A/N: While I do not generally give trigger warnings, I will advise that this chapter does take a dark turn in the second flashback sequence. You might need to break out the tissue box.

o.o.O.o.o

~Present~

Early hours of May 3rd, 1998

Severus' room in the Headmaster's Tower was somewhat reminiscent of a sick tent, straight out of a war zone. Bloody bandages and clothing were strewn across the floor, empty potions bottles littered the bedside table and the counters in the bathroom, and the smell of blood permeated the air. The House Elves had changed his bedding, so that he was at least lying on clean sheets now that his worst wounds were healed. They would have done more, but he'd dismissed all except for Winky to see to the needs of the students and defenders of the school. Currently, he felt every single minute of his thirty-eight years and was still lost to understand how in the name of Nimue he was still alive.

The memory of Potter pressing a hand desperately over the gash in his throat as he gave up the memories the boy needed to understand, was incredibly vivid. As his grip on consciousness had been failing, he'd felt a slender hand slip into his, squeezing tightly and he'd known it was her. It had been selfish, but he'd been relieved to have here there with him at the end. He whispered for her to look at him, but it had been Potter who'd drawn close…naturally assuming it had to be about him. Everything had gone black then and when he'd awoken in a pool of his own blood, he'd known that she must have done something miraculous. His clever witch had found a way to cheat death itself.

The wounds at his throat were gone, healed in a way that only one thing could be responsible: phoenix tears. How she had managed to get her hands on them, never mind bother to waste them on him, was beyond his comprehension. Of course, everything about Hermione was beyond his realm of understanding. He'd crawled over to his wand and with a silent prayer tried to apparate into the castle. If the castle had rejected him as Headmaster, it would not have worked, but Hogwarts welcomed him back warmly. No matter his crimes or the depths of his guilt, Hogwarts had not abandoned him. Severus was still battling the effects of Nagini's venom, but with enough time the potions would purge it from his system. All that he could do now was rest and recover, but fear for her was plaguing him too deeply for him to find sleep.

"Winky," he called softly, his throat still raw from the attack.

"Headmaster should be sleeping." Winky appeared, scolding him gently.

"Where is she?" he asked, the House Elf knew enough to not require further clarification.

"Miss be sleeping, in Headmaster's old chambers," Winky reported.

Severus let his eyes fall closed and he nodded. "Watch over her, and see to her needs."

"Yes, Headmaster." Winky popped out.

Severus closed his eyes and surrendered the residual waves of pain riding through him. He was a fool, but it was impossible to not worry about her. He'd fought Albus tooth and nail over adding her to the Order, but in the end it had been for nothing. Like he did with everyone else, Albus had manipulated the girl into swearing that damned oath and then thrown her into the deep end. Severus had taught her to swim, because it was either that or have her drown in front of his eyes. As the months passed, it became clear to him why Albus had done it. It wasn't as a precaution in case the Dark Lord killed him, that had always been a weak excuse that fell apart at closer scrutiny. No, it was to give him something to live for, or rather someone to live for. Albus had seen how close to the edge he was, and known that without a tether there was a very real risk of him giving up. The night all pieces had come together, he'd nearly destroyed his rooms in a fit of rage. Dumbledore had no right to put the girl's life in danger, not for his benefit. And people called him a bastard.

Getting involved with her had never been his intention. Even after he'd puzzled out Albus' intentions, he'd utterly refused to even consider it. Time-turner abuse aside, she was still his student...his responsibility. It was hard to put his finger on when things had changed, but if he was painfully honest it had all shifted the night she'd nearly died under Dolohov's wand.

o.o.O.o.o

~Flashback~

June 18th, 1996

Severus had gotten out of his meeting with the Dark Lord as quickly as was humanly possible, under the guise of trying to determine how much damage had been done to the Order. He went straight to the Hospital wing, panic gripping him after hear Dolohov boast about cutting down the Mudblood. The back corner of the infirmary was curtained off, something that was never a good sign. He slipped in and stopped dead in his tracks, and not simply because the girl was lying nude on top of the blankets. A bloody gash had nearly cut her in half, starting just under her left collar bone, cutting diagonally to end over her right hip bone. He pulled off his outer robes and moved forward.

"Where do you need me, Poppy," he asked, shoving his emotions aside and occluding heavily.

The Hogwarts matron didn't bat an eye at him. "You're better with Dark Magic. I need you to contain the curse so I can close the wound. I've tried, but it keeps breaking free and undoing all my work." The older witch said, wand moving in a steady pattern to stem the bleeding.

