10
There were two more tubes in the room. Malcolm handed them both to Lili, "Luncheon. Or supper, I suppose. I've lost track of the hours."
"High tea, maybe?" she handed one back.
"No, thank you," he said, "It's too bland. I'll wait until I'm truly starving."
"Oh, we learned, it's supposed to be, you can make up anything and it'll taste like it."
"How very curious. Hmm," he took a taste, "Hard-boiled egg, lightly salted. The flavor's right but the texture's wrong."
"Okay. High tea, right? Pancakes," she took a taste.
"Pancakes? That's not normally served."
"Well, I'm pregnant. I get cravings. And I've been wanting pancakes for over a month. You're right, the texture is no good. And the temperature doesn't change. But if they work those two kinks out, these could be a pregnant gal's best friend."
"Maple syrup? Butter, perhaps?" he offered her the remainder of the other tube.
"I already have," she smiled a little, "But just the syrup. No butter, it's a waste."
"Yes. None for me, either. Dairy is not the best thing for me, even, I suppose, in my own imagination."
"No? I've made you sandwiches with cheese. At least, I think I remember having done that. Did I make you anything you didn't want, Malcolm?"
"Oh, I probably asked for that," he said, "But I always pay for it later. It's lactose intolerance – a bit of nasty cramping. Probably nowhere near as awful as labor. I wonder if I'm expected to deliver your child."
Kick Kick.
"I learned they have, gawd, they have a vet to do that. I would need a Cesarean anyway."
"Oh. I wonder if they can hear us in here, or if they're watching."
"I'm trying not to think about that," she said.
=/\=
"Crewman, I want you to find out everything you can, anything you can," Jonathan said, "About the Witannen, the Imvari, this ship, you know the drill."
"Yes, sir."
"We all need to do that, so tell the other women when you next see them."
"Very good, sir. Sir?" Deb asked.
"Yes, Crewman?"
"I was wondering. Since, uh, since we've had relations. And, uh, well, for the duration, I was wondering. Could you, uh, not call me Crewman? Only for the duration," she added quickly.
"Hmm. Debbie, right?"
"Deborah. Or Deb, sir. Debbie makes me feel like a three-year-old."
"All right, uh, Deborah," Jonathan said tentatively.
"Thank you, sir."
"You might want to stop calling me sir. "
"Yes, uh, Jonathan," she felt a frisson of excitement in saying his name aloud for the first time, to him, without him objecting or being annoyed.
=/\=
"Jennifer, I can't stop apologizing to you," Travis said, "Here, eat something."
"I don't know what I'm gonna tell Frank."
"I, uh, I know. Look, uh, why don't you tell me something good about Frank? Like, uh, like how you two met. Would that be something good?"
"Uh, okay. It was on a blind date."
"A blind date? You, of all people, needed a blind date?" Travis was incredulous.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Well, it's just, you're the Redheaded Bombshell. Can't you just get dates to materialize out of thin air?"
"What did you just call me?"
"The Bombshell. Didn't you know the guys all call you that?"
"No," she said, "Do they write my name on a wall or something?"
"Uh, no, it's not like that. It's not that anyone thinks you're easy. It's that we all know you're the hottest woman on the ship. By a lot."
"Me?"
"Yeah, you. How can you not know this?" he asked.
"Nobody ever told me," she said, "Weird."
"Well, it's true. You are totally hot."
She swallowed, "I don't want to be hot. I just want to be out of here, and with Frank, and forget this all happened."
"I know. Tell me about your blind date. C'mon. I won't tell anyone else if you say not to."
"I went to Worcester for Engineering, but that was years ago. And, uh, Frank was in Arizona, doing geology study. But I went back to Worcester to see friends and one of my girlfriends had this guy who was hanging around and she thought he wasn't really her type. So she asked if I wanted to be fixed up. And I figured what the hell. So I said okay. He arrived on this transport and we went to the Boynton."
"What's the Boynton?"
"It's a restaurant. We shared a Caesar salad and steak tips. He had a ticket to go back to Arizona on a transport later that day."
"So he went back to Arizona and then what?" Travis prompted.
"Not exactly. He didn't leave for four days. And when he finally did leave, I called my mother after I saw the transport disappear and I told her I'd met somebody special. That was about two years ago."
"Sweet."
"And now I've cheated on him. He's gonna leave me."
=/\=
"Yim!"
"Yes, Joss?" They were in the cafeteria again. Dinner had wound down and almost no one was left in the room. Brian was wiping off tables nearby.
"Duck Duck!"
