06/03/09 – It's impossible to be a law abider
That is not near enough words to describe how attainable perfect lives were, impossible. Mr. Cullen and I were just too needy for what we both wanted, each other. I know it sounds tacky but a week in to our year and three months no love game was a little hard, okay it's really hard like harder than steel. It wasn't that we were weak in the knees each time the other was within a few feet of each other, okay maybe it was but it was just that we were so… young and helpless? No I sound so old when I say that. We're just driven by hormones, yeah that sounds better.
It was English period; my knees were knocking as I entered the refurbished classroom. This was really the first time I took in the interior, the walls were panelled and the floor was covered in soft carpet and sunk your feet with each step. That was the major setup of the room. My eyes wandered to my teacher who was scribbling another teaser onto the board.
She stood there in my living room in a striking red dress, her eyes caught mine. She looked at me with such longing and restraint I felt almost guilty. My sister dragged her here to make me happy, so I could claim my prize but her appearance made me think twice about my action. She ran up the stair case and hid.
Was he trying to get me killed? I slumped into my chair and fiddled with me pen. Mr. Cullen called the class to order and said he was going to read a piece of work by a very talented student. I sighed.
"This piece was done by Miss Swan. It is titled, "Where's the Footpath Gone?"
"I'm running again but this time I'm running normally. It's brighter now but it's blurry. I want to rub my eyes and see everything. I want to be able to see clearly, a fog rises in front of me. I fling my arms through it, trying to escape but it's not working. A face, the face pops up and explains to me why it is happening and when it leaves everything is clear, it's not blurry. I see the sunny town of Wangaratta surrounding me. People I pass are looking at me weirdly it was at that moment I realised I was on I tightrope floating in mid-air tied to nothing, just stretched on as far as my eyes could see. I tried to get off but my feet were stuck, the foot path was only half a metre below me. It was in that case I comprehended that my feelings for my teacher glued me here and nothing, absolutely nothing could take me off until I burnt my feelings until there was nothing but the ashes of what there once was.
I tired easily when I tried jumping off that stupid rope but even in my dreams killing off love was impossible. I couldn't help it; I pushed with my feet trying to free myself. It worked; it really worked except I fell into the dark obis below again. I tried running but it slow and helpless. I stopped and sat waiting for something to take me back to the tightrope." He finished, everyone looked at me with mouths agape. Astounded looks crossed their faces.
"Would you like to explain this, Miss Swan?" he'd done this a lot. He picked my piece of writing and made me explain it.
"It was dream I had, the night I left my friends house, I was fretting about my future before I went to asleep. I believe that may have been what caused it. I had dream on the night of my birthday like that one but I couldn't move fast enough." I pulled out my notebook and read, "I was running, my legs were pumping, and my arms were thrashing through the air. I had almost made it, almost. Then two strong hands grabbed my ankles, they pulled me back from the bright, white light, they pulled me away from reality, they pulled me away from knowledge. It hurt, this darkness, I wanted to see, to be able to learn what lies behind the half truths I had been told by my parents, my grandparents, family friends, friends etc. I pushed harder to escape, to live for once, to know like other girls my age, to experience things I've been forbidden." Everyone clapped when I was done, they didn't get what I was trying to tell them. They didn't get that I was trapped in a box, it was placed there by my family, and it was solid and made of cement, no information I wanted came in and nothing went out. I wanted so badly to see over the walls that would never fall until I made them. They were the protection my family could supply to keep the world away from me. I was in a box marked "Fragile, do not open." But I am wise and I know what is happening even though my parents won't believe me.
"So I stand on this tightrope not moving, striking against my position, I wanted to walk among other people but sadly I am stuck here on the tight rope not know what lays before me." More clapping erupted. Tears filled my crystallised eyes, I cried. Why you might ask, I cried because they were blind, blind like a fruit bat, never seeing the light of day, just surviving on instincts. Mr. Dubois looked at me with his watering grey eyes and looked away ashamed that this was his fault, for pulling me onto the tightrope with him.
Lunch came around and Alison told me, "I didn't tell you that Edward was my brother because I knew once I did you'd stop liking him and then he'd be heart broken." I looked at her dumbfounded.
"You'd do that just to save your brother at heart break? I'd guess it's purely a sibling thing because that seems so foreign to me." She laughed my bewildered rambling. She received a text while I was still incoherent.
"'You're so cute when you ramble' according to my brother." I reddened. She giggled and told me to reply.
Thanks for that, getting cocky are we? I sent to him. I immediately got a reply.
But you were. I shook my head in frustration.
Hold your tongue or I'll cut it off. I sent but this time I turned to see him making his way toward me.
"Wouldn't you like to use it for better purposes?" he whispered seductively into my ear. As I was about to reply he walked away. I fumed, how can he be so irritating yet so damn attractive at the same time? It gets on my nerves, a lot.
"Oh, you guys are so cute together!" Alice bounced in her seat.
"Cut it or your tongue will become my lunch." I glared at her, but failed, miserably.
The day ended smoothly with Mr. Cullen sending me texts throughout classes with snide comments which he knew I couldn't return since I'd get my phone confiscated. I walked out of the main entrance and immediately froze. Mr. Cullen was devouring Miss Charles. I stumbled backwards and fell causing everything to fall out of my tote bag which also made a very, very loud noise disturbing the lovers' intimacy. Although the look on Mr. Cullen face didn't say he'd enjoyed the make out 'sesh' at all. He helped me gather my things and explained she was an ex-girlfriend. I instantly relaxed.
He called me that night apologising for what I saw plus that he didn't start it and for some strange reason I believed him.