I CAN ONLY GIVE YOU EVERYTHING I'VE GOT

"We have gone through so much than this before. Please just save me from this darkness" Meredith and Derek travel to New York, Owen and Amelia in tow to handle a family crisis, while each of them deal with the repercussions of the prospect of loss, something they all now too well. Previously called "LOVE LIKE CRAZY"

A/N: Hey guys! So, I decided to redesign this story, throwing Amelia and Owen in the mix of the family dynamic, and having a lot of family moments because, admit it, life is to fragile, to instantaneous, like it was for Derek, rest his soul who wasn't even given a proper send off.

I don't own anything but my mistakes, that I apologize in advance for.

Chapter 4:

"We are never really ready to say goodbye to someone we love, that's just human nature, we try to be selfless and as doctors, all we are trying to do is help others, but what happens when people don't want to be helped? They just want to keep doing things on their own because that's the way they want to be remembered, as someone who thought it was better not to make someone else suffer at their expense. Oblivious of what their decisions might actually mean to others, so yes, humans are selfish, even though we are forever put on the path of selflessness."

Meredith had been having morning sickness since the crack of dawn, having Derek rubbing her back, softly and holding up her hair. "Feel any better?"

"It's another boy, I tell you, I'm doomed to be surrounded by penises all my life. Zola and I are outnumbered." His wife mumbled as he smiled, brushing her cheek with his fingers.

"Well, I was outnumbered and I turned out fine." Derek said helping her up and back into bed, thankfully their three year old possessed Meredith's ability to sleep like a Lincoln Log and he wasn't bothered.

"Keep telling yourself that." She said with a fake grin.

"Mer, you thought Wes was a girl. I wouldn't cross it out of my mind yet. It could happen."

"You are well aware of our age right?" She sighed. "I can't keep having babies, We'll never get rid of them..."

"Mom? Dad? Are you up?" Bailey's voice came trough the door with a knock. It was still pretty early.

"See what I mean?" She told Derek as she stood up to open the door for Bailey. "What are you doing up? It's still pretty early."

"I just, I was wondering if I could come in, just for a second..."

"Everything okay?" Meredith asked. "Fine, come on, but don't wake the baby..." Bailey smiled as Meredith brushed his messy hair as he passed.

"Good morning buddy." Derek smiled as Bailey jumped into bed, right between his parents as he used to do when he was younger. "Did you have fun with your cousins yesterday?"

Bailey hesitated. "Well yes, but not everyone is as nice as... well I think they don't like me."

"Wait, how could they not like you? They're your cousins."

"There's 7 of us in a room and other than Matt no one cares to ask me anything..." Bailey admitted. Meredith looked at Derek. "It's like I've done something to them..."

"Great. I thought I was the only pariah in this family..." She hissed at her husband. "Just what I needed, another disapproval from your sisters..."

"Meredith, they're just not used to each other, I'm sure they'll warm up soon enough." He said. "You'll see that bud, they just need a little more time to warm up."

"Dad, I barely know them, it's not like I stole their toys or anything, they just don't like me, they just don't, I don't get it." Bailey groaned, rolling onto his back looking up at the ceiling like Derek was. The three of them sighed at the same time. "Zola seems to be having fun..." Derek said something about Zola that made Meredith hit him with a pillow. "Are you guys pillow fighting?" Came a small voice, Casey was standing by the door. "I want to!"

"Sh..." Meredith groaned when Wes began to fuss and cried. "Get in there." She told Casey as she took Wes out from his traveling crib and joined the already crowded bed. "What?"

"Nothing." Derek smiled at her. He took a moment to sink everything. Yes Zola was a teenager so it'd be unlikely he'd seen her with them in the mornings like they did on lazy Sundays anymore , but their boys were still there. And he didn't mind what they were having as long as he got to do this with that little baby still.

"Nice of you to join in the party." Amelia said as Derek reached the kitchen. "Coffee?" The house was awfully quiet at this hour.

"Thank goodness." He sighed, getting a cup from the covert. "I need coffee. I love coffee."

"Rough night?" Amy asked as Derek drank. "Yeah me too. I think Kenzie is teething, the other two were early bitters so I'm just worried she'll be cranky the rest of the trip, which is more than I can...Nancy and Kate are driving me crazy." Derek laughed. "I still don't get why we all have to stay here, I mean we don't live around here but they do."

"I'm guessing this is more about how messy the house is or the noise."

"It is." Amelia admitted. "Matty woke up in the middle of the night to tell me he didn't want to sleep in the room with the rest of the boys, he's shy Derek but he loves when we visit, I just don't get it."

"Bailey told me something like that too, says the boys weren't all that welcoming. You think it's our fault?"

"How could it? We didn't make the rules, they could have just gone home... and we've raised our kids right, I mean, lord knows I love my nieces and nephews but...this is turning into a frat house..."

"We should have brought them more, when they were younger, the kids, I mean, I know mom would have loved it, and the kids wouldn't feel so out of place with everyone." Amelia was about to answer when Owen arrived.

"How bad was it?" Amelia asked. Derek frowned.