"In front of all these people?" Yimar sighed, "Okay. But you don't like the way I sing it," she began:
"The duck was quackin'
the duck was laughin'..."
"No!" Joss said sharply, "'Ommy do Duck Duck!"
"Mommy's not here. Best I can do, Joss," she said.
Chip came over, "Wanna see a magic trick?" He did the old disappearing thumb trick. Joss was mesmerized and squealed with delight.
"Oh, whew, thank you. We almost had a meltdown there," she said.
"I got a million of 'em," he said, "Just ask. Oh, hi, Del."
Brian came over, "Everything okay?"
"The usual. I'm not M-O-M-M-Y, so nothing is right."
"You're doing your best. He'll realize that someday," Brian assured her.
=/\=
"I know this is none of my business," Doug began.
"Then it probably isn't," Melissa said.
"Well," he smiled, face tight, "You said before, about, um, you know."
"Yeah. That was my first time with a guy."
"Yeah, that. Uh, what's the 'not exactly' part of that?"
"I'm not exactly an innocent maid," Melissa said, "I just hadn't, to use a quaint expression, I hadn't gone all the way with a guy. Just with women. Until yesterday."
"Ohhh," he paused, "Really?"
"Yeah. Why does that surprise you? Haven't you ever seen a bi person before?"
"I guess I did and didn't know I, uh, did," he admitted, "I hope I didn't ruin it for you."
She smiled a little, "Well, it wasn't exactly fireworks but it wasn't horrible."
"Um, thanks, I think. I never did it with someone who had absolutely no experience before," he said.
"Not even your first time?"
"God, no. She was, uh, she was a bar girl in Cambodia."
"Huh. A professional?"
"Not exactly," he said, "At least, she wasn't as far as I was concerned. I used to buy her gifts, not give her money. I was young and stupid and I thought I had to give her a lot of stuff and tell her I loved her in order to get her to sleep with me."
"Oh. Man," Melissa said, "I take it that it worked."
"Yeah, it worked," he said, "I definitely had to give the gifts – the rest of it, though, not so much. Darareaksmey didn't give a damn about me lying to her, telling her I loved her."
"That name's a mouthful," Melissa said.
"Yeah. It's Khmer for 'bright star'," he said, "It was, uh, over thirty-five years ago."
"That's a good ten years before I was born, Doug."
"Thanks," he said, "Way to make a guy feel old."
=/\=
"I imagine the next time your husband sees me alone, he'll break my nose," Malcolm said. They had finished eating and were sitting on the mattress.
"No."
"No? Lili, he's furious with me."
"Oh, he may start off that way," she said, "But that won't be all of it."
"What are you trying to tell me?"
Kick Kick.
"Malcolm, despite whatever Doug has promised to me, I suspect that the next time he can get you alone, he's going to try to kill you."
=/\=
"So, do you wanna eat, or fool around some more?" Tripp asked.
"I wanna dance," Hoshi said.
"Dance? This ain't exactly the Palace."
"I know. I just, uh, something that feels almost like a date."
"There's no music."
"So you'll sing," she said.
"Me? I sound awful. I do hope you're not expecting anything to actually be in any sort of a recognizable key."
"That's okay," she got up and held out her hand.
"All right, here goes nothin'," he put an arm around her waist and she put one on his neck, "This is, uh, a song my grandpappy used to sing to my grandma. That okay for you?"
"Sure," she said, kissing his cheek, "And thanks for indulging me a little."
"I'll try not to step on your toes. Ahem," he began, and twirled her slowly in an approximation of a waltz:
"Longing for you all the while, More and more;
Longing for the sunny smile, I adore;
Birds are singing far and near, Roses blooming ev'rywhere
You, alone, my heart can cheer; You, just you."
"Okay, now, big finish!" he said.
"Let me call you Sweetheart, I'm ...," he stopped singing and moving.
"Why'd you stop?" she asked.
"I don't think I should be singing the next line."
"Why not, Tripp?"
"Because, Hoshi, the next line is," he swallowed and looked her in the eye, "The next line is 'I'm in love with you'."
"Oh," she looked at him, "Guess you'd better not. This was a bad idea."
=/\=
"Kill me?" Malcolm asked.
"Yes. Malcolm, he's, no one is allowed to know this, okay? You swear to secrecy, and I mean swear," Lili said.
"I swear."
"You know he comes from another side. It's a mirror universe, another place. Well, it's a distorted mirror. It's a crazy funhouse. And it's all spiked with testosterone and nastiness and machismo and about three-quarters male."
"Go on."
