to 12

not die

live happily ever after

POSSIBLE OTHER PLAN (PLAN B AND1/2)

get haymitch to fly to me 10

pluck ian off his front lawn

FLY SUPER FAST BACK TO 12

hide ian for a really long time

come out

get married

and live happily ever after

I smile and tuck my hair behind my ears. Gone are the ponytails that trail over my shoulders, the girlish looks and innocence. No, I am part of the Sleaziness now, and there is no going back.

Three soft knocks on my door. I whirl around to find Katniss, her cheeks pink and her eyes wild.

"What?" I ask sharply.

She raises her eyebrows, failing to look stern. "Listen, I need you to forget your loneliness for awhile and forget Ian and—and come with me!"

I stare at her, bemused.

"What do you mean, forget? I'm—oh! I'm working on something!" I say quickly, trying to shield my list casually. "Where are you going?"

She holds up a flyer. "All the victors are going to the 12th Annual Victors' Convention! They only started it a few years ago—12, in fact. I get to bring a guest, and—I've been feeling like we haven't talked—talked much lately, so I'm bringing you—here!"

Katniss sounds winded, shocked, and extremely happy all at the same time. I want, with all my heart, to say yes, to say let's go, to say I love you. But Ian…needs me. I can't go. I just can't, since I'm planning to leave in a week.

"Katniss…" I begin, watching the light dim in her eyes. "I'm really sorry, but—"

Katniss's shoulders stiffen. "No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being an insensitive jerk that has been uncaring about you and Ian. I've—I've blamed myself for this…I should've protected you better, should've kept you from getting reaped…please, please come with me, I can make things okay between us again! Please, Prim!"

My heart cracks as she speaks these words. She thinks it's her fault. Oh, if only I could tell her…but no, she'd never let me.

So instead, being the awful selfish slug I am, I say "I'll think about it". Katniss's eyes lose their shine altogether, her smile dissipates, and her posture slumps slightly.

"Alright, see you," she says softly, closing the door behind her, leaving the bright purple flyer on the table. It reads:

CAPITOL NEWS:

Dearest victors,

You are invited to a lovely gathering to celebrate your winnings, talk the next Games, and share your chilling experiences in the arena. Join us in District 4's CITY CENTRE building, by request of Mr. Cornelius J. Snow, the president of our wondrous nation, Panem. CITY CENTRE is located in the center of District 4's biggest city, Lojo. Peacekeepers will patrol the peaceful beachfront as you enjoy top-class catering, service, and time. Time and date: May 12 at 12:00 sharp. Thank you.

VICTORS OF DISTRICT 12:

HAYMITCH ABERNATHY

KATNISS EVERDEEN

PRIMROSE EVERDEEN

PEETA MELLARK

(IAN RESEDA)

The realization of this flyer hits me.

Ian might be there!

Oh, lord, yes! I call Katniss back into my room, where she comes running to instantly.

"Yes?" she asks hopefully.

"I'll go!" I say cheerfully, waving the purple paper. Katniss's smile is as wide as 4's beach as she laughs happily.

"It's going to be amazing," she says, hugging me by my shoulders. "After all that's happened, finally we can be regular friends, shopping in 4 and trying seafood and joking around at the convention."

Friends, not sisters. This is why I love Katniss. Because she doesn't think of me as only a sister. We're best friends; we can talk about anything and everything.

This convention is looking up.