Okay, so this is a bit of a long chapter. I think chapters might regularly be around this long for this fic. Anyways, sorry once more for the delay. It's ridiculous how Windy-san's schedule and mine clash as if the universe was actually trying to keep us from getting together to write. We hope you like this chapter.

WARNING: Though I believe there is no need for this since this is a PARODY after all, I shall remind you that there will be plenty of OOC, especially with Thranduil.

Anyone who wants to see the pictures that inspired us to create this Thranduil can go to my profile and follow the links. They're awesome, trust me :D

Chapter 4

So my real first day at Greenwood started the day after I arrived. It didn't start the best way since I yelled at an elf lady's face when she came to wake me up at seven in the morning for breakfast. I thought royalty woke up whenever they wanted to have breakfast. But no, they're elves and they wanna get up early with the birdies and shit. So yeah, the elf lady brought me this long ass dress, since no one had yet had the time to take my measurements to make me some clothes, and everything I had from the journey was smelly and all stained. Actually, I left with three sets of clothing from Gndor, including the one I was wearing, and all of them ended up as if I had been rolling down a rocky hill. Meanwhile, Legolas only brought the one set of clothes he was wearing and they remained as if he had never worn them in the first place! Explain that! So anyways, I was left stumbling my way around the castle. That is, until I ripped about a foot or two of fabric. The elf I took the dagger from to cut it off was rather stunned at my rash behavior. But meh, I'm used to people reacting to me that way. It's my thing, ya know? So anyway, yeah, elves apparently don't know the meaning of "sleeping in", so after that little fiasco with the skirt, I finally went to have breakfast with Thranduil and Legolas.

So I literally broke through the giant palace doors into the dining area. To my surprise, I saw some elf guards flinch at the booming sound. Apparently they're not used to loud noises here. Well too bad, cuz I'm here now and silence doesn't go well with me. I looked over at the table and saw Legolas, but my eyes went for Thranduil. I saw him and nodded my head and raised my hand at him.

"What up, Big T?" I exclaimed cheerfully.

Thranduil returned the wide smile and gave me a peace sign with one of his hands, something that I had taught him the day before at the vault. "Not much, my bff. Just chillin' with my son." he said cheerfully. Oh yeah, I had also taught Thranduil some "earth lingo".

Legolas looked between the two, a bewildered expression on his face. I saw him mouth the word chillin' and just shook his head with a very confused expression.

"Ada, what does bff mean?"

Thranduil gave Legolas a look of disbelief. "Dear Legolas! Get with the program. Of course bff means 'best friends forever. Valar, Legolas, you're so old fashioned!"

Legolas looked insulted and he was not trying to hide it. How on earth was he supposed to know? But yeah, I loved that right now I was seeing parts of Legolas that I had never seen. When he was with the Fellowship, he was so reserved and hardly showed that he felt much, but now with his dad and being in a home environment, he showed a lot more than he usually did.

So after eating breakfast, Thranduil and Legolas set out with me to show me around the city. It was amazing how the elves carved a city inside the mountain. I know Moria was supposed to be a grand thing, but it wasn't compared to this. Then again, we did only see what was left after the siege. Anyways, Thranduil was showing me around the place, but he constantly got distracted with passing elves, saying things like "Alagcelon, dashing robe you were wearing last Sunday," or, "Wonderful party last week, Aglared, it was marvellous." Then he leaned in to whisper to me. "But his choice of fashion was ghastly!" he said while he chuckled, giving the elf a look before looking at me again.

"Really, adar," Legolas said in a sigh, pressing his fingers to his forehead, but his comment was ignored.

"I mean, honestly, that robe with those shoes? What was he thinking?! His fashion is as bad as a dwarf's," he said before laughing loudly at his own joke.

I simply chuckled a bit. I mean, I agree with him, dwarfs don't have any fashion sense whatsoever, but since I'm friends with Gimli, I didn't really feel like commenting on it. Legolas, on the other hand, seemed rather offended and ready to defend his friend's honor, or fashion sense.