"And that's all, uh, let me back up. When it was all first starting a few years ago, when Doug and I first made contact, there was initially a meeting with Phlox. And Phlox said that there's a three to one chance that Doug will father a boy at any time. Doug is a walking male hormone cocktail, he's jumping with it. It's like he was born on steroids, it even all ended up in me during both pregnancies – I'm doused with testosterone at a time when that shouldn't even be possible. And he's typical for there. They are all like that, and they are three-quarters male, like I said."
"Yes?"
"And so things evolved differently there – or at least their culture did. Agriculture isn't as important as hunting. Women aren't as important as men, so they're mostly treated like dirt. And justice isn't as important as revenge and getting ahead."
"What are you attempting to tell me?"
"I know that when he was brought over, T'Pol thought he might be an escaped prisoner, or that he was eluding justice. That's not quite the case. He wasn't eluding justice because there really is no justice there. No punishments, but also no mercy. He got away with a lot of things. And when he came here, he vowed to me that he wasn't going to do those things anymore."
"And those were violent things, am I right? He was a soldier. As I have been. We do things that gentle women such as yourself would find reprehensible. But we are ordered to do such things, and we do them."
"This wasn't in the heat of battle, Malcolm. It was ambition."
Kick.
"What?"
"You heard me. It was to get ahead. You kill your superior officer, you move up a rank. He was your level when he was over in the other universe – fourth in command. So he whacked fourteen men to get there."
"Was my counterpart there one of those fourteen men?"
"No. That much I do know. But you know Chris Harris?"
"He's a pilot, right? With Travis and Melissa here, he must be pulling double shifts," Malcolm said.
"Yes, him. On the other side, there is no Chris Harris. Not anymore. Doug knows the specifics. I don't ask unless he volunteers information. And he hasn't volunteered information about these kinds of things for, well, since before Joss was born."
"So he comes here, and he converts himself into a family man," Malcolm said, "You said earlier that he vowed not to do violence anymore."
"Yes. But my understanding is that he gets overly violent while hunting. It's like a blood lust that isn't otherwise satisfied. And he hasn't been really tested here. Not until now. I'm just afraid that he won't be able to control himself. He doesn't always control himself. He can't put a lasso around his own strength, even with me."
"Do you think he will harm you? Or your child, or Joss?"
"He won't hurt Joss. And he knows this baby," she patted her belly, and got a kick for her troubles, "is his."
"And after you have the baby?"
"I don't know. I don't think he'd, intellectually, want to. He's told me he doesn't hit women. But I don't imagine he's been quite so angry at one before."
"We'll tell him I've been forcing you," Malcolm said.
"I don't think he's gonna believe that."
Kick Kick Kick Kick.
=/\=
"Sorry," Melissa said.
"That's all right. What was your first one like? Now that we're telling," Doug said.
"You sure you wanna hear this?"
"Sure. When did you realize you were bi?"
"I was probably not much older than your son is. I mean, you just are one way or the other," she said, "I went to Europa on vacation and I saw this girl and she and I hit it off. I was, uh, nineteen, hanging around with other flight school buddies. She was there with her parents and there were bonfires on the beach at night and fireworks and tents. And, uh, we made use of one of the tents."
"Ah. That wasn't, like, last year or anything?"
"I've twenty-five, Doug. That was quite a few relationships ago. 'Course I'll have to explain you to Norri."
"Who's Norri?"
"My girl. We live together on Ceres."
"Oh. I guess I've been so caught up in my own issues I forgot to ask you if you had any," he said, "Is this gonna really screw things up for you?"
"Maybe it will a little. Norri knows I see guys sometimes. But it's been really chaste. They try anything beyond about second base and I just bounce outta there."
"This wasn't just second base."
"I know. I gotta figure out how I'm gonna explain it," she said.
"Me, too."
=/\=
There was a hissing sound in all of the chambers, and the fuchsia-colored gas returned.
And so did desire.
She had the most glorious pecan-brown eyes he'd ever seen. He wasn't her fiancé. He wasn't the most perfect performer. He scared her a little with how fast it was all moving. He was a little tentative. He wasn't a woman.
She was creative.
She could take whatever he could dish out.
She was unbelievably hot.
She had gorgeous, glossy black hair.
It didn't matter.
It didn't matter.
It didn't matter.
It didn't matter.
It didn't matter.
=/\=
Sleep overtook all, afterwards. But this time it wasn't wholly dreamless.
=/\=
Lili dreamt.
