***Trigger warning***

A week later, Jon woke up at morning, realizing that JJ hadn't woken up all night. He rushed into JJ's room, picking him up from the crib. His body was lifeless and cold, and he wasn't breathing. Jon screamed for him to wake up, but it was no use. Crying as he drove them to the hospital, he dialed Joe's number frantically, hyperventilating as Joe answered the phone. "Hello? Jon? I can't understand you, what's wrong?!"

"It's all my fault...it's all my fault...for smoking while I was pregnant..."

"What do you mean it's all your fault?! What happened?!"

"Woke up...this morning...JJ...wasn't breathing...his body is so cold...OH GOD JOE I KILLED OUR BABY!"

"Oh my god...Jon...I'm almost home...the plane lands in 10 minutes...I'll meet you at the hospital. Oh my god..." Jon could hear the tears in Joe's voice and it only made him cry harder. The phone fell out of his hands and landed on the floor of the car. He pulled over and slammed his fists into the steering wheel, bawling his eyes out. Screaming, he clawed at his arms, trying to get rid of the emotional pain that he was feeling. He got out of the car, grabbing JJ out of his car seat, clutching him close to his chest, he dropped to his knees, the tears not stopping at all. Clutching JJ close to his chest, he finished his drive to the hospital, where he met Joe in the waiting room.

Joe choked out a sob when he saw his deceased son. "Can...I hold him Jon?"

Jon nodded solemnly and handed JJ to Joe, watching as Joe started crying hysterically. "I didn't...even get to see him alive...oh my god Jon..." Still crying, he pulled Jon into a big hug, they cried into each others shoulders.

Finally, attempting to regain his composure, Joe said, "Come on...let's go talk to the nurse..."

. . .

It was a few days later and the results of the autopsy on JJ had come back. The cause of death was Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, or SIDS. It also happened to be the day of the funeral. Nobody really knew about JJ so it was a really tiny service with just Jon and Joe. Joe felt a tear roll down his face as they lowered the casket into the grave. Jon, however, felt numb. He felt it was his fault that JJ died. Once the casket was in the grave, Jon ran away from the grave, getting in the passenger side of the car, breaking down. Joe followed after him and tried to get into the car with him, but Jon had locked the doors. Joe growled. "Jon don't make me break these windows."

"GO AWAY! I JUST WANT TO BE BY MYSELF RIGHT NOW!"

"Jon let me in, please."

"FINE!" He unlocked the doors, and Joe got in the car. "It's all my fault, Joe..." He cried out. He needed this emotional pain to go away. Clawing at his arms, he watched as drops of blood came to the surface.

Joe saw him do so and said, "Jon stop that!"

"Joe...I don't feel comfortable going back to my place...where...Oh god..." He choked out a sob and brought his hands to his head, sobbing into them. "C-can y-you go into my place and get my clothes? I can't I just can't..." He choked out another sob as Joe started the car.

"Jon...we can...try for another in a few weeks..."

"NO! Another baby is not gonna replace JJ! How could you even think that?!"

They arrived at Jon's apartment. Joe ran in, grabbing Jon's clothes out of the dresser. Pausing in front of JJ's room, he looked in it silently. He walked away and back down to the car, sighing. He knew no baby could replace JJ, but he still wanted to try.

Walking back out to the car, Joe put Jon's clothes in the back seat. Getting in the car, he was silent. Jon noticed right away, and asked, "You okay, Joe?"

Joe nodded and started the car. Jon sighed as he looked out the window. The air was thick with tension.

Suddenly, Jon screamed. "It's all my fault! I shouldn't have smoked and drank while I was pregnant!" He started sobbing again as he looked out the window. Soon enough, they were at Joe's place. Jon opened the door as soon as the car stopped and said, "I have to use the bathroom." Joe unlocked the front door and Jon ran into the bathroom, slamming the door and locking it. He searched through the medicine cabinet for a razor. He needed this emotional pain to end. Finally finding one, he stomped on the razor to get the blade out of the plastic handle. He grabbed the blade, crying out as he sliced it across his wrist. "JJ, I'm so sorry I killed you..." He whispered as he sliced his wrist some more.

Joe could hear sobbing coming from the bathroom, and he instantly got worried when he heard Jon cry out, "O-owwww..."

"Jon?! Are you okay in there?"

"No I'm not okay...ow fuck!"

