Chapter 4
Panic
I could tell this entire time that something was off, something was very, very wrong. The moment I set foot out of the building I could feel something strange something evil even. My jogging pace was much quicker than it had been with Alice. With Alice my jog was always a nice and easy pace, this jog however I was starting off at a near sprint because I could feel it, sense that I was being followed by someone with ill intent.
As I jogged around the building to get back I could still feel the presence only now I could also hear their footsteps as they followed me and I was more than a little unnerved by the prospect that someone was following me. Finally nearing the building I felt a pair of dirty, grimy hands grabbing hold of my arm and I yelled out before they could even get a good hold of me.
Panic set in and I tried running away even harder when I heard someone yelling my name. I looked over my shoulder to see a man with dirty blonde hair and nearly black eyes staring back at me and I kept moving as he came after me still. I could hear the familiar voices of Angela and Alice as they came running towards me and the guy didn't give up. He came at me again only this time with a knife in hand and a murderous glint in his eyes. I moved out of his way the first charge and gave him a kick in the back as he stumbled into the air.
Suddenly with speed and accuracy he grabbed Angela, who stood closer to him than Alice, and put the knife at her throat. "Step away from her now, nice and slowly. Put your hands up where I can see them!" His voice was soft but deadly. His concentration was entirely on Alice at the moment so I decided to use this to my advantage. I ran to his get his attention, successfully, but before he could react I kicked the hand holding the knife to the side and punched him in the face with all of my might, causing him to let Angela go.
He fell to the ground and kicked his legs out and got me in the leg and stomach but I got him back as he stood up by giving him a front punch followed by an inverse punch and a back kick. Then he stood in the offensive as I took on a defensive stance, using the martial arts I'd learned to try and predict his moves. I always knew it was a good idea to take those lessons especially with how clumsy I had always been, an innate ability I disliked greatly. He came at me for a punch and I blocked him three times before moving off to the side and punching him right in the jaw and walking back into my previous stance. He came at me again with a kick this time which I blocked with one hand, keeping the other up for any punches, and blocked him again and this time I went for a jab in the chest with my elbow and a back hand fist aimed for his face. He stumbled back even further and I added a side-kick into his stomach for good measure.
Unfortunately for me he noticed the knife right next to him when he fell to the ground, no amount of blocking would protect me from that sharp knife. No matter what I couldn't show him any feeling of fear so I fought to maintain an indifferent air as he took the knife in his hand and held it with a malevolent glint in his eyes. He threw it right at me and it sliced right through my side and I felt the blood gushing out of my wound as he sat there with a smug look on his dirty face. He stood up and ran at me before I could react and I fell over, with him sitting on top of me, an arrogant smirk on his face and I felt my side burn with the contact. The pain seared in my side but I refused to even flinch as he squeezed his legs around my side purposely trying to make me scream.
Ignoring the pain I struggled to his amusement. He continued to smirk as he grabbed my hands and held them together with a single hand as I continued to fight to get out of his grimy clutch on me. He laughed sadistically before he punched me right in the stomach and I felt the oxygen leave my body as he continued to punch increasingly harder and violently. The unbearable pain flashed through me as I turned my head to see that Angela was on the phone, probably reporting to the police about the incident, and Alice was crying as she ran to me. I finally freed my hands and punched him in the head with all the strength I could muster, knocking him off kilter just enough so I could kick him off of me. I struggled to my feet because everything was just pure agony, nothing else could describe this misery.
Alice, ignoring the danger this man presented, ran to me and helped stabilize me as he stood up, even angrier than he was earlier. Before he could take another step towards either of us police sirens could be heard and almost simultaneously shouts of "put your hands up where we can see them" pierced the otherwise silent night. I felt relief wash over my body at the proclamation. As bloody and banged up as he was he struggled against the police's hold over his arms and the handcuffs they were putting around his wrists. I felt smug but I could not even manage to show it on my face because I felt so drained and tired, dizzy and faint.
Somehow I remained conscious as Alice helped me into a standing position and Angela came over to help support my weight as they carried me somewhere. Even though I was conscious everything seemed to be blurring together, nothing made sense, and everything I saw seemed to jumble together and made no sense to me. Everything just blended in together and I could not seem to separate reality from the images that replayed in my mind again and again. I tried to close my eyes to shake the images away but that did absolutely nothing for me but then, through the slightest possibility, a voice came through.
