Special Thanks to my beta, Midnight's Violet Haze.

Perfect World

Chapter Four: I Wanna Let It Go

King Ra of Mars was a man of intense personality. He aspired to know all the other planetary rulers, to be aware of the conflicts and friendships among those in the their planetary system. So when he received word that Serenity and her court of planetary senshi would be coming to visit, he prepared right away. He returned word to Serenity that he would be ready to receive her at the end of the month. He sent invitation to all the other planets, and by the time Serenity arrived, she was walking into a ball rather than to a short visit with another ruler.

It all worked to Serenity's advantage, having King Ra hosting such an event that would keep the other rulers in close proximity for a time. The only disappointment was that the outer senshi would not be able to attend and Serenity would be missing them.

The surprise to Serenity was seeing King Jasper of Nemesis in attendance. He was not often involved with the other planets, preferring to let his sons step out in his place as he focused on the day to day for his people. He was in the company of Nephthys of Neptune for a good majority of the event and none of his usual attendants were seen with him. The senshi, excluding Mercury whom stayed behind in Crystal Tokyo, had varying amounts of interaction with the head of their planet. Queen Hathor of Venus and Queen Isis of Saturn were especially friendly with Serenity and her court. King Osiris of Pluto, despite having a somber demeanor, had a quiet humor that drew many to his side and was good friends with King Set of Jupiter. King Thoth of Mercury and King Horus of Uranus were neither sociable nor kind, and were the only that chose not to attend.

The event was a week long and Serenity used her time to the fullest that she could, interacting with all the invited rulers. Serenity knew, without a doubt, that the Queens of Venus and Saturn, as well as the Kings of Pluto and Mars were not the type to launch surprise attacks on the rest of the solar system. Regrettably, she had little interaction with the other Kings or the Queen of Neptune, and was uncertain where they stood.

"Queen Serenity." Nephthys called. "Can you spare a moment?"

"Certainly." Serenity answered.

"Let's speak privately. Would you follow me to my temporary quarters?" she asked. Serenity agreed and followed the other queen to her room, where they closed the door tightly for privacy. "I have a request for you, Serenity."

"A request?"

"King Jasper told me that he was troubled," Nephthys admitted. "He had some fear that something bleak was happening between a few of his attendants and his advisor. They were scornful of the other planets and were so hate filled that he had to banish them for fear of what might come of it. I was worried about it and I made a request to the senshi of my planet to look into it and she hasn't returned. And I spoke to Horus and the senshi of his planet, and now they have disappeared." Tears began to fall from her eyes and she turned her face away from the other queen.

"How long ago was that?" Serenity demanded. "And why have you not told anyone?"

"I did tell someone." Nephthys said. "I spoke with Thoth a few days before this event and I thought that he was to arrive, but we are all to leave upon the morning and..." Serenity's eye was caught by a movement on the floor and she looked away from the Neptunian queen. "I'm so sorry, Serenity."

"What?" Serenity turned back to look at Nephthys, a dark figure lunged out of her shadow and grabbed at her, both hands around her throat. "Ne-Nephthys..." She choked out.

Nephthys fell to the ground, covering her face with her hands and sobbing. "Forgive me, Serenity. The senshi of...the senshi of...Neptune is my daughter! I can't let anything happen to her. I can't! I can't! I can't!"

Serenity's hands were gripping those of her attacker, but she couldn't make out anything but glowing eyes and a black cloak. "Give me the crystal and I will spare you."

"No!" Serenity choked out.

"Then I'll just pry it out of you."

"Flame Sniper!" The fiery arrow shot into the black cloak and the figured recoiled. Mars ran into the room, standing protectively in front of Serenity. "Serenity, are you okay?" Mars questioned.

Serenity took a few moments to catch her breath. "M-Mars..."

"I was so worried when we couldn't find you," Mars said. She looked to the cloaked figure angrily, readying another arrow. "Who are you? What do you want?"

The figure didn't answer, vanishing from sight. It was almost quiet, except for Nephthys's voice repeating over and over again, "I can't...I can't...I can't...I can't..."

Angrily, Mars turned her arrow turned the other queen. "No!" Serenity called out. "Don't!"

Mars turned an angry look to her queen, then looked back towards Nephthys. She dispersed her weapon slowly. "Don't go off by yourself! How stupid could you be."