Joe panicked and tried opening the door, but it was locked. He crashed his body against it and knocked it open, gasping when he saw Jon's arm full of blood and a blade in his hand. "Jon stop that! Give me that blade!"

"No! Just let me end my life like I ended JJ's!"

Joe grabbed at Jon and tried to grab the blade out of his hand but failed, wincing as the blade sliced over his own skin, blood rising to the surface. "Jon! Enough! Give me that!"

Jon cried out as he threw the blade across the room, bawling as he crashed into Joe's arms, pressing his face into Joe's chest. "It hurts Joe the emotional pain...it hurts!"

"Shhhh I know, I know...it's gonna be okay Jon..."

Jon just couldn't seem to stop crying. Joe cupped Jon's face with his hand and looked into his eyes, which were red and puffy. He placed a kiss on Jon's lips and whispered against them, "It's gonna be okay."

Jon returned the kiss as his tears started to slow down. Joe brushed his fingers against Jon's eyes, wiping the tears away, and kissed him again. Jon groaned into the kiss and bit at Joe's bottom lip, pulling it into his mouth. "Joe...please...I need you..." He made sure to grind his hips against Roman's, letting him know just how badly he needed him.

Joe blushed feeling Jon's growing erection against his thigh. He looked at Jon's arm then his. "Let's get these taped up first."

Jon whined. He wanted Joe, and he wanted him now. Joe searched his medicine cabinet until he found some gauze and antiseptic. He sprayed some against Jon's cuts, apologizing when Jon cried out in pain. He then wrapped up Jon's arm. Once he was finished, he handed the gauze and antiseptic to Jon, saying. "Now you need to fix mine, can't exactly do it one-handed."

Jon did as told and wrapped up Joe's arm, setting the gauze and antiseptic aside. He pulled Joe up and pulled him to the bedroom, telling him to get on the bed and remove his clothes. Joe did as told and Jon did the same and got on top of him, straddling him. "Joe...need...you...inside me..."

Joe placed kisses up and down Jon's neck, pausing at his nipples. He got a curious look on his face and flicked his tongue quickly over one of the nipples, listening as Jon threw his head back in pleasure, moaning. Suddenly, Jon's nipples started leaking, milk, and Joe blushed as he just continued licking the nipple, sucking it into his mouth. Jon groaned as he started to grind his hips against Joe's, hard. Joe continued to suck Jon's nipple into his mouth, actually kind of pleased at the taste. "Your milk actually tastes pretty good Jon..."

Jon groaned at Joe's words and grabbed Joe's hand, placing it on his needy cock, which was leaking precum. "Jon...so hard for me...fuck...Jon...need...to fuck you..." Joe's cock was throbbing against Jon's ass, he lifted Jon up a bit so that his ass would come back down on Joe's cock. "Oh fuck Jon so fucking tight oh goddamn..." He was trying his best to be gentle, because he didn't want to rip Jon's staples open, but he felt himself thrusting up into Jon roughly. He just couldn't control the movements of his hips. He groaned loudly at the look of pure bliss on Jon's face, and he pulled Jon's head down gently, placing a kiss on his lips. Jon crashed his tongue into Joe's mouth. His cock was leaking so much precum out onto Joe's chest, he needed relief. "Joeeeee...need relief please unnnhhh..." He began to stroke his cock until Joe swatted it away. "No touchy."

Jon whined as he pouted down at Joe.

"I'm gonna make you cum without touching you." He thrusted up into Jon roughly, hitting his prostate repeatedly. Jon cried out as he started cumming all over Joe's stomach. "JOEE!"

Joe groaned loudly as he let his own release happen. "Jonnn!...Oh god...oh Jon...a-ahhh!" He came roughly and lifted Jon off of him, watching as the cum dripped out of his ass. Jon licked up his own cum that was on Joe's stomach and brought his lips to Joe's, kissing him, letting him taste Jon. Jon slowly laid down and cuddled up to Joe, pressing his face into Joe's chest, "Thanks for making me feel better Joe...I needed that...I...love you..."

"Aww I love you too Jon. Come on, let's get some sleep. It's been a long day." Within minutes Jon was fast asleep, snoring softly, as was Joe. A happy ending to a terrible day.

About 6 weeks later...

A/N: Sorry for making you guys cry. There will be a bright lining to this silver cloud though. Stay tuned for chapter 5!