Alice's voice called out to me and finally I managed to open my eyes and take in my surroundings. I was in a hospital room and Alice was sitting right next to me on the bed I was currently occupying and her face showed so much concern. I was finally making sense of things and I closed my eyes for a moment before opening them again and looking at Alice.
My eyes burned with unshed tears as I looked into her face, the face of someone I'd come to know and care about so much. She looked back at me with so much concern and care that all I could do was smile as sincerely as I could. She gave me a small smile in return, a weak smile, but it wasn't nearly enough to hide the anguish in her eyes.
Without much thought I reached out to her and gently rubbed her cheek with the back of my hand. Her initial reaction was one of surprise but a moment later she turned my hand to nuzzle her cheek into my palm. The feeling of her soft skin warmed my heart and a joy I had never experienced enveloped me. "Alice I … I'm all right now." I tried to smile at her but she wasn't having any of that.
"Like hell you are! Look at you! Your side is still bleeding profusely and your entire body is bruising most likely as we speak and you might have possibly broken several bones in your torso! I mean look at your hand!" My knuckles had bruised badly, probably from punching that filthy bastard so hard. There was even a faint bruise forming on the back of my hand but over all nothing to cry about really. Then again it probably looked worse to Alice because she cares so much. "Gosh this is entirely my fault! If only I had stopped you from leaving earlier then you wouldn't ha- …" she just suddenly stopped speaking and I felt the hairs rising on the back of my head. First off I was shocked at hearing any indecent word coming out of her mouth, even if it was a small baby one compared to what she could have said, and second something was wrong, the way she said it made it sound like she knew this was going to happen somehow.
"Alice, calm down. You couldn't have known this would happen, could you?" She seemed to gasp and was again rigid, just like she had earlier today before the incident just now. Her eyes were glazed over before she seemed to come out of it and she looked over at me with a neutral expression and I felt like she did that to hide something from me. "Alice … you're hiding something from me aren't you?" I felt hurt and I could hear the hurt in my voice and I saw the pain flash through Alice's eyes immediately following my words.
I noticed that even if she could hide whatever with an expressionless face her eyes gave her away because of how expressive they were. I loved how expressive her eyes were before but now it hurt me to see the pain in those amber eyes I had come to love so much. "Look Bella … it's not like I meant to hide this … aspect of me from you but really it's just that, it's just hard for me to talk about it. A lot of people have judged me because of this perspective of me and I didn't think you would but I just never got around to mentioning it."
Now it was my turn to feel guilty and pained because of how accusatory and hurt my voice was just moments ago. "I'm sorry Alice; it's just … well, you know what? It's not like I've told you everything about myself so I can't expect you to tell me everything about yourself. You can take your time if you need it or you don't even have to tell me at all." My guilt lessened slightly at the happy glow in her eyes but it was still present nevertheless.
"Bella I will tell you because I want to!" Before she got to tell me her secret someone came in. A tall blonde man with baby blue eyes and a kind smile walked into the room. "Oh hey dad! Bella this is my father Dr. Carlisle Cullen. Dad this is my roommate Bella Swan!" She was all smiles but I noticed they had different last names and that made me wonder for a moment but I didn't want to appear rude so I took his offered hand.
"Well hello Bella it is good to meet you though I hope next time we meet it will be under better circumstances. It would appear that you have to get an x-ray of your ribs because your legs looked to be ok when you walked in earlier. You will have to take time off of your classes as well because any and all movement will open that wound on your side even if we stitch you up. I think about two or three weeks off will do to give your side enough time to heal so it will close up and hopefully you won't have any scars as a reminder if you are careful."
Great, first he interrupts a tender moment between Alice and me now he's talking about me scarring and taking forever to heal. My day can only get better from here on right? Nope wrong. "If you are ready I can take you to get your x-rays now?" Oh yeah that's going to be a major pain in my ass if I do have a broken rib or two … or more.
I nodded silently and gave Alice one last look before I was gently helped into a wheelchair and wheeled out of the room. I would never be able to forget that look of impossible hurt on her face as she watched me go, there was something she seemed to be telling me with her eyes. I couldn't figure out what it was she was trying to tell me with those beautiful, wet topaz eyes of hers but I could tell that part of it was an unspoken apology the other part … I wasn't quite sure but it looked like guilt.