"Adar, please, those sorts of comments aren't fit for a respectable King." He spat that last part with a slight sneer, making it almost sound as if he was actually calling Thranduil unfit to be King. Thranduil stopped in his tracks immediately after hearing this. He spun around dramatically to look at his son, his hand in his chest, his eyes wide and his mouth opened in shock. He almost looked comical.

"Ion nín!" he exclaimed before trailing into fast elvish that I could not follow. I never thought I would see an elf be so physical in his expression. He started to throw a tantrum! I mean, a real childish tantrum! He flung his arms and stomped his feet, raising his voice more than I had ever thought elves were capable of. I could hardly keep up with what he was saying since he would slip between elvish and english after two words. I caught "You ungrateful son!", "You don't get me!", I had to snicker at that, he sounded like a real angsty teenager. "Your mother would understand me!" he then stopped and gave a melodramatic sigh. "Oh, why did your mother had to depart to the Heavens and leave me with you?" he then became quite melancholic, pressing his face to his hands. "I was so young! What did I know about raising a little elfling! This is all my fault! I should have raised you better. It was my duty to make you more trend-aware and sociable! But no, you wanted to play with arrows! And trees! And dirt!" he spat, each time getting closer and closer to his face.

I saw Legolas' eyes narrow dangerously. "That is what normal elves do! You, on the other hand, have done nothing in the past century but throw senseless parties and done nonsense while I had to break my back trying to get the Ring bearer to Mordor in order to save Middle earth!"

Okay, even I thought that his words were a bit harsh. I could see the hurt in Thranduil's eyes as his lips formed a pout, so I decided that as his bff I had to do something about it. I jumped in between them, using my tush to bump Legolas back as hard as I could and giving Thranduil the biggest smile I could. "Hey, bff! How about you show me that fabulous elk of yours?"

Instantly, Thranduil's eyes brightened and his smile returned to his face so fast that it was almost as if nothing had happened at all. "Why certainly, my bff," he said, emphasizing 'my' as he gave Legolas a quick glare. "At least someone here understands me."

I heard Legolas groan behind me as Thranduil led me away and I looked over my shoulder to glare at him. He swung his arms up in the air with an exasperated look. I was actually a bit stunned since I had never seen him do that before. Anyways, we got to the stables and I got to see the massive elk. That thing is way bigger than I had imagined. Truly fit for a King. Man, that thing is majestic as fuck!

"Wow," I said out loud. "You are one awesome creature!" I said in awe.

Thranduil smiled, rather proudly I might say, and gave quite the smug laugh and went to pet him. He then switched to elvish, and from the way he said it, I believe he had told him what I just said. The elk puffed his chest and huffed loudly to show his appreciation. He then moved his head forwards and nudged me.

"Aw! It likes me! It actually likes me!" I exclaimed with more enthusiasm than I like to admit. Thing don't normally like me, okay? People, animals, wizards, basically most things that breathe. I looked back at Legolas with a massive grin, but instead, I found him glaring at the elk. I was shocked to say the least. I looked at Thranduil with questioning eyes. He just chuckled.

"Oh, don't worry darling, Alagos just doesn't like Legolas that much."

My jaw dropped in shock at that comment. There's actually an animal capable of disliking Legolas but liking me?! I gazed between the angry elf and the elk and I could have sworn that the elk was actually glaring back at Legolas. Legolas just gave a rather un elf like huf and turned around.

After that little awkward moment, Thranduil decided to give me a tour of the surrounding forest. He decided to go on his elk while Legolas and I just grabbed two horses and followed. I must say, seeing Thranduil on the elk made me realize that no horse would have ever done justice to the King's majestic aura. It just radiated from him! Anyways, we went around the forest, Legolas got a bit ahead of us to inspect something. That was when I got this brilliant idea of pranking Legolas. It was easy to draw Thranduil in. It would be a bit of revenge for earlier. Anyways, we agreed that I would take a stroll away from the group and pretend I got lost. Easy with my lack of sense of direction in bloody forests. Then I would cry wolf, saying there was a giant spider, and let Legolas get a small heart attack while he thinks I'm being devoured. Anyways, Thranduil placed me on the spot, just to make sure I wouldn't really get lost and he leave. I gave him a minute before I burst into a blood curling shriek.