She was walking through halls, opening doors and closing them, and calling in to each of them, "Are you there? Is anyone there?" Over and over again. She walked through plain corridors and decorated ones. Through the holding center and through the Enterprise and through buildings she'd known on Lafa II and Titan and Earth. Walk, open door, peer inside, see no one, call out, close door and then move on.
Again and again until a lightly tapping and caressing hand on the side of her belly woke her, and a British-accented voice whispered, barely at the edge of audibility, "Lili-Flower."
11
Lili's eyes sprang open, and she stared into space.
She didn't move, didn't twitch. She had no idea what to do.
The caressing continued. It was very light, not ticklish, and not hard. It was just the side of her belly. There were no movements, no advances, either to her front or her back. It seemed clear that Malcolm wasn't trying to wake her up. She was not leaning against his body.
Her throat was dry, and she finally, involuntarily, coughed a little bit.
"Oh, you're up," he said. His hand immediately moved away.
He could have, she figured, plausible deniability. If she asked, he could claim he wasn't doing anything. She kept quiet about it, and instead said, "I, uh, I've got a toddler at home. I'm up early all the time."
"I suppose you would be."
She sat up and the thin blanket dropped down, exposing her a little. She didn't make a move to recover herself.
"Uh, you'd best ...," he said.
"Considering what's happened the last few nights, well, you've already seen me in my thousand-kilo pregnant glory."
"Still," he moved to sit up but grimaced.
"Are you all right?"
"Yes, just a bit of a backache."
"I shouldn't have, uh," she said, "I'm not exactly light these days."
"I don't know."
"Here. Um, lie on your stomach."
Kick.
"What?"
"I caused this. Let me at least try to cure it."
"Lili, really."
"No. If today is at all like yesterday, we'll be walking around for hours. You might as well be comfortable, or as comfortable as you can be."
"Uh, all right," he did as requested.
She pulled the blanket down to expose his back, and then started pressing her thumbs in.
"No, a little higher. Yes, that's right," he said.
"This good?"
"Not so hard. Oh, yes, much better. Thank you."
"Good," she said, "That's, um, hate to say it, but that's the same motion and the same force I used to use to burp Joss."
"Oh."
Excitement gone, he felt safe in turning over and sitting up.
=/\=
"Your beard's coming in grey," Melissa said.
"I don't suppose they have much of a concept of shaving here," Doug replied, "I'm almost fifty-seven. I'd be surprised if it wasn't grey."
"Ah."
"I'm old enough to be your father. And, uh, don't tell me how old he is."
"Why not? He's sixty-two," she said.
"He was an old father."
"So are you," she said, "But I'm the fourth of six."
"Huh. I want a bigger family but I get the feeling this will be it," he said, and then swallowed. Maybe not, and not the way he'd hoped for or expected.
"Well, it was all right being in a big family, I guess," Melissa said, not noticing his reaction, "All girls. I bet my father wanted to run screaming from us more than once."
"Six daughters?"
"Yep. And we're all 'M' names. Monica, Marilyn, Meghan, then, uh, I come in. Then Misty ..."
"Sounds like a stripper's name," he said, "Er, sorry."
"She's studying to be an ornithologist."
"Oh. Uh, wherever you are Misty, I'm sorry. You missed one."
"Oh. The baby – Miri."
=/\=
"Pancakes again?" Malcolm asked, taking a tube from Lili.
"Hmm, nope. Lox and eggs and onions. You?" She adjusted the sleeve of her dress, exposing a tattooed arm for a second.
"Sesame bagel. With, uh, blueberry jam. No cream cheese for me."
"Right. Uh, let's talk about Jenny's wedding. Are you bringing anyone?"
"Yes, I am, actually," he said.
"Oh?"
"Pamela Hudson. Uh, Doctor Pamela Hudson."
"Very nice. Your parents must be thrilled."
"My parents haven't met her. And they shan't, ever."
"Oh. Uh, why?"
Kick Kick.
"Because, well, it's not very polite," Malcolm said.
"Huh?"
"Pamela and I are, there's an old expression. Our relationship is what's referred to oh so charmingly as 'Friends with Benefits'."
"Ohhh. Those kinds of benefits. Don't you, um, want to fall in love?" Lili wasn't even sure why she'd said that. It had just slipped out.
"Yes, of course I do," he said, looking away a little, then stuffed another ten cc's of paste into his mouth, and swallowed it, "I even told her I loved her. But it wasn't true; it was wishful thinking on my part."
"I'm sorry."
"Well, it's just; I tend to fall for women who are either thoroughly inappropriate for me or wholly unattainable," he capped the tube and rewrapped his shirt, then offered her the tube, "Do you want the rest of this?"