The next few things I did was all on auto pilot as I was too busy in my mind worrying about Alice and why she had looked so incredibly … guilty. There had to be some reason for her to look so guilty but then again there was also that unspoken apology that seemed to be ingrained in my brain. Those wet, crystal clear eyes that I had become so fond of, that sad forlorn look on her face the unspoken apology and guilt. There was something she was trying to tell me without saying it out loud so I wondered if she wanted me to figure it out before she told me.
Before I even realized it I was already back in the same room as Alice again. She looked at me with such tenderness in her eyes that I felt myself melt a little and I flew into hazy state of mind, daydreaming about her and those gorgeous set of topaz eyes I adored so. Much to my dismay I was jolted back into reality when I heard the door to the room close with an audible shut.
Alice's father strode into the room with his usual grace, and I had to wonder if Alice somehow got that from him even though they looked nothing alike and had different last names. His voice came out softly and gently "all right Bella here's the deal. You have, in technical terms, several broken bones as well as a few cracks and fractures in some of the bones in the same area. That is the good news, there are only three broken ribs shown in the x-rays, however it will take at least a month, if not a little longer, for you to fully recover the cracks and fractures. The bad news is the broken ribs will take about twice as long seeing as it was broken badly during your fight. You will not be able to move on your own for the time being not only because of the broken ribs but the gash in your side was deep. You will not be able to move on your own for a while because of that but if you do otherwise, which I do not advice, you will experience excruciating pain. I will have you be excused from your classes for the next two months or so for the time being, Alice will also be excused for two months as well for your care because you need to be attended to. I have a prescription written here for some painkillers for you. You should take the recommended dosage for the pain when you need it only if you are in pain. Quite frankly too many people become addicted to their pain medication and I don't want you to be one of those many people Bella."
I sat there more than a little shocked. I mean I knew that my injuries were severe but never would I have thought it was to this extent. My face, I could tell, was open and my eyes wide upon hearing how long it would take me to recover from this little fight. I could not believe my ears and I asked in bewilderment, "Are you serious Dr. Cullen? How can you be serious? I-I mean months to heal that damage? It didn't even hurt that much, other than the gash." Throughout my little outburst Alice had grabbed my hand and squeezed it tightly in her small hand.
"Bella calm down please. My father is only a doctor, though he may perform life saving miracles everyday he cannot heal you just like that. He has amazing talent and recognition in the medical field but he's not God." I had calmed down just hearing her voice but now I felt so guilty that she mistook my shock for blaming her father for hearing how long my injuries would take to heal.
"No, no, no Alice that-that's not what I-I, I didn't mean it like that I was just … I mean I am in a lot of shock right now that's all. I can't believe that it would take that long for me to heal because I'm not even-I wasn't even wounded that badly aside from the knife piercing my skin. I apologize if it sounded like that Dr. Cullen and Alice; truly I am if it sounded that way." I would have continued but Alice squeezing my hand so tenderly brought me to an abrupt halt and I could feel myself blush hotly in embarrassment. Curse me and my rambling.
Alice giggled at me, probably from seeing my blush, and I could even see a slight smirk on Dr. Cullen's face. "Really Bella it's all right! I understand and I'm sorry for making you feel guilty about it! I was just trying to make a point Bella! Calm down and hold your horses! I only meant to say that my father was only trying to tell you the details and that you shouldn't panic because they are subject to change! It all depends on you and your body how long it will truly take you to heal so stop worrying so much about that okay? Just relax and calm down okay? My dad will take care of everything for you, all the details, and before you know it you will be good as new again!"
Alice wore this big smile on her face as if she had just given me the cure to cancer. I had to admit her smile was one of the most adorable things I had ever seen in my life, especially since she had dimples on her cheeks and at the corner of her lips. I just loved how adorable she was, and she was not adorable just in appearance but she was the most lovable, endearing little thing ever! I had never met someone who embodied and epitomized such a sweet and charming air!
I think I went on with my silent rant a little too long because Alice and Dr. Cullen were both giving me concerned looks, eyebrows raised. "Oh uh, I, um, got a little um, consumed with um, my uh, thoughts. Uh sorry for uh, worrying you uh, so uh, much Alice and uh, Dr. Cullen." I knew I was mumbling incoherently because they were still shooting worried glances to each other before their eyes darted back to me. "Um really you uh, don't have to worry about me!"