"Spider! Help me!" I shrieked again and snickered when I heard Legolas calling my name with urgency. I am still laughing when I hear the creaking of leaves behind me. I freeze on the spot. I slowly look back and, what do you know? There was not one, not two, but a freaking hord of giant spiders behind me! The Universe is cruel indeed.

"FUCK!" I screamed as I made a run for it.

Meanwhile

Legolas broke through the bushes and found his father, laughing himself silly.

"Father! Alexandra? Where is she?!"

Thranduil waved his hand and managed to control his laughter.

"Oh relax, she is fine."

"But-"

"It was just a silly jest to get you back for being so mean earlier."

Alex's screams reached their ears once more.

"Help!"

Legolas rolled his eyes and ignored her.

"Fucking damn it! Somebody help me! The screams seemed to be getting closer.

"Enough, Alex!" Legolas shouted. "I know you are only jesting!"

"I'm not joking you bloody son of a half troll!"

Legolas gave his father a smug smirk, crossing his arms over his chest. "You heard her."

"Why I never!" Thranduil exclaimed.

Suddenly, they heard Alex's footsteps and a second later she broke through the trees, flying past them like an arrow while screaming madly. "RUN!"

True enough, a horde of giant spiders was on her tail. For the briefest of seconds, the two elves were left stunned at the fact that there was actually a horde of giant spiders chasing her. The two elves quickly jumped into action, slaying them as fast as they could, but one managed to slip past them and follow Alex.

Alex's pov

I ran so fast I wasn't even sure if I was being followed anymore, but I didn't even dare to think about it cuz my legs were just moving on their own and if I tried to just control them I would probably end up tangling them and crashing down. So I just kept running until I saw that in I was running out of terrain. In front of me was a rather large ditch under which a fast river passed. I could see the thin corde that the elves had left there to pass from one side to another, just like they did in Lothlorien. There was no way I could walk over that on my own, but there was a giant spider on my tail, so I did what I could: I lunged myself in mid air and just grabbed at the cord as I fell. Luckily I managed to hold onto it, but there was no way I could move from that spot. The spider seemed to realize quickly that I was a lost cause and left. So, I was left dangling in the middle of the ditch, furious river flowing at my feet, and no way to get across. After a few minutes passed of me catching my breath, I started to get a bit panicked at being trapped. So as I was about to open my mouth to scream for help, an elf that just so happened to be walking around found me.

"Lady Alexandra? What are you doing there?" he asked, and I could not tell if he was actually asking me or if it was rhetorical.

"Oh, nothing," I said most casually. "You know, just hanging around, watching the scenery. Nice river, huh?" I said, sarcasm dripping from my words like poison.

"Yes…" he said, reluctantly, obviously not getting me at all. "Quite so. Is… is this a custom of your people? To dangle from ropes to watch the scenery?"

"No you bloody elf! I was attacked by a giant spider and this was the only way out! Now get your ass over here and help me!".

So I learned a few lessons: one, never joke about giant spiders in a forest where there are actual giant spiders, and two, never call Legolas son of a half troll when his father might be hearing. Thranduil didn't take it too kindly and I had to explain the whole dynamic Legolas and I shared at the beginning of the Quest.

Woohoo! Yeah, we did it, a chapter was finally posted. So what did you think? Any ideas? Wacky or serious, we take them all into seriousconsideration and try to integrate them into the story. Some of you like Thranduil with Alex and so we decided that in future chapters some fan service will be given, though Legolas and Alex are the main pairing here. No love triangle, that's for sure, just some wacky, crazy times.