Severus nodded grimly and began to work. Dolohov was a monster, a brilliant one, but a monster all the same. The curse was designed to quiet just long enough to allow the healers to mend the wound, then it would break free and rip through the victim, over and over again until they were killed from blood loss and magical exhaustion. It took every ounce of his ability to bind the curse, finally forced to weave his own magic around it to settle the curse permanently. The disparity between Dolohov's magic and her own was too great, his was thankfully a workable bridge. Sweat was pouring down his face as he staggered back and sat, nodding to Poppy as she began to chant the healing charm over the massive wound. Taking a steadying breath, he got back up and went to the potions cabinet, grabbed several blood replenishing potions and a half dozen others that would be needed to help her recover from her brush with death.

He used a complicated spell to diffuse the potions directly into her system to avoid the very real risk of her aspirating on them. Poppy looked even more worn out than he was, but neither of them stopped working until the wound was closed, and her diagnostics had stabilized. Just looking at the readings however was sobering. There was damage to all of her major organ systems; her heart, lungs, digestive tract, liver, kidneys, and reproductive tract. Nothing had been spared, and it would take an intensive regimen of potions to return her to anything resembling good health.

"Poppy, go and rest, I'll sit with her for the first watch," he said, banishing the blood and tucking her under the blankets to return some of her dignity in the unlikely event that Albus came to check on her. It was bad enough that he'd seen her like that. If he did nothing else during this war, he'd make Dolohov pay for this.

"Good work, Severus. Make sure you eat something, that much healing takes its toll," she said and touched Severus' shoulder, before heading to her office to catch a few hours on the bed she kept in there for difficult cases.

Severus pulled his chair over, and found himself reaching out to grip her hand softly. Teaching her Occlumency had allowed him to come to know Miss Granger far better than anyone else could claim to. She hid so much from her friends, family, and even herself sometimes. The young witch understood true loneliness and despair, she had made impossible choices for the people she loved and understood that sometimes letting them go was the only way to save them. There was a great deal of pragmatism and mercenary sensibility hiding behind her innocent, wholesome veneer. The more he'd seen of it, the more tempting it had become to peel that façade way to reveal the real Hermione Granger hiding underneath. Such a unique young woman, and he'd nearly lost her to a beast like Dolohov.

The first order of business this summer, once she recovered, was to start teaching her how to survive the dirty, ugly duels that she was bound to get drawn into now. Up till now, the skills he'd given her were mental, teaching her Occlumency and strategy. It was clear that would not be enough. Severus was only half-awake when the hand in his clenched, gripping his hard.

"Sir?" she muttered quietly.

"I'm here, Miss Granger," he said, squeezing her hand in return.

"It hurts." She whimpered, tears leaking out of the corners of her eyes.

"I know it does. Let me get you something for the pain." He reluctantly released her hand and grabbed an intensive pain potion, carefully propping her up to drink it. She was weak as a kitten and drank the potions he gave her without question or complaint. Finishing the last one, her eyes closed…as if even that had been too much effort.

"Who else was hurt?" she asked.

"The others sustained only minor injuries, but…there was one casualty. Black was killed by Bellatrix Lestrange," he told her gently, aware that she had been close to Black. It had irked him to end, but at the moment that was moot point. Black was dead and no longer competition to be feared. The realization that he'd thought of Black as competition at all was uncomfortable.

Hermione just nodded weakly. "What happened? I just remember purple fire and then there was so much pain…"

"Dolohov hit you with a curse that nearly killed you. It took considerable effort to keep you from expiring, so I do hope you intend to take it easy and allow Madam Pomfrey and myself to return you to good health." He got her a glass of water and held it so she could take measured sips.

She opened her eyes then, soft brown depths that suddenly seemed so much older than they'd been just 24 hours ago. "I can feel your magic, here." She raised her right hand and ghosted it over the scar. "Inside me."

Severus had no idea what possessed him in that moment to touch her face, stroking his thumb along her cheek bone. "I had to bind the curse with my magic, it was the only way to quiet it. I wish I could have removed it entirely, but this was the best I could do." It was an incomplete solution, and it meant she'd wear the scar for the rest of her life, a reminder that Dolohov had outsmarted him.

"Don't apologize," she said, not breaking his gaze. "Your magic always makes me feel safe." Her eyes fluttered closed again.

Severus felt something twist in his chest and he leaned down, brushing his lips against her temple. "Sleep now. You have a rough road ahead, but I'll be here to help you. I promise."