"What?" Serenity asked in disbelief, standing and moving before Mars. "What did you say?"

"I said don't be stupid! Going off alone like that was so idiotic-"

Serenity's hand moved like a flash across Mars' face, the slap hitting her so hard that she stumbled. "Don't you ever speak to me that way," Serenity told her. "Don't you ever."

Mars clenched her fist tightly, trying to contain her anger. "What are we going to do if something happens to you?" she asked in an angry whisper.

"Something has already happened to me," Serenity said. "Can't you see that?"

"Don't be reckless," Mars said. "That's all." She turned to leave, but Serenity grabbed her shoulder and turned her back.

"That's not all!" Serenity yelled.

"Yes it is! There's nothing else to say."

"Why did you save me?" Serenity demanded.

"What?"

"Why did you save me?" She repeated.

"I told you," Mars answered. "I will always fight for you."

"Why?" Serenity asked again. "Why will you fight for me?"

"Because it's my duty to protect you. You are the Queen of Crystal Tokyo. The Queen of Earth. Your people need you. Endymion needs you you."

"Endymion doesn't need anything from me," Serenity interjected. "He has you for that, now."

"The two of you rule Crystal Tokyo together," Mars said. "Don't be selfish."

Serenity looked as if she had been struck. "Selfish?" she repeated. She turned away from Mars, whispered coldly. "I think that you may be the most selfish person that I know, Mars."

"It wasn't fair of you to keep holding him hostage. Every time a new enemy surfaced, or you had any problem you always acted like you couldn't do it without him. What was he supposed to think? What was he suppose to think, Usagi?"

Serenity struck Mars across her face once again. Anger and hurt in her eyes, which had begun to water, but no tears fell. "Don't you ever call me that," She whispered. "And he was suppose to think that I loved him. That I was in love with him. That I wanted to live my life with him! And so were you. I loved you both and you didn't even have the decency to tell me-"

"You knew how I felt from the beginning," Mars answered. "You took him from me."

Anger welled up in Serenity and she lifted her hand again.

"Serenity," Jupiter called, approaching.

Serenity turned to see her other two senshi standing in the doorway. Serenity walked quickly towards the door and Venus called out to her. "Serenity!"

"Take Nephthys into custody," she paused long enough to say. "We are leaving now, and she is coming with us."

"Where are you going?" Venus asked. Serenity almost couldn't look the senshi of love in the eyes. There was such a look of sorrow that it made her feel like her heart would break. "I've got to talk with King Jasper."

Jupiter and Venus both turned to Mars, but the senshi of storms was the one to speak. "What was that all about Mars?"

"It was nothing," Mars said.

"It wasn't nothing. Serenity was about to hit you! She's never like that," Jupiter insisted.

"Just drop it. It was nothing," Mars said forcefully. "You should get Queen Nephthys. Someone needs to go after Serenity." She began to walk towards the door.

Venus stepped in her path, holding out her hand to stop Mars. "Don't. I'll go after her. I don't think she wants to talk to you just yet."

"What?" Mars replied, about to make an angry retort.

"Stop it, Mars. I don't know what you've done, but I think you should leave her alone after that interaction. I'll go after her," Venus said firmly. She looked Mars in the eyes to make certain that her seriousness came across, then she followed the path that Serenity had taken out of the room.

Serenity found the King of Nemesis on the balcony that led out from the ballroom. She kept a stern look on her face as she confronted the king. "King Jasper, I must ask you something and I insist that you be frank with me. Tell me, what crisis is occurring on your planet?"

The king's eyes widened and he responded evasively. "How does that concern you?"

"I was attacked," Serenity told him. "And Nephthys is a wreck."

"Nephthys is..." King Jasper began, trailing off.

"Tell me, King Jasper, what has happened," Serenity insisted.

Jasper's demeanor became one of sorrow and he seemed to crumble in on himself. "I thought that I could handle this on my own. I've hidden my conflicts from my sons, so they are both unaware of this, but my former advisor had a deep seated jealousy of the other planets that I tried to cure him of. When he would not be persuaded from his feelings, I cast him out." He hung his head in shame, gathering himself for the rest of the tale. "I was a fool to have kept it a secret. He went to Nephthys under some false pretense and convinced her to call her daughter to him. Through some trickery, I must imagine, as Nephthys was not clear when she later relayed the events, he was able to capture her. Nephthys loves her daughter dearly and he used that to manipulate her. I did not know who I could ask for help when I am so far removed from the other planets, so I persuaded her to call upon her allies, but..."