At least I didn't stumble half as much this time, only two pauses in hesitation, so they looked slightly reassured. "Well if you two are ready to go I can release you know with a note for your college so that you can relay to your professors what happened and you can take the time you need to heal. The note will say that you need at least eight weeks, approximately, to heal because of the severity of your injuries. And no they are not light injuries as you keep trying to insist they are." He said when I tried to protest, he could probably tell because of my arm.
I knew, from past experience, that I had a bad habit of lifting my arm up and holding my index finger up when I wanted to dissent something. Thinking back on it, it seemed obvious that he had picked up on that since I remembered distinctly doing so earlier when I had tried to 'make light' of my injuries as he had put it earlier. I kept my mouth shut as I knew that it wouldn't help my case any because my body would take as long as it needed to heal and I could do nothing to speed it up other than cooperating.
"You just need time and things will be A-okay soon enough Bella! Just you wait! Now then if you are ready to leave this dreary hospital, no offense dad, then let's get going, get that note, and head off to the new adventures of healing in our room!" Dr. Cullen's response was to simply shake his head at his daughter and I could detect the slight amusement his eyes held as well as the corners of his lips curling up a tiny bit. There was a twinkle in his eyes as he looked on at his hyperactive daughter's energetic smile and I couldn't help how that scene just warmed my heart up. My family life wasn't so picture perfect so I felt ashamed at the slight envy I felt looking on at a proud father and an amazing daughter.
My hands clenched into fists in my lap so I could stop my fidgeting fingers but it was no use, I could already tell that my guilt was becoming more and more overwhelming. There was so much shame, guilt, and pain coming in strong waves for feeling the way I did.
I shook my head to try and clear the thoughts plaguing me once again and immediately I felt her presence beside me. A soft hum was coming from her throat so gently I could scarcely hear it but it was there and I felt myself relax a little. Just her being here next to me comforted me but confused me at the same time. There was never a time I could remember anyone ever being able to comfort me as much as she had with so little effort. Though I was puzzled by such a thing I couldn't bring myself to care at this moment because of how much her being by my side soothed me.
"It's okay Bella. I promise everything will be all right. For now let's just get you home so you can rest, yes?" There were so many emotions thick in her voice that I couldn't tell what it was that caught my attention. So much care and tenderness was present in her voice that it bewildered me but at the same time made my heart beat faster. At that moment I thanked God that there no machines hooked up to me to monitor my heartbeat. Otherwise Alice would probably have a heart attack herself.
Looking back over my shoulder at Dr. Cullen made more confusion cloud my brain. He had a thoughtful look on his face and it frustrated me so much! I mean it's not bad enough that I have Angela, a psychology major of all things, analyzing every little thing involving me and Alice but now her father seemed to be doing the same thing. I became more and more frustrated as the concentrated look on his face seemed to deepen as his brows furrowed and an epiphany seemed to hit him.
"Well then I guess I do want to go home and perhaps get something to eat." I said this a little louder to purposefully get Alice's father's attention, which seemed to succeed in getting his attention. He seemed to literally snap out of his thoughts and smiled at me in an apologetic way and his face seemed to say, without any words, 'right I'm sorry let us proceed out to the nurse's counter then.' "Right Alice if you uh, w-wouldn't uh, m-mind would you uh, y-you know uh, wheel me o-out please." My cheeks, I could feel, were burning red, as if that wasn't bad enough, and I was also stuttering in embarrassment because I had to ask for help.
Asking for help is one of the things that absolutely embarrassed me to death because I hated having to ask when I should be able to do everything for myself. This was something I had developed rather than grew up with after my life was changed by a careless mistake I made years ago. A mistake I had not forgotten over the years and a memory that would not diminish despite the years that had passed since it first happened. That was something I knew I should have put behind me but it wasn't happening any time soon so I could only dream, could only wish for it to be a thing of the past someday.
Alice seemed to be overly amused by my stuttering, burning embarrassment to further my already mortified feelings. "Well my lady your carriage awaits you." She even bowed for further theatrics, making me blush even harder if possible. "This carriage will lead you to our wonderful means of transportation waiting outside for a magical ride to our private home. There I will help my lady to rest on your bed so you can heal properly on your bed of ivory and golden silk!"