"Goodnight…Severus," she whispered sleepily. That was the first time she'd ever said his name, and it cut through his defences better than any spell or curse. In that moment she ceased being 'Miss Granger'.

o.o.O.o.o

~Present~

May 4th, 1998

Minerva sat heavily on a bench in the now empty Great Hall. Teams from the Ministry had been working through the night to remove the dead and injured from Hogwarts. The injured were moved to St. Mungos, and the bodies of the fallen had been removed to a special site so that they could be identified and burials arranged. She and the teachers had then taken it upon themselves to put the Great Hall back to rights, spending most of the day repairing it. The ceiling however was not responding to their charm work, and Minerva was rather flummoxed. She and Filius in particular were having the most issues, almost as if the castle itself was working against them.

Another thing that confused her was the fact that the Headmaster's Tower was completely sealed. She'd been completely unable to access it and the Gargoyle refused to grant her entry. The last time she'd seen such behaviour had been when Dolores Umbridge had attempted to take over the school as Headmistress. She also hadn't seen Hermione since their talk in her office two days ago, following the battle. Poppy denied ever seeing her that night and searches of Gryffindor Tower hadn't yielded any results either. She was worried, but it was possible that she'd found somewhere to sleep and was just recovering from the gruelling fight. Too many mysteries for her liking.

"Ah, Minerva…there you are." Kingsley's voice came from the doorway, and he headed over. "How are things progressing here?" he asked.

"Well…the bodies have been removed and this room at least is restored…but it will be months before the castle is back to rights," Minerva said softly. "What news from the Ministry?"

"After an emergency session of what remains of the Wizengamot, I've been named Interim Minister of Magic, until proper elections can be held. If Miss Granger is willing to offer official testimony about Severus and Lucius, we should be able to exonerate them both before they resurface. Has there been any sign of Snape?" He asked.

"None, and I haven't seen Miss Granger either…." Minerva stopped talking as the young witch in question walked into the Hall. "Ah there you are, my dear girl. I've been so worried." Relief flooded her at the sight of the witch.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize how long I'd slept." She said.

"No apologies necessary my dear…clearly you needed it." Minerva said.

"Hermione, it's good to see you looking so well. Could I have a moment?" he asked her, motioning her off to the side.

"Of course, what did you need?" She asked, still feeling quite worn out despite nearly a solid day of sleep.

"Would you be willing to come down to the Ministry and give your testimony about Professor Snape and Mr. Malfoy?" He asked her. "If you do, we can get a pardon processed for them quickly, before there's much talk about it. Moving quickly is the best way to control this narrative."

Hermione nodded. "Of course, whatever you need." She was still tired and her body ached, but this was something that Severus needed her to do. "I just need to go and check on a friend before we go. Can I meet you by the gates in about half an hour?" she asked.

Kingsley nodded. "Make it an hour, I need to confer with Minerva about what the Ministry can do to help here."

Hermione nodded and left the Great Hall, moving through the castle and avoiding as many people as she could. She walked over to the Gargoyle and pressed her hand to it, closing her eyes and forming her request clearly in her mind. One thing Severus had instilled in her was the reality that Hogwarts had a kind of sentience, and while it was bound by rules and to the will of the Headmaster, at times it could act to help those it felt 'worthy'. The Gargoyle moved aside and let her up, before returning to guard the entrance to the Tower.

The office was empty and Hermione didn't pause here, going back to the door that led to the Headmaster's private chambers. Like the gargoyle it gave to her touch, and she headed up the winding staircase it revealed. The Headmaster's quarters were set in the open area of the turret, and off to the side she could see a figure in the bed. She headed towards him, her heart in her throat.

"Severus?" she called softly.

"Hermione," he replied, voice still somewhat rough, but undeniably him.

She stopped at the edge of the bed, watching him sit up against the headboard, the white sheets pooling around his waist. Severus had always been lean, composed of sharp angles and wiry muscle, but over the last year he'd lost weight he really couldn't afford and there were new scars on his chest that hadn't existed last June. It had been nearly a year since she'd been alone with him and suddenly she didn't have a clue what to say. She'd had countless sleepless nights to try and analyse their strange, intense affair, but in the end she realized that it had simply been something they'd both needed. The question now was of course was it something they still needed? Or even wanted?

"Please." He lifted his hand, giving her a clear invitation to come closer.

The near pleading tone in his voice was enough to break her inaction. Hermione moved forward and took his hand, sitting down on the edge of the bed and trying not to look as desperately awkward as she felt. There was always a wealth of thoughts and emotions in Severus' eyes, far more than he'd ever express in words. He was too controlled to allow his tongue free reign, and she knew it was because he was very aware of just how much damage he'd done with it in the past. Right now, the words had to come from her.