"But they were unable to defeat him," Serenity concluded.

He nodded. "He is...like a phantom, able to appear and disappear at whim and move through shadows, but I had no idea that he was so...callous."

"This cannot remain a secret," Serenity told him.

"Do you really think it best to involve the other planets?" He asked her. "Perhaps it would have been best for me if I had said something, but you have senshi to fight for you. You do not need the aid of the other planets as I would have. So, please, do not blacken the names of my sons with my mistake."

Serenity thought about this for a moment. "I... I will try to settle things without involving anyone else, but I cannot promise anything," she said, turning away from him.

"A warning, Serenity," He said before she left. "The Phantom, when he departed, he did not do so alone. Please be careful."

"I hope you will not let things like this go unnoticed in the future," she said. "For all of our sakes."

As a queen, Serenity was not permitted to run away. She was not permitted to be weak, or scared, or lonely, though she had felt all of those things since becoming queen. When Venus found her, she did not speak. She was silent as she joined with her senshi, silent as they explained to the few attendants that accompanied Nephthys that she was journeying to the Earth with them, silent as they traveled, and silent when they returned to Earth. She was running away. Just for a few minutes, just for a little while, she wanted to run away. She was weak and she was lonely and would run away, just for a moment.

Serenity shut herself in her room for the night and ignored all attempts to get her attention, no matter the reason. She took the small black crystal that diamond had given her and used her own power to activate it. It did not resonate with her well and it was easier for him to contact her than vice versa. Nonetheless, she poured her power into the crystal and his hologram appeared before her.

"Serenity? Is something the matter?"

"I need to see you, Diamond. Please?"

"I can't believe she's being so selfish," Mars fumed. She and the other senshi were all meeting together to discuss what little information they had on the situation. They had gotten what they could from the Neptunian queen, but were uncertain how to handle the little that they had gotten and with their leader ignoring them, they were at a loss. "Right when we need her the most she's ignoring us."

"She was just attacked. Cut her some slack, Mars," Mercury told her.

"We're always attacked," Mars replied. "We're wasting time just sitting here. We should be doing something, not just sitting here."

"Calm down, Mars, what's wrong you?" Jupiter asked.

"Nothing. I just...we shouldn't just be sitting here."

"Is the guilt finally getting to you?" Venus asked. Mars turned to stare at Venus, who had a serious look on her face.

"What are you talking about? What would I have to feel guilty about?"

"You tell me, Mars," Venus replied. "Do you have something to be guilty about?"

"No... No, of course not," Mars replied, looking away.

"Hey..what was that fight between you and Serenity about?" Jupiter questioned.

"I already told you it was nothing."

"It didn't look like nothing," Jupiter pressed.

"Do you really think that we'd buy that after what we saw?" Venus questioned. "We aren't stupid."

"I think we should all calm down and talk rationally," Ami said. "Now what is going on?"

"Tell them," Venus said. "I don't think it's right that you keep pretending this isn't happening!" She slammed her fist down on the table. "I wasn't going to say anything until she told me, but Usagi won't say a word about it and I understand why she wouldn't want to. And I thought that she didn't deserve to be pushed, but you Mars, after what happened, I don't think you have the right to stay silent." Jupiter and Mercury both looked from Mars to Venus. Mars pressed her lips together, almost biting her lip. "Tell them!" Venus insisted. "You don't have the right to feel bad after all this time."

"Alright!" Mars exploded. "Serenity and I had a fight...over Endymion."

"What do you mean?" Mercury asked.

"I was..." Mars stopped the words caught in her throat. Her face flushed. "Endymion and I...we've been..."

Jupiter's eyes widened in realization. "No... You wouldn't..."

"Mars?" Mercury questioned with a disappointed look on her face.

"It isn't my fault!" Mars exclaimed. "She wasn't right for him and he wasn't happy and we just... we just..."

"Mars how could you?" Mercury asked her.

"How long!" Jupiter demanded. "How long has this been going on?"

"For a while." Mars replied evasively.

Jupiter rushed forward and grabbed Mars by the front of her shirt. "How long?"

"Since after she became queen." Mars blurted out.

Jupiter pushed her fellow senshi away from her, and Mars slumped to the floor. "How can even call yourself her friend? All this time... and she didn't even say anything..."