It was now both Dr. Cullen and my turn to roll our eyes at her, rather than having Alice doing her usual teasing routine. "Alice you are too much at times! Sometimes I wonder how I ever managed to raise such a strange child!" It would appear that even Dr. Carlisle Cullen could crack jokes at his daughter about being strange. "I even wonder, at some points in my life, how I ended up with such a wonderful but completely eccentric daughter like you when both Esme and I are so normal!" His voice was dripping with sarcasm and amusement laced with an exuberant expression all the while.
"Oh well now I see how it is father! I always thought that you said my eccentric, unique ways are what make me special but now you say this? Oh how you wound me father dearest! There is no way I will ever turn to you for comfort ever again! Nevermore shall the raven come to bother me again(1)!" Alice's dramatics coupled with her serious expression, but the expressive twinkling in her eyes gave her away as usual, made it impossible for me and the good doctor to stop our laughter from bursting out. Her dramatics just simply amazed me, in a good way. It was like the domino affect because once I cracked up so did he and then Alice even joined in.
The only problem with this was I was experience extreme pain in my rib area and especially my torn side. I stopped laughing abruptly when the pain became too much and inhaled a sharp intake of breath. With the stop of my laughter Alice and Dr. Cullen both seemed to stop, as if on cue, and looked at me with worried looks. "Oh I'm so sorry Bella! I know I can't help it if I'm just too irresistibly funny but really don't hurt yourself laughing! Honest to gosh though I really don't you to be in any pain so please try to contain yourself." Despite the serious tone she used I could detect a small hint of amusement in her eyes.
"Right well then I really would like to get back to our dorms to rest. Dr. Cullen –"
"Please call me Carlisle Bella."
"– I was wondering if I would have any problems with stomaching certain things. You know what I mean right, about not eating things that are considered 'heavy foods' and such?"
"Well Bella I would think that certain foods along the lines of a huge hunk of steak would be out of the picture for a while. Just large quantities of meat should be avoided as well as having too large a meal. I would try to avoid combinations such as steak and potatoes, even if the steak portion is rather small. Oh yes, also try to avoid too much junk food and salty foods as well! Yes I think that would be all. Alice I think Bella here is ready to go home now." The smile on his face was teasing and I felt a blush and sulk combination on my face, and to my mortification, Alice and Dr. Cu- I mean Dr. Carlisle both burst out into full blown laughter, Dr. Carlisle was unexpectedly mischievous.
I decided they were a dangerous combination of people to be around so I would have to tread carefully when they were together. "Stop teasing the wounded victim here! I mean I am a victim of assault here!" I felt the need to remind them why I was sitting here in a wheelchair for them to embarrass in the first place and from the looks of it I succeeded. I smirked smugly at the sight of their blush. Finally it was their turn to look embarrassed, and the sheepish smiles being directed at me only made me feel even more triumphant.
"W-well you were the one who insisted that your injuries were not serious! And you were the one who told us not to make a big deal out of a little scratch and bruise!" Alice's voice was a mixture of embarrassment and pain, almost as if the reminder of my injuries actually physically hurt her. That was when I noticed yet again an observant look on Dr. Carlisle's face and it made me wonder if Alice was acting out of character in his eyes.
Before I even realized it I was already back in my room and Alice was lifting me up from my wheelchair and placing me on my bed. There was a look in her eyes that seemed to be pleading with me to understand what she was trying to say in silent words. I could tell this was something she had a really hard time with, probably not something she had ever told someone else voluntarily. There in her wonderful topaz eyes I saw a wet shine that made my chest throb.
"Please Alice you know can tell me anything right? I won't judge you and I won't stop being your friend no matter what it is. I promise you this much Alice whatever you say won't change how I see you. I see you as a wonderful young woman who is one of the kindest people I have ever met, not to mention the biggest shopaholic I have ever known in my life." I added the last part with a smirk to try and lighten the mood a bit before becoming serious again. "Really though I have never met someone as kind and selfless as you are, as funny and laid-back, you're just … so amazing." I was shocked at how eloquent I had sounded in this moment, being that I was usually inarticulate, because normally my words came out mumbled and muffled.
"I … I-I don't know what to say. Gosh thank you I … no one's ever said anything that nice to me before! Well it's just, uh that is I don't really know how to begin really. I guess the beginning would be a good place huh?" Her voice was joking but the serious, pained glint in her eyes told me otherwise. Those expressive topaz orbs I completely adored were full of sorrow and heart wrenching ache was so apparent that I felt my heart throb yet again. "I really do hope you don't think any less of me as a person and well … that you don't hate me after hearing my story, my secret."