=/\=
"I cannot believe you did that again," Jennifer accused.
"Hey, I'm not just doing it by myself," Travis replied.
"I hate this."
"Thanks. A lot."
"No, I don't hate you, Travis. I just hate what's happening."
=/\=
Kick kick kick kick Kick Kick Kick.
"Ow! Pete! God, lay off every once in a while," Lili complained.
"Oh, is that what you're going to name your baby?"
"Yes. Peter Matthew, for my parents. Every name has a meaning."
"So you know you're having a boy, then?"
"Chances are too good not to. Doug" and she paused a little when she said his name, "and I won't have daughters. Pete will most likely be our last," she didn't want to think of how the Witannen were, potentially, going to make a liar out of her.
Kick Kick Kick.
"A pity."
"Pity?"
"Yes. No one to inherit your gentle grace," he said, "What would you name a girl, if you were to have one?"
"Marie Patrice," she answered quickly. She'd never said that name out loud; it sounded like a magical talisman and hung in the air for a split second.
"Lovely."
She was about to say something when she was smacked with another long volley of kicking.
=/\=
"Deb, um..."
"Yes?"
"I get the feeling I could be better at this."
"It's all right."
"Uh, well, thanks, but I think you're being overly kind. You're probably used to much younger men."
"It's okay. I'm totally covered. Really."
"You have pretty eyes," he said, "Light brown," he smiled a little, "Pecan pie."
The tubes were thrown in. Deb got up and retrieved them.
"Pecan pie?" she asked, handing him one.
"Maybe not for breakfast."
=/\=
"I meant to tell you, you talk in your sleep a bit."
"Yes. I've talked in my sleep ever since I was able to talk," Lili said.
"Well, you seemed a bit distressed. You kept asking, 'Is anyone there?' I wasn't sure if I should wake you," Malcolm said, "I do hope you don't mind. I didn't mean to eavesdrop."
"It's okay. You're a, heh, a captive audience. I was going through all these rooms and checking doors. I couldn't find anyone. I think I was trying to tell them about here, about how to find us."
"That's what we'll be trying to do, I'll wager, although it would not be in the exact same way. But we will be looking for ways to get a message to the Enterprise, if I know the Captain."
=/\=
"Hoshi, did you find where you flung 'em?"
"Sure, right there, under the mattress," she said, scooping up the two tubes.
"Ah, thanks," he retrieved his shorts and put them on.
They barely got a chance to eat before the door opened. The drill was as before. The guards separated them, and the women left first.
=/\=
Quietly, before they were forced into line, Deb said, "Captain wants us to gather intel. Anything is helpful."
Dayah found Lili again, "Walk in front of me this time," Dayah said, "I'll give you an examination."
"Really?"
"Well, this isn't exactly a state of the art Xindi Medical Facility, but it's the best I can do."
"Quiet!" yelled a guard, and they started shuffling around again.
Dayah put her hands on Lili's abdomen, and then pressed in a little. This elicited some kicking.
"Ah, you have good quickening," she said.
"What's quickening?"
"It's signs of life within," Dayah said, "Not much else I can check, but your baby is obviously strong, unless you're going to have twins. Are you?"
"No. That much I know for certain."
"And you have months to go yet. Quellata must be pleased, or she will be. A very fit baby is the ideal."
"Do, uh, does everyone turn the baby over to her?"
Kick Kick."We all must. And they can make you sleep, as you know, and take the baby then. That's usually how it's done."
"I see. I just, I want to keep him," Lili said, patting her own belly.
"We all do."
=/\=
Deb was walking behind a Klingon woman, "Do you know anything about our course and speed?"
"Not much. Do you have a pilot? Last known position would be of help," answered the Klingon.
"Over there. She's the short woman, with brown hair," Deb pointed.
"Tomorrow, I will speak with her. As for speed, we estimate at least Warp Eight."
=/\=
Jennifer and an Andorian woman were talking. Jennifer said, "What do you know about escaping?"
"Keep your voice down."
"Sorry."
"We don't try, not much, not anymore. The guards are strong and the sticks are always charged, or at least they always seem to be."
=/\=
On the men's side, Jonathan asked a Vulcan, "Does anyone have a map of the interior?"
"Nothing other than what we have been able to piece together. Cells line both sides of each corridor. Then these exercise areas, as you know, are on the ends. Between are the cleansing stations."
"What about where we were first brought in?" asked Jonathan.
"I'm not sure where that is. You forget it has been a few years since my people and I were captured. And they may have changed it."