"I thought you were dead," she whispered, guilt for leaving him twisting in her gut.

"Don't." He squeezed her hand sharply. "You had no way of knowing I was still alive, and you had a job to do. We both did what was necessary, never regret what had to be done."

Hermione nodded. "Are you alright?" She couldn't help but rake her eyes over every inch of him that she could see, as if she'd be able to gauge his health without the benefit of a diagnostic spell.

"I will be. The venom is still dissipating, but I will be myself soon enough," he reassured her, relaxing his grip and stroking his thumb over the back of her hand. "He's truly dead then?"

Hermione nodded. "Yes. Harry killed him, and Neville killed Nagini with the Sword of Gryffindor…of all things." She laughed a little, at the point where it was either laugh or cry. "I'll extract the memory for you to watch later," she added seeing the dark smirk on his lips. "I have to go to the Ministry soon to give them my statement about you and Lucius."

Severus's expression clouded with worry, the humor washed away with immediate concern. "Be very careful, Hermione. Admit to nothing that could incriminate yourself…not for any reason," he said, dark eyes suddenly intense. "Promise me."

"I'll be careful, I promise," she agreed, knowing his paranoia had been created from years of being screwed over by people he should have been able to trust. The Ministry was also never to be trusted completely, as a rule.

"I'd also ask that you not reveal where I am, just for now. Not until I'm on my feet again. The castle has apparently decided that I did not violate my oaths as Headmaster, so it will conceal me until I am prepared to face everyone." He sighed. A part of him wished that the castle had not allowed him safe harbour, he didn't deserve it.

"Don't," Hermione said softly. "You did the best you could in an impossible situation. There will be enough people looking to blame you for everything, don't you dare do their work for them," she said fiercely. "Once everything is settled…we're going to have to talk about what happened last year." It had been a herculean effort to try and forget everything that had happened, to just focus on keeping herself and the boys alive on the run.

"I know." He lifted her hand to his lips and brushed a kiss against her palm. "There is much we'll need to talk about, though I admit I never thought I'd be alive for this conversation." He mused.

"That's not funny." Hermione rolled her eyes a little.

"Then why are you smiling?" He chuckled a little, wincing as it hurt.

"Only you would think death was preferable to a conversation." Hermione was honestly just relieved that he was actually alive. "I just need to know…do you regret it?" she asked hesitantly, afraid of the answer.

"Only that night in April," he whispered softly, not needing to elaborate.

o.o.O.o.o

~Flashback~

April 12th, 1997

Hermione slipped into his chambers, feeling like she was about to face her own execution. How had she been so utterly stupid? This was the last thing anyone needed, especially now and she wasn't even sure how she was going to tell him. Tears slipped down her cheeks, and her voice caught in her throat making her unable to even call out to let him know she was there.

"Hermione?" Severus came out of his bedroom, frowning a little. "What's wrong?" He went over and touched her elbow, just the barest graze of his fingertips.

"Everything…I screwed up," she said, unable to help the messy tears that just start falling harder. "I'm pregnant." She made herself say it.

"What?" Severus gaped, clearly caught completely off guard. "You said you were taking a contraceptive potion." He guided her to sit down, crouching down in front of the chair.

"Not a potion…pills." She sniffled, trying to find some composure but failing miserably. Sweet Merlin, she'd been so STUPID. As she clarified, understanding dawned across his face and was swiftly followed by dread. She knew it, she'd ruined everything. He stood and offered her a handkerchief, and walked away for a moment.

"Winky, can you bring tea for two?" His voice rumbled softly off to her left before he returned, pulling his chair over closer so he could each over and take her hands in his. "Take a deep breath, and just try to calm down for me." His tone was calm, and soothing.

Hermione nodded, using a few basic occlumency techniques to calm down so they could discuss this. He was right, she needed to calm down. She'd been bottling this up since casting the charm in the bathroom this morning, and it had just simmered all day like a cauldron waiting to explode. "I'm better now…" She said, feeling a little shaky still.

Severus nodded, dark eyes full of guilt. When the tea arrived, he made her a cup and pressed it into her hands. "Drink that, it'll help you settle your nerves a little." He sighed and waited quietly while she finished her tea. "You know what needs to be done." He didn't form it as a question.

"Yes, I know." Hermione nodded, not able to meet his eyes. She knew that with the war looming so close, a pregnancy was going to be more than an inconvenience, it could get her or Severus killed if it came to light. That wasn't even taking into account the fact that she was too young, and it had been a mistake. "I hate it, but I know."