I felt my eyes prickle as my chest continued to constrict in pain hearing the obvious distress in her voice and seeing the heartache in her eyes. Her story was just so sad but even worse was that evident ache apparent on her face, the painful story she was relaying pulled at my heartstrings.
She started her story simply enough but as each painful word came out of her mouth with the progression of the story I felt myself grow sadder hearing what she had gone through as a child.
"As a child I was always aware that there was something unique about myself, always knew that there was different about, something that set me aside from all of the other children at my school. I first became aware of it when I was at the tender age of five. I remember that day so well, the day everything started changing in my life, the day my first vision occurred. I was playing with some of my friends during recess when I just stopped suddenly and I saw something happen. In my eyes I could see that my one friend, a boy, would kick a ball too hard and it would roll onto the street. What panicked me though was that a girl would attempt to go and retrieve the ball and get hit by a car. When I came back from the vision it was already starting to occur, the ball had already made it onto the street and the girl was already running after it. Before anything bad could happen to her I ran to her just as she was stepping onto the street and pushed her back onto the grass."
Her eyes were glassy, as if she was reliving her memories of a past that had caused her so much pain and sorrow. I wanted to reach out to her and hold her but with my current condition I could do no such thing so I settled for holding her hand and giving it a gentle squeeze of encouragement. She looked a little startled but then she smiled at me warmly before continuing with her story.
"That girl had been upset by me 'pushing' her down but then all of my friends defended me by telling her that was nearly crushed by a car if it weren't for me she would have been hurt worse. Although she accepted what they said grudgingly she was still miffed about the whole incident and would go on to taunt me later on before things started turning for the worst. After the first incident many more followed and eventually as I got older it was being reported to my parents that unusual things were occurring around me. By the time I was eight they, my parents, they abandoned me, left me to fend for myself on some stranger's doorstep. They just left me there without another word because they were sure I was an evil … thing rather than their child. So that's when I landed in the care of my wonderful adoptive parents the Cullen's. Esme and Carlisle already had two other adopted children, Edward and Emmett, but they wanted to add a third, a girl, to their family."
I felt some relief in hearing that she ended up with the Cullen's as her parents but it still made me feel so livid hearing her say that her family would dare abandon her like that! I wanted to find them and ask them how they could possibly do something so horrid to her, so vile and evil! Alice is the closest person to an angel with her kind, tender, and loving heart, open to all. Alice is such a wonderful person so I could not grasp how they could possibly think so ill of her especially at eight! I was yet again interrupted from my musings by her musical, melodic voice as she continued on with her tragic story of loss, acceptance, and slight redemption.
"When I was discovered on that doorstep they were shocked to find a desperate eight year old crying her eyes out. I cried silent tears of despair knowing that my family had finally done it, had finally gotten rid of me, the unwanted devil child. I was only uncomfortable for the first few days after adoption but Esme had so much to give and Carlisle was so kind and compassionate. Eventually I forgot about my family's cruelty and accepted the Cullen's into my life completely as my parents and siblings and I love them dearly. Emmett, I would later discover, was an over protective older brother, despite being a huge goofball. When I say huge I mean huge! Edward on the other hand is a brooding, quiet, serious thinker kind of guy. He usually keeps to himself but he does have a playful side to him. He is always kind despite how cold he appears to be because of how quiet he usually is. More often than not he keeps his thoughts to himself unless spoken to; he does not take the initiative for any conversation."
I had to laugh a little at Alice's description of her brothers, especially the way she described Emmett's size was just so adorable! The way her eyes went wide as if trying to emphasize the fact but it only made her look even more adorable then she was already being. I wanted to pinch her cheeks while simultaneously yelling 'Awe you are so precious!' but I knew she wouldn't take that well at all so I held my tongue but allowed myself to chuckle.
"All in all I found the perfect family in my adoptive family or rather they found me and accepted me. This is not to say there weren't problems along the way but we worked through them like any family would. At first I was quite a bit opposed to living with them because I had held onto my hope, the belief that one day my family would come back for me. I was living in that fantasy despite the days that turned into weeks that turned into months then years." She sounded so bitter but then again I think I would have been the same way had I been in her position."