=/\=
"What's going on, in the other units?" Travis asked Emmiz.
"I don't know. No one ever transfers in. They only transfer out, and only if production falls off."
"Production. It makes this sound like a factory," Travis said.
"Quiet!"
=/\=
Malcolm asked an Andorian, "Do they listen in on our conversations or, uh, observe us at, at night?"
"No."
"Are you certain? I mean, it strikes me that it's possible that the Witannen are filming pornography of some sort."
"No," The Andorian said.
"How can you know that?"
"Denebian slime devils, or whatever they are calling you, insulting you, what is it?"
"Slime molds," Malcolm spat out the phrase.
"Yes, well, do you become aroused watching such low creatures mate?"
"Of course not."
"Same with them. They think you're too primitive to be titillating," said the Andorian.
=/\=
Melissa was behind Leveqa, the tall Andorian, "What do you know about the ventilation system?"
"Nothing helpful. Gas comes in," she shrugged, "It's all you need to know."
"Can the panels come off?"
"Who knows? Look, I almost blew it for everyone a year ago. Don't blow it for us."
=/\=
"Dayah?"
"Yes?"
"How can you, you told me, sometimes they, uh, they want to, uh, do it without the gas. How do you know that?"
"Well, it should be obvious. But I sense you are unsure."
"A bit."
"And you are unsure of yourself, am I right?"
"I don't know what to think," Lili admitted.
"It's a good thing. Jannar and I – see him, just in front of your husband? – He and I never got along. The only good thing out of that was that I had twins, so we received extra rations."
"It's one thing to be friends. But more? I kind of, hmmm, I know that, well, that there was interest. But it was a few years ago. I had thought it was done – he even had, at least, one girlfriend since then. I mean, look at me. I'm not exactly glamorous these days. And I am not young anymore."
"So? I am old enough to be a grandmother to Emmiz. You are concerned. It is, perhaps, exposing cracks that you didn't think were in your marriage, eh?"
"I also wonder how my husband is getting on with, with Melissa. She's the short girl. There."
"She is young. Not to be insulting, that is merely an observation. You do not know what to think."
"No, I don't," Lili said.
"Might I suggest something?"
"You're the expert."
"Hardly," Dayah said, "Just, consider how today is going to be, and tomorrow, here. And think of the future later, when it has come and it matters. Be happy today. Tomorrow you could be in another unit, and things would not be so nice."
"Gather ye rosebuds while ye may, " Lili said.
"Hmm?"
"Oh, nothing."
"Quiet over there!"
12
They had showered and were being dried off. Lili approached Melissa, "I want you to know, I'm not angry with you."
"Oh. I guess you've got a right to be," Melissa said.
"Well, I was before. But I'm not anymore. It doesn't seem heh, productive," Lili found her clothes and put them on, "Melissa, can I ask you something?"
"Of course."
"You are, he hasn't hurt you, has he?" Lili asked quietly.
"No. Lili, was he hitting you?"
"No. Oh, no. It's during relations. Has he injured you?"
"I don't get it."
"I don't want to be drawing a map but, he's, uh, there's a lot there. And he's not always good with control or, or being careful."
"Ohhh," Melissa paused to put on her dress, "I'm fine, at least so far, although the first time did hurt quite a bit. But no injuries."
"Hmm. Maybe he's holding back somehow. I don't want you to get hurt, is all."
=/\=
Back in the cell, Lili listened for the men. This time, Doug didn't swear at Malcolm. Progress, perhaps.
Malcolm was pushed back in. She handed him a tube, "Dinner is served."
"Uh, thank you."
They sat down on the mattress – the only place to sit.
Lili spoke, "I wanted to talk to you some more about your department's gift."
"You already thanked me for that. No reason to do so again," he said, between downing bits of paste.
"I know. It's not about that, not specifically. I'm quite sure I've figured out the real meaning behind it."
"Meaning? There is no meaning. It's a wedding gift to you and Doug, nothing more."
"No," she said, "That's just the cover story."
=/\=
Chip and Yimar were running out of tricks to show Joss. Chip had made paper airplanes, done the folded napkin mouse trick and had produced Denobulan coins from behind both of Joss's ears. Every time a new trick was begun, it would hold Joss's attention for a little while, but then his mind would wander and he'd alternately suck his thumb and call out for his mother. The intervals between the calls were getting shorter and shorter, and Yimar was beginning to really get panicky.