"It wasn't." Owen admitted. "He's ashamed but other than that, it's just..."

"Matty had an accident." Derek understood. "It had been a while since he..."

"I know, I know..." Then hell broke loose. Kids and feet were heard from every corner of the house. "I better go clean up before..."

"Amelia!"

"That happens." She sighed. "Would you guys start breakfast?"

"I'm just saying... seven is too old to be wetting the bed like that." Nancy pointed out.

"Thanks Nancy but, I've got it covered."

"Thank goodness it didn't happen in the room with the boys, that'd been messy." Her sister added. Amelia was looking at her as if she wanted to murder her.

"What happened? " Carolyn asked as she joined her daughters in the laundry room. Amelia explained the situation. "I'll get everything cleaned up. " She added.

"Honey, its alright, these things happen, they happened to you and..." Nancy laughed. Carolyn glared at her. Carolyn told her child to finish putting on the sheets to be washed and joined everyone for breakfast. Amelia sighed when Carolyn turned to Nancy and said she'd been the 13 year old who'd had had an accident once, so there was no room to judge.

"No, but they think they have easy with their stay at home husbands and perfect lives! I can't do just..., it's not who I am, it's not who we are!" Amelia said. She and Owen had to step outside when she had snapped at her sister for the second time that morning.

"Hey, it's okay. " Owen smiled putting his hands on her shoulders. "We could always just adjust, you and I know how to not make things get to us, we are better than them." Amelia laughed.

"You could always stay home, it's not like you are chief anymore. " She leaned in to kiss him.

"You'd like that, wouldn't you? " Owen said. Meredith came out a moment later, Matty in tow.

"Hey baby, everything okay?" Amelia asked, she looked at Meredith.

"you had accidents too?" Matt asked looking up at her. Owen glanced at her. His mother lowered herself to his level. There were tears in his green eyes and she couldn't help but to dry them away.

"I did." She admitted. "I thought we've got it all cleared up this morning, it was an accident, they happen. "

"Like me?" This conversation had shifted. Meredith locked eyes with Owen. "Jake said I wet the bed because I was an accident. What does that mean?"

Amy smiled at her son. "You listen to me, You are the most amazing person I know, and the most beautiful gift I could have been given, you and your sisters, that's all you need to know. Okay? " Matt looked at Owen for a moment. "Okay? "

"Okay."

"Amelia, you can't just leave, we promised mom.." Liz begged her sister "I'm sure Jake didn't mean it like that."

"Oh yeah, how did he mean it then? I didn't want to come here in the first place. Something always happens when we come back, and it somehow bites me in the ass, I can take it, trust me , all of it, but my son.. he's not your clown. "

"Liz, would you give us a moment?" Derek asked. Liz smiled softly at her brother.

"I'm going Derek, you can't talk me out of it." Amy said packing. "I know it's not Jake's fault, he probably heard Nancy and Louis talking about it. About how they think everything good in my life is an accident. "

"Amy, Jake is more than capable of having thought of that himself and he's going to be responsible for it, you can't just leave. "

Amelia looked at Derek. They had remained close, closer now they had an actual relationship and lived trough so much together. He'd gone trough what she had, at different extends but still, and they were both survivors. "we owe it to mom to at least try. "

"To survive?" "

"To survive. "

"I was just kidding grandma, I didn't even mean it. " Jake said as Carolyn called him off, Nancy next to her.

"I didn't raise your mother like that, and she surely didn't raise you to be like that Jacob, so I expect you to apologize to Matt right this instant. " Carolyn said sternly. The teen groaned.

"Matt, would you come over with Nana for a moment, honey? "

"I'm sorry." Jake said. "You weren't. .. I didn't mean that. "

Matt smiled. "That's okay," he looked back at Meredith. "You're full of dumb hormones anyway and you're older, so I forgive you." Jake stared at him blank but Derek had to fight the urge to laugh.

"Why did you even say to him?" Derek asked his wife.

"oh you know, I had my share of pretty stupid teenagers in my life , that's just how they get, you just have to outsmart them." She smiled. They continued to clean up the kitchen after breakfast, everyone out and about now.

Thud. "I just hope that wasn't one of ours..." Meredith said lifting her face.

"Derek!" Amelia shouted. "Mom, can you hear me? "

" Yes, human beings are selfish, they want to make others feel less just because it's easy, they want to see tears in our eyes so it mirrors their own suffering because they don't want to feel less, but then there is this beautiful moment when selflessness happens and humans realize they wouldn't be able to live only on putting people down, they need to extend a hand, pull others from the ground and place a hand on their shoulder. So in the end, when you are facing your mortality, there's someone else experiencing the same pain, because its this moment when we are about to lose someone dear to us, that we hold on to others, because in the end we know we'll never be ready to say goodbye "

So, what did you guys think? it was important for the story to mirror Bailey and Matt feeling left out a bit to that same situation Amelia and Derek feel when they are at home. So now the real drama begins. What's going to happen to mama Shepherd? Read and find out!

Thanks again for supporting the story and I'll see you next time! Don't forget to review if you get the chance 😊