"No longer does that dream, that fantasy … that wish, that hope, linger in my heart. Sometimes I truly do wonder whatever happened to them because I never heard from them ever again. Not a single letter or phone call to ask how I was doing, no attempt to contact me to see if I would ever forgive them. Well in some ways that was for the best I think, it helped me forget that I wasn't flesh and blood to this family. It also helped me realize that my true family was with me all along in the Cullen's' and not anybody else, despite blood. Even though I lost my blood parents and sister I gained an even more wonderful family that I could never dream or imagine in all my life. They gave me something more to believe in and something more valuable than even my own blood could give me; love. Their unconditional love for me was worth me to me than any gift my blood family ever gave me."
I smiled at that because I knew that her ending up abandoned, though a cruel move on her family's part, probably was one of the best things they'd ever done for her. They led her to the right family for her and she turned out quite nicely despite what she had had to endure because of how selfish and foolish they truly were to let her go.
"So here I am ten years later! As the years seemed to go by so quickly so did my worry over that part of my life and all the anxiety dissipated slowly but surely. Now, today, I am who I am in part because they abandoned me and gave me such wonderful people to love me as their child unconditionally and also a profound view of the world. I grew up with a caution that most children would never think to have but also I was kind to everyone knowing what it's like to be made fun of and to feel so low because of bullying and isolation. In a world like that I became kinder but with a restriction only I would know the limits of, I also became a good judge of character by studying other's interactions. Though the means by which I gained these intuitive aspects of my personality were more than a little uncalled for I find it something that was more helpful than damaging to me in the long run."
For the next few moments I sat in awe of Alice's life story, just allowing myself to absorb all of the details. I was pretty much frozen as I listened to her story, enthralled by all the details she gave me, amazed that she could remember so much. As each word passed her lips I listened and swallowed the words with many emotions that she created with such a gifted tongue. I felt myself become livid with fury at the thought of her parents, overcome by the sorrow she felt, and the slight pain in her eyes that I could detect. I looked at her to see all of the emotions expressed so plainly in those eyes. I felt overcome with joy seeing the bliss dancing in those topaz eyes I had come to love more and more as we got to know each other more day by day.
There were moments when I felt myself become completely absorbed by the sound of her voice. Everything about how she spoke captivated me in ways that I'd never experienced before. The tone in which she spoke, that beautiful angelic voice, the way her lips moved as she spoke, the emotions she displayed so clearly in her beautiful eyes. I couldn't explain the way I felt so completely entranced by her in that moment, as well as a few other occasions, that I felt like I was completely surrounded by her and her alone. She made me feel new things every second she was with me but talking to her alone like this, hearing her speak such private thoughts to me made these feelings even more intense than they normally were.
The way she wove her story amazed me but the way she expressed her feelings stirred feelings inside me even more than her eyes alone did. I shoved those feelings away from me subconsciously though. The raw emotion and the pureness reflected in her eyes were just a few things that really touched me. What touched me the most, what caught my attention the most, was what she could make me feel, how she could make me feel the same emotions she was just astounded me.
From this day on I vow to myself that I will completely honest with my pixy friend. Also I vow to come clean to her this week. I must tell her what my story is after hearing her story through to the end like this. No matter what I have to tell her what it is that I've kept locked safe away in my heart, my deepest darkest secret. The part of my life I locked up in the dark recesses of my mind and everyday it burned my soul and broke my heart when I wasn't guarded enough to keep the memories of that day at bay. No matter what she may think of me after I finished telling my tale, my life story, I will tell her, even if she should feel disgusted with me, I will tell her. I have to. Though this was a painful part of my past, my history, it is something I have to share with her no matter how it might change our relationship, our friendship, this bond between us.
So there we have our chapter 4! Tell me what you think in a review! Oh and this chapter is the longest thus far with just a little over 7,350 words total. My plan had been to increase each chapter length by about 200 words or so after setting the pace with the first chapter starting at about 4,500 but maybe that's not going to work out as well as I planned? Well maybe better than I planned at this rate. Also I might have a harder time with keeping updates within the same week because I will be busy with college so I'll try to post something up at least once a month unless I have a break to write a lot more. Feedback would be really nice to know how many people are actually committed to this story. I mean it's nice seeing proclamations of this being favorited and story alerts but reviews are better for telling me how people feel about the development and also a better motivation.
姫宮光る