It was the cafeteria, and she couldn't just keep feeding him. Finally, Chip said, "Look, I'm pretty much tapped. I'm sorry. I'm just not a kids' performer. And I don't think you want me to be telling him any dirty jokes. I hate to leave you in the lurch like this, but I need to get some sleep. With no Hoshi," he paused for a second, as he did miss his boss, "I'm doing double duty even before I hit the Borscht Belt here."
"What's a Borscht Belt?" asked Yimar.
"Uh, never mind. It's too much to explain. All I'm saying is I gotta be fresh to do my work. Entertaining him is taking too much outta me. I gotta go," he departed.
She sat there with Joss, who was sucking his thumb and staring out the window, "'Ommy home?"
She sighed, "Not yet."
He went back to crying.
=/\=
"Cover story? What the devil are you on about?" asked Malcolm.
"Yes. It's hidden in plain sight, really," she said, "The box – it's from a big British store."
"Well, I'm the Department Head. So?"
"Yes. That part's understood. But, you see, the rest of it. Now, I'm sure that Karin picked out what she gave us. And Lucas and Ethan and the others did as well. All of that works totally on face value and that's it."
"Well?" he turned away slightly.
"It's the rest of it," she said.
=/\=
Brian came out, wiping his hands on a dish towel, "Dishes are all done. Hey, buddy, what's the matter?" he bent over to talk to Joss.
"The usual," Yimar said, "I'm getting to the end of my rope."
"Hmm. Wanna go see a puppy?" he asked, his voice brightening.
"What's a puppy?" she asked.
"It's a baby dog. The dog isn't a baby but, well, close enough. The Captain has a little dog, and he's staying in Sick Bay until things are resolved," Brian explained.
"Oh. Is this animal tame?"
"Very. Just make sure Joss doesn't pull his tail."
"Hmm. Okay. Joss, wanna see a pretty puppy?" she asked, widening her eyes and smiling and trying to make it the most interesting thing to do, ever.
"Puppy?" Joss asked, stopping the crying for a second.
"Yes. Bring the stegosaurus," Brian said.
"What's that?" Yimar asked.
"Oh, his toy, the dinosaur. It's a stegosaurus."
"Huh," Yimar said, "See, this is educational," she said to Joss, "Let's go see the pretty puppy."
=/\=
"Somebody," Lili said cautiously, "uh, somebody was really careful. They picked out the things that weren't wrapped, and those things were all either British or from the old British Empire, like the nuts."
"The sun used to rise and set on it," Malcolm said, "That's hardly meaningful," he said, protesting a bit too strongly and turning away some more.
"No argument here. The canisters – the tea isn't labeled, but I know for a fact that it's English breakfast. And this, this person knew that I would know, and that I wouldn't have to be told."
"Everyone knows you're a professional chef."
"Again, that much is understood. But then there are the napkins. They aren't just an okay blue, or a great blue. No. They are the absolutely most perfect shade. It's a dark royal, almost indigo. That person knew that that would be the right shade, and it probably took a really long time to find them. And the canisters – stainless steel with a little turquoise inlay on the clamps – that person knew that, even without ever seeing a picture of my kitchen, that person, he knew that the kitchen would be blue and green."
"You, uh, wore those colors a lot," he pointed out, but his argument was failing.
"I definitely telegraphed the colors. But there's the card, too. Somebody knew I would love a handwritten card, something to hold and look at, again and again. And while everyone signed it, one person – that person – wrote out the original greeting. I don't know people's handwriting for sure, but I can make an educated guess about whose writing it is," she paused.
She took a deep breath, "It's not a set of candlesticks that someone bought quickly because they didn't know us. It's not a gift card purchased at the last minute. It's not a tablecloth I'll only use once or twice a year. It's not a book I'll read maybe a few times and then put away on a shelf to gather dust somewhere. It's food and it's a card and it's napkins and canisters and by themselves those really aren't a lot of things. But put it all together and, well, this, uh, the cover story is that this gift was to remind Doug and me of home. And it does. It succeeds there, admirably. But the real hidden meaning is, because the kitchen is my room, my place, my domain, the gift is really to remind me, every day, every single day, of the person who gave it."
=/\=
"Can I ask you something, Doug?"
"Sure, I guess."
"Are you holding back?"
"Well, I'm trying to," he admitted, "I think the reasons should be kinda obvious."
"Is it possible that you could hurt me?"
"Melissa, you'll tell me if I'm hurting you, right?"
"Sure. It, uh, it did hurt the first time, but I kinda figured it would."
"Any blood?"
"What? Oh, no. No blood," she smiled, "And last night was not too bad at all."
"That's hardly a ringing endorsement."
"Well, I don't have comparisons," she said, "But, I did, uh, do you wanna hear this?"
"I guess so – not too much else to talk about, is there?"
"I had a, um, it was, uh, good," she said.
"Really? Huh. Why are you asking me about holding back?"
"I'm not making any suggestions or anything. Don't misunderstand me," she said, "But we're stuck here and this is, well, it's kinda the only really pleasant thing going on."
"Yeah," he admitted.
"So maybe don't hold back. Uh, if you think that's a good idea."
"I don't want to hurt you," he said, "And I can. I have done it before. Not my finest hour," he looked away a little.
"I'm built like a tank," she said, "I can take it."
"You sure?"
"Yeah. I'm not, uh, not telling you to do it now or anything, Doug."
"I know."
"I'm just sayin'. Don't, um, don't worry so much."
=/\=
Malcolm really turned away this time, and squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingertips and braced himself for impact. Whatever she had to say next was not going to be good, he could tell.
"And, uh," she said, "that person is, is you."
He just sat there quietly, and then finally spoke, "I, you were, you were never supposed to know. And you wouldn't have, but the damned Witannen have brought it all up to the surface."
She stared at his back as he gathered up the courage to continue.
He said, "It was, it was a few years ago. You were, it was when you were first making contact with, with Doug. And something in you turned. You became, well, noticeable. This is not to say that you were, well ..."
"I was a drudge until then," she said, "All I did was work, eat and sleep. I spoke to almost nobody. I wasn't close to anyone," she stated.
"And then, suddenly, you were kind of, well, switched on. I suppose that's the best way to describe it. And I felt something. But I could see where you wanted to be, and who you wanted to be with. And, and when your, when everything finally fell into place, I stepped aside. Even though Doug said I was sweet on you, I said I wasn't. But that was not true. And you, you hugged me when you were in Sick Bay, do you remember? It is, I suppose, nothing to you. But for me it was a lot. It meant something."
"I wouldn't have, would not have, if it didn't have meaning."
"Still, I doubt somewhat that it meant to you just what it did to, to me," he swallowed hard, "For a moment, I could believe it wasn't me you were kissing off – that it was, that it was him."
He took another deep breath, "And then you left the Enterprise, and you began your life away. And there were letters. I knew they weren't just being sent to me, but I could, I could believe they were, if I felt it hard enough. And there were photographs! If I squinted just right, I could, I could believe that it was you and me in front of your new business venture, you and I standing on a beach, and you and I holding our, our son," he stopped.
"Oh."
"I don't, I don't want you to go through a divorce. I don't want your home broken up. I don't wish your, your husband dead. It's not that. Not at all. I told you – unattainable women. And you are, you became unattainable almost immediately and now, suddenly, you're attainable. But it's all due to this damnable gas they give us to breathe. It is what I want, it is my, my love, yes, that's the right word – it is my love. It is what I dreamt of, and not just chastely, but for you, it's forcing and it's not you really wanting to do it. As you close your eyes, I imagine you think of, of him. And that hurts so much, so much more. I have waited for, for this. But it's not what I truly desired. The Witannen have perverted it. For so long I've wanted to be close to you. Now all I want to do is crawl away and die."
=/\=
"See? Pretty puppy!" Yimar said, "Pet nicely, Joss."
"There are lots of animals to see here," Brian said, "Doctor Phlox, can we bring him here tomorrow, maybe look at a different animal? If it's not, uh, too much trouble. He's really lonely without Lili."
"That's understandable," Phlox said, "Hmm, the Derellian bat will be coming out of its two week hibernation cycle. He can feed it a few pellets, assuming there's no medical emergency tomorrow."
"Thank you. You're a lifesaver," Yimar gushed.
"I have been told that before," Phlox smiled, "But it's still nice to hear."
=/\=
They were silent for a while. Lili turned and put her hand on Malcolm's back. Edge of a cliff, she thought to herself. But it was not necessarily such a scary cliff. She moved in closer and pushed her arms through and around his waist. She leaned her mouth on his shoulder and held it there a while.
Finally, she said, very quietly, "Please. Can you turn around? A little? Please? Because, uh, I'm getting tired of, of kissing your shoulder, Malcolm. I'd really rather kiss your mouth."
He turned to face her, "Are you certain?"
She nodded vigorously, "Lili-Flower, right?"
"Yes. You weren't supposed to hear that, either. I've made quite a hash of things."
"Heavenly hash is a great ice cream flavor."
"No ice cream for me, thanks," he said, "Maybe something sweeter."
They kissed until the gas started, then rapidly moved onto other things.
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