He was talking to me a few days ago
"I wonder if she's dead. Ayanami." He was crying.
I looked at him.
"I don't want to lose you," he went on.
I pretended he was talking to me. I knew he wasn't, but I pretended anyway. Just for a moment. At any rate, I had been her for one moment, and now I am her always.
I suppose that's why it was so funny to me, what he said to me later.
"It's best that I stay with you. Because you're the only one who isn't sad for Ayanami."
"Oh, so even though you hate me, you feel comfortable around me? What a funny thing to say."
He hates me. He hates me. I know that. It really wasn't amusing at all, but I laughed anyway, because it was funny.
I think she touched him. Maybe a few times. I don't remember. I was only her for a few seconds. Yes, and then always after that, but only in my heart and not in my head. So it's not like I can remember everything.
That night I kissed him, but it wasn't really kissing. It was more like breathing together, which I think is more intimate in a way. So he could keep on breathing. And didn't she do it for the same reason? So he could keep on breathing. So that he would stay alive.
All the same (it is the same), I think he hates me. I pretend I don't care, but I do. I guess she was right that we were not the same, because I have never had that poker face of hers. At least I can smile until he goes away.
How does it feel when someone comes to care for someone else? Wanting to touch them. To kiss them. To be afraid of losing them.
The First's thoughts and feelings flowed into me. Is that love?
I wonder how it would feel if you came to love me.