Mercury's eyes were on Venus, who had been silently standing in the same spot. "You knew about this?"

Venus nodded. "Not at first," she said. "But as my powers got stronger, I could sense the rift between her and Endymion. I could feel the heartbreak and I...I just started watching her, trying to put the pieces together, and then I could see something between him and Mars... I didn't know what it meant at first, but eventually I just put it all together. Serenity never said anything and I didn't know how to bring it up, so I thought that I could just wait for her to tell me, but she never did."

"Why would you do this, Mars?" Mercury looked at her sorrowfully.

"He wasn't happy with her. He felt like he couldn't be his true self with her and we had grown so close-"

"That's just an excuse and you know it!" Jupiter yelled. "You call her selfish, but do you even realize what you've done? They weren't playing house, Mars, they're married! Husband and wife. They made a promise to each other and you don't think anything about it?"

"It's not my fault!" Mars yelled. "She wasn't right for him!"

"The least you can do is take responsibility for your actions," Jupiter said. "You won't even acknowledge that you've done anything wrong."

"It isn't all on her," Mercury said. "Endymion made his own choices."

"But how could she, everyday, talk to her like nothing was wrong?" Jupiter pressed. "To betray her that way..."

"I still fight for her," Mars said in her defense. "I'll never abandon my duty as a senshi and I'll always protect her."

"What about your duty as her friend?" Jupiter yelled.

"It's not my job to be her friend." Mars yelled back. "The only thing that I have to do is protect her, but I'm allowed to love whoever I want, to be whatever I want, to live how I want to live. Just because I have to protect her doesn't mean that I have to give up everything to her! I love Endymion!" She said, tears in the corner of her eyes. "I love him!"

"You think that that makes it okay?" Jupiter asked. "You stole her husband! Maybe you didn't owe her your friendship, but that doesn't mean you didn't owe her anything. What about basic respect, Mars? Of her, of her feelings, off their marriage, even! You don't owe her your friendship, but we don't owe you ours, either." Jupiter said as she stormed out.

Venus silently stood and followed her. Mars remained on the floor, tears slowly sliding down her face from the corners of her eyes. When she looked up, Mercury was staring at her. "What? Aren't you going to follow them?"

Mercury shook her head. "What you've done is terrible, but...Serenity didn't tell us. She didn't even hint to it. Even if she was hiding it for herself, I don't think she'd want us to stop being friends with you."

"Mercury..."

"Even so, I don't know how I can trust you anymore. You were lying to us this whole time, deceiving us this whole time. You may say that you haven't given up your duty as a senshi, but that's just BS, Rei." Mercury's voice rose to a shout and the other senshi jumped slightly. "It wasn't just your duty to fight for her. You were suppose to protect her. Not just her body, but her heart, and you deliberately didn't do that. I won't forgive you for what you've done to her. The other may be upset, but they'll forgive if Serenity does. I want you to know that I won't ever forgive you, no matter what you try to do or say. But I am not like you, Mars. I don't abandon my friends when they make mistakes. No matter how large those mistakes."

Mars was silent as more tears trailed down her face and she turned from the water senshi. Mercury did not make any move to comfort, only stared as Mars silently and shamefully wept.

Jupiter slammed the door open to Endymion's room, hard eyes looking for her king. Endymion started at the abrupt entrance, giving the senshi of storms a questioning look. "Jupiter, what brings you here?" She strode up to him and punched him square in the face, knocking him out of his chair. "What are you doing?" he asked her.

"I can't kill you," Jupiter began. "Serenity would never forgive me for that, no matter what you've done, but if you hurt her anymore than you already have, I'll make you regret every bone in your body."

"Wha-" Endymion began, then it clicked in his head and his expression became cold and closed off. "There is nothing between Serenity and I anymore. No love and no hate, so there isn't anything that I can do to her. And it isn't my desire to hurt her."

"If you think that, you really don't know her at all," Jupiter said.

"She'll get on without me. She has so far," he replied.

"You don't feel anything? No regret? No remorse?" Jupiter yelled.

"Why should I?" he answered. "I told you. There is nothing between Serenity and I. No love and no hate. That's how it's been for a long time."

"You didn't deserve her," Jupiter spat, turning to leave.