"It's your choice, I won't make it for you." Severus reached out and tipped her chin up, so she could meet his eyes. "Whatever you decide, I'll find a way to make sure you're safe."

"We have to…we're both too important to lose." She swallowed. "Will it hurt?" She hated that her voice was shaking.

"No." He rested his forehead against hers. "I'll make sure that it won't. Did you cast the charm Lupin taught you to fool that blasted map?" he asked quietly, getting the important issue out of the way.

"It will show me in the dorm all night." She had known before leaving what they'd have to do.

"Ok," Severus said. "Why don't you run yourself a bath, and I'll get things ready. You can stay here tonight, I don't want you to be alone." His voice caught a little.

Hermione opened her eyes and saw the tear that was slipping down his cheek, and it broke her heart a little more. "I'm sorry…"

"It's not your fault," He kissed her temple. "None of this is your fault."

o.o.O.o.o

~Present~

May 4th, 1998

Hermione closed her eyes then, the pain of that night hitting like a hammer. For sheer self-preservation she had locked it into the back of her mind, refusing to remember or deal with it. It had been the first time she'd used her Occlumency to supress her emotions, but unfortunately not anywhere near to the last. "I know we had to, but I still wonder about what might have happened if we hadn't." Tears slipped out of the corners of her eyes, tears for a child that never had a chance to be. She nearly jumped as he pulled her into his arms, holding her tightly.

"I do too," he said softly, whispering the words into her hair. "You have no idea how sorry I am about that night. I was afraid for you, in the end it was the only way to protect you." He stroked a hand over her hair. "As much as you knew by then, you had no idea how ruthless Albus could be when people upset his plans."

Hermione turned her face into his neck, hiding there for a moment. She hadn't realized how completely starved for touch she'd been, but she didn't want to move from his arms now. "I know. You let it be my choice and it was the right one, even though I hate that I had to make it. I was so stupid…"

"No, it wasn't your fault." He sighed and moved back, meeting her eyes. "Sadly, sexual education at Hogwarts has always been….lacking. You could not have known that muggle contraceptives are sometimes ineffective for witches, you thought you were safe." He stroked her cheek. "And I should have been certain. That was my failing, not yours."

Hermione let out a shaky breath. "I didn't come here to dig this up…" She sat back and wiped the tears away.

"You've been through hell, we all have. Your emotions are going to be all over the place for a while." He dismissed it easily. "We have to hide so much from everyone else, when we're alone I'd rather we were just honest with each other."

"I do too." Hermione nodded. "I should go," she whispered.

He nodded. "Use the floo to go down to my old chambers. Minerva is making yet another attempt to enter the Tower." He smirked a little.

"How long are you going to draw it out?" She asked.

"As long as I can. I have to have some fun." He released her hand and laid back on the bed, their conversation having stolen much of his energy.

"Do you mind if I use your rooms?" she asked, realizing she had just assumed that it was ok.

"If I minded, I'd have reset the wards, silly girl," he teased. "Be careful, and have Winky inform me when you've returned safely." He added more seriously.

"Get some rest," she said and turned away, not looking forward to going to the Ministry, but it was necessary. She had to convince them to pardon Severus and Lucius for their crimes, no matter what. She headed down the staircase to the Headmaster's office, and was going to go straight to the fireplace, when she was interrupted.

"Miss Granger, it is good to see you alive and well." The formal tones of Headmaster Black wrapped around her.

"Headmaster Black." She inclined her head. "I was lucky and sustained only minor injuries."

"How is Severus? He has not come out of his private rooms since before the Battle."

"He is healing, and should be well enough to resume his duties soon," she said, keeping her face neutral.

"Good. Perhaps once things have settled…we might have a chat, you and I," he said, a rather knowing expression on his face.

"I will try and make the time for you, Headmaster." The cantankerous Slytherin had been her only link to Severus last year, and regardless of the friction between them because of her blood-status, she did owe him thanks for that.

"Very well then. Good day, Miss Granger."

"Good day, Headmaster Black." She said and escaped through the fireplace. She didn't want to speak to Headmaster Dumbledore's portrait, and thankfully he didn't call out to her. What might come out of her mouth in response would not be terribly polite. She stepped out into Snape's dungeon chambers and slipped out into the castle. The misdirection was annoying, but necessary for the time being. No one could know about her actual relationship with Severus, or there would be no hope of restoring his reputation. A mercy killing could be forgiven, but fucking a student…even one who had been very much of age at the time, was likely a transgression too far.