"Did you ever consider that we weren't meant to be?" he asked before she could leave the room. "We were happy together once, drawn together once, but that's all. Things change. People change. No one is perfect. Neither she nor I."

"Even if you didn't love her anymore, you didn't have to do what you did. You could have just broken things off with her."

"How could I?" he asked her. "Every time I turned around there was always something. Something she needed me for, something trying to bring her down, something trying to destroy her, and if I left her during those times it would have been over for us all."

"You didn't have to marry her if you didn't love her. You didn't have to go behind her back because you were unhappy. you could have talked to her, to us, done anything else. I don't want to hear any excuses," Jupiter said. "Because if you didn't want to hurt her, you could have done a number of different things that wouldn't have hurt her."

Serenity awaited Diamond among the flowers of her crystal garden. He was very quick in arriving, appearing before her in a flash of dark light. His expression was worried when he arrived before her and he didn't greet her as he usually did, just waited for her to speak first. She clutched onto the front of his shirt, holding her head down as she whispered, "I need your help, Diamond. Please, I can't take it any longer. Please help me."

"What is it? What do you need Serenity?" he asked worriedly.

"I need you to use your power on me," she told him.

"What?"

"I need you take my memories," she said. "I can't remember what they've done, or what's happened between us, or how I feel about them. I just can't be distracted right now. I can't be weak, or frightened or lonely. And I can't do any of that with them on my mind."

"I can't do that to you," he said to her.

"Please, Diamond."

"Serenity, I don't think you're weak," he told her. "Not in the least. The way you've continued on without scorning them, without giving up, that's not weakness. That's strength. And you don't have to be lonely," he moved her head to look at him. "You don't have to ever be lonely. I'm here for you, Serenity."

"Diamond," she whispered, tears in her eyes. "I can't..." she said, looking away from him.

"Yes, you can," he told her. "You don't have to forget to let it go." He lifted her head, staring into her eyes. "I'm right here, Serenity, and I'm not leaving."

Serenity stared into his eyes for a long time. For just a moment she looked away from him, then she looked back. He placed his hand firmly under her chin, drawing her closer, but not touching her lips. He waited, looking into her eyes a moment longer before she moved closer and closed the distance between them. He wrapped an arms around her waist and pulled her body to his and her arms went around his neck. Serenity thought that perhaps, she did not have to forgive. Perhaps she did have it in her to let it all go. Be strong and to heal and to move on. For a moment she believed all those things.

"Serenity!" Luna exclaimed.

"Luna!" Serenity said as she broke away. "I... Let me explain!"

"I thought that there was some mistake. I thought that you would never betray Crystal Tokyo, the senshi, Endymion..."

"No, Luna! It isn't like that," Serenity protested.

"I didn't believe him when he told me, but I guess I was wrong about you, Serenity."

"Luna..." Serenity's voice trailed off as a black figure rose from Luna's shadow and her eyes opened wide.

"Phantom." Diamond positioned himself in front of her, trying to push her back, but she was too stunned to be moved.

"What is this, Luna?"

"I'm sorry, Serenity... but I can't let you destroy Crystal Tokyo." Luna told her.

"What-" But her statement was cut off as darkness raced towards her, forming sharp points. Diamond pulled her out the way, a cry of pain escaping him as the darkness pierced him.

"What are you doing, Phantom?" Diamond demanded. "Stop this!"

Luna fell to the ground. "I sorry, Serenity. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry..." Luna cried, covering her eyes.

"Diamond?" Serenity yelled, leaning over him.

"Serenity, go!" He urged as he stood, a hand pressing to the wound in his side. He released a blast of white energy towards the black caped figure which was met with black energy in return. Serenity covered her face as the backlash of powers flashed to brightly to look at for a moment and caused a strong wind in all directions.

"Diamond!" she cried out, forcing her eyes towards the fight. She was able to see the Phantom teleport behind Diamond and release another blast of energy. She didn't think, her body just moved and then pain filled her mind. Serenity gasped out as the darkness pierced her body. "Diamond..." she whispered as she fell to the ground.

"Serenity!" he called out desperately, catching her before she hit the ground. "Serenity." Tears were in his eyes and they shone with disbelief. "Why, Serenity?"

"I didn't want you to die," she told him, smiling even as tears fell from her eyes.

Diamond pulled her close, cradling her in his arms.

'I couldn't do anything,' she thought to herself. 'I couldn't do anything. I didn't want this